The Gratitude Journal I want to say I'm grateful, for this life for my many things for my many friends and for my many family true? But also, a slow Sunday afternoon sunlight glistening on dark and rich skin life breathe flowing in and out eyes to see nose to smell a shelter where I can dwell... And, sadness that brings joy sun to chase away the storms ignorance that births wisdom mistakes and failures that nip me awake and escape the destruction that awaits just around the corner... Most of all, I thank God for the gift of gratitude that rewards with beatitudes.
Sping of Living Water The Spring of living water tramples the dust, makes it nothing. That which was a cloud of doom, doomed to be no more. Heal me with water that springs into a fountain and floods the wasteland. Shower me with the tears of the storm, that revive the sould and give life. When uncertainty rises over the horizon to exact its revenge then the water rushes through, sweeps it out of view. Spring forth, and make all things new.
Blessed Life Everything worthwhile is up hill and the Son shines there the brightest. A blessed life gives life, abundantly, continually, without fail. A blessed life lets you follow a stream of comfort when you are low and makes your faith grow and grow. It lets you leave the darkness behind to follow the light. It takes you from the end and brings you to a newness you could never comprehend, unless you had seen it. Your problem meets your best life, with your blessed life, cries with joy and surrenders all. At the core is the source of all life and whatever you lose will come right back to you. That is a blessed life.
Do What is Right. Do what is right they say. What does that take? It takes a road less trodden One less friend to be your partner in crime to run and play with all day. It takes growing up being mature being responsible for the role your play. It takes moving forward resolute. It means leaving everything and everyone to find your way. It takes lots of tears to wash you and make you new. It means a baptism of fire and a living water that you can glide on to your destination.
I saw this quote recently and it coincided with some hard truths I stumbled upon. Lately, I have felt immobile by regret, discontent and a feeling of utter dissatisfaction with the state of my life. I know a part of this was burn out but it was also a malignant feeling of seeming never to truly be making progress in any area of my life. It came from a sudden attack of feeling stuck in life and realising that I was not blameless in this. I realise that the time has come for me to admit and accept some hard truths and this episode of discontent has revealed some true gems that have birthed great discomfort for me.
Some Hard Truths:
- The hand that wields the sword is more dangerous than the sword itself: I am pretty sure that you have heard some version of this before. However, for me, it has come to mean that I am not blameless in the state of dissatisfaction and discontent I am experiencing now. I have continued to make the same mistakes expecting a different result because of how earnest I am about experiencing change. I am earnest but my actions have done more harm than good. I need to take accountability in this regard.
- Do not wait on something outside yourself or your environment to make you feel complete or happy: Again I am sure that some of you have heard this before. But we need to recognise the truth of it. I have lived in denial of this. When you look beyond where you currently are and think that things will get better when you leave where you currently are then you will always be miserable there. I have to find the good in and learn how to be content again where I am.
- Do not make excuses because they trip you up and keep you grounded in the same place: It is so easy to blame everything on others or circumstances. Do not make excuses take action and own up to your part in whatever has gone wrong.
- Big things happen from small moments and actions: I have to stop resting on great expectations with Bollywood productions. Just do the small things and let go of those big plans.
- You control the journey you will experience in life: It is so easy at times to blame others for where you are at a certain point in your life. “If you did not have to do this for her”, or “If you did not have to go there for him” are thoughts that can hide the fact that you made decisions whether based on desire or out of a sense of duty, fear or guilt. It does not matter, you chose to help, to give and to be where you now regret you have been, what you have done and how much of you and your resources you have given.
- Make things right as soon as possible whether or not the fault is yours: It is a lot harder said than done but having peace of mind demand this is done. So whether we want to or not peace comes from making peace.
- It’s not that you cannot find time to pursue your dreams, it is that you have not made time for them: I have wasted so much time doing truly meaningless things time I could have spent working on those things that aligned with my goals and vision for my life. I now have to work on being disciplined and pursue my dreams actively.
- Lack of fear and self-confidence stunts you, not what others say or do: At some point we have to decide to move forward in spite of it all even our own limited view of our abilities.
- Don’t wait on the approval of others: We often turn to friends and family to get validation or a word of advice about something important t o us. However, learn to be more confidence in your ability to make the right decision. I have realised also that what I want more than sound advice is to place the final decision on someone else. So now I need to practice making the decisions that need to be made without expecting others to tell me what I should do.
- Your ideas wont wait on you to manifest, when you put them off they eventually find another more capable source: With this I will be simple, your great idea is your great idea until someone else makes them come alive. Then they become a wish never fulfilled.
- No one is limited or needs more than who they are: It has become so easy to compare yourself with others, without even realising it. Then one day it all comes to a head and you realise you have been making a list of all your shortcomings and they now overwhelm you: “What have I done, achieved in this life so far? Nothing”.
- Self-help books do not produce change in your life, only your thoughts and actions can: I have read a couple of self-help books and while in the moment they were great they were not this miracle text that delivered on results the way I erroneously felt they would. I now realise that they can help toa degree but I have to do the work, show up and make the time to work on improving areas of my life that need the work.
I know that as with anything else truly being accountable is the best way to learn from those truths highlighted above. But in a world that seems to change so rapidly nowadays we need to stop and pay attention, then take action.
Be Blessed! Be blessed: with friends that love you all of you so you can be true to you. Be blessed: with a body that functions even with the aches and pain there is still a peace inside that takes that rain and make you sane. Be blessed: that you can be content with just enough even with the fluff and all the no sense stuff. Be blessed: a favour bestowed even when you feel low because you already know the best is yet to come. Be blessed, and so it goes row after row and feel those rupples overflow...
Shame of Pride I hang my head in shame a shame milady. Beaten by the truth. Pride. The deadlest of all sins. Hubris leads me to my nemesis. No it's not a good thing I now fear looking within my very soul is in the balance waiting at the gallows. I must pull it back and cage this monster that sits atop my head. Who is greater than God? No man! Today I will learn that i am not. To think otherwise will set you down low. Instead I must cling to my shipwrecked raft drifting praying to be saved. I must be saved from drowining. I have not choice with Pride I carry the shame of Icarus.