Category: Encountering New Experiences

How Bad Do You Want It? 2

I had never done anything like this before. Yes I had gotten into fights, told lies and other things too painful to give words to right now. But this! I walked away and I could not look back. I felt hot, I felt like a fool. I must have done the right thing? But who just gives a stranger their hard-earned money. Tomorrow I would know the truth and the truth shall set me up with a job or set me back my five thousand dollars.

“Lady you going to juk out mi eye”

When did she open her umbrella? She could have walked out into the road and not even noticed. Just like the sun pelting down from above her thoughts were now attacking, making her delirious with regret. This was Spanish Town, she could not afford to be distracted while walking in the streets. Looking to her left, the guck in the gutter reminded Sophie that she had to be alert to possible dangers. As her surroundings came into sharp focus, she noted all those busily going about their business and wondered if they could see the big duncebat sign flashing all over her.

“Excuse mi.” The impatience emanating from that voice reminded her that she needed to get it together. Like a beaten dog she scurried along trying to get to her taxi stand.

“Hyacinth, Haycith! Purple Hyacinth Avenue young girl?”

Why do taxi drivers always rush at you, as if you have no clue where you are going? This one turned her off immediately, looking like a criminal. The car looked even worse. She had to be careful, she thought, who she took, too many reports of women missing after taking a taxi from Hyacinth Avenue. For the hundredth time, she wondered why she had to be born in this hellhole. No that was wrong, she felt. There were good things about Spanish Town, she just felt cantankerous all of a sudden, she felt like a hedgehog in danger. What to do?

“Coming miss?” She realised she was standing at the car door. But when did she move?

“No, I not ready”. But she was, so why did she lie? Since she had already done so, she had no choice but to walk around until he left. After all, she did not want him to know she was lying! How would that look?

Now she was on Martin Street, the loneliest part of the town, adorned with old decaying buildings forgotten in the push to modernity. They stood as relics that condemned the citizens of the town for their lack of foresight and planning. However, if you look closely, beyond the ugly visage, there were flashes of past grandeur and pride lost to the hell of time. Who could believe that at one time in the country’s history, this town had been the focal point of its political, economic and social life? The square was the only area that had been successfully preserved and one could not help but admire the architectural details reminiscent of its Spanish and British heritage, the most impressive of the West Indies. But this meant nothing with it being situated in a town now at the mercy of natural and manmade disasters and most crushing of all rampant criminality. She wondered if she would be celebrating tomorrow as the ex-enslaved Africans did here in 1838 when they were finally given their emancipation. Since Sir Rodney couldn’t tell her she decided it may be safe to go back to the taxi stand.

How Bad Do You Want It?

I could feel it just behind me. Breathing down my neck. The light was so far away. I could feel the hot air and stale breath snake into my nostril, and mouth as it tried to consume me. It hypnotised me. I stumbled.

“How bad do you want it?” That was a strange question. After all, I was not looking for an opportunity. I was approached.

“Look stop frowning. I have to make sure”

“I thought you needed me more than I needed you? So why that question”

Yes, I had just left school and had this huge debt to pay back, but I was nervous. After all, there were scammers everywhere. People who sensed vulnerability and pounced. I knew I would not allow myself to become a victim.

“Look I can see that the sun a burn you, let’s go under the shade”

It was good that he suggested this because the sun was also blinding. Apart from his jaundiced skin, I could make out nothing clearly. Everything was a blur. We quickly moved to an empty spot, after all, it was lunchtime and no one wanted to be delayed.

“Well the job I have for you is a good paying job, I can help you to position yourself well to get one. You look like an intelligent girl. But this job goes fast so I would need to know today if you are interested”. His voice was a little too smooth, practised and precise. But I felt rooted.

“Listen, I know jobs are hard to get, but don’t worry, I can help you”. I did not say a word. I was trying to read the truth of his words in his diminutive stature, the hollows of his cheeks that cast a shadow and the warmth of his eyes that spoke of sincerity. Well, I started to see the possibility of authenticity.

“Alright, here is my card, I am a recruiter and I am not like them scammer bwoy. You have to tell me if you are interested because we need workers now.” Should I take the plunge? I had no connections to getting a job, my family didn’t have it like that. I would never benefit from cronyism. He seemed genuine. But –

“Listen, I am not staying too long with you but if you are interested, I need $10000 dollars for the uniform and to get you on the list but that is all. All you need to do is prepare your resume and come prepared to do an interview.” Ten thousand dollars! Now this was a scam! Surely he saw me when I left the ATM and was running a scam on me.

“$10,000 for what!?” I never hear say you have to pay for a job nowadays.

“Listen” Bwoy his voice smooth like silk. Surprising because his dirt-stained shirt hastily draped on his body indicated that he was anything but smooth. I really looked at him in the shadows but could detect no crack in his sincerity. I could not see his eyes, they were hidden behind the darkest pair of sunglasses I had ever seen. I needed a job. What should I do?

“Alright, I am interested but why do I have to buy-?”

“You wasting my time. I have been doing this for ten years now. I always recruit people to work in customs at the airport. Do you have a first degree?”

“Yes”

“Then you are an ideal candidate”.

” I don’t have $10,000″

“Hey wait nuh man! If not ten then five. I don’t normally do this but I will because I am not a hard man. So give me what you have now and the rest later. How that sound?” Well five better to lose than ten! It so hard to get a job, especially with those who can employee you telling you if you wait one year before you can get a job it is okay. eh, who would say such a thing, especially when I have student loan to pay back. I still don’t trust this brother.

“Now if you are interested I want you to meet me on French Street, by the Green Grocers this Friday at 10 a.m.” Well, I want to see if people this wicked. I gave him the five thousand dollars and he gave me his number. The way my hand sweating, the money seemed stuck to my palms. I hope this works because is a real fool I going to be, come Friday if him don’t turn up.

“Remember, Friday, French Street, 10 a.m. Don’t be late” With that he walked off with my precious five thousand dollars. A wave of embarrassment and trepidation overcame me as I quickly walked away. Did I make a mistake?

Now She Sleeps

Now She Sleeps

We had to leave her

I wonder if she is cold?
They put her on ice.
Stiff.
Frozen in Time.
No more.
They left her
in the dark.
She could not find her way to me.
They took her shoes
gave her a box
left us a crystal drop.


Will I see you again?
In Heaven?
Can I hug you there?
Will they let me?
Can I kiss you?
Like I did not here?

For now I'll let you sleep.

The Secret Place

The Secret Place

Do not
lose
have faith
timelines
may change
emptiness
will fade
fortune
will smile
miracles
they exist
still
even in
desolation.

In a secret place
Out springs new life
rain pours over pain
desert loose their claim
Like Queen of Andean
life rears alive again
Edenesque ideal now tamed
where endless rivers flow
also too dreams grow
in neatly assigned rows
where you can glow
kissed by benevolent miracles
 refreshed by the glow
of your secret place.

Nuggets to Keep You Focused

I enjoy reading inspirational quotes when I need a little pick-me-up. There are just some days when you are too much with yourself, you get into your head and seem stuck there. Recently, I have been feeling a little out of sorts and have been trying to get out of the funk I’m in. This time instead of scouring the internet looking for some inspo quotes, some came to me that are helping me. So, today I share with you all some that I think will be helpful when you find yourself in that position. It really takes great commitment and effort not to be totally flattened by negative thoughts and emotions, that for whatever reason assault us out of the blue. Take all of these quotes or one that brings you the comfort that you need to get through each second, minute, hour or day:

A new chapter can begin when even in uncertainty and doubt you say yes. Not because you know the time is right, but because you are right for that time.

Forgive yourself for yesterday and live for today

Chances are you won’t walk this way again, so stop, breathe, taste, touch and live

Commit to one small act to revive the soul each day and fill your life’s album

Do not be defined by the past but redefine yourself instead

Feel what you feel but do not make it your bedfellow

You can only get from others what they see you give to yourself

Being kind to others is a good habit to develop each day, but leave some over for yourself.

Regret is a cold, cruel dish that if ingested, will give you indigestion!

You will be miserable at times, and you may feel helpless and even lonely at times, but whatever you feel, be honest with yourself so that those feelings have an escape and do not do harm

A lie, even one by omission, takes too much effort to try and control and in the end, it leads you off a cliff

You are allowed to have moments of doubt but do not swallow them or they will burn and singe your insides like molten lava

Lies That They Tell

When you seemed as if you had the potential to be something great! They all came. They all said they would support and carry you for as long as needed. Then it took longer than they surmised and you got heavy and they left you… by the roadside midway. At that point they told me they would come back, they just needed to catch their breath… they never returned.

Then when they see you coming they hide from you, pretend not to see you or worse, lie right to your face. Then it was, “Things got rough”, and they crossed a river thinking it was the Promised Land, but the tide got high and they could not return for you. They tell you they knew you would make it and that God was testing you and you are stronger than you thought because hey, here you are. Or worst, they find fault with you before you find fault with them. They question why you were so careless to get so heavy, why could you just not be lucky, why you allow life to give you lemons and not cultivate a lemon tree, to make lemonades for them to drink so they could carry you.

You can see that they are looking at you, they have sized you up and have decided that you are not worth their time, you never were. You then were an opportunity that did not materialise and now they are hunting new prey and wish you far away from them. They allow you, if you care to, to come by them but they have nothing to offer you, not even salt to suck on. There are no welcome smiles, no tearful goodbyes, just a too-bright farewell, with lies in their eyes. You have nothing to give, nothing to reflect and so all you get is pitch-black death.

Then you remembered, all the fun you use to have, all the love they had wrapped, waiting for you to come and collect. You remember they use to smile, use to care, use to share. Now, all they see is a burden, one to trifle with but never to encourage. Then you realise, it was all a lie. So, at this point, what will you do?

Words

I love to write and love to speak. But words are hard for me. To communicate and not cause some kind of offence seems impossible, in this world that we live in. They look so simple on a page, so harmless and even inconsequential. But once uttered and given life, they can grow bigger and bolder that any magical beanstalk. Yet, you are expected to say words, in order to be understood, but then using words causes more confusion and misunderstanding than you could have imagined. Say a word like sorry, for example, in and of itself is sincere, but others may see it as a jeer and swear you meant offence when none was intended.

Words make you vulnerable because others attach so much meaning to an offhanded comment. Never say next time to someone who is desperate. For when you say next time, the next fifteen seconds could be that time. and you are not ready.

Words cause too much emotion to get loose and then your goose is cooked! Who said “passion is energy”, never knew how words filled with passion can sap you of yours. To tell the truth, may cause offence and so we lie to cover it up and then we all lose. Forgive me Father for my words, but then you say it again! You sit there being quite good and content, then someone comes to stir you with words: So and so is no good… and bam! we are on the gossip train. Words can lift you up and tear someone else down. You have to be very careful of your words, in this world we are living in.

Words can be your saviour to repel the demons in your life but words can also entangle you and keep you in a prison. So, be careful of your words because they can bring life to the dying.