The Try Hard Olympics

I thought since the much delayed and controversial Summer Olympics in Tokyo Japan, is about to begin, we could talk about the try hard Olympics. Now this is a game we try to disassociate from but end up being drafted into. In all areas of life there are many of us who are or have been a certified try hard.

There are many who fake their way through life and never realize how they are selling themselves short by doing so. We try to fit in whether at work, school with friends or any where, with any group that we think we should be a part of. We take the mantra, “fake it till we make it”, to heart and end up trading in who we are for the opportunity to be anything else, as long as that other thing we become is validated by others. So we swim through murky waters, when we cannot swim in those waters safely. We jump high hurdles that threaten to lead us to breaking our necks and we try to scale mountains with out the proper support. Then, the worst thing that could happen is that we end up wondering – because all our efforts have failed so far – how much harder we should try.

Well from what I have gathered, entering the try hard Olympics does not often (99.9999% of the time) lead to great results, like a gold medal, but rejection. Now, working hard is a good think but it should be done in the spirit of being authentic. People will pick up on your insecurities and lack of confidence in yourself, your abilities and in who you are. Instead, I am trying to work with what works best for me and trying to be myself, neither good or bad, but an imperfect balance of both – though sometimes the bad overpowers the good . I am working hard on coming to a place where I refuse to continue to try to be too many things, while seeming to drift from one event to another but never being good at any. This approach can be a way to discover who I am and what I want and how I want to be seen. It may help me come to truly accept that I do not need to do it all and for all that I can be happy with what I can offer whether anyone sees it as too much too little or none at all.

What are You Building?

I know we talk and think a lot about building wealth, building our lives and securing our future. However, sometimes we forget to really check in with ourselves to find out why we are doing all of this. Is it because it is what we should be doing or is it because we are trying to, “keep up with the Joneses?”

Is the foundation on which we build our lives shaky or is it firm? Are we operating from a place of genuineness or jealousy and envy? These are questions that we don’t want to even think about let alone try to answer. But we must. We must, because once we start making progress and begin to see the manifestation of what we worked so hard for it is too late to go back to sure up the foundation, and we know what comes next:

Beetlejuice Falls Off Of Billboard GIF | Gfycat

Now, going back to the issue of building. Building our lives is important, but what that is, is going to be different from person to person. We cannot build off the energy, ideas or lived experiences of others, but from our own knowledge of who we are, what we can accomplish based on that and what we have to work with. This idea came to me literally as I was minding my business by minding someone else’s – a terrible human condition – and came across a bible scripture. Now the section that really caught my attention and took me off someone else’s business and onto my own, is Psalm 127: 1: Unless theĀ LordĀ builds the house, They labor in vain who build it. From that verse I started wondering how many of us really think about what goes into the base, the foundation of our lives. When we make decisions that affect the rest of our lives do we think about why we are making those decisions and can we even be truly honest with ourselves about that. Are we building to be validated by others or are we building because we see ourselves as valid enough to operate from a place that is at the core of who we are?

I’m Designing My Life

I'm Designing My Life

I'm Designing my life
after all I've been through
I'm Designing my life.
Don't see me as "the good person"
I never will be.
I quit the mimic squad
and I'm starting my one woman band.
A band where when you see me
it is me
and not who you want me to be
nor who I think I should be
to please you.
I will sit this one out
no need to try to be
I simply am me.
I didn't know I saw me so small
Until my hardest fall.
I now know I am not God
though I tried to be
I can save no one
so let me save my sanity
and stop.
Wait a minute.
Let me step back 
take back control
find my blueprint.
let me create
free of your tongue
your pen.
Let me
place all the ts and dots
where they should be.
I'm actively
waiting and watching.
Let me truly be a blessing.

Lava of Hell

Lava of Hell

Look at them
half dead
walking in the deepest part of the Darkness.
Many have passed this way
many are numb.
Now they cry out for blood
but there is none.
It has all been consumed
by the fiends that have come
to sniff out dreams
and trample possibilities
with an iron fist.
Further down they greet water
but it reminds them of their thirst
marking them 
cursing them.
Now they are enfolded
in a fire of baptism
destined to swim in the lava of Hell.

What is Love?

What is Love?

I don't give a damn who you are
I'm gonna love you.
I don't care where you come from
I'm gonna love you.
I don't care if you make me uncomfortable
I'm still gonna love you.
I'm gonna love you 
when you disappoint me
when I can't understand you
when I think I cannot find 
who you are.
I'm gonna love you 
when you don't ask
or feel you need it.
I'm gonna love you loud
love you proud
in the quiet times
in the dry seasons
in those valleys that have no reason. 
I'm gonna love you 
and see you
and let you do you.
Whether you see me
I see you
and whether you love me
I will love you
and nothing
nothing can change my love,
because you did not ask for it,
but you deserve it.

Pray Your Own Prayer

I have come to realize that it makes no sense to see someone else and desire what they have. Take social media, we all know that what we see there is often times not real. The lives presented to us are not real, the situations are not real and the bodies often times are also not real. Yet, we fall into the trap of desiring what we see there. I was recently watching a YouTube video that pointed out that some of those popular fast fashion sites cater to a particular body type. Yet, you will still find women who buy those clothes to look like the models on the site. These same persons will then proceed to berate and discredit themselves because they do not look the same in the outfits that were never created for their body type.

It is the same in many areas of our lives. We may see a popular personality that spreads sunshine and roses. Who tell us to just be positive and pray real hard and one day your live too will come up smelling like roses. But guess what? It is okay if you find another path to happiness that does not mirror that person’s path. It is definitely okay, if you do not end up with the same results after seeming to follow in their footsteps, because you my dear, are not that person. You are not them and will never be. Secretly, There may be too many among us, who fall into the trap of living vicariously through those who seem to have reached the spot they one day want to occupy.

Some persons begin to think of all they can do to reach the same place as those they see as having succeeded. They get all the advice they can get, or, watch all the videos they can watch and seek out those experts who can give them what they don’t have. And yes some want to pray the same prayer/s that got those persons what they have. But here is the thing, you have to find your own way. You cannot encroach on some body else’s vision and plan for their life. You cannot go to the places they have been to or do the things they have done. You cannot pray that person’s prayer because it is specific to that person. You have to find your own way. Find what works for you and take the path that you can travel. You cannot pray Ciara’s prayer if you are [insert your name here].

Life is too short to be chasing someone else’s dream and trying to live someone else’s reality. Take a look at yourself, know yourself and love yourself enough to work on living a live suited for who your are, and not what you think you should be. Have dreams yes and work towards realizing them but make sure it is being done because and not in spite of who you are. We all need to be reminded of this for time to time. So pray your prayer but make sure it is your own unique prayer

Even in the Dark

Even in the dark, you can find your way. Even in the dark, when you are blinded by grief, pain and fear, you can still find your out.

Often times we cannot see beyond the here and now and that is totally okay. It is not that you or I have limited vision, it is that as we are only human we can only deal with one thing at a time. We can and should deal with what is happening in the present before we begin to live what could happen in the future. Many say you should visualize the future you want and believe it will be so. However, imagine if someone took those words at face value and just woke up each day and tried to visualize the future they want, would that mean they will have it? Some of us, whether we have ever acknowledged it or not believe this without thinking further. Some may not be willing to do what may be required to have that future someday be their reality.

It is the case especially for the untired inexperienced among us. You see, some of us learn the hard way that visualization on its own is not enough. Some of us come upon obstacles in our path that derail us too long. We become blinded by disillusionment and never recover our sight. Some do not know how to snatch a positive mindset from all the trials they face – because they were never prepared to face some of those challenges. They were not willing to fight tooth and nail, to push through those times that were so discouraging. Some gave up too easily and surrendered too much to the lie of “it is what it is”. We have been conditioned to see some of the darkest times in our lives as the sign that would determine the rest of our lives – a sad state of affairs really.

Instead, many of us need to have a new thought. No, we probably should not always accept that “it is what it is”. However, we need to to remind ourselves that even in the dark, there is always a light within us that can guide us out of those seemingly endlessly damp and cold tunnels. There is life given to us and we can use it to push back the cold to experience the warm rays of sunlight waiting on the other side. We are strong enough, to lift those heavy burdens and tilt them over into the precipice, so we can continue on our way to that future we have already been blessed to some day experience.