So…I wrote a Book.

When I was a child and asked what I wanted to be, I chose the most popular at the time. I wanted to be a nurse, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer. Then when I got older I wanted a glamourous job, a flight attendant (at least it was marketed as glamourous), super model (though I barely reached past five feet), an actress (though I never joined drama club), a singer (though I did not develop on my natural singing voice). Then I wanted something related to the subject I loved, I wanted to do journalism, travel the world and write about these places. Then I went to university and wanted to be whatever could pay for my student loans.

So, I ended being a teacher and have been doing this ever since. Along the way I have been inspired to write for different reasons and seasons. I write when I am happy, sad and mad. When I think I have something to say and when I know I have nothing to say but want to get out what is in me before it explodes from me. Writing has been something I have always done. Being the only child in a household of adults, great grand parents to be exact, I really did not have much option. I use to read four books in one day, write in my diary every day and read every box, bag, tube or bottle with words on it. Writing has always been my friend.

So when life throws something at me I have to write it down but in my own way. I had to tell my stories as I saw fit and poetry was the most beautiful way I could.

So I wrote and published a poetry book with poems that I have been writing for over ten years. Over the years I had promised myself I would write a book, but it was not gonna be a poetry book. It was gonna be novels like the one Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie wrote or Toni Morrison or Edwidge Danticat or Jamaica Kincaid. However, all I ended up writing were my poetries. I would read them to myself and be amazed that I wrote them. But that was all.

Then people saw them and told me I should publish them and I was mystified as to what they saw that gave them the idea that I could write anything great enough to be published. Then, much later, I realized that I was only finding excuses not to try. Excuses based on my own insecurities.

So this year I finally found the courage – with the support of some great people and dear friends – to learn more and grow, to put myself and my work out there and leave it there. I have a long way to go but this book is the step I needed to get out of my head.

I’m Designing My Life

I'm Designing My Life

I'm Designing my life
after all I've been through
I'm Designing my life.
Don't see me as "the good person"
Anymore
I never will be.
I quit the mimic squad
and I'm starting my one woman band.
A band where when you see me
it is me
and not who you want me to be
nor who I think I should be
to please you.
I will sit this one out
no need to try to be
I simply am me.
I didn't know I saw me so small
Until my hardest fall.
I now know I am not God
though I tried to be
I can save no one
so let me save my sanity
and stop.
Wait a minute.
Let me step back 
take back control
find my blueprint.
let me create
free of your tongue
your pen.
Let me
place all the ts and dots
where they should be.
I'm actively
waiting and watching.
Let me truly be a blessing.

Lava of Hell

Lava of Hell

Look at them
scrawny 
half dead
walking in the deepest part of the Darkness.
Many have passed this way
many are numb.
Now they cry out for blood
but there is none.
It has all been consumed
by the fiends that have come
to sniff out dreams
and trample possibilities
with an iron fist.
Further down they greet water
but it reminds them of their thirst
unquenchable
marking them 
cursing them.
Now they are enfolded
welcomed 
in a fire of baptism
destined to swim in the lava of Hell.

What is Love?

What is Love?

I don't give a damn who you are
I'm gonna love you.
I don't care where you come from
I'm gonna love you.
I don't care if you make me uncomfortable
I'm still gonna love you.
I'm gonna love you 
when you disappoint me
when I can't understand you
when I think I cannot find 
who you are.
I'm gonna love you 
when you don't ask
want 
or feel you need it.
I'm gonna love you loud
love you proud
in the quiet times
in the dry seasons
in those valleys that have no reason. 
I'm gonna love you 
and see you
and let you do you.
Whether you see me
I see you
and whether you love me
I will love you
and nothing
nothing can change my love,
because you did not ask for it,
but you deserve it.

Smile Garden

Smile Garden


Smile
because everything 
will be okay.
Smile
because 
you made it today.
Smile
and store them in your treasure chest
and take them out
to chase away the pains tomorrow.
Smile
and watch your brain do a happy dance.
Smile
forget about your fears
and embrace the chance to sing and dance
for as long as you can.
Smile now
and do it really, really prettily 
for you see
this is when you beauty shines.
Smile
because you made it on the other side.
Smile 
don't forget to make it really wide
wide enough to catch the stormy clouds
that hang
just outside your reach
be the vision
make your smile the Elysian
and watch your smile
blossom and create a perfect memory garden.


Thrive

Thrive

Do you hear my song?
do you know I am rooting for you.
I see your petals have all fallen off
no leaves to cover your nakedness
even the green 
has forsaken you.
I breathe warmth on you
 in you and through you
I want you to live.
do not bow your head,
raise it up!
breathe-
see I am doing it with you.
I feel  you tremble
but do not be afraid.
Your roots are too deep
they cannot be removed.
see I will water you but you must want to live!
I must see your brown turn to green 
yellow, red and purple.
I must see you spread and take flight.
I must see you lifted high
way above the deep blue skies.
Your must perfume my world
brighten my rainy days.
but my only prayer for you - 
you must thrive.

Set Up Vibes

Set Up Vibes


The spirit was every where now
And everybody was feeling it.
Under one light bulb the main action was taking place...

The Appleton was the centre piece
but the true star bwoy was that burn mi troat culu culu
it set the pace fi a roun a double six 
competition stiff
oldies but goodies
knock yuh back into nex' Tuesday
cool cool.
But the John Crow Batty
will set yuh down faster
than how they will set down Ms Ada.
Yes bwoy deh set up yah bad!

But don't mek the likkle bwoy dem get a sip!

An' don't tink yuh can jus' walk through the people dem place.
At the door
spread wide
Mama Cuite is the sentry who admit or reject 
at will
to deter all di finger-fearing tief dem.

Roun' back watch out fi di hungry belly people dem.
Though the kitchen section
back off
they cling like limpets 
that have no shame because their aim 
is to grab what they can
when the cooks not looking.

Then of course the singing
jumping and gyrating 
waking up the dead
calling them to the celebration
even the cook lef' the pot
a second too long.

In the midst of it all 
while we galivanting
and prancing
we know that to celebrate 
we have to have the seeing so the dead can journey on...