Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance


Should I sit or stand
mi caah bother
speak well
look well
be well
you are your own master.
hustle
hustle 
hustle
got to stay in the race.
to be a tough rock or a tender grass
"oh what a rat race, yeah!"

"Got to be true to myself" - 
but be like everyone else. yes?
Got to get up 
when told
so people will see
that I am good at taking orders.
I will be free but maybe...
maybe to much freedom is dangerous?

I must cry!
I must scream!
I must set the place on fire!
I must whisper or whimper
Spit my Seething displeasure
vomit up howling disappointments.
Be calm and say nothing - 
remain respectful
all the time...

I am hurt
healed
I am a monster
beautifully made
imagined
real
blinded by a light
that makes me see
clearly.

regurgitated slugs hang suspended
mouth ready to devour
spare a prayer...

scabs at all stages
congealed
across picket lines...

Ineffable
incandescent beauty
illuminates Gossamer
A web of lies
fleeting 
like a butterfly's fragile wings.

"Oh what tangled webs we weave"
until we have no silks to hypnotize
but regrets borne from grieve.


Hold On

Hold On


Ah..!
My friend..!
For your sake
for my sake
hold on!
the branch right there
too slim.
The rock over so
too sharp.
I see the blood 
running...
hold on!

Ohhh!
my heart
in my throat
hold on!
Don't fall now
just so.
The rain falling
slippery slope
down below.
forsaken we are 
battered we are
hold on!

Ehhh!
let me 
pull you
push you 
up.
let the blasted 
old piece a cloth go!
Hold on !
wipe the tears
see the sun 
and let it light the way.
Hold on!
for you and I
because this is our journey.

Healing Wounds

Healing Wounds


Do you see that knife
in my back?
Let it stay there
to stem the flow
of a river of blood
crimson red
dead red the blow
dealt at the hands of a friend.

Is seek I seek a healing
give me the bissy kola nut
to stem the tie of this feeling
of dying.

In the curls and twirls of these words
I find a home
to perch and wait out the storms
while I recover...

Out of breath now
I grasp
a leaf of life
to stop slipping 
in my own gore. 
The escape I see is crowded now
other souls that seek relief.
In a ball I wait my turn,
In
and out 
out and in 
to keep out the dim
tide.

Overdose

Overdose


I feel something 
pulsing
I feel it just 
here.
I see the lights
an aurora engulfs me.
Will I be born again?
Or Lazarus from the dead?
dinoflagellates bloom
and I see glistening reds and blues.
Silver badge on sliver skin
but no silver lining
to pin.
I grab something green
maybe this will help.
but it is invisible
to everyone else.
No one wanted to wear it
"the color does not suit me".
So I stopped.
Breathed in
and swallowed to much
and drowned.
As I sink I feel the weight of my grief
and so I closed my eyes.
Hannibal greets me in the dark
forces me awake.
I struggle and reach
for the fading thread of light
and the promise of a new day.

Midnight Blue

Midnight Blue


Like a dream
it consumes me.
I rest my hand where my heart use to be
The dagger remains
buried deep,
like fault lines
no longer aligned.
lava spews ready to burn
me alive.
Will I heal?

My shame milady evergreen.
touch me not!
Or I will fall apart
never to be clued back together again.
Do I want to be?

I shiver and shake in fear of what's to come
drenched in impotency.
my past chases me
threatening.
the laughter of yesterday
mocks me.
What could have been?
Warmth removed,
replaced by midnight blue.

I stand alone 
inconsolable
as I must.
Will I die
before life returns,
before the dawn awakens me?


The Cost of Loss

The Cost of Loss

The cost of loss 
each time
is a little pound of flesh
messy yes
but cannot be helped
because it is a price paid forward.
Each tear you shed
a shred of glass
that makes a trench 
for the blood you sweat.
With each small departure
a little more of you goes.
They say it be better to have loved and lost
but what price must you pay.
If that love should go
you are bound to lose your way.
And if you face constant loss 
what is the better then?
pretty words are easy to write
until you are challenged by them.
Should I build myself an island
and build a fortress for my heart?
Should I abandon all hope
to catch the love dart?
If I fortify myself good enough
can I save myself from harm
from loss?
When I think of how it eats at me
how each one grieves me
I cannot catch a breath.
Yet there I go 
letting down my defenses
So loss can breach my walls.

Broken Mirror

Broken mirror 
shattered soul
splintered into the four dimensions.
Some lost
never to return
pieces buried too deep.
corrupted soul
cursed to suffer
for seven years times eternity
cursed to never be whole again.
should it be dust
or buried by a tree
or left to flow down South.
But
Broken mirror
Do
become many mirror too.
Each containing a piece of you
you can return to.
Look at each and try to place
the missing pieces back together again.
Look closely and grab the light 
reflected towards you
a different light
that leads you to look at things
 differently.
Broken mirror
tells a story 
of how you transformed
despite the odds
to become a unique you.