Our Self-Sabotaging Ways

Self-sabotage is a real thing. To know you are within sight of achieving your goals but self-doubt and your ego trip you up and fear keep you down is the reality for too many among us. 

Self-doubt 

Self-doubt is one of our greatest nemeses. It tells you, you cannot do anything and you cannot achieve anything, that you are limited by your limitations. For whatever reason, we feel compelled to second guess everything we do. In many instances, we may seem to take steps forward but because of self-doubt, we take even more steps backwards that keep us from what we truly want. Debilitating self-doubt means deferred or abandoned dreams which is the tragic reality for too many. Too many who have been buried with their potential, potential, as Myles Munroe said in one of his sermons, robbed the world of great books, great inventions or great ideas that could have led to transforming lives.

The Ego When it is Negative 

Now, this is a tough one. Our ego distorts our impression of ourselves. It can make us see ourselves constantly needing to prove something when all we need to do is stay within the bounds of what we can do at a particular time. So, to prove we can in every way we overextend ourselves and our resources and try to be an overachiever when no one asked us to be. As a matter of fact, no one required this of us, except our ego, which we work hard to appease to the detriment of our possible success. 

No one has the answers to all we need to know in this life. But we can take the time to reset and reevaluate where we are to avoid self-sabotaging our way through life. We have to return to the simple truth, “once we know better, we must do better”. We know what we must do to be true to who we are to avoid self-sabotage. Let us stop with poor thinking, excuses, self-doubt and a ‘woe are me’, mentality when all we need to do, is do what is right. Nothing is wrong with having a healthy view

of yourself, I believe it is necessary. However, we need to come to terms with the truth that we are not always authentic and we need to be more authentic and more intentional about who we are and how we want to be treated by other.

Fear Can Imprison Us

Then there is fear, the biggest nemesis to self-actualisation. We court fear when we doubt everything we do or say. Fear can come from feeling that at any moment people will realise that we are a fraud and we don’t belong. Such thinking ultimately can lead us to do everything except what we need to do to be on our way, to our business. The vicious cycle that fear can produce will have us seeing a light but remaining in the shadows, frustrated with our inability to move when we need to move. We cannot allow fear to have a stronghold on our minds and in our souls. Once it is there, it will never want to leave because it finds fertile ground to thrive. Let us instead do things anyway, even if you cannot utter a word because if you try to you now you will choke. Move even if it takes all your strength because you have to fight against an insane logic that tells you survival rests in being inactive.

It’s hard but we have to constantly fight against our self-sabotaging ways. For if we do not, how can we truly be the best we can be and experience the joy of living in our truth?

Grow Into Yourself

Grow Into Yourself.

It burns!
Like hell sulfur.
Limbs torn assunder.
With each blunder guilt knifes me.
Blood corrupted springs free
to flow into a sea of redemption.
Can I grow into me?
Can I be free?
Guilt a strict taskmaster.
Too stern to cuddle
a wayward child like me.
Fire now tears into my flesh.

Is this how it feels to grow?

Forgive Me

Forgive Me

Forgive Me 
for making you chase waterfalls
the wift of what could have been
the dust of my essences
as I float a drift
lost to you and you to me.

Forgive me
as I swerve 
any which way
I have no say
I must bend to the wind.

Forgive me
for being sick
of the ugliness of life
for earth's sweet relief I will pray.

Forgive me
for the dim smile
I promise to come back
from my woeful lacking.

Forgive me
I will soon be 
like the sea free to flow freely.

So You Don’t Become What You Speak Against.

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

― C.G. Jung

I don’t like when people are selfish but I have acted selfishly. I can’t tolerate hypocrites, but I cringe when I realize that I have said something hypocritical. Being self-aware, what does this mean?

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Before I decided to look more on this, I did not know there was a self-awareness theory – there seems to be one for every thing under the sun. Well, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, a very basic definition involves, knowing and understanding yourself very well. However, in Social Psychology, self-awareness is when: “people can think, act and experience and when they can think about what they are thinking, doing and experiencing” (Encyclopedia.com). For Shelly Duval and Robert Wicklunds their theory of self-awareness focuses on how the self can lead to self-evaluation , using as their measuring stick, “standards of correctness that specify how the self ought to think, feel and behave” (Encyclopedia.com). Therefore, being self-aware is seen as crucial for ones sense of self-control. So, being self-aware is a ticket to controlling those things about yourself that you wish you could carve out and throw away forever.

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But there is a crisis here, you can become too self-aware, according to the experts. It can make your impression of yourself become distorted – well you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But here is what I am interested in highlighting, we need to try and be aware of and be honest about our intentions when we do and say something. Instead of focusing on what others are doing and trying to come to a conclusion on people’s motives, we need to wisely use the time to assess ourselves. Yes the world is terrible, because there are some terrible people living here, but do we contribute to this terror without realizing it? Are we aware when we judge and condemn others while doing the same things, or do we really care?

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Do we know how to navigate the public self-awareness that we have? When we change our behavior to suit others who are we really fooling, them or ourselves? When we become worried about things about ourselves we cannot change, all because we fear the impression we will leave others with, all because of a “preference” that we do not meet, we will suffer the most, them or us? When we change so much that it really makes sense to go with a whole new name, who becomes the victim? The ones we try to please? I don’t think so.

Sometimes in order not to become the things we speak against, we have to look within and erase the trace matters that exist ready to take control of the me we need to be.

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