What’s in your hand – Page 3

Valley Season

I have a friend who is experiencing a really challenging period just now. She has been referring to this as her valley season and I really wanted to address this.

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I have often focused on getting up the mountain, but I have also recognized that once you get their invariably you may need to climb another. However, before you reach the mountain, you will need to be in the valley. I also believe that in order to get to the other mountains you have to go through the valleys in between . A climb begins on the flat and not at the top, so to conquer the various mountains waiting for us we have to accept that we have to go through the valley, which is difficult, dry and sometimes seemingly lonely – but only if we choose to go it alone.

Image result for Leaders don't climb hills of success with shoes of pride. They are slippery enough to bring a person down to the valley

Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil…
Psalm 23:4

One of things I really admire about my friend as she goes through this period is her faith. She jokes about it and laughs it off, but she never displays anger or frustration at what is happening. Instead she has faith that God will sustain her and strengthen her in this challenging season.

I remember that I was less optimistic in most of my valley experiences. I cried, I complained, I made bargains with God and threatened to give up. However, I was still hopeful, I still wanted to believe that God would pity me and help me. And I always came through those periods grateful. I survived all of them. Despite all my hysterics, God had seen me through.

Image result for Boldness is the ability to stand tall even when the valley seems deep. Your pain will bring gain. Just believe and go to work!

In those difficult times I sometimes would think about the experiences of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and the fact that they stood in the midst fiery furnace and triumphed. It is the reminder that we can conquer anything if our faith is strong and we remain true to who we are. Though they were condemned, they refused to compromise their beliefs and refused to change for anyone. When we experience our valley season we need to do the same. Being in the valley is a temporary situation, one from which we can gather much wisdom and come out on the other side, having learned a little more of how powerful we are with God’s support.

If we refuse to bow to the oppressive nature of our valley experience then we will indeed be victorious.

So the valley can teach us a lot. Maybe we need to look at it differently; it is not a place where we go to die but a place to realize how alive we are and how much we have to live for. It can teach us how to value what we have for the time we have it. Also, sometimes we are allowed to be in the valley because God is waiting to give us the best of what he has in store for us. We first have to prove that we are ready for it.

It takes courage to be in the valley; it takes faith, humility and wisdom to make your way out.

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23: 4

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Be Specific!

I recently had an encounter with a colleague, who asked me to pass her two rubber bands, and when I did she playfully – I hope – accused me of being too exact. I was puzzled, “isn’t this what she asked for?” She then chuckled to herself and suggested that my next blog could be about being specific about what you want.

I have thought about this and I am sure I am not the only one who prayed or asked for something and then was disappointed when we got it!

Other times we are very proficient in telling everyone what we DO NOT want and never what we do want. Yes we are complex beings.

Yes the problem was not that we did not get what we asked for, but,we did not ask for what we truly wanted.

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Sometimes we only see the big picture and not the small details. So we want to be successful at something or in some way, but we never truly realized or were not thinking realistically about what we would have to do to get there.On the other hand, we may ask for something and once we get it we are overwhelmed because either we did not truly expect to get it, or we are in over our heads and end up messing everything up. These shortcomings can lead to failure and it is only after we have lost all, that we realize that we made a grave mistake.

There is also the situation were we ask for things because we see others with them. Then life plays a trick on us – or it could be that we were fooling ourselves all along – and we are stuck with something we weren’t ready to have or never should have had.

I think it’s time we learn to stop asking for things that will take us nowhere. Instead we need to ask for that which will get us on the path what we truly desire, by focusing on it and ignore all outside distractions.

So, whether you are praying or making a list, be sure to ask for what you truly want. You just might get more than you expect; you just might get what you were truly meant to have all along but could never dream that far ahead.

Image result for Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Willpower.

Have you ever said to yourself: if only I had the willpower I would be so awesome, or I would be unstoppable!

However, we deem ourselves to be a bit short on willpower and declare ourselves too lazy, unfit, not smart enough, strong enough, patient enough or generally good enough to make the sacrifices needed to get over the hump, to the other side.

The American Psychology Association notes a 2011 Stress in America Survey, where 27 percent of respondents identified a lack of willpower as a barrier to change.

I recently had a terrible time health-wise and I realized that it was because I had done everything in my power to sustain bad habits. I ate things that made me feel sick because I loved eating them and each time I told myself, this was the last time. Until the next time came around and the cycle was repeated.

The article from The American Psychology Association identified willpower as the, ability to resist short-term temptation in order to meet long term goals. But I am sure all of us at some point have given into the temptation to do something that ended up making our situation worse than what it should have been. So, where willpower is concerned we have failed from time to time. But failing to have the willpower to do or not do something should not be the thing that makes us failures.

While many persons fail to remain disciplined while working towards a goal, remain hopeful that they will get back on track and continue to move towards it. I certainly have learned from my recent experience and I am doing everything in my power to stay the course. The greatest motivation for me is the knowledge of knowing what I could lose and the reward waiting on the other side – making poor choices is no fun.

The there is also the case where things happen that can undermine your ‘iron clad willpower’. Our mood, belief, and expectations may change and therefore undermine or improve our willpower. Also, the people we hang around may determine how committed we remain to our goals. So, basically our ability to develop and maintain our willpower can be determined by outside influences that may or may not be within our control.

The important thing to remember, is that we all have free will and willpower comes from this. Once we have the will there really is a way. It is never impossible to achieve good things, first we must know what we want and next, be determined to get it. In other words, to get what we want and to get where we want to be will take willpower and a good dose of divine influence.

Blame The Game

Blame means responsibility for something bad or something that has gone wrong. The thing or person blamed always comes out looking bad and voila, you become the victim – poor you.

It’s easy to point the finger at someone or something else. Not only does it get us off the hook but it makes it easier for us to walk away from the mess we actually make.

Let’s Cast The Net wide…

So, today a lot of us make the most of the blame game and can find a thousand reasons why things are not the way they should be. You’re not where you want to be, then you had a rough childhood, nobody loved you, no one helped you or you did not get enough time to do whatever you wanted to do.

Then there is the more ridiculous: you have a headache you blame the weather. You’re in a bad mood, someone put you in a bad mood, or you eat too much and naturally you may put on some unwanted weight, what do you do? You blame the food for tasting too good! Also, you are late, you blame the traffic, even though you got up late and did not leave out in time.

There are many ways in which we try to blame others for why things may be going wrong in our past or present situations.

The fact is when you do this, you do not address the real elephant in the room. You.

I’m sure sometimes we do not realize we are doing it, because it has become so common place. Let’s say you make a mistake. Instead of acknowledging that you did and try to correct it, you may spend a couple of minutes trying to explain why you made the mistake. Also, that why could have a longer time than a couple of minutes, and actually waste everybody’s time!

But consider if you keep doing this, you cannot escape you and whatever problems you face now from doing this will only get worse.

Instead of casting the blame for you mess, stick around and clean it up.

On The Shortness of Life

Do you get really anxious when the subject of the time you have to do all you want to do comes up?

It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it’s been given to us in generous measure for accomplishing the greatest things, if the whole of it is well invested. But when life is squandered through soft and careless living, and when it’s spent on no worthwhile pursuit, death finally presses and we realize that the life which we didn’t notice passing has passed away.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca, On the Shortness of Life

If there was a great deal of truth in the words of Seneca, a Roman Stoic Philosopher, then the last part would be darkly humorous. Imagine complaining about something only to realize when you’re losing it that you had it all along but was too blind to see it for what it was. Oh the irony! And yet many of us are quite easily going down this truly ironic path. Life is too short! This is the cry of most.

Time is too short!

There aren’t enough hours in the day to everything that I want to do and accomplish!

The ironies of ironies is that those who cry, moan and complain about the shortness of time and therefore life, are the biggest procrastinators. Again of this I and many many more are guilty. I think we would be hard pressed to deny this. So we waste time, then complain that we did not have enough of it to do all that we wanted or were meant to do. Sounds about right!

So Seneca encourages us not to waste time complaining about the limited time we have to live our lives but to maximize it so we live purpose driven lives that lead to happiness contentment and NOT regret. In his essay, The Shortness of Life, he gives specific ways in which we waste time. Now do these sound familiar?

We waste time by:

Chasing wealth or what he terms, voracious avarice (sound nice to say too! Say it with me, Voracious Avarice)
Pursuing things that do not benefit us and that lead to very little meaningful returns.
Drinking and getting drunk, smoking, partying. Generally seeing live as a 24 hours happy hour event.
Trying to be at the top of the totem pole. Generally trying to win popularity contests as we seek to ambitiously get ahead.
Either try to conquer others or being anxious about being conquered.
Trying to please those above us in order to be in their good graces. Even though that won’t to where we want to be. But we are too blind to see this, until it is too late. Oops, time’s up!
Not really having a plan or as he puts it: Some have no goal at all toward which to steer their course, but death takes them by surprise as they gape and yawn (YIKES!)

Now honestly which have you been guilty of?

He goes further in his writing to bemoan our shortsightedness in allowing distractions (vices) that take us off track and prevent us from using the time we have in a more responsible way. The good news is that all of us are screwed! The rich, and seemingly most “successful” among us, are also capable of falling into this trap. Clearly he was not partial in his assessment. He further writes of our very human need to attain recognition from others, even while we do not take time to look at ourselves, and recognize our worth, but expect others to do so. Another serious crime committed by us all is the fact that too many people allow others to “trespass on their existence” – attention everyone, do not allow instances where others control your lives while here on this earth! These are things that we need to hear; it’s not that others are wasting your time, but you are allowing them to do so.

Interestingly, he notes the importance of reflecting on the past for self-assessment and for not repeating the errors once made. Sometimes we refuse to look too closely at things we have done because we know that we do not come out looking good! We would rather stay in the present, thank you very much, to worry more about our future. It is handy to remember that our past informs our present condition and plays a role in our future state.

Finally, one of the most dangerous and most destructive crimes we commit , is the fine art of being busy doing absolutely nothing. While he believed in the importance of pursuing philosophical truths, Seneca did not approve of people who really did things that had no true value on the quality of their lives or the lives of others. All those meaningless activities just to kill time (pun intended) really are our Achilles’ heel, in making the most of what we have.

Seneca ends with zero sympathy, and exposes those who waste time preparing for death and their post-life image, instead of enjoying the time they have in the land of the living and makes it clear that such persons are not worth our time:

some people even make arrangements for things beyond life — huge tomb structures, dedications of public buildings, gladiatorial shows for the funeral, and ostentatious funeral processions. Yet in truth, the funerals of such people should be conducted by the light of torches and wax tapers, as if they’d lived for the briefest span.

Seneca obviously did not mince his words!

And so I end with a word to the wise among us, ensure you use the time you have to do the things that matter most to you. Things that enrich your life while you have it. That’s the only way to show that you truly appreciate the life you were given. After all, you only live once!

Image result for Life is long, if you know how to use it

The Jabez Prayer

I recently came across this prayer and realized that it was a very popular prayer – yes I am currently living under a rock – that is prayed by people across the globe. Also, I have learned that this is a very powerful prayer and that those who testify concerning it, recount how their lives have been transformed by it.

Silhouette of Mountain and Trees during Golden Hour

Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!

People spoke of receiving mighty things from God when they pray this prayer. Now if we are honest when we think of receiving mighty things and God in the same sentence, material things may feature in the mix. However, for me enlarging my territory also involves the idea of making one more aware of themselves and the world around them. It means being more insightful of situations and people we come in contact with. It’s not just about getting what you want but getting what you need to be a more informed and aware individual. To be wise enough, humble enough, patient enough and having enough love to have a positive influence. God wants you to reach and stretch beyond anything that you could imagine for yourself. God can provide more than you can ever imagine – no matter how active that imagination!

Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.

For me this part of the prayer offers much comfort when faced with very trying circumstances. If we rely on a power greater than, ourselves then we are already winners against all the obstacles we may face. But also, God granted Jabez what he requested because he was an honourable man. It was not because he prayed ceaselessly and then did whatever he felt like doing. No, he was honourable, he had the right attitude – many of us have allowed our lives to be filled with too much negativity that comes from our thoughts and action and do not realize that that is what is stopping us from succeeding. It’s nobody’s fault when we stand in the way of our own blessings, because of a stinky attitude! It also important to be aware that you can be your own enemy and with spiritual discernment you can remove negative people from your space.

And God granted his request.

Here I am reminded to be careful what I ask for. Be very specific in prayer and be willing to accept that what you want will be granted. Granted we may not always be asking for the right things and we know when we are not, but refuse to admit it to ourselves, but God knows! Make sure what you pray for aligns with who you are praying to.

So, next time you pray the Jabez prayer, make sure to remember it goes much deeper and wider than the small mention it gets in the bible. And I will do the same!

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Strength…

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Inner strength is an experience that leads to a sense of peace and having a sense of well-being. Being strong is hard especially when others do not expect you to be. We can easily allow situations to overwhelm us to the point where we cannot move forward, because we only can see the path we left behind. When we would rather stay in the happiness of the “good ol’ days”, then we can say forget being strong and just be complacent.

I have had to be strong many times. The first was when my mother left me behind and I, out of sheer terror ran behind her only to be beaten back to my new home. I had to learn to live without her. To only see her once per week and sometimes months in between. I felt like an orphan.

I had to learn how to be strong when my grandmother, my second mother, died the day before my first exam, in the first year of university. When I had to attend her funeral I made sure to cry before and not during it. I had to be strong when I was told after the first year that since my grandmother’s death the little money available to me to go to school, had evaporated over night. I had to be strong, when Mondays to Fridays I went most days at school eating very little or nothing at all because I did not have enough for food and bus-fare. I had to be strong when all it seemed I was working for was not to leave university without a degree. I had to be strong working from 6:00 a.m to 7:30 p.m Mondays to Fridays each summer, after her death, so that I could have some money to go back to University, even with student loans. At least I had a way out.

And once I left I thought, ” well, I no longer have to struggle, once I get a job” – how Naive! I lost my strength many times since then and from most of life’s hard knocks I have not recovered. But I still have to be strong in order to get back to my true strength to meet my true true self again. So I can say hi, hello, how are you to the girl I once knew.

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