Learn to Dance in the Rain

I saw this quote recently and it coincided with some hard truths I stumbled upon. Lately, I have felt immobile by regret, discontent and a feeling of utter dissatisfaction with the state of my life. I know a part of this was burn out but it was also a malignant feeling of seeming never to truly be making progress in any area of my life. It came from a sudden attack of feeling stuck in life and realising that I was not blameless in this. I realise that the time has come for me to admit and accept some hard truths and this episode of discontent has revealed some true gems that have birthed great discomfort for me.

Some Hard Truths:

  1. The hand that wields the sword is more dangerous than the sword itself: I am pretty sure that you have heard some version of this before. However, for me, it has come to mean that I am not blameless in the state of dissatisfaction and discontent I am experiencing now. I have continued to make the same mistakes expecting a different result because of how earnest I am about experiencing change. I am earnest but my actions have done more harm than good. I need to take accountability in this regard.
  2. Do not wait on something outside yourself or your environment to make you feel complete or happy: Again I am sure that some of you have heard this before. But we need to recognise the truth of it. I have lived in denial of this. When you look beyond where you currently are and think that things will get better when you leave where you currently are then you will always be miserable there. I have to find the good in and learn how to be content again where I am.
  3. Do not make excuses because they trip you up and keep you grounded in the same place: It is so easy to blame everything on others or circumstances. Do not make excuses take action and own up to your part in whatever has gone wrong.
  4. Big things happen from small moments and actions: I have to stop resting on great expectations with Bollywood productions. Just do the small things and let go of those big plans.
  5. You control the journey you will experience in life: It is so easy at times to blame others for where you are at a certain point in your life. “If you did not have to do this for her”, or “If you did not have to go there for him” are thoughts that can hide the fact that you made decisions whether based on desire or out of a sense of duty, fear or guilt. It does not matter, you chose to help, to give and to be where you now regret you have been, what you have done and how much of you and your resources you have given.
  6. Make things right as soon as possible whether or not the fault is yours: It is a lot harder said than done but having peace of mind demand this is done. So whether we want to or not peace comes from making peace.
  7. It’s not that you cannot find time to pursue your dreams, it is that you have not made time for them: I have wasted so much time doing truly meaningless things time I could have spent working on those things that aligned with my goals and vision for my life. I now have to work on being disciplined and pursue my dreams actively.
  8. Lack of fear and self-confidence stunts you, not what others say or do: At some point we have to decide to move forward in spite of it all even our own limited view of our abilities.
  9. Don’t wait on the approval of others: We often turn to friends and family to get validation or a word of advice about something important t o us. However, learn to be more confidence in your ability to make the right decision. I have realised also that what I want more than sound advice is to place the final decision on someone else. So now I need to practice making the decisions that need to be made without expecting others to tell me what I should do.
  10. Your ideas wont wait on you to manifest, when you put them off they eventually find another more capable source: With this I will be simple, your great idea is your great idea until someone else makes them come alive. Then they become a wish never fulfilled.
  11. No one is limited or needs more than who they are: It has become so easy to compare yourself with others, without even realising it. Then one day it all comes to a head and you realise you have been making a list of all your shortcomings and they now overwhelm you: “What have I done, achieved in this life so far? Nothing”.
  12. Self-help books do not produce change in your life, only your thoughts and actions can: I have read a couple of self-help books and while in the moment they were great they were not this miracle text that delivered on results the way I erroneously felt they would. I now realise that they can help toa degree but I have to do the work, show up and make the time to work on improving areas of my life that need the work.

I know that as with anything else truly being accountable is the best way to learn from those truths highlighted above. But in a world that seems to change so rapidly nowadays we need to stop and pay attention, then take action.

The Deferred Dream…

The Deferred Dream...

What happens to a dream deferred?

I am wasting here
in no man's land...

I have reached out for you 
grabbed at your garment

but collect only dirt...

I have tried to entice you
tempt you out of your trap

but you turn to it for comfort...

I have tried to lift you
spirit you away

but too weak I sag...

your burdens are too heavy for me...

Before you are consumed 
by what you lack grab me!

Your madness 
may explode!

Must I remain here?
Must I become dust too?
Must I watch as you struggle blindly -
watch you choke on your own bile
of regret?

Must I too die
in a ditch forgotten?

Must we both suffer because you lack divining?

Broken Chains

Broken Chains


On my knees
twisted by the weight 
of too much to carry far.
What must I do?
If I could stand 
I would be wider than the seas.
There would be 
limitless depths
to me.
But on the shallow tide I must cling.
I have no choice.
Held down by powers
greater than me
I weep...

Can they hear me?
If so why don't they come?

every so slightly,
I feel
a crack
the puckered skin
left to fall off the bones.

But - 

A fire
A fire rages on
A fire that destroys the fear
A fire that promises release
A fire that burns away the chains
A fire that ignites the pain
that will help me
be me again.

Day and Night

A dash of dreams...
A tupse of twenty-twenty vision.

let's turn the page!
Do things
important things.

But the latch felt and we were
whispers everywhere
whispers to ripples
ripples to waves
waves become liquid mountain
crashing down.

We ran into secret places
All dreams, attacked, 
grasping desperately for air.

It wasn't fair,
it didn't care, 
man woman and child
all had a fair share.

We raged, we cried, we begged - 
It did not hear, Misery kept us company.

The carnival had ended and so masks were removed.
Many Medusas were unveiled that day,
No Oracles to spin fantasies.
Helpless to the onslaught we cowered in dark places.

Out of despair many turned to Him.
Will He hear their cry?
Will He care?
Will He...? 

For I am With You Always…

Today I want to talk about trust, faith and fear. It is Easter Sunday, which represents for many christians the commemoration of the resurrection of Christ. It is the pivotal aspect to the good news of Christ. With this celebration,. there is the renewal of hope, life and light. However, because we are only human, in times of great tribulation we can forget to focus on the light as the darkness surrounds us. We may know of the hope that we have in Christ, but when we think too much of how we have failed to be true to our faith we get afraid. We wonder if with each new challenge, it is our past that has finally caught up with us.

Does humanity deserve what is happening right now?

We focus so much of our energies on our fears that we become paralysed and either do not act to move forward, or we act too rashly and somehow make things even worse than they were. It is a bit clearer now more than ever, how misguided we can be about matters in this life. I have seen several instances where, in a time of death and great uncertainty , some of us still focus on the things that do not matter – things that never truly mattered and never will.

I have seen persons so consumed by fear that they infect everyone else around them with it, until there is no one to offer comfort and strength.

But this thankfully this is the minority.

There are many more persons who continue to rely on the the promise of Christ, the promise to be with us even as He left the earth to sit on the right hand of His father: teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age... (Matt. 28:20). Once we abide in The Most High, He will abide with us.

Easter isn’t about a date on the calendar nor the rituals that accompany said date – well as far as I am concerned. It is the hope that suffering is temporary and that fear can be conquered. It is to remember that we do not fight our battles alone, but that Christ is always with us, once we act according to his will (Matthew 28).

We see the evidence of God’s willingness to stand by His people, to offer comfort and healing:

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
                                           Isaiah 41:10

The message of setting aside our fear, despair and uncertainty, is a message that we need to carry, “like the poor carry hope”. It is a message that mattered then and that matters now. It is the good news that needs to travel through the grapevines, through the tunnels of tiktok and all those social media platforms teeming with everything else. It is the good news that we need to tell ourselves when we are bombarded by the bad news that gives the grisly details of death and suffering.

There is hope in Christ, in His birth, death and resurrection. There is also evidence in both the old and New Testament that we are never alone, once we are willing to allow The Great I am into our lives and once we are willing to relinquish the control we we think we have. It is comforting to know that we are not alone, that we have been placed together to help each other and encourage each other during our difficulties. The Great Commision was not just for the disciples but for all believers. Our strength does not lie in operating in fear but in the Light. We are not slaves to fear, because We have been given a spirit of fearlessness; what we need to do is to activate it.

15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, 
so that you live in fear again; rather,
 the Spirit you received brought about
 your adoption to sonship.And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”
Romans 8:15
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