Keeping it Real

Keeping It Real

I have been designed many times:
who I am
who I should be 
who I was meant to be.
But none asked  
what I am to me
what I was meant to be
or what I see in me.

They count the years
and fuel my fears
with their unasked for expectations.
No one seems willing
for me to be me -
They will say they do-

      There is the lie.

They can't handle the truth of me.
And so they see what they want to see
the maddening fever of their mirage.
So
they polish up and shine
the me they designed
and leave me to languish,
wasted 
dusty
on the shelf.
There I sit
after having been split
by good intentions
and kind words,
struggling to reassemble myself
while you nurture a leprechaun elf.

I Try and Compose Myself

I Try and Compose Myself

I stay still
and pray for the will
to keep myself together.
The more I try
to shut my eyes
A little piece of me
falls away 
like the burnish autumn leaves.
Silently too like an old banshee
I scream from the fright
of what this could mean.
Layer after layer melted in a scurry
while I sat nervously
fretting and sweating with worry - 
what could this mean?

As each layer continues to fall away - 
to de-compose
and expose -
What I see,
is a deep down rawness
of a tale no one knows - 
not even me.

Reputation

Reputation

There goes the lie
on spindly legs.
It crawls
about 
trying to find a route
out of the doubts
that it may not be who it seems.

The Lie:
We must protect Reputation - 
at all cost:
kill if you must
steal, fight and cuss.
But don't let out
the truth of what it is...

Constructed to please the crowd
now a monster too proud
to be cowed by humilty.
Knees stiffened
back straight
eyes fixed on success' frivolities.
Now it goes through the door 
Head held high
headed for the gate
that leads straight to hades.

Humility stand just a way off,
waiting for those who seek,
waiting for those who are meek.

Honesty

Honesty

Honesty says
yes she was self-serving in serving.
Honesty says
yes she tried 
to get ahead 
on top of your head.
Honesty says
yes I made many mistakes
and was blinded
by pride.

But - 
 she is ready to make an effort
to be better
do better
and remain honest
that she is imperfect.

The Gratitude Journal

The Gratitude Journal

I want to say I'm grateful,
for this life
for my many things
for my many friends
and for my many family
true?

But also,
a slow Sunday afternoon
sunlight glistening 
on dark and rich skin
life breathe
flowing 
in
and out
eyes to see
nose to smell
a shelter where I can dwell...

And,
sadness that brings joy
sun to chase away the storms
ignorance that births wisdom
mistakes and failures that nip me awake
and escape
 the destruction that awaits
just around the corner...

Most of all,
I thank God
for the gift of gratitude
that rewards with beatitudes.


Position Yourself

Position Yourself

Position Yourself
and find the place
where you can occupy the space
intended for you.
Position yourself
to accept your calling
knowing that in the morning
you will know your calling.
Position yourself
ease into your place
and be still in that time
that you will find sublime,
sublimely yours.
Feel, know and hear the whispers
of truth 
denied in the lies of death.
Position yourself,
stand firm,
hold your position,
for the battle is not yours...

Betrayal

Betrayal

et tu Brutus?
Was a wound ever so deep?
"Ista quidem vis est!"
But the damage was done.
Faster than the bullet from a gun
love, trust and camaraderie condemned
never to rise again.
On the tree of misguided self-righteousness
a single groan signaled the end
no more words uttered.

Let us mourn what was
that is no more.
What could have been
now stunted within the sin
of betrayal.
Now I must shed this skin
of innocence spun in deceit.
Now to get the salt and pepper
not to kill you -
but to find something new
something that is true...