Solitaire: a single gem (such as a diamond) set alone
Loneliness is an emotion and being alone can be a choice
For many persons the thought of being alone can be terrifying – especially as we get older. So we fill our lives with things and people that are suppose to bring us a sense of connection in the land of the living. Others love to be alone and find it difficult to keep up a constant stream of socializing.
Which one are you? Or do you find yourself caught somewhere between the two or even somewhere completely different?
Most times I love being alone. And it’s really sad that a lot of persons find it hard to accept or understand. I feel less pressured to “keep up appearances” and just let everything hang out and be myself. When I’m alone I can truly think for myself without anyone to censor me or burden me with their expectations. But I do not like being alone for too long. I still love to be around people and to have meaningful discussions with people I want to hear from. Or just say and do silly things; laugh out loud and have some truly hilarious interactions with my friends. I also love to be around people whether I know them or not. Because I also love to learn about others and their world.
Loneliness can be very depressing and debilitating. When you are lonely you begin to feel as if you are disconnected from everyone and everything around you. It may have started at an early age or as you got older. But wanting to be alone and loneliness have one thing in common. They never last. You may decide to be alone right now and one hour later you are over it; or it may take six months, a year or ten! We may also think we are lonely until we are not, and then we realize, “I really wasn’t I was just experiencing FOMO”.
Another thing we need to be mindful of is that loneliness and being alone can be negative. Loneliness is a state of mind and play tricks on you. You may feel alone and isolated when you really are not and it could be all down to your mental state. Remember I said I like being alone to be with my thoughts? Well it turns out that if you are alone too much with your thoughts, you can actually create epic battles and disagreements with people who truly are just living their lives not thinking about you or your problems. We may begin to over analyse everything and wind up being truly delusional. Not good!
It’s about balance People
We need to create a balance. This can happen when we are in tune with ourselves and can recognize when being alone is hazardous for our well-being and when loneliness stems from a truly dark place that we need to address. We do have the power to make our experiences not only meaningful for us, but others around us. Both can be the change you need as sometimes it’s better to be alone and we can learn and grow from the experience. And it’s also the case that when we realize that we feel lonely then we need to address the root cause to truly get over it. There is no time limit on either and we cannot always control when we experience both. But what we can do is to always be honest about why we are where we are in our journey and give ourselves the gift of our own time and energy needed to reach the other side and say, ilikuwa nzuri (it was good)!