Smile Through Them Tears Yes, I know it hurts, I know you are raw from being beaten too long and too much. I know you are stiff already set in the grave your lips refuse to move when you are at the edge of the cliff. I know the rain has left you to gallivant somewhere else to bless and bring success to somebody else. I know you can't stop them anymore. So cry if you want to let it flow down and cover your view of possibilities. Get it all out, who knows, it may stop the drought and the doubts. Then maybe you can go about the business you came here to do.
Shame of Pride I hang my head in shame a shame milady. Beaten by the truth. Pride. The deadlest of all sins. Hubris leads me to my nemesis. No it's not a good thing I now fear looking within my very soul is in the balance waiting at the gallows. I must pull it back and cage this monster that sits atop my head. Who is greater than God? No man! Today I will learn that i am not. To think otherwise will set you down low. Instead I must cling to my shipwrecked raft drifting praying to be saved. I must be saved from drowining. I have not choice with Pride I carry the shame of Icarus.
Does it always seem you have to be guarding against yourself. Is your greatest enemy you? In a lot of ways, we can be our harshest critic and our greatest liability. I am not here to sprout any words of wisdom, not today at least but to ask some really important questions for self-reflection.
Question 1: Who taught us that we need to be perfect? At what stage in life did we accept that our value lies in successfully jumping the hurdles life places before us? I have come to recognise in myself a need for perfection that has time and again led to some very imperfect results. it seems the more we strive for perfection the worse we perform. However, recognising this very poor tendency to aim for perfection does not mean it is easy to overcome. When I think I have mastered the art of accepting my flaws I am reminded that indeed I have not!
Question 2: Why are we obsessed with the past time of comparing ourselves with others? We know that comparison is the thief of joy, but we persist in doing so. There is no way that I can be anyone other than myself and yet we may find ourselves being drawn into this unwanted sport of comparisons.
Question 3: Why do we try to please others? I have been guilty of trying to fit into the mould someone created form. Do you know what happens when you squeeze into a mould not designed for you? If you are successful in your squeezing it disfigured you. You morph into a contradictory shape of the original that will never match it, to even come close to it.
Question 4: Why do we hold on to things that are destroying us? This is one of the saddest and scariest things we do. We know we should let go, we tell ourselves we will and yet actually doing so is so painfully hard. Why? I think fear has a lot to do with it.
Question 5: Why do we allow fear to control us? I think life would be so much better if we became fearless. Not a little more fearless, because too many persons have no concept of what it is to be fearless. There are too many of us who allow fear to control every decision, every action and every word we utter. We have to find and way to do things, say things and be in spite of those naggingly annoying fear waiting to trip us up.
There is no easy answer to overcoming self-sabotage. It’s a daily struggle we have to fight with and win. Keep fighting.
Crazy Bud Look at you! Wow! Is that you? Really you? Well well well you really made it didn't you? You did the impossible - but you're crazy after all. An embryo too tightly wound to show the beauty you carried axil fragile likely to break but you held on stubbornly. You had no power to conquer the mind but you wait to conquer the heart. Though you came in slow your growth was sure and so we waited and look! Here you are. No resting bud are you to be deceived by the coming cold you fought through storm and sleet to whorl most boldly. You did your best passed all your tests and trials to bloom and strike and die to make way for another, someday.
Maybe you feel the your life is in the dumpster, because everything is in the dumpster. Maybe it is that being in quarantine, restrictions in your movement has stifled your enthusiasm for life. Maybe you feel that life is just one never ending corner that you having trying to get around, to no avail. You look around, and in many ways you feel bored with your life. Maybe, you have even questioned why you should even care about anything.
We look at our phones and see yet another person celebrating another achievement, then look in the mirror and question the image looking back, “what are you doing with your life? Pathetic”. Then onto Instagram or even Facebook we go and see many perfect (or so it seems to many) images that further flings us in great distress at our ordinariness. But we do not stop looking. Too many persons continue to torment themselves by looking at these highlight reels that never reflect small fragments of that person’s life – those highlight reels.
We too lie comatose as we try to recapture moments in our lives that mattered, while we ignore the life we must live. We want to experience those times before covid when we were innocent and free. But if we look close enough we would realise that even then we complained some more bitterly than others of how bored we are with our lot and how little we had achieved. we may see highlight reels of events that seems so exciting and so real but which often times would evaporate in thin air when we try to reach for them to touch them.
But what if we stopped focusing on what our lives is not and appreciate what it is. If we flipped the switch and begin to see every our lives as just that our lives. Instead of waiting to live your real lives and until things get back to normal, let us make choices that will allow us to enjoy all those ordinary moments. Moments when we say and do the wrong things but also when we get things right. When our choices brings positive results even if no one knows we did that – we know and we just have to be content with that. We have to make our ordinary extraordinary by stop looking behind at those moments that have been captured on the reel of our lives and we have to stop looking down at those highlight reels that not even those in the frame can maintain.
So though many of us feel bored with life right now, a little vexed – or a lot vexed – by all we have to deal with, take a walk, have a laugh, work on something that you love doing or that will help you to move forward. But whether bored by the restrictions imposed because of covid or whether you have been stung by your judgmental inside eyes that look out and compare, there is nothing gained in allowing your view of yourself to stymie the potential that you have and the richness of your life now and that which is yet to be realised. Maybe we need to get off or reduce our consumption of social media, stop straining our necks to see in someone else’s lane and just appreciate the good things that this year has given – life lessons and good people who stuck by no matter what.
Maybe when we choose to open ourselves a little more to possibilities we will see that there a many little things that can make our lives exciting and rewarding in its own special way.
No One Left Behind Before now I had to let you go. Till now You carried your own load. From then You mended your own wounds. That time you bobbed and weaved hungry dead destroyed broken. And now a hand reaches out to you from now the light beats out the cold Here now your moment arrives to prosper. A moment strength lifts you high new renewed filled mended restored. The cold slips right off nothing touches you there are no gaps no hole for forced entry. gathered together like sand grains pulled out to sea we cling together finally free.
Tensions are running high and our emotions are sustaining us, while fueling a fire that will consume us – if we let it. If everything we do revolves around how we feel then we are never in control. We become slaves to our emotions, where wrong becomes right and right becomes wrong and we never acknowledge or know the difference. When we are up we reach beyond the universe but when we are down we are buried in the deepest and darkest pit imaginable. This is no way to live.
When you are constantly on edge and your nerves so frazzled that your brain short circuits and makes you a hulking shivering mess, useful to everyone most of all yourself. These emotions that you may have once thrived on to get you by, have turned on you and you become their victims, trapped in a constant roller coaster of emotions. Before you know it, you are not thinking clearly, which means you cannot act decisively and you become immobile, drowning because of those emotions.
The battle is real, with landmines everywhere, the likelihood of being blown to pieces an almost sure possibility. To do everything based on how you feel each day could be doing a lot and getting nothing done, that is how harmful succumbing to our emotions can be. Those sleepless nights and binge eating sessions, are directly linked to those raging emotions – even those you think aren’t a threat. We have to see them for what they can become, a monster like Godzilla almost impossible to contain.
However, we can begin to reign it in, though it may not be easy. It is especially hard if you have become reliant on them to be companions in life, when you let them in but refuse to let them back out. They become larger than life because we give in and give up without putting up a challenge. It is only when we can find a way to take back control that we can know peace enough to be content. We just need to acknowledge that we have a problem and seek help outside of our narrow world of destructive emotions; from a source greater than ourselves.
Emotion I see deeply into your very soul you cannot hide from me I hold you prisoner you cannot escape me. I speak you but you cannot see me you feel so confused I change, shift, slip and twist every which way. Can you truly conquer me?