Accountability

Do you still blame your situation on circumstances beyond your control? I do. All the time. And I know I need to stop. I know it solves nothing. I know it leads nowhere.

9 Accountability Quotes to Inspire Action — Info Product Conversion  Copywriter

It is so easy to blame your problems on things outside yourself. It is so tempting to offload all of that responsibility onto something else, especially if you feel or know within your heart it is justified. However, what purpose does this serve? Does it mean that by blaming others or something else, we can work through or even solve those problems?

When we think about accountability, we often times, think in terms of someone else. It is hard for many of us to separate our feelings from fact and see that we may have a lot of responsibility for the undesirable seasons we find ourselves in. When the wound is fresh and we are blinded by the pain of a particular situation we ignore the fact that the vehicle that carried us to where we are, are based on the decisions and choices that we made. Yes, those behind it may be evil, wicked people, but did we know that they were evil, wicked people going in? Did we know we were entering blindly, lacking the proper wisdom and knowledge and still went in? Did we know that we were starting something that held no guarantee, but we did it anyway. Now we are devastated because the results do not match our expectations – even if we knew those expectations were baseless.

Yes, there are times when really, things just happen and we have to roll with the punches and make the best of a bad situation. On the other hand, what we choose to do after the unexpected, may require us to take some if not all of the blame for the way things turned out. Things happen, all the time, but how we react to those things is a choice we make, whether it takes an eternity or a split second to make that choice. At the end of the day it was a choice that we made. There is no going back from it and there is no hiding from it either.

Can we take accountability fully and stop watching as things fall a part? When we see things are not working out, whether with a project we are working on, a relationship, job or friendship, we may need to step into solution mode and stop blaming everything around us. Do you know someone who seems to never get along with anyone, never fit in anywhere and can never do anything right? Maybe we check those boxes? Well at what point does it become a matter of that person taking a good look internally, and not what others have done or not done, not focusing on what opportunities were given or not given, but at what that person did or not do, believe or not believe assumed or not assumed? Unless there are perfect persons walking here on earth, then at some point the continuous valley season some of us experience may more than likely have something to do with what we are doing or not doing.

Accountability is necessary. It is important to hold others accountable but it is more important in solving our own problems, to make sure that we are holding ourselves accountable. So no excuses, do not fall in the trap of being a bystander in your own life, take accountability, know what you are about, take back your power and do what is needed to write your story in the way you see fit.

Steve Maraboli Quotes on Accountability - BukRate

What are You Building?

I know we talk and think a lot about building wealth, building our lives and securing our future. However, sometimes we forget to really check in with ourselves to find out why we are doing all of this. Is it because it is what we should be doing or is it because we are trying to, “keep up with the Joneses?”

Is the foundation on which we build our lives shaky or is it firm? Are we operating from a place of genuineness or jealousy and envy? These are questions that we don’t want to even think about let alone try to answer. But we must. We must, because once we start making progress and begin to see the manifestation of what we worked so hard for it is too late to go back to sure up the foundation, and we know what comes next:

Beetlejuice Falls Off Of Billboard GIF | Gfycat

Now, going back to the issue of building. Building our lives is important, but what that is, is going to be different from person to person. We cannot build off the energy, ideas or lived experiences of others, but from our own knowledge of who we are, what we can accomplish based on that and what we have to work with. This idea came to me literally as I was minding my business by minding someone else’s – a terrible human condition – and came across a bible scripture. Now the section that really caught my attention and took me off someone else’s business and onto my own, is Psalm 127: 1: Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it. From that verse I started wondering how many of us really think about what goes into the base, the foundation of our lives. When we make decisions that affect the rest of our lives do we think about why we are making those decisions and can we even be truly honest with ourselves about that. Are we building to be validated by others or are we building because we see ourselves as valid enough to operate from a place that is at the core of who we are?

Pray Your Own Prayer

I have come to realize that it makes no sense to see someone else and desire what they have. Take social media, we all know that what we see there is often times not real. The lives presented to us are not real, the situations are not real and the bodies often times are also not real. Yet, we fall into the trap of desiring what we see there. I was recently watching a YouTube video that pointed out that some of those popular fast fashion sites cater to a particular body type. Yet, you will still find women who buy those clothes to look like the models on the site. These same persons will then proceed to berate and discredit themselves because they do not look the same in the outfits that were never created for their body type.

It is the same in many areas of our lives. We may see a popular personality that spreads sunshine and roses. Who tell us to just be positive and pray real hard and one day your live too will come up smelling like roses. But guess what? It is okay if you find another path to happiness that does not mirror that person’s path. It is definitely okay, if you do not end up with the same results after seeming to follow in their footsteps, because you my dear, are not that person. You are not them and will never be. Secretly, There may be too many among us, who fall into the trap of living vicariously through those who seem to have reached the spot they one day want to occupy.

Some persons begin to think of all they can do to reach the same place as those they see as having succeeded. They get all the advice they can get, or, watch all the videos they can watch and seek out those experts who can give them what they don’t have. And yes some want to pray the same prayer/s that got those persons what they have. But here is the thing, you have to find your own way. You cannot encroach on some body else’s vision and plan for their life. You cannot go to the places they have been to or do the things they have done. You cannot pray that person’s prayer because it is specific to that person. You have to find your own way. Find what works for you and take the path that you can travel. You cannot pray Ciara’s prayer if you are [insert your name here].

Life is too short to be chasing someone else’s dream and trying to live someone else’s reality. Take a look at yourself, know yourself and love yourself enough to work on living a live suited for who your are, and not what you think you should be. Have dreams yes and work towards realizing them but make sure it is being done because and not in spite of who you are. We all need to be reminded of this for time to time. So pray your prayer but make sure it is your own unique prayer

Waiting Behind Walls

Hear me out for a minute. Sometimes we may feel we are being strong, resilient even defiant when we dig in our heels and refused to be moved. This calls to mind the African American spiritual song, “I Shall not be moved”, I shall not, I shall not be moved Just like a tree planted by the water I shall not be moved… I am sure it is meant to call to mind the strength of the individual to remain firm in the face of overwhelming obstacles. And while traditionally, it carries a positive message, let’s consider it another way.

Sometimes we have to move. Sometimes we have to uproot ourselves out of that water that has become infested by all manner of pollutants that threaten our true selves, our very lives. We cannot be rooted in places that offer no nourishment, that shrink us instead of making us tall, that compromise our potential instead of making us flourish. At that point we must move or be removed.

But, I wanted to go to the idea of walls. I have always found solace in hiding behind walls, after all aren’t they there to protect us? So we build walls to keep bad things out and the good in. Overtime we develop a false sense of security, we believe we are untouchable because we have the wall there to keep us safe. We start forgetting how bad things can get and we sometimes forget to recognize those things that are used to deceive us, we forget the evil and what it looks like and the fact that it can take many shapes and sizes. However, walls are never impenetrable, they can be breached. And when they are, will we be ready for the consequences?

How far can we go to have the lives we want for ourselves, in a space with innumerable pockets of potential disasters? This is not an easy question to answer and certainly cannot be answered by thinking or philosophizing about it, but by doing, taking action. However, there is one thing that I see as sure, sitting behind those walls and waiting things out makes us sitting ducks for those pockets that can explode and destroy those walls and breach those imaginary bubbles.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance


Should I sit or stand
mi caah bother
speak well
look well
be well
you are your own master.
hustle
hustle 
hustle
got to stay in the race.
to be a tough rock or a tender grass
"oh what a rat race, yeah!"

"Got to be true to myself" - 
but be like everyone else. yes?
Got to get up 
when told
so people will see
that I am good at taking orders.
I will be free but maybe...
maybe to much freedom is dangerous?

I must cry!
I must scream!
I must set the place on fire!
I must whisper or whimper
Spit my Seething displeasure
vomit up howling disappointments.
Be calm and say nothing - 
remain respectful
all the time...

I am hurt
healed
I am a monster
beautifully made
imagined
real
blinded by a light
that makes me see
clearly.

regurgitated slugs hang suspended
mouth ready to devour
spare a prayer...

scabs at all stages
congealed
across picket lines...

Ineffable
incandescent beauty
illuminates Gossamer
A web of lies
fleeting 
like a butterfly's fragile wings.

"Oh what tangled webs we weave"
until we have no silks to hypnotize
but regrets borne from grieve.


Look Deeper

For someone who has introverted tendencies living in the world today can be so challenging. What matters to most are first impressions, what people are most critical of is the outward appearance. Not everyone is born an introvert. There are certain traumas in life that can create a figure that is isolating and distant. One who carries little warm on first glance and who seems to repel the brightest rays of sunshine. But looks are deceiving.

Sometimes, we have to look deeper at those seemingly cold persons, we have to take a second glance and stare. We may even have to get into action and remove the veil they are hiding behind to uncover their warmth and their beauty. However, you have to be willing to look and many persons, sadly, do not want to take the time to look. As a result of this, we miss those wonderful experiences we could have had with those persons. Instead we leave them having assumed that they were never worth our time anyway, “stuck up much!” But did we really take the time to form an accurate impression of that person? Did we really give them a chance to thaw?

We are easily permitted to be quick to judge and slow to show grace, we do everything at lightening speed, so why not form an opinion of someone the same way? The answer, it can be dangerous. It can be dangerous when we have decided that someone is unequivocally the way we have perceived them to be. We need to be kind and not and not the #bekind which has been seriously misused by some. But truly authentically being kind to each other and that means being willing to give someone a chance and the time to show their true selves. I think especially of this today, Women’s Day. Some women are too willing to tear other women down in order to build themselves up, to judge on sight and to condemn based on prejudices. Instead what we need is to take a closer look to see that there are threads of connection that pull us together that tear us a part. Do not be naïve, but also do not become harden by life experiences. When we take the time to look closer at someone we maybe helping them to remove the mask that has silenced them and one that has hidden them from the world.

The Inconvenience of Convenience

It’s easy to sit back and let others take charge. You may not be the type who likes to appear aggressive or forward. You are not the type to thrive by being uncomfortable. Or, simply when someone else does the things you find unpleasant it makes your life easier. However, there are many dangers lurking just around the corner, when you get too laid back. Many dangers when you decide to allow others to make decisions about what you eat, what you wear, who you like or don’t like, what you do, and what you think. We think our lives are easy because everything is at our finger tips, but we do not know that we have to pay a price for it and sometimes that price is the loss of our voice and the stunting of our potentials.

Convenience can be the a gilded cage for many of us, who like the bird, must live with permanently clipped wings never knowing the joys of soaring high. We are fed information on a need to know basis and while we think we are living meaningful lives we do not realize that things have been constructed in such a way that we do not come to the truth of how little we truly experience life. Consider someone who does not have to worry about how to sustain themselves, cook, wash, clean, pay bills, or make any hard decisions about their lives. They seem to just have everything handed to them, they glide through live. However, that person is imprisoned by his ignorance of what life is about and if they are removed from their cage they cannot thrive. Others decide for them and determine what happiness should be, what the truth is and how much they can test the limits of their strength. Of course many make this choice because they think t is easy, better and safer. But as many of us know easier does not always mean better.

Consider convenience food. We all love them because they are so easy, in no time at all, presto! We have food! However, they come with their own set of problems. They have consequences for our health both young and old. They can lead to developmental issues for children, and lead to diseases such as diabetes, but we love them and we are encouraged to consume them, and we do not knowing the full story of their impact later in life. So, it is easy to be led, to be told and be inspired because it is all convenient but we lose the art of being free thinking and being creative, to make new discoveries and experience different ways of being and experiencing life. We think we are excited about things but we may not be because everything has been pre-packaged and shipped to us for our convenience. The pandemic has made it even harder for us to explore beyond what we are fed on social media. We spend so much time consuming truths that have been prepared to engage us, we depend on them to make us happy, laugh and find meaning in life and rely less on out tenacity and natural zest for live. We forget the steps we would have taken beyond those monitors that would enable us have experiences and not just view them though a glass pane. There is no longer the thrill of realizing that our efforts can yield pleasant surprises because we have forgotten what it feels like to enjoy the journey, of realizing that inconveniences hold many precious life gems that can enrich our lives. Instead we are bombarded with microwavable experiences filled with bland and unappetizing mush that has been mass produced for our enjoyment. And we are told that is what we like, and so we consume it with enthusiastic chagrin.

As a teacher of literature I see the harm of convenience in the attitudes of my students, who do not want to take the time to enjoy the experience that a novel can give. Instead, they want to pass the exam, but they do not want to engage with the work. So, they find all the summaries and videos they can and miss many live lessons and insights on human nature. They miss the opportunity to have their humanity challenged and if compromised, restored. Many persons, just like my students, say they do not have the time nor the patience to try, the courage to face challenges nor to explore beyond their predetermined ideas of what people are and what the world is like. We don’t want to struggle, we don’t want to fail, so we bury our heads in the sand, accept that this is all we know and become slaves to conveniences, a life created for us with much of our input.

Maybe it is that some do not want to enjoy the journey but the destination. Maybe it is that persons’ lives have been enriched by the modern conveniences available to many today. And yes, it is true that not all persons can and do have access to all those modern conveniences. But, where we may realize that we have become dependent on conveniences not vital to living, there is nothing wrong in questioning or being alert to how we can be lulled into inactivity by the pull of convenience.