Dark Places Those dark places twisted spaces that are wasteland to make you understand that you are strong to go the distance because you belong. I love those dark places cool, wet and moist land fertile soil, that holds the promise of possiblity. Thanks for those dark places that makes you dance and shout when the sun comes out and chases away those dark clouds. The Sun, that linger long after it becomes undone.
Blame means responsibility for something bad or something that has gone wrong. The thing or person blamed always comes out looking bad and voila, you become the victim – poor you.
It’s easy to point the finger at someone or something else. Not only does it get us off the hook but it makes it easier for us to walk away from the mess we actually make.
Let’s Cast The Net wide…
So, today a lot of us make the most of the blame game and can find a thousand reasons why things are not the way they should be. You’re not where you want to be, then you had a rough childhood, nobody loved you, no one helped you or you did not get enough time to do whatever you wanted to do.
Then there is the more ridiculous: you have a headache you blame the weather. You’re in a bad mood, someone put you in a bad mood, or you eat too much and naturally you may put on some unwanted weight, what do you do? You blame the food for tasting too good! Also, you are late, you blame the traffic, even though you got up late and did not leave out in time.
There are many ways in which we try to blame others for why things may be going wrong in our past or present situations.
The fact is when you do this, you do not address the real elephant in the room. You.
I’m sure sometimes we do not realize we are doing it, because it has become so common place. Let’s say you make a mistake. Instead of acknowledging that you did and try to correct it, you may spend a couple of minutes trying to explain why you made the mistake. Also, that why could have a longer time than a couple of minutes, and actually waste everybody’s time!
But consider if you keep doing this, you cannot escape you and whatever problems you face now from doing this will only get worse.
Instead of casting the blame for you mess, stick around and clean it up.
Be a person and not an adjective!Me
labels can be damaging; so can we get rid of them?
People will label you no matter what you do. I remember many times when I was younger when I was the head “cook and bottle washer”, in giving unflattering names to my numerous victims and afterward go about my business content with my lot in life. Today, I realize that I hate labels. I dislike intensely when persons view me in a particular way and expect me to be that way for the rest of my life – this from a girl who is indecisive about what I want to eat, wear, be and the list is endless. The irony is, I accept their typecasting because unlike when I was younger, what people thinks matter to me. So, we assume the labels given to us because we suddenly realize that people don’t want you to be yourself, they want you to be what they want you to be, no matter if you like it, yes or no.
So what can we do?
I really don’t have THE ANSWER.
All I have is the belief that we need to unlearn some of the most damaging things we have learned and practice as we get older since; one those things is our acceptance of being labelled.
I realized today that I was thinking one week behind the actual date!
I had always told myself that I can’t concentrate and really cannot focus on anything for long and I believe that this is catching up with me. So when the end of December came I did not register that it was not the last week of November even though I had seen the calendar; my mind did not catch up to the fact. I have also said for many years, that I have a problem remembering names, and guess what this has gotten worse over the years! Another case involves my hearing. Since high school I have been telling all who would listen that I have a hearing problem and you guessed it, it has gotten worse!
The labels that others give us can be damaging – even those that seem good too – but that is not makes them stick. When we belief we are those labels then they become true. So do I have a hearing problem? No but my ears have gotten lazy – I guess it was tired of me always putting it down. Do I lack the ability to focus? No, but I have taught myself to be that way.
I heard and then read a story of a trans man, Lee Harris, who wanted to reverse the procedure, after being on an 11 years journey to becoming what he thought he wanted to be. The story appeared on the Metro website in 2018 and again on the BBC website, in November 2019. The point is that Lee/Debbie saw a new identity,a new label, as a savior from years of trauma as a result of being sexually abused as a child. However, gender reassignment did not provide the new lease on life sought. Instead it resulted years later in a desperate cry for help to change back into what he was trying to run from; the true self.
For us labels can seem good. they may elevate us in the eyes of others and we may have a sense of belonging; but, if we decide to change in anyway, those same labels may imprison us and create more problems than we can deal with.
It’s easy to assume labels: we fail at doing one thing out of everything we did right and suddenly we are failures, or incompetent or stupid and it becomes impossible. We need to learn not to be a part of the hype in order not to be destroyed by it.
If you don’t want to be stuck, limited or misrepresented forget about the label and show up as yourself. All of you. Be a person and not an adjective!
“Who gave fire permission to burn?”― Marty Rubin
Have you ever found yourself in a corner because you had to make a decision and you are sweating like a pig because it felt like your enter existence depended on that decision? Having made that decision did you then regret it days, months or even years later? If you have and you now cannot trust yourself to make the right decisions, you are not alone. Making decisions are hard, especially when you feel it will impact your life forever. When we make missteps, we may feel so traumatized that we become paralyzed with fear, when we have to make much more profound choices in the future. But today we are giving ourselves all the permission we need.
We will give ourselves the permission to make the decisions that are right. By doing this we will also let go of our need to please, he, she and the old lady. Let’s empower ourselves by not allowing others to be our judge and executor, but, give ourselves the right to put our own stamp and seal of approval on our lives. So give your approval for when you will start doing what you love and no one can take the happiness that this will bring. And if you are doing something you love, it’s easier to give yourself permission to fail – and you will. But with failure comes the opportunity for growth and change. So, give yourself the permission to change any and everything about you when ever you have to. Because when you change you open yourself to having new experiences and going places you never imaged you would go. Bu,t make sure when you get there you also give yourself permission to just do nothing for a while before giving yourself the permission to take a stab at something new.
But most importantly, give yourself the permission to be happy by living the life you want and being the best you can be while doing so. Remember, nobody else will.