Well today was the day to smell some ugly truths – not very rosy at all!
The smell of reality, you may call it. It was a reminder that some people, irrespective of who they are can be really ugly in their intentions. I was reminded how dishonest some are and that people can really fool you, if you let them.
With a smile, a kind word and a gentle voice, they can lull you and then rob you blind; this is something that can be traumatic for us trusting souls. You can live your life being the world’s most optimistic persons alive, but there are some people who will always try to steal your joy and tempt your ugly out of hiding.
But the ugly truth is, not everyone who stands by you, will be for you. Some are just there for the show and you know this because when the games up, it’s back to regular programming. They leave for a five minutes intermission they take lasts for five months or more – depending on whether the mood strikes to be a casual observer. It may be a hard pill to swallow – and some may even choke trying to deny it but there it is. We may do good things and choose our friends with some amount of self interest in mind -whether consciously or unconsciously. We just need to know what we will tolerate in the relationships we pursue.
Do you think this is true?
We have to evaluate our own intentions, but remember that while you are doing this, someone you are blind to, will be ready to make use of your distractions. Then again are there any pretty truths – who knows! After all the truth is the truth no matter how you spin it.
Remember, bad things will always happen to us, life is not a fairy tale – I mean, we should all know this by now. Its all a part of Murphy’s law: any thing that can go wrong, will go wrong. But when it does, it’s hard to remember that things will get better; and when they do get better, we then forget that something else may fall a part. Life is a beautiful thing!
The ugly we experience and the ugly inside of each of us, will not always last- this is only if we don’t want it to last.
We should not always expect people to say good things behind our backs – that was the day you were born and will be the day you die. Also, people will not only be dishonest with you but also with themselves. And while you’re at it, remember that people will disappoint you, especially those closest to you, just don’t let your emotions rule the day and kill meaningful relationships. You see, people drift in and out of your life and that’s OKAY, that does not define the kind of that they are and that you are.
If we are willing to embrace the reality of life, then when we are faced with the ugly truths, our world will not crumble around us.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles
Psalm 34:17
When I first came across this Haitian proverb I didn’t know what it meant. So I decided to find out.
So this is my finding: when you overcome an obstacle or difficult situation, don’t get too comfortable, there is another one waiting for you to conquer. Now this could be a disappointment because we all love happy endings. However, as we all should know by now, real life is not that fantastical. You get rich, okay – more money, more problems. You finally get that dream job after burning the mid-night lamp. Okay, now you gonna have to burn two! The point is, once we get what we want, it doesn’t mean that it’s smooth sailing all the way.
We can think of it as the mountain being a measure stick of how much we can tolerate. Imagine, the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest, is 29,029 feet tall or 8,848 metre. So far eleven persons have died trying to reach its summit. While this is terrible, there are many eager climbers, professional and non-professionals alike, waiting to take their chance. For those who make it, it is not necessarily a daredevil feat nor the status and prestige that comes with success. For some it is a confidence in the abilities that they can overcome any obstacles waiting for them. It is this confidence that will get them up there and down. It is a confidence that will later see them tackling many more mountains.
So now that we know that our mountain top experience is not the end, can we be confident in tackling those other mountains waiting for us to scale? Reaching the top of a mountain should not be driven by hubris -well i don’t think so. It should bring into focus, what’s important, it should not only be a chapter you can now close, but an awakening to the limitless potential still waiting to be realized by tackling yet another mountain. In passing the “death zone” of any mountain you conquer should make you realize that nothing is impossible. You stood on top of that mountain you faced yesterday and then mountain yet to be climbed tomorrow, will also be conquered.
Just remember, those mountains will give you a good workout. They’ll make you stronger!
What happened? Did things change? Did you work hard for it or did you just hope and pray?
We may have felt from time to time that it’s our turn to do what we were destined to do!
But somehow things just never worked out.
Maybe it’s because we need to click on the link that gets us to the place we need to be (there’s a thought).
Is it your turn?
Only you can decide that.
No one can make your dreams come true, only you can, by putting the work needed. And even though we know this, we always could use a reminder. We are bombarded by all the things we have to do to get by. However, this state of affairs cannot be our end game. We need to do what we have to do, in order to do what you want to do. And sometimes when it’s our turn we may think we are not ready, but that’s because we do not know how strong we have become. All we need is the right timing to prove this to ourselves. Sometimes your turn is when you feel like you’re not ready!
What do you do when it’s your turn? Will you be ready to take advantage of all the opportunities waiting for you? We are good at dreaming about the things we want to do but we can defeat ourselves if we do not believe that we deserve our turn when it comes.
So what ever it may be, believe that it is your turn and everything will always work out the way it is suppose to. All you need to do is remember that when your turn comes, it’s not just about you, it’s not just about what you can get and how much you can get; it’s about being true to you. Also, make sure that when your turn comes, you make the most of it!
When you focus on what you think you can’t do or be, then you will never be who you could have been. No matter what you do, you will remain poor.
Many of us have an escapist mindset. Every time something looks like it could be kinda hard, we say we can’t, we chip away at enriching our lives; we become poor in spirit and we clip our wings before we learn how to fly. We accept that we can’t and never try. We become the thing we most fear when we are eager to believe that we have limits.
Maybe your frustration and unhappiness has nothing to do with anyone but your mindset about what you can do and where you can go. The limits we place on ourselves are the ones that stick because we are doing a better joy at chaining ourselves to our circumstances, than anyone else could.
It’s easy to tell yourself that there many things you can’t do but remember that when we do this, we become uninspired to dream big and reach for all the possibilities available to us.
I too have to learn this lesson and so it is important to take some time to remind yourself of all the things you have done that say you could, can and will. It may be safer to remain in one place but we make ourselves easy targets for regrets and the very real crime of limiting ourselves. We need to put in the work to be more than a can’t. We need to allow ourselves to be limitless and free ourselves from our self-imposed prison.
No one ever got where they wanted to go by making their home at the bus stop. Maybe we need to get some words out of our vocabulary, and maybe, can’t is one of them. It’s never too late to start!
You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.
― Steve Maraboli
If you’ve recently looked in the mirror after one hard day and wondered when you got so old – but you’re not, you my friend may be stressed.
Today, we use stress as if it is a badge of honor. We talk about being stressed day and night, as if it were a prize that we have to brag about.
This leads to little things happening that add up to becoming BIG problems:
We remember nothing from moment to moment
It feels like your bodies are attacking itself – literally, every patch of skin bones and organs are at war with each other.
you can’t eat or you eat too much.
You can’t sleep or you sleep too much.
You nightly dreams become hellish – a monster you can’t escape.
You can’t decide whether to sit or stand, go or stay. It’s all a mystery!
A small bitter little monster is knocking away all day at your head. Trying to tear it off your shoulders.
You get angry and then don’t know why and frankly you just don’t care at this point.
Absolutely nothing is worth smiling or laughing about!
You have a constant river of sweat pouring down your body. Even when you know the temperature should not allow this!
And nothing you do ever turns out right!
There are so many things that can go wrong because you are stressed. The greatest of them all is that it can kill you.
So what are you going to do about it?
What you are not going to do is continue this way. Because if you do it could be that you really have developed a tolerance for being stressed, which is not good.
The road that seems the easiest is often the most dangerous and the familiar can be so deceptive that your demise creeps up before you can fight it off. To combat stress maybe we need to stop leaning on the wrong people (yes frenemies, they may seems a strange breed but they are a dangerous one!) Also, we need to go to bed and get some sleep (even though I should have been at mine an hour ago, we will get it right). Next, stop overthinking things and just go with the flow. Stop giving people your time, and don’t stretch yourself – who cares what they think. Only you know what you are going through. And finally, stop overlooking great opportunities that may seems difficult but which will bring the desired results. Give back the title and trophy that is stress and live your best life. Shalom!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
Isaiah 43:18
Don’t wait for a new week, a new day or the new year to start making changes. You know what you want and you know how to get it!
There are a lot of things in the past that in the past I have been stuck on. Sometimes I look back and which I could go back to make some tweaks here and there. Perhaps prevent a certain meeting or totally erase another. If only I could.
But sadly there is nothing we can do about what we have already done. But wouldn’t life be easy in the present if we could?
We will never know because it is impossible. While we focus on the past, our present is passing. There it is waving at us. It looks sorry for us- as it should, what a waste of a present!
Yes the present is a gift that will keep giving if we remain fully committed to it. Yet, many of us are careless with it and are either looking behind or ahead, but never living in the present.
We hurry to do everything and then wonder where the time went. We hope that one day we can get to live in the present. However it has been there all along, slipping between our fingers until very little is left to enjoy.
It’s important to remember what matters, let go of what is keeping you from holding to the present that you have for as long as you have it.
Do you get really anxious when the subject of the time you have to do all you want to do comes up?
It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it’s been given to us in generous measure for accomplishing the greatest things, if the whole of it is well invested. But when life is squandered through soft and careless living, and when it’s spent on no worthwhile pursuit, death finally presses and we realize that the life which we didn’t notice passing has passed away.
If there was a great deal of truth in the words of Seneca, a Roman Stoic Philosopher, then the last part would be darkly humorous. Imagine complaining about something only to realize when you’re losing it that you had it all along but was too blind to see it for what it was. Oh the irony! And yet many of us are quite easily going down this truly ironic path. Life is too short! This is the cry of most.
Time is too short!
There aren’t enough hours in the day to everything that I want to do and accomplish!
The ironies of ironies is that those who cry, moan and complain about the shortness of time and therefore life, are the biggest procrastinators. Again of this I and many many more are guilty. I think we would be hard pressed to deny this. So we waste time, then complain that we did not have enough of it to do all that we wanted or were meant to do. Sounds about right!
So Seneca encourages us not to waste time complaining about the limited time we have to live our lives but to maximize it so we live purpose driven lives that lead to happiness contentment and NOT regret. In his essay, The Shortness of Life, he gives specific ways in which we waste time. Now do these sound familiar?
We waste time by:
Chasing wealth or what he terms, voracious avarice (sound nice to say too! Say it with me, Voracious Avarice)
Pursuing things that do not benefit us and that lead to very little meaningful returns.
Drinking and getting drunk, smoking, partying. Generally seeing live as a 24 hours happy hour event.
Trying to be at the top of the totem pole. Generally trying to win popularity contests as we seek to ambitiously get ahead.
Either try to conquer others or being anxious about being conquered.
Trying to please those above us in order to be in their good graces. Even though that won’t to where we want to be. But we are too blind to see this, until it is too late. Oops, time’s up!
Not really having a plan or as he puts it: Some have no goal at all toward which to steer their course, but death takes them by surprise as they gape and yawn (YIKES!)
Now honestly which have you been guilty of?
He goes further in his writing to bemoan our shortsightedness in allowing distractions (vices) that take us off track and prevent us from using the time we have in a more responsible way. The good news is that all of us are screwed! The rich, and seemingly most “successful” among us, are also capable of falling into this trap. Clearly he was not partial in his assessment. He further writes of our very human need to attain recognition from others, even while we do not take time to look at ourselves, and recognize our worth, but expect others to do so. Another serious crime committed by us all is the fact that too many people allow others to “trespass on their existence” – attention everyone, do not allow instances where others control your lives while here on this earth! These are things that we need to hear; it’s not that others are wasting your time, but you are allowing them to do so.
Interestingly, he notes the importance of reflecting on the past for self-assessment and for not repeating the errors once made. Sometimes we refuse to look too closely at things we have done because we know that we do not come out looking good! We would rather stay in the present, thank you very much, to worry more about our future. It is handy to remember that our past informs our present condition and plays a role in our future state.
Finally, one of the most dangerous and most destructive crimes we commit , is the fine art of being busy doing absolutely nothing. While he believed in the importance of pursuing philosophical truths, Seneca did not approve of people who really did things that had no true value on the quality of their lives or the lives of others. All those meaningless activities just to kill time (pun intended) really are our Achilles’ heel, in making the most of what we have.
Seneca ends with zero sympathy, and exposes those who waste time preparing for death and their post-life image, instead of enjoying the time they have in the land of the living and makes it clear that such persons are not worth our time:
some people even make arrangements for things beyond life — huge tomb structures, dedications of public buildings, gladiatorial shows for the funeral, and ostentatious funeral processions. Yet in truth, the funerals of such people should be conducted by the light of torches and wax tapers, as if they’d lived for the briefest span.
Seneca obviously did not mince his words!
And so I end with a word to the wise among us, ensure you use the time you have to do the things that matter most to you. Things that enrich your life while you have it. That’s the only way to show that you truly appreciate the life you were given. After all, you only live once!
