Four Seasons

Four Seasons

September is when I, 
find myself.
October is when I, 
know myself.
November is when I,
 establish myself.
December is when I,
Commit myself.
With each season
a little more
I Am myself.

Closed for Reconstruction

Closed for Reconstruction

This blank page
should tell you,
today we are closed.
Today we have nothing to say
can do nothing
and will do nothing
all day.
Today you should know
I found several chinks.
Today you should know
I have nothng to show
of me
and so
I must go
the parts I need
and come back transformed - 
on my own terms.

Pray Your Own Prayer

I have come to realize that it makes no sense to see someone else and desire what they have. Take social media, we all know that what we see there is often times not real. The lives presented to us are not real, the situations are not real and the bodies often times are also not real. Yet, we fall into the trap of desiring what we see there. I was recently watching a YouTube video that pointed out that some of those popular fast fashion sites cater to a particular body type. Yet, you will still find women who buy those clothes to look like the models on the site. These same persons will then proceed to berate and discredit themselves because they do not look the same in the outfits that were never created for their body type.

It is the same in many areas of our lives. We may see a popular personality that spreads sunshine and roses. Who tell us to just be positive and pray real hard and one day your live too will come up smelling like roses. But guess what? It is okay if you find another path to happiness that does not mirror that person’s path. It is definitely okay, if you do not end up with the same results after seeming to follow in their footsteps, because you my dear, are not that person. You are not them and will never be. Secretly, There may be too many among us, who fall into the trap of living vicariously through those who seem to have reached the spot they one day want to occupy.

Some persons begin to think of all they can do to reach the same place as those they see as having succeeded. They get all the advice they can get, or, watch all the videos they can watch and seek out those experts who can give them what they don’t have. And yes some want to pray the same prayer/s that got those persons what they have. But here is the thing, you have to find your own way. You cannot encroach on some body else’s vision and plan for their life. You cannot go to the places they have been to or do the things they have done. You cannot pray that person’s prayer because it is specific to that person. You have to find your own way. Find what works for you and take the path that you can travel. You cannot pray Ciara’s prayer if you are [insert your name here].

Life is too short to be chasing someone else’s dream and trying to live someone else’s reality. Take a look at yourself, know yourself and love yourself enough to work on living a live suited for who your are, and not what you think you should be. Have dreams yes and work towards realizing them but make sure it is being done because and not in spite of who you are. We all need to be reminded of this for time to time. So pray your prayer but make sure it is your own unique prayer

Anger Kills

I got so angry yesterday that I erupted like a volcano, spewing lava vitriol in every which direction. I got so mad that I did not care what I said and what I did, all I knew was that I verbally slay all I perceived to be the bane of my existence – they all died a thousand painful deaths yesterday, but I was not satisfied at the end of my verbal massacre. Yes anger can kill.

It burns up everything in its path when it leaves a lingering bitterness that lasts a lifetime. It can destroy relationships, kill your good name and set you back to where you never wanted to return. Worse it can consume you so much that it kills your potential and all that is good within you. In a moment, without thinking – having lost your head – in can destroy your life.

It is never good to speak out in anger, nothing good ever comes of it. While we are humans and are susceptible to deep passions, we should never allow our anger to take control of common sense and leave us exposed to the hidden dangers our anger brings. We should never be quick to speak out – in anger it is more of a shouting thing – or act from a place of anger. The funny thing is we never learn this lesson well and so must continue to suffer when we act carelessly in our anger. Many times it defeats us more than we defeat it.

Anger can make monsters of us all, like cannibals we tear each other a part verbally and physically and later regret becomes a sad companion. But often when we attack in anger, it comes from a place of hurt, fear, frustration or even misguided assumptions. We never stop learning about ourselves and sometimes through our angry we see how ugly we can be and I don’t want that energy in my life. So each day I have to decide to thin respectfully of others and be positive no matter the situation and operate from a place of love, a love that will bring me peace of mind. Anger is not productive, it leads to nothing positive and can lead to our downfall. So be careful of that monster and slay it every time it comes uninvited and turns you away from your Jekyll into your Hyde.

Silence is the True Killer

“If you’re silent about your pain, they will kill you and say that you enjoyed it.” – Zora Neale Hurston

I heard the quote above and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how many of us have become conditioned to going along with things. It got me thinking about how obsessed we are with not rocking the boat and being compliant. I, like many others, was taught as a child that I had no voice, ” a child should be seen and not heard”. So I developed the dependency on everyone’s opinion but my own, I trusted the advise of others to the death of my own gut feelings.

When you are silent you compromise.

Maybe if we didn’t always take it like a champ, we would not have so much unresolved issues. Speaking up does impact your mental health. I know there have been times when I have been consumed by anger and blinded by a sense of injustice caused by the inability to really say what is on my mind.

Silence that kills I have come to find can be overshadowed by the noise we make.

How many times have you found yourself saying everything right, everything you are expected to say but still feeling as if you left having said nothing that was necessary to say? Or, said so much except the things that really matter? For me there have been too many moments like that and those moments can stay with you, and haunt you for the rest of your life. Silence has its role but silence is not always the best way out:

Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Also, sometimes by remaining silent we sometimes end up on the wrong side of history and what is right:

“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.” – Albert Einstein

It’s Your Time

It's Your Time

Don't wait
Time won't allow you to stop
and look around.
wait for you to get ready.
Now is all you have.
Don't wait
to be led by those better
than yourself.
There is no one who can give you the promises
no Moses to take you to the edge
of the Promise Land.
Don't wait
for the perfect thing
yet unnamed
Touch what is there until
it turns from water into wine,
bread from stone.

Don't stop,
to smell those roses 
they are rotting
grab them from the stem in full bloom
take them with you - 
then crush the to keep them
alive forever like a memory that never dies.
Stretch those once useless limbs
until they grab and squeeze
the juice you need to sustain you.
be fearless and true, 
in all that you do,
to slay your Goliaths.

Change Your Conversation

Change Your Conversation

I'm not leaving until you bless me...

I will fight 
fight till I die.
I'm not gonna leave
until I change my life.
No more will I hide in this cave
too weak to breathe
too weak to live.
No more in the shadows 
I will not be ashamed.
I look to the east 
I see my sunrise
like a lion I will roar
for  the sake of my life.
I will break 
the wall that I hate
I will not listen to your blasphemy.

Get up!
We must get up!
Leave the places I have walked so many times
leave the circle I keep walking.
I cannot stay
any longer
I must go!
I must move the stone
roll it away
to come out of my cave.
Just a splash of vinegar
will clean the palate
remove the mucus of discord.
I will sit still and talk no more
the same story of old.
I will not be the way I was - 
changed -
I have been given a new vision.
The path I walk
I walk not by sight....
though dark and cold
- at times -
I move forward.
Though I see other travellers
I cannot stop.
I cannot stop to talk
I have a new mission.
Like a caul 
I am covered with my purpose,
I must walk tall.
My way is filled with traps
but I must be nimble.
I must make it to the other side
so I must leave you all behind.
No I will 
never to come this way again.

But if I do...
it is only to remind me that I was you.