The Imposter

The Imposter

Look at them,
innocent lambs to the slaughter
of my decay.
They think they know
but no
they don't know the carnage I can bring.
I have killed before
and may do so once again.
They don't know I can suck them dry
and make them just like me.
"Beware of false prophets"
for they too like you
are blind to devil's tricks.
I too was blinded
and have yet to recover my eyes
and so must follow a distant voice.
Don't tell me I achieved
through blood sweat and tears
all that I have achieved - 
the agony of the truth
is too much to bear
I must not share the burden of not belonging.
I look in the water
and for a second see myself,
then the pebbles come along 
to remind me to retreat 
once more back on the shelf,
a lonely hallow place,
where I belong,
because I do not belong,
incompetent as I am,
to anywhere else.

Highest Esteem.

Anyone can say anything they want to say about you, but you don’t have to let that in. I realize now that it’s easy to be persuaded by what someone thinks they know about you, but it does not have to mean that that is all there is to you.

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I realized this when I was listening to different sides of one issue. For each person that I listened to, I felt each had a valid point and I left each person appreciating them more. However, when I listened to each person discussing the other I became doubtful about the authenticity of the person they were discussing. My take away from that is, to never allow someone to determine how I treat another person, no matter what they say or how persuasive they sound. I remember my grandmother use to tell me that any disagreement she had with an adult, was none of my business and she instructed me to greet them and have “manners” to them. However, lessons learned at a young age, are often forgotten until we reap the consequences of forgetting.

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I have never been someone who likes to blindly follows what others say or think. But sometimes, in an effort to remain in everyone’s good graces I have gone along with what everyone or the majority seems to be saying. Whether it were about a person or an issue and I would see it as just the way things were. However, being in that situation the other day made me question how quick I have been in the past to judge someone based on what others have said. If you are friends with someone I do not believe you have to agree with all they say or what they do, and you should be confident enough to say so to their faces. If not, doesn’t that make you a hypocrite – just going along with what they say, even though in your mind you are shouting at the top of your lungs all the reasons why they are wrong?

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Your definition of a problematic person may differ from others, but consider, we are all problematic in some way to someone. We all have things about us that cause people to look at us funny, to at least one time, question if they even know us by the things we say or do. Therefore, we all deserve the right to be heard and accepted for the point of view that we have. Because if we think about it, the things I may see as a problem in that person, could be an improvement on what they were like last year. Check them next year, they may not be at the same place.

We always have room to grow, to evolve, to change, to be whatever we want to be. What we need to do is to stop expecting people to be exactly what we want them to be. Stop defining people by our standards and let them be who they are in that moment. The behavior that you see as problematic, may be an idiosyncrasy that you don’t know about. Let’s really have the highest esteem for others by allowing their story to evolve and not write them off.

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Give To You.

It’s all about wellness and taking care your your physical health nowadays, but if you are healthy in body and not in mind that will not last long.

It’s good to give. So give. But don’t feel guilty about giving to yourself.

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Many associate taking care of themselves as always an expensive venture – especially in in a world were many overdo everything.

However you give to yourself when you don’t always meet other persons expectation.

People sometimes ask too much of you – especially if they know you’re likely to say yes. So they want to know something , they wont try to do so for themselves, they will turn to you to find out for them. switch things up and tell them you don’t know or tell them you can’t. They will eventually get the idea and start doing for themselves.

I remember for my grandfather’s birthday every year my grandmother would start thinking the year before what she would do for him. For her birthday? Nothing. Sometimes he did not remember and so nothing special was done. Take the time to treat yourself and do not expect anyone to do so. If you want to have a good day do things that will ensure you do. No one knows you better than you.

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Also, never let anything or anyone stop you from going where you want to go and doing what you want to do. After all God gave each of us a life to live. Instead, make sure to make others treat you how you want them to treat you, by teaching them how to do so.

Always showing up for others can be exhausting and is a sure path to a quick burn out. I remember every Christmas day I would spend ALL of it in the kitchen helping – really I had no choice here – my grandmother to whip up some delicious meals, setting the table and never being one of those around it -mind you she was never there either. Because of this, every Christmas I make sure to do the bear minimum. When you do too much for others then they always expect you to continue without thinking about whether or not, you ever need a break from them and being at their beck and call. Do not be at the beck and call of anyone, it never ends up well.

And it’s never too late to start taking care of yourself. Just because you’re use to doing everything else but taking care of you, doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do so. After all, ole dog can learn new tricks!

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It All Begins With A Thought

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny

― Gandhi

I was recently watching a YouTube video in which Marisa Peer spoke on healing the body and mind, and it fit so nicely with this thought that came to me. Our thoughts are where it all begins; it is where we build or destroy ourselves.

When I was younger I would watch the program, Profile on every Sunday on the television. Each week I would feel intimidated by these seemingly outer worldly beings who overcame great adversities to be at the top of whatever profession they had pursued and I thought, “well, I’ll never be one of those persons” and so I would mentally roll my eyes, each Sunday while listening after a while – but still watch it – thinking that this show just makes ordinary people know that they are ordinary.

We are what we think and before we say whatever we say we think it. So if you think you will never do something, you never will.

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From the video with Marisa Peer it all seemed so simply the idea of telling your mind what you want to do. However, if you have practiced negative thoughts all your life, it’s not going to be easy, but, it’s also not impossible. I developed a formula that did not worked for me over the years: in order not to be disappointed, never think positively. And guess what, I never was? This is not because I was always happily surprised by thinks working out, but 8 out of 10 times they did not and I would go, “oh there it is, I was right, life just keeps proving me right, life is so unfair, when will things go my way…” and on and on I would go, until I was paralyzingly depressed. It is obvious then that our thoughts have a lot of power and we can become so use to having certain thoughts, that we do not realize the damage we are doing to ourselves.

In reading up on this, one of the things I constantly see is the idea that we create our reality. Whatever we think really does come true. Because of this we go around feeling like we have second sight, when really we have made those things a reality. We make them real not just by thought but actions that go along along with those thoughts. So, you think you are lacking in some way, and you begin to act as if you are and people label you base on how you act and begin to treat you that way, and you see this as evidence that you really are this way. But it all comes back to you and not those persons, they are just following your lead. You are telling them how you want to be seen and treated – it really has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you!

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For several years I have suffered with some pretty scary panic attacks, which took me to the hospital twice, once I stayed overnight. At one point I drank almost half a bottle of vodka and took a couple of antidepressant tablets because I wanted to die. Luckily it did not work – and none of the persons I live and who live me knows about that so I hope they don’t read this. But, at the time my thought was, ” I can’t even do that right, might as well carry on” and I did. I am still here and I haven’t had a serious panic attack in two years. It’s not because I am “cured”, it’s because I keep telling myself that I want to live and I have so much to look forward to; and, I do!

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Where a thought goes energy goes and healing goes…

Marisa Peer

God gave us the ability to use our minds to accomplish great things, why wouldn’t we fill it with positive thoughts? Our thoughts are more powerful and so we need to be conscious of how we are using them. If you want something to change in your life you first need to assess your thoughts to determine how well they are aligned with your purpose and what you want to make a reality. Your thoughts can mean the difference between life and death.

Shallow Focus of Yellow Flowers

Your personal thoughts carry so much power. It’s important to be mindful of what you spend your time thinking about. Make sure that your thoughts aren’t defeating you or your purpose in life. Fear, doubt, and a negative attitude will continually hold you back. Your journey may be a bumpy one, but I encourage you to never give up! Giving up only does one thing: It keeps you from ever knowing what could have been. Don’t allow your uncertain attitude to be the reason why you don’t succeed. It’s a very sad thing to live your life with regrets. So therefore, giving up is NOT an option for you. Don’t even entertain those thoughts. KEEP MOVING FORWARD, no matter what!