Hurt people Hurt

Hurt people Hurt

i am not a toy
you can play with
when i displease you
you cannot put me away
when you need me
you cannot then
pick me back up
i am not here for your pleasure
to dance and shift
as your whim fancies
i'm not here today
and gone tomorrow
like a figment of your imagination
i am not a pet project
a hobby
that bears the essence of a novelty
to wish me dead
because i harmed you
and to lift me up when i please you
i am not your mirror
to reflect what you need to see
your voice that soothes your ego
your pleasure is not my pain
so i will not claim it
you cannot know me
because you have not earned that right
my i will become my I
now hear me!

did you hear me?

Yes.
To divest from selfish to self-less
I  peeked into hell
and as I did
I looked deeply
too deeply
and saw carnage
some created by me.

Let’s Reciprocate

Let's Reciprocate  

you have your plans
and I've got mine
don't expect them to align
all the time,
just don't see me and mine
as your dime.
Take what I can give 
and be satisfied
just walk your walk
look at you
and let me carry this burden
but let it not be a burden for two.
take your time to figure you out
but while you're at it
do not devalue my worth!
lean on me 
when you're not strong
but let's reciprocate
cause only a one side lean  
could be seen as hate.
so though we can grow and blossom together
let me tend to me and prune me 
while you do you sometimes
from time to time or whenever.

Wanderlust

Wanderlust

The itch comes upon me frequently.
With great urgency my pulse beats a steady tattoo.
I sit still - 
or try to - 
but nothing really works.

I move here and there
within the space I'm meant to
but nothing really matters.
I know I have responsibilities
but they were not mine to choose.
Each moment ticks by
and with it I lie - 
it doesn't really matter.

But can I, 
put my feet outside
step out to an other side
that will fit my outsized frame?

Yet now,
behind these bars I look
longingly,
desperately,
and try to lift these weary feet.

I’m Still Blessed.

I'm Still Blessed


I wade in wader almost to my head
I'm still blessed.
I walk bare on these embers 
I'm still blessed.
Frost bites on top of frost bites
I'm still blessed.
My tears grow each day uncountable
I'm still blessed.
Grief stuck a blade deep in my heart
I'm still blessed.
I crawl across deserts unable to walk
I'm still blessed.
My eyes gorged out by injustices
I'm still blessed.
slowly I bleed out everywhere
I'm still blessed.
mutilated for my humanity
I'm still blessed.
In chains I must rise daily
I'm still blessed.
Thrown over cliffs to swim or sink
I'm still blessed.
Into an empty I've been caste
I'm still blessed.
Left to starve on my own bile
I'm still blessed.

My anchor holds me down
the sun still rises in the east each morning
My tremulous heart still beats
A light guides me
comes out of me
and tells me
you still have a reason
you're still blessed.

Good Friend Better than Pocket Money

Just letting you know this is an appreciation post for all the good friends out there!

In this the year of our Lord 2021 at 30 something (maybe one day I will share that), I can now say that this piece of gem is pricelessly true. Looking back at the friends I have chosen to gather to myself, I can say that nothing in this world is as priceless and more important than having good friends. These are the friends who love you for no other reason than you are you and because they want the best for you. My friends see my flaws and yet still they can see the vast potential clearer than those flaws and not just observe but help me to shape them.

If there is one thing I have been good at in this life is choosing the right friends for me. Ladies and gentlemen, who never expected anything from me except to show up as myself. I may have disappointed some of them in the past but that has never stopped them from defending me, loving me and cheering me on. Because of them I realized how blessed I am. Because of them I have learned how to be stronger mentally and spiritually, how to pick myself up and carry on after a fall and how to graciously accept my victories. When I think about primary and high school, university and work, I have met people I consider friends who have added to the tapestry that is me.

As I sit here and think about all the friends I have now, real friends, I feel blessed. In my most difficult moments and at my lowest, even when they did not have the full story, they were there for me. When I was having a mental breakdown, medical issues and a spiritual crisis they were there. When I needed to finish my book and find my confidence they were there building me up. There is no way I can repay them, all I can do is love all of them and support them when their turn comes.

A friend sent me this meme below, and it really highlighted the value of a good friend:

Why are you always good to me meme - AhSeeit

In a world where too many friendships are transactional, it is good to know that you have people in your corner who see you, hear you and just let you be you. It reminded me of Proverbs 18:24: “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Good friends are hard to get and we need to remember that and count our blessings.

Don’t Wait

Right now is not so great for me. There are s many unforeseen events and issues that can derail my journey. It’s not so great for so many. Sometimes all I want to do is hide somewhere until everything going wrong passes and the good times come back into season. However, I recently found this quote that I felt was timely:

we are not here to wait for the storm to pass but to learn to dance in the rain.

We can’t stop now, we can’t wait for things to be better and that is the mistake many have made in the past. Many persons wait for things to get back to normal, the way they use to be. They never will. What we have to do is look at what is happening now, where we are and figure out how to move forward despite all the things that could hold us back.

We certainly cannot look to another person to make things better for us but we have to learn how to make things work for us in this season. Instead of sitting back and waiting for something to happening, we can do things that will enrich our lives in this season. We do not need “good news” the good news is already within us, we just need to believe that it is there and that we can harness it and use it in a way that can be beneficial to us and others.

Don’t wait for the storm to pass to start living, making plans or being happy. Do things that make you happy, live a life that brings you joy and make plans and do your best to see them come to fruition. Now is the time to be brave and make the most of what you have to work with.

Taking Time Away.

Step away from the screen or whatever you feel you must do or where you feel you need to be. Step away from things, places and people that mean you ill. Just stop get up and step away. This is necessary if you have become obsessed lately with being dialed in. When you are plugged into everything happening around you, you may become weighed down with all the disruptive things that can attach itself to your mind. This is turn will affect your health as you become so focused on crowding your mind with things that tear a little away, each day at your spirit.

Instead find a space where you feel safe. You must do this to protect your overall well being. Now, when you are away you may be tempted to check who called, check messages or the latest news. Do not give in to the urge. Stay where you are until you have recovered. Think about how you will work on not needing to escape another time. Think about all that you currently do -things within your control – and reevaluate the value they add to the quality of your life.

Now think about the people around you. Think of only one thing. Do they add to the enhanced quality of your life? If they do not ease a little away from them and do not make their company a habit. Instead think about all those who bring joy, hope and inspiration into your life and make sure to be more in their presence.

But above all, always take time to step back and be away from anything that will steal your joy.