you only live once – Page 8

Too Much Advice!

I am sure you have heard the expression: The more the merrier. Well, too much can be a damaging thing in any situation. This is the same with advice.

Normally we want to hear the opinions of others and trust me they will give it to you and some that you neither asked for nor wanted. People love to give advice whether or not they know what they are talking about. However, if they feel they do, they will never stop. Everyday they meet you they have another juicy piece of morsel they forgot to add to the dish they gave you. Often times you end up deeply regretting that you asked.

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People will give advice based on what they know of themselves, their world and their experiences. So really the advice may not match your situation but just reveals what they know or have learned about themselves. I am not saying this is always the case, but, I am sure we all know people who are like the above.

Then you have others whom you did not ask but who gave it anyway and left you feeling insecure about something you planned to do.

Getting advice or a second and third opinion is wise but don’t take them all and run with them – I realize the irony as I give you this advise.

Once you have gathered all those varying voices you have to decide whether you will take one or two or none. At the end of the day getting and taking advice does not have to mean you give away your power to make your own decisions. Getting advice should be about realizing your options and not being limited by someone else’s perspective. You cannot escape making a difficult decision by seeking advice, only delay it. Neither can you acquire a partner in crime, because most persons who readily give the advice that you seek are either thinking hypothetically or are happy not to be in your shoe – and they don’t want to step in it.

Also consider that the person you seek for words of wisdom, may be ‘wise’ to your situation and not their own. The point is, do not think that there is any perfect person who has it all together. Everything in life is based on trial and error, so the advice you get may not work for the situation YOU find yourself in and it may or may not have worked for that person. Yes, life is that complicated.

Also, if you don’t want the advice, give a gracious thank you and keep it moving.

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A Dose of Reality.

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

Ah, it’s Monday a day some people wish they could do without – if you work a 9-5 that is…

But then again, everyday is an opportunity to be happy. So lets make ourselves happy.We do this by finding out what can help us get there. I heard a sermon yesterday, that contained some very important reminders we need to hear from time to time; true wisdom nuggets.

If your life is not on the right track, get off that track because you will crash.

Yikes!

Here is a warning that is sure to get your attention. On this beautiful Monday morning, when all we want to do is to crawl back into bed, we are confronted by this. Could it be that any misery we feel comes from being on the wrong trajectory? If so, there is no time like the present to re-evaluate where we are heading and catch another, train or bus if we must!

Existing not living = Taking up space!

Another harsh truth to get your adrenaline rushing in every which direction. Now, when I heard this in church yesterday, I felt a bit attacked. Am I one of those, am I taking up space? Taking up space, does not mean doing nothing; it means your life is now in a loop. You never evolve, grow or flourish OR you don’t allow yourself to do so. Well it seems it’s time to change that before it gets out of hand.

Half way is going nowhere.

For all those who want to be so super correct, politically correct. right or who hope that doing nothing will get you were you want to be. I have news for you too. It would appear that doing nothing, is worse, than doing something and getting it wrong. So while you may fear getting it wrong it’s best to do so, until you find the right formula.

And our favourite line of, “At least I did something” doesn’t count. I would think if you did something, even if it was a flash in the bucket or half-done, would mean something. I mean, no one can say you did nothing; no one can say you did not try.

Apparently going half way is a sure road to going nowhere at all.

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So, making that phone call once because you wanted it registered that you did call, doesn’t matter. It seems to get real favorable results, it’s all or nothing! Getting up and showing up does not matter – for the people in the back. What matters is what you do when you turn up. Sitting in a corner quietly is not gonna cut it. Marking your name in the register does not mean that your presence count.

So what does that mean for us?

It means that maybe we need to regroup and come again:

Get off the path we are on if it’s not working
Doing meaningful things outside a cookie cutter lifestyle – take a chance and do new things that really matter
Stop being mediocre
And really be present and show up and show out!

What every we are pursuing we need to keep these in mind. They will help us to get to the right destination. Remember be realistic; but, a warning, don’t be too realistic:

It Was A Good Day.

When you find something good and that lifts your spirit or that an encounter that leaves you feeling good, those exceptional things should be appreciated. Don’t focus on the negative because they are so easy to find. Instead those seemingly rare moments that bring happiness, satisfaction and contentment are the ones that should command our attention.

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I went shopping with my mother and aunt yesterday and the first thing that did not go as expected was the rain. It rained hard and it lasted long. I got really wet and walked in some questionable water to bring my mother to the stores. Not only that but a very big man wanted to “take me on” because I bounced him with my umbrella – by accident – when he would not get the way. I was quoted a ridiculous price e for some knock of Clogs – did not purchase – which I wanted to give my mother because She has a sick toe that would be aggravated by the water. Then on top of that I was almost hit by a taxi!

When we finally made it to the mall you’d think the bad day would start getting good; it did not. The first shop we went to had a very, very, very, rude saleswoman, who at once both intimidated and infuriated me. It was clear that she was a bully who thought she could bully us into getting what she wanted us to get, whether or not we wanted it. Well I was determined to ignore her and continue looking around without her help – obviously she doesn’t know me – but my aunt and mother were determined to leave. I eventually decided it was best to leave because we really were not going to buy anything.

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So on to the next store.

Now I did not want to go to this particular store because I’m not making enough to buy what they are selling – or so I told myself, but they had some expensive stuff!

After being in the store like for two seconds, a lady and her mother comes in and without really looking at the items, the daughter declared everything outdated and therefore not her style. She was really vocal about this and i wondered if it was because they were outdated or the price. Anyways, I digress.

Well to my surprise, both the owner and salesperson were not only pleasant to be around but they were very helpful and we left with things that we had not set out to buy at that point – thought they were needed. They not only paid attention to what we wanted but they did not try to force us when we were hesitant.

We left satisfied with what we got but also in a much better mood than when we arrived. The bitter taste from the episode of the other store though not forgotten was replaced by the sublimity of the experience at our second stop.

It just reminded me that we can pick and choice the experiences that impact us. Instead of spending time talking about how terrible the first place was – which we could have til next year – we left knowing that we had a wonderful day. A day that started out as scorching hot was calmed by showers of blessing and a smoothing of frayed nerves that were provoked by a thoughtless attitude.

In the end it was an exceptionally good day.

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Spending Blues

For no reason I started to get anxious about buying all I can. Even if I don’t need the things I try to buy.

But alas there is a reason.

It’s the Christmas season!

Since December rolled around I have thought of several things I could get – that I do not need – because the end of the year is approaching and everyone else is doing it – buying stuff I mean.

I look around and see people buying more, shops offering more and hearing the promise of more.

So I think I will hold off on buying things on a whim and only buy what I absolutely need; and that will last me too!

But then again, that too can be hard when it seems that everyone around you is going on a mad buying spree.

Here in Jamaican a lot of people clean vigorously, decorate obsessively and buy wantonly in preparation for the holiday. I have heard of persons who have gone to a Courts Store to take out:

Refrigerators
Stoves
Flat screen TV
component sets
Appliances

The works!

You name it they get it, not because they can afford it and sometimes not even with the intention of keeping it for long. But they do so because they want their house to look nice for the Christmas season.

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Afterwards they will deal with the “starvation period of January” – but they want to have a nice Christmas, so to Courts, Singer, or wherever else they go! This is even if, everything they bought will have to be paid for in the coming months with blood sweat and tears. Hey, they either return them, have them taken or suffer through the repayment period.

So before I spend what I have, I’ll be sure to think about whether I am doing it for a real reason or if I’m following the hype of the Christmas season!

Give To You.

It’s all about wellness and taking care your your physical health nowadays, but if you are healthy in body and not in mind that will not last long.

It’s good to give. So give. But don’t feel guilty about giving to yourself.

Many associate taking care of themselves as always an expensive venture – especially in in a world were many overdo everything.

However you give to yourself when you don’t always meet other persons expectation.

People sometimes ask too much of you – especially if they know you’re likely to say yes. So they want to know something , they wont try to do so for themselves, they will turn to you to find out for them. switch things up and tell them you don’t know or tell them you can’t. They will eventually get the idea and start doing for themselves.

I remember for my grandfather’s birthday every year my grandmother would start thinking the year before what she would do for him. For her birthday? Nothing. Sometimes he did not remember and so nothing special was done. Take the time to treat yourself and do not expect anyone to do so. If you want to have a good day do things that will ensure you do. No one knows you better than you.

Also, never let anything or anyone stop you from going where you want to go and doing what you want to do. After all God gave each of us a life to live. Instead, make sure to make others treat you how you want them to treat you, by teaching them how to do so.

Always showing up for others can be exhausting and is a sure path to a quick burn out. I remember every Christmas day I would spend ALL of it in the kitchen helping – really I had no choice here – my grandmother to whip up some delicious meals, setting the table and never being one of those around it -mind you she was never there either. Because of this, every Christmas I make sure to do the bear minimum. When you do too much for others then they always expect you to continue without thinking about whether or not, you ever need a break from them and being at their beck and call. Do not be at the beck and call of anyone, it never ends up well.

And it’s never too late to start taking care of yourself. Just because you’re use to doing everything else but taking care of you, doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do so. After all, ole dog can learn new tricks!

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Is It Over Yet?

Have you ever told a friend, “wake me up when this is over”?

There are times when we just want to exit a difficult period and return when things get better. Unfortunately, life does not give us such gems. We can’t say wake me up when this is over, we have to deal with it sooner or later.

But sometimes we just need a moment to catch our breath and come again. It’s impossible to keep going when not stopping means your physical and mental health could suffer. Sometimes we have to turn our backs to everything and take some time to get ourselves together before we go again.

But remember you have to wake back up and finish what you started!

It All Begins With A Thought

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny
― Gandhi

I was recently watching a YouTube video in which Marisa Peer spoke on healing the body and mind, and it fit so nicely with this thought that came to me. Our thoughts are where it all begins; it is where we build or destroy ourselves.

When I was younger I would watch the program, Profile on every Sunday on the television. Each week I would feel intimidated by these seemingly outer worldly beings who overcame great adversities to be at the top of whatever profession they had pursued and I thought, “well, I’ll never be one of those persons” and so I would mentally roll my eyes, each Sunday while listening after a while – but still watch it – thinking that this show just makes ordinary people know that they are ordinary.

We are what we think and before we say whatever we say we think it. So if you think you will never do something, you never will.

From the video with Marisa Peer it all seemed so simply the idea of telling your mind what you want to do. However, if you have practiced negative thoughts all your life, it’s not going to be easy, but, it’s also not impossible. I developed a formula that did not worked for me over the years: in order not to be disappointed, never think positively. And guess what, I never was? This is not because I was always happily surprised by thinks working out, but 8 out of 10 times they did not and I would go, “oh there it is, I was right, life just keeps proving me right, life is so unfair, when will things go my way…” and on and on I would go, until I was paralyzingly depressed. It is obvious then that our thoughts have a lot of power and we can become so use to having certain thoughts, that we do not realize the damage we are doing to ourselves.

In reading up on this, one of the things I constantly see is the idea that we create our reality. Whatever we think really does come true. Because of this we go around feeling like we have second sight, when really we have made those things a reality. We make them real not just by thought but actions that go along along with those thoughts. So, you think you are lacking in some way, and you begin to act as if you are and people label you base on how you act and begin to treat you that way, and you see this as evidence that you really are this way. But it all comes back to you and not those persons, they are just following your lead. You are telling them how you want to be seen and treated – it really has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you!

For several years I have suffered with some pretty scary panic attacks, which took me to the hospital twice, once I stayed overnight. At one point I drank almost half a bottle of vodka and took a couple of antidepressant tablets because I wanted to die. Luckily it did not work – and none of the persons I live and who live me knows about that so I hope they don’t read this. But, at the time my thought was, ” I can’t even do that right, might as well carry on” and I did. I am still here and I haven’t had a serious panic attack in two years. It’s not because I am “cured”, it’s because I keep telling myself that I want to live and I have so much to look forward to; and, I do!

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Where a thought goes energy goes and healing goes…
Marisa Peer

God gave us the ability to use our minds to accomplish great things, why wouldn’t we fill it with positive thoughts? Our thoughts are more powerful and so we need to be conscious of how we are using them. If you want something to change in your life you first need to assess your thoughts to determine how well they are aligned with your purpose and what you want to make a reality. Your thoughts can mean the difference between life and death.

Your personal thoughts carry so much power. It’s important to be mindful of what you spend your time thinking about. Make sure that your thoughts aren’t defeating you or your purpose in life. Fear, doubt, and a negative attitude will continually hold you back. Your journey may be a bumpy one, but I encourage you to never give up! Giving up only does one thing: It keeps you from ever knowing what could have been. Don’t allow your uncertain attitude to be the reason why you don’t succeed. It’s a very sad thing to live your life with regrets. So therefore, giving up is NOT an option for you. Don’t even entertain those thoughts. KEEP MOVING FORWARD, no matter what!

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