Watching You Struggle.

Wait a minute.
Don't go any further.
What are you doing?
What do you intend to do here?
Do you think you are here to struggle?

I watched slip
so many time on that ladder.
Going nowhere but the bottom.

Why do you care
about them?
Do you know while you watch them watch you,
you go through
the empty space set there to trap you.

You flash here and there
like a fish out of water.
Like a elephant ballerina.
How odd that this is your normal.
How sad that this is what you have come to.

once so proud and strong.
So noble
A crude disfigured rendering
used to entertain and keep you in your place!

Et bien
Ah bueno
oh byen
Who cares if you passed the test!
It was never written with you in mind.

Wait again!
Think about.
Before you go down this road,
do you really care to do so.

Do you really care to put yourself through further torment?

It will never do
to start taking in
everything shoved down your throat.

As I look at you swimming in your sweat and the filth of others I have one question:
will it be worth it?
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Worship No Man.

thread-like and bare I whisper...

If only I could be like you.
Be one of the guys.
who could get things done.
Important things.
I Wouldn't have to tie my own shoe.

If only I could be like this.
Get people to sit.
Stand at attention.
Be larger than Life.
Life wouldn't be a hit or miss.

If only I could be great.
Have all the power.
Take full control.
Be the leader of the pack.
I wouldn't have to give and take.

And Yet -

Wishing to be like you drains me too.
Consumes my energy.
The energy that I need to be alive.
It makes my world shrink.
So all I do is think -
Is being like you about to mess up my mood?

I need
stop and check this out.
Get back my tears, joy and pain that were my sacrifice to you.
I need
stop and check this out.
All my time that added to your years.
I need
stop and check this out.
I still have enough energy to focus on myself
my God!
Was it all a lie?
By making gods of men
did I comprise

Wait -
stop a while...
Let me remove the wool from my eyes.
So when I stare at the reflection
I see me and not
the magic trick
of those counterfeit gods.
Those who rely on me and my energy to sustain their rule.
No more talk of idols
no need to be like any of you.

Let me get back to the me I was made to be.

Let me recollect self, soul and energy.

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Ride It Out.

 Ride out your storm
God is there with you
You may not feel him
But you're not alone
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It is so easy to stop and let the waves sweep you away when you’re overwhelmed by its size.

This is especially true if you’ve been there all along trying to put out the little fires that suddenly appear, that threaten to burn away all that you have been able to accomplish. So, when you think that you finally figured out how to put out the fire, along comes the water.

The trickle of water appears and you think to yourself, “oh well at least the place wont be so dry.” However, the water keeps coming. Then all of a sudden there are waves that fill your vision, until that is all you can see.

At this point you start thinking about the fact that you cannot swim and there are no life jackets near by. You look all around and see no one whose hand you can grab, to save you. Just when you decided to let the waves take you, wherever it wants to take you. But, something deep deep down, something forgotten, yells telling you to swim.

Then somewhere, some how along comes the ability to swim. Even though the water fills you to bursting you cannot stop swimming. You swim when you’re tired, when your breathing starts then stop. You swim even when you feel the sharks circling, ready to consume. You swim even though all feeling has left your body and you know for sure you will die. A strength you never knew you had prevents you from stopping, when your body has been shredded into a million pieces.

 You're hurting now
But your morning is coming
Just hold on to Jesus
And ride out your storm
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Be Flexible.

Sometimes we have our hearts set on what we think we want or need. However, it is when we are most desperate in pursuing what we want, that we should be flexible, so we bend and not break.

Woman Covered With Red Mesh

Being rigid in our opinions and thoughts should not be how we live our lives. This is dangers. It is dangerous because it means we are not willing to change and learn from the mistakes of the past. We need to realize that we have limited power, to order our world, unless we rely on the wisdom of God and His power to strengthen us.

It’s easy to believe in our own power when things seem to be going our way. We slowly begin to replace God with our own sense of self importance. Then, we no longer thank God for what he does for us but instead boast “hey look at what I did”.

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It is often times when we are most blind to our faults that life steps in and reminds us of our humanity, our mortality. We are attacked by diseases, doubts and anxieties that seem to flow like a never ending river. We are swept along and taken to places we never imagined we would end up and we have to be alright with this.

We have to be alright when our plans fail, because we did not consult God. When we leave Him behind and jump off the ledge, He may allow us to fall, but He will always, in His own time and in His own way, provide us with the means of getting back up. We will just have to accept that things are not going to workout the way we want it to –

But things will work out.

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Between Two Shores.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

It’s a wonder that many people can get anything done nowadays. Imagine constantly having to review and alter all you believe. Imagine having to decide that you believe everything and nothing. Imagine caught between two or more ideas about who you are and not knowing which one should be the real you.

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The world has become a very strange place to be. In this world where many seek and find good opportunities , until they are not. At the point where the wool has been lifted from their eyes they start complaining about all that had to change now that they got what they wanted all along. So, they hate the job they had and so get a new one, only to start thinking of moving on a week later. Or has it always been that way? Is this what they meant about the grass not always being greener on the other side?

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It is interesting to observe people, because you can learn a lot from observing them. Many people want change and grab the opportunity to realize it, but never fully comprehend what it means, for the life they led before that change. Somehow they do not realize that the change means they can never have things the way they were. Then they realize that the things they took for granted did matter, but it does not matter any more, because they have left them behind, willingly.

When we chase what we desire, and get it, it doesn’t mean the story ends. Sometimes even in the midst of worldly success, we have to find the answer to who we are with each rung we climb on that slippery ladder:

We have to become accustomed to a new way of being when we enter a new season. It is never easy to be between two shores…

In spite of it all, I believe that this too is good. Our moments of discontent with what we gain lead us to remember the source of everything right and good… I AM, who is The Creator.

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Not There Yet!

For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God

Hebrews 3:4

So ehm, I have a confession…

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I’m not perfect and that’s ok.

I realize that I have always lived my life with the erroneous assumption that I have to be perfect. I have to say and do the right things at the right time with the right people. And you know what I am tired. I’m tired because trying to be perfect is a lot of work that involves mental and physical contortions.

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I am tired of trying to be everything to everyone and never messing up for them to see. It’s kind of ironic that behind them I mess up all the time and I am still here. God has not struck me dead and neither has he brought down fire and brimstone upon my head.

Perfection is overrated really.

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I was listening to a sermon that spoke about living perfectly with our imperfections and being blessing. Based on an uncomfortably yet necessary situation I experienced the other day, I realize that I am a work in progress; and, as I work I will have to get rid of some things and people that are holding me back from following God’s blueprint for my life. So today I acknowledged and embrace all my imperfections as I use them as a measurement of how far I still have to go, and how far I have come. I also realize that I value the truth from myself and others above all else. But first, let’s be honest with ourselves. It maybe hard but we have to practice doing so. When we do so the truth we speak will be lasting.

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It’s hard not trying to fit in when you have developed a fear of belonging nowhere, when you have been told or given the impression all your life that you do not. If you feed off the negative then it becomes the only reality you are known for and that I do not want. We have to decide what we want to be and how we plan to get there. But in the middle of planning and plotting, we have to ensure that we put the Almighty at the center of all things; when we leave God behind things will fall apart. So, before we seek the advice or counsel of any man, woman or child, we need to check in with God.

I am realizing that it’s hard to be honest with yourself about your faults than it is to be honest with others about their imperfections. If we focus on the wrong things, then that is all we see, and we miss out on being apart of something great. We miss out on what we are meant to experience. So moving forward, honesty will be the key ingredient to any goal we hope to achieve. Using your voice is also one of the most powerful things anyone can do. If we realize that those around us influence us to use it in the wrong way – consciously and unconsciously -then we need to leave them at the next stop. As 2019 marks the end of a decade, Leave everything that needs to be left in 2019 and begin 2020 committed to focusing on restructuring for the 10 years ahead. The construction work is never done.

I have said before and I will say it again, this platform is geared towards help all those who need it and me. In the process of finding our real voice we will have to release idol worship , and embrace all that we are, the good the bad and the ugly.

But, for now I’m not there and I don’t know how or when I will get to where I should be . But I’m holding on tight trusting that God will get me there.

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Valley Season

I have a friend who is experiencing a really challenging period just now. She has been referring to this as her valley season and I really wanted to address this.

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I have often focused on getting up the mountain, but I have also recognized that once you get their invariably you may need to climb another. However, before you reach the mountain, you will need to be in the valley. I also believe that in order to get to the other mountains you have to go through the valleys in between . A climb begins on the flat and not at the top, so to conquer the various mountains waiting for us we have to accept that we have to go through the valley, which is difficult, dry and sometimes seemingly lonely – but only if we choose to go it alone.

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Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil…

Psalm 23:4

One of things I really admire about my friend as she goes through this period is her faith. She jokes about it and laughs it off, but she never displays anger or frustration at what is happening. Instead she has faith that God will sustain her and strengthen her in this challenging season.

I remember that I was less optimistic in most of my valley experiences. I cried, I complained, I made bargains with God and threatened to give up. However, I was still hopeful, I still wanted to believe that God would pity me and help me. And I always came through those periods grateful. I survived all of them. Despite all my hysterics, God had seen me through.

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In those difficult times I sometimes would think about the experiences of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and the fact that they stood in the midst fiery furnace and triumphed. It is the reminder that we can conquer anything if our faith is strong and we remain true to who we are. Though they were condemned, they refused to compromise their beliefs and refused to change for anyone. When we experience our valley season we need to do the same. Being in the valley is a temporary situation, one from which we can gather much wisdom and come out on the other side, having learned a little more of how powerful we are with God’s support.

If we refuse to bow to the oppressive nature of our valley experience then we will indeed be victorious.

So the valley can teach us a lot. Maybe we need to look at it differently; it is not a place where we go to die but a place to realize how alive we are and how much we have to live for. It can teach us how to value what we have for the time we have it. Also, sometimes we are allowed to be in the valley because God is waiting to give us the best of what he has in store for us. We first have to prove that we are ready for it.

It takes courage to be in the valley; it takes faith, humility and wisdom to make your way out.

 for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Psalm 23: 4
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