For no reason I started to get anxious about buying all I can. Even if I don’t need the things I try to buy.
But alas there is a reason.
It’s the Christmas season!
Since December rolled around I have thought of several things I could get – that I do not need – because the end of the year is approaching and everyone else is doing it – buying stuff I mean.
I look around and see people buying more, shops offering more and hearing the promise of more.
So I think I will hold off on buying things on a whim and only buy what I absolutely need; and that will last me too!
But then again, that too can be hard when it seems that everyone around you is going on a mad buying spree.
Here in Jamaican a lot of people clean vigorously, decorate obsessively and buy wantonly in preparation for the holiday. I have heard of persons who have gone to a Courts Store to take out:
Refrigerators
Stoves
Flat screen TV
component sets
Appliances
The works!
You name it they get it, not because they can afford it and sometimes not even with the intention of keeping it for long. But they do so because they want their house to look nice for the Christmas season.
Afterwards they will deal with the “starvation period of January” – but they want to have a nice Christmas, so to Courts, Singer, or wherever else they go! This is even if, everything they bought will have to be paid for in the coming months with blood sweat and tears. Hey, they either return them, have them taken or suffer through the repayment period.
So before I spend what I have, I’ll be sure to think about whether I am doing it for a real reason or if I’m following the hype of the Christmas season!
It’s all about wellness and taking care your your physical health nowadays, but if you are healthy in body and not in mind that will not last long.
It’s good to give. So give. But don’t feel guilty about giving to yourself.
Many associate taking care of themselves as always an expensive venture – especially in in a world were many overdo everything.
However you give to yourself when you don’t always meet other persons expectation.
People sometimes ask too much of you – especially if they know you’re likely to say yes. So they want to know something , they wont try to do so for themselves, they will turn to you to find out for them. switch things up and tell them you don’t know or tell them you can’t. They will eventually get the idea and start doing for themselves.
I remember for my grandfather’s birthday every year my grandmother would start thinking the year before what she would do for him. For her birthday? Nothing. Sometimes he did not remember and so nothing special was done. Take the time to treat yourself and do not expect anyone to do so. If you want to have a good day do things that will ensure you do. No one knows you better than you.
Also, never let anything or anyone stop you from going where you want to go and doing what you want to do. After all God gave each of us a life to live. Instead, make sure to make others treat you how you want them to treat you, by teaching them how to do so.
Always showing up for others can be exhausting and is a sure path to a quick burn out. I remember every Christmas day I would spend ALL of it in the kitchen helping – really I had no choice here – my grandmother to whip up some delicious meals, setting the table and never being one of those around it -mind you she was never there either. Because of this, every Christmas I make sure to do the bear minimum. When you do too much for others then they always expect you to continue without thinking about whether or not, you ever need a break from them and being at their beck and call. Do not be at the beck and call of anyone, it never ends up well.
And it’s never too late to start taking care of yourself. Just because you’re use to doing everything else but taking care of you, doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do so. After all, ole dog can learn new tricks!
Have you ever told a friend, “wake me up when this is over”?
There are times when we just want to exit a difficult period and return when things get better. Unfortunately, life does not give us such gems. We can’t say wake me up when this is over, we have to deal with it sooner or later.
But sometimes we just need a moment to catch our breath and come again. It’s impossible to keep going when not stopping means your physical and mental health could suffer. Sometimes we have to turn our backs to everything and take some time to get ourselves together before we go again.
But remember you have to wake back up and finish what you started!
Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny
― Gandhi
I was recently watching a YouTube video in which Marisa Peer spoke on healing the body and mind, and it fit so nicely with this thought that came to me. Our thoughts are where it all begins; it is where we build or destroy ourselves.
When I was younger I would watch the program, Profile on every Sunday on the television. Each week I would feel intimidated by these seemingly outer worldly beings who overcame great adversities to be at the top of whatever profession they had pursued and I thought, “well, I’ll never be one of those persons” and so I would mentally roll my eyes, each Sunday while listening after a while – but still watch it – thinking that this show just makes ordinary people know that they are ordinary.
We are what we think and before we say whatever we say we think it. So if you think you will never do something, you never will.
From the video with Marisa Peer it all seemed so simply the idea of telling your mind what you want to do. However, if you have practiced negative thoughts all your life, it’s not going to be easy, but, it’s also not impossible. I developed a formula that did not worked for me over the years: in order not to be disappointed, never think positively. And guess what, I never was? This is not because I was always happily surprised by thinks working out, but 8 out of 10 times they did not and I would go, “oh there it is, I was right, life just keeps proving me right, life is so unfair, when will things go my way…” and on and on I would go, until I was paralyzingly depressed. It is obvious then that our thoughts have a lot of power and we can become so use to having certain thoughts, that we do not realize the damage we are doing to ourselves.
In reading up on this, one of the things I constantly see is the idea that we create our reality. Whatever we think really does come true. Because of this we go around feeling like we have second sight, when really we have made those things a reality. We make them real not just by thought but actions that go along along with those thoughts. So, you think you are lacking in some way, and you begin to act as if you are and people label you base on how you act and begin to treat you that way, and you see this as evidence that you really are this way. But it all comes back to you and not those persons, they are just following your lead. You are telling them how you want to be seen and treated – it really has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you!
For several years I have suffered with some pretty scary panic attacks, which took me to the hospital twice, once I stayed overnight. At one point I drank almost half a bottle of vodka and took a couple of antidepressant tablets because I wanted to die. Luckily it did not work – and none of the persons I live and who live me knows about that so I hope they don’t read this. But, at the time my thought was, ” I can’t even do that right, might as well carry on” and I did. I am still here and I haven’t had a serious panic attack in two years. It’s not because I am “cured”, it’s because I keep telling myself that I want to live and I have so much to look forward to; and, I do!
Where a thought goes energy goes and healing goes…
Marisa Peer
God gave us the ability to use our minds to accomplish great things, why wouldn’t we fill it with positive thoughts? Our thoughts are more powerful and so we need to be conscious of how we are using them. If you want something to change in your life you first need to assess your thoughts to determine how well they are aligned with your purpose and what you want to make a reality. Your thoughts can mean the difference between life and death.
Your personal thoughts carry so much power. It’s important to be mindful of what you spend your time thinking about. Make sure that your thoughts aren’t defeating you or your purpose in life. Fear, doubt, and a negative attitude will continually hold you back. Your journey may be a bumpy one, but I encourage you to never give up! Giving up only does one thing: It keeps you from ever knowing what could have been. Don’t allow your uncertain attitude to be the reason why you don’t succeed. It’s a very sad thing to live your life with regrets. So therefore, giving up is NOT an option for you. Don’t even entertain those thoughts. KEEP MOVING FORWARD, no matter what!
labels can be damaging; so can we get rid of them?
People will label you no matter what you do. I remember many times when I was younger when I was the head “cook and bottle washer”, in giving unflattering names to my numerous victims and afterward go about my business content with my lot in life. Today, I realize that I hate labels. I dislike intensely when persons view me in a particular way and expect me to be that way for the rest of my life – this from a girl who is indecisive about what I want to eat, wear, be and the list is endless. The irony is, I accept their typecasting because unlike when I was younger, what people thinks matter to me. So, we assume the labels given to us because we suddenly realize that people don’t want you to be yourself, they want you to be what they want you to be, no matter if you like it, yes or no.
So what can we do?
I really don’t have THE ANSWER.
All I have is the belief that we need to unlearn some of the most damaging things we have learned and practice as we get older since; one those things is our acceptance of being labelled.
I realized today that I was thinking one week behind the actual date!
I had always told myself that I can’t concentrate and really cannot focus on anything for long and I believe that this is catching up with me. So when the end of December came I did not register that it was not the last week of November even though I had seen the calendar; my mind did not catch up to the fact. I have also said for many years, that I have a problem remembering names, and guess what this has gotten worse over the years! Another case involves my hearing. Since high school I have been telling all who would listen that I have a hearing problem and you guessed it, it has gotten worse!
The labels that others give us can be damaging – even those that seem good too – but that is not makes them stick. When we belief we are those labels then they become true. So do I have a hearing problem? No but my ears have gotten lazy – I guess it was tired of me always putting it down. Do I lack the ability to focus? No, but I have taught myself to be that way.
I heard and then read a story of a trans man, Lee Harris, who wanted to reverse the procedure, after being on an 11 years journey to becoming what he thought he wanted to be. The story appeared on the Metro website in 2018 and again on the BBC website, in November 2019. The point is that Lee/Debbie saw a new identity,a new label, as a savior from years of trauma as a result of being sexually abused as a child. However, gender reassignment did not provide the new lease on life sought. Instead it resulted years later in a desperate cry for help to change back into what he was trying to run from; the true self.
For us labels can seem good. they may elevate us in the eyes of others and we may have a sense of belonging; but, if we decide to change in anyway, those same labels may imprison us and create more problems than we can deal with.
It’s easy to assume labels: we fail at doing one thing out of everything we did right and suddenly we are failures, or incompetent or stupid and it becomes impossible. We need to learn not to be a part of the hype in order not to be destroyed by it.
If you don’t want to be stuck, limited or misrepresented forget about the label and show up as yourself. All of you. Be a person and not an adjective!
I have decided that I will no longer be telling anyone what I want to achieve or plan on doing – yet here I am telling you that I will stop doing what I am currently doing- telling you what I’m not suppose to tell you I am going to do.
Here goes.
I have, in the past told others what I planned to do and guess what? Half or more have still not been achieved. Telling them did not motivate me to accomplish them, in fact I stressed myself out so much about completely everything within a certain deadline that nothing got done!
It became – and still is- irritating when they continually asked, ” aren’t you done yet, ” with this or that, as if I had invited them along for the ride.
But wait! I did invite them.
By telling them about my plans, I now realized I made them a part of it. I did give them permission to butt in and ask me questions about the things I said I would do. Whether out of curiosity, or genuine concern, for better or worst, I had made them a part of that journey.
Well no more, it’s too much pressure!
So moving forward I will be travelling solo, and information will be shared on a NEED to know basis.
When I feel I absolutely have to share something, I will write it down in a journal. Yes, journaling will be my way of getting everything out that’s about to burst out of me.
MY NEW REALITY
The truth is telling everyone what you plan to do or want to do is taking time away from actually getting things done. Plus, it is somewhat narcissistic! Whether or not people know what you are doing does not diminish its value.
There are people who feel the need to do so for what ever reason, but their reason does not have to be my reason or your reason or anyone else’s reason!
I am going to be like a caterpillar that cocoons itself until I am ready to transform and take flight. It doesn’t matter who sees or knows because I will.
It’s time for me and everyone who does this, to stop telling people what we want to do and let the results speak for themselves.
Today is the first day of the last year! And I know many of us are looking forward to this end. It’s time to get ready to end the year with a bang – and it takes all 31 days people.
For many 2019 has been good and bad in many many ways. There are some who will say that in all honesty, it has been a difficult year in many ways. I’m not saying that it was all bad, but, when you put it all together it has been a year filled with many challenges.
So we – maybe out of desperate optimism – believe that because it is nearing the end of the year, come 2020 all our struggles will disappear, like magic. We believe that awesome things MUST replace all the difficulties that we have experienced. Well I bet you felt that way at the end of 2018.
2019 is gonna be the best year ever! Until it wasn’t.
Sorry I hate to break this to you – well not really – live doesn’t work like that. Things don’t change because it’s a new day, month or year. The baggage that we carried throughout the year, can still weigh us down next year.
If we want to get rid of some of the things that we know we don’t need to carry, we should do exactly that; get rid of it. While you get distracted by the revelry, and good cheer of the season remember to keep in mind the need to start working on improving things in 2020 – if you have not done so yet. While it is the beginning of the end for 2019, make sure you’re getting ready to face 2020.
And finally, remember that advent begins today and ends on Christmas Eve; use these four weeks to focus on what will help keep you grounded in the coming year: faithfulness(peace), hope, joy and love!
