Dis ease

Dis ease

causes dismay
and distrust
causing dislike.

Dis ease
makes you its slave.

Dis ease in the body
will make you sorry
if with it you tarry too long
and make it feel like it belongs.

Battle scars

Battle Scars

Your battle scars 
say who you are.
Have none?
Then you have not learned 
a thing worth learning.
Or perhaps, 
you try to hide them.
Ashamed with a sense of disgrace
that you were bested.
Fear not,
though your scars are alot
they are your testimonies 
that you survived,
they anoint your flesh
reminding you of the tests
that have made you your best
in a world where sorrow
obscures many a tomorrows.
So wear them proudly,
They your purple hearts.

Trying to Let Go

Trying to Let Go

I cling tighter
to a sliver of the memory
that contains the moments
to my recovery.
Crates created 
by the passion of my loss
for a time
hard won 
when the battle was fierce
with the promise of victory.

Are these tears?
Am I really crying?

Or am I dying?

bittersweet moments
I wish for all my days
but now that now my gaze
must look North and not South.
But how can I let go?
What must I do with those sweet moments
of release
of death and grime?
It was the best in my life!
How can I take the dive
in these murky waters alone and unprotected.

I must leave it all behind though
let go!
Or drown by its weight 
now my foe

To Exercise Or Not To Exercise

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I am sure that many of us can completely relate to the image above. Each day can be a total struggle as we attempt to stay healthy as we get older – to healthy during these covid days, days that have literal been the bane of our existence, in many ways. I have been more concerned with my health for some time now but the journey has not been easy. In simple terms it has been a struggle. I use to exercise because I wanted to lose weight and I did! Then put it on just as quickly.

So this year I have decided to take this one day at a time and to ensure that I stay on course I have decided to do the Chloe Ting 2021 flat stomach challenge . No, I do not believe this will lead to me becoming svelte and toned in 28 days. No for me this is an attempt to be consistent in helping me to reap the real benefits of exercise. I started to see exercise differently when I stopped taking my depression medications in 2014, because I did not want to be dependent on them to simply be a zombie. I felt that proper nutrition and exercise would help. Though I have fallen on the nutrition front I am confident I can regain a handle on both if I I take my time to develop some good habits. Therefore, January is my designated month to work towards getting back on track. It is not the month to get things right and to come out leaner and better than ever. What this is, is an attempt to regain the ground I lost in 2020. A year when I ate poorly – a habit that still plagues me in 2021 – and gained over 20 pounds (I have lost some of this by the way). I am doing this for the long haul. So each month I plan to do different challenges, not to chase some perfect number or a perfect body but to get back instep with taking care of myself. I am being kind to myself by not being too critical when I eat too much chocolate or sugary foods but I am also working on cutting down on it, to eat one healthy food per day on my way to eating better.

To keep myself accountable I plan to mark off each day’s exercise challenge that I complete. By the end of this first month I hope to have worked out a formula that is best for my lifestyle. I hope to be more flexible as I develop a new mindset about what types of exercises I can do, when I can do them and how I will get them done. For me exercise is about strengthening the mind as much as it is about the body. I need those endorphins that exercise can give me, in this stressful time. This year exercise will be my drug of choice as I try to find ways of taking care of me.

There are no quick fixes in life and I realize that there are many more things to worry about, but this is one thing I can control. It is one way that I can ensure I am doing my part no matter what happens, to be healthy. In this moment this is what I must do to give myself a fighting chance and so this is what I will do.

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