Don’t live the same day over and over again and call that a life. Life is about evolving mentally, spiritually, and emotionally
― Germany Kent
It’s Friday December 13th
Where did the time go?
While many are focused on the many superstition surrounding today, I would like to remind myself that December is getting old, fast.
Just yesterday – it seems – we were welcoming December, now it’s a teenager!
But we are steadily moving along to the end of the year and many persons are looking forward to all the parties they will attend or trips they will be taking.
But we still have to remember that next year is approaching fast and whether or not we are prepared, it will be coming.
In the middle of all the festivities and all the celebration keep in mind the need to have a plan for the coming year. It’s easy to lose focus because there are so many distractions, but in losing focus you could miss a great opportunity.
Maybe like many of us you are at the point where you just want to make it to the new year. Well you will, just don’t stop now. You’re almost there
Have you ever said to yourself: if only I had the willpower I would be so awesome, or I would be unstoppable!
However, we deem ourselves to be a bit short on willpower and declare ourselves too lazy, unfit, not smart enough, strong enough, patient enough or generally good enough to make the sacrifices needed to get over the hump, to the other side.
The American Psychology Association notes a 2011 Stress in America Survey, where 27 percent of respondents identified a lack of willpower as a barrier to change.
I recently had a terrible time health-wise and I realized that it was because I had done everything in my power to sustain bad habits. I ate things that made me feel sick because I loved eating them and each time I told myself, this was the last time. Until the next time came around and the cycle was repeated.
The article from The American Psychology Association identified willpower as the, ability to resist short-term temptation in order to meet long term goals. But I am sure all of us at some point have given into the temptation to do something that ended up making our situation worse than what it should have been. So, where willpower is concerned we have failed from time to time. But failing to have the willpower to do or not do something should not be the thing that makes us failures.
While many persons fail to remain disciplined while working towards a goal, remain hopeful that they will get back on track and continue to move towards it. I certainly have learned from my recent experience and I am doing everything in my power to stay the course. The greatest motivation for me is the knowledge of knowing what I could lose and the reward waiting on the other side – making poor choices is no fun.
The there is also the case where things happen that can undermine your ‘iron clad willpower’. Our mood, belief, and expectations may change and therefore undermine or improve our willpower. Also, the people we hang around may determine how committed we remain to our goals. So, basically our ability to develop and maintain our willpower can be determined by outside influences that may or may not be within our control.
The important thing to remember, is that we all have free will and willpower comes from this. Once we have the will there really is a way. It is never impossible to achieve good things, first we must know what we want and next, be determined to get it. In other words, to get what we want and to get where we want to be will take willpower and a good dose of divine influence.
“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26
Ah, it’s Monday a day some people wish they could do without – if you work a 9-5 that is…
But then again, everyday is an opportunity to be happy. So lets make ourselves happy.We do this by finding out what can help us get there. I heard a sermon yesterday, that contained some very important reminders we need to hear from time to time; true wisdom nuggets.
If your life is not on the right track, get off that track because you will crash.
Yikes!
Here is a warning that is sure to get your attention. On this beautiful Monday morning, when all we want to do is to crawl back into bed, we are confronted by this. Could it be that any misery we feel comes from being on the wrong trajectory? If so, there is no time like the present to re-evaluate where we are heading and catch another, train or bus if we must!
Existing not living = Taking up space!
Another harsh truth to get your adrenaline rushing in every which direction. Now, when I heard this in church yesterday, I felt a bit attacked. Am I one of those, am I taking up space? Taking up space, does not mean doing nothing; it means your life is now in a loop. You never evolve, grow or flourish OR you don’t allow yourself to do so. Well it seems it’s time to change that before it gets out of hand.
Half way is going nowhere.
For all those who want to be so super correct, politically correct. right or who hope that doing nothing will get you were you want to be. I have news for you too. It would appear that doing nothing, is worse, than doing something and getting it wrong. So while you may fear getting it wrong it’s best to do so, until you find the right formula.
And our favourite line of, “At least I did something” doesn’t count. I would think if you did something, even if it was a flash in the bucket or half-done, would mean something. I mean, no one can say you did nothing; no one can say you did not try.
Apparently going half way is a sure road to going nowhere at all.
So, making that phone call once because you wanted it registered that you did call, doesn’t matter. It seems to get real favorable results, it’s all or nothing! Getting up and showing up does not matter – for the people in the back. What matters is what you do when you turn up. Sitting in a corner quietly is not gonna cut it. Marking your name in the register does not mean that your presence count.
So what does that mean for us?
It means that maybe we need to regroup and come again:
Get off the path we are on if it’s not working
Doing meaningful things outside a cookie cutter lifestyle – take a chance and do new things that really matter
Stop being mediocre
And really be present and show up and show out!
What every we are pursuing we need to keep these in mind. They will help us to get to the right destination. Remember be realistic; but, a warning, don’t be too realistic:
When you find something good and that lifts your spirit or that an encounter that leaves you feeling good, those exceptional things should be appreciated. Don’t focus on the negative because they are so easy to find. Instead those seemingly rare moments that bring happiness, satisfaction and contentment are the ones that should command our attention.
I went shopping with my mother and aunt yesterday and the first thing that did not go as expected was the rain. It rained hard and it lasted long. I got really wet and walked in some questionable water to bring my mother to the stores. Not only that but a very big man wanted to “take me on” because I bounced him with my umbrella – by accident – when he would not get the way. I was quoted a ridiculous price e for some knock of Clogs – did not purchase – which I wanted to give my mother because She has a sick toe that would be aggravated by the water. Then on top of that I was almost hit by a taxi!
When we finally made it to the mall you’d think the bad day would start getting good; it did not. The first shop we went to had a very, very, very, rude saleswoman, who at once both intimidated and infuriated me. It was clear that she was a bully who thought she could bully us into getting what she wanted us to get, whether or not we wanted it. Well I was determined to ignore her and continue looking around without her help – obviously she doesn’t know me – but my aunt and mother were determined to leave. I eventually decided it was best to leave because we really were not going to buy anything.
So on to the next store.
Now I did not want to go to this particular store because I’m not making enough to buy what they are selling – or so I told myself, but they had some expensive stuff!
After being in the store like for two seconds, a lady and her mother comes in and without really looking at the items, the daughter declared everything outdated and therefore not her style. She was really vocal about this and i wondered if it was because they were outdated or the price. Anyways, I digress.
Well to my surprise, both the owner and salesperson were not only pleasant to be around but they were very helpful and we left with things that we had not set out to buy at that point – thought they were needed. They not only paid attention to what we wanted but they did not try to force us when we were hesitant.
We left satisfied with what we got but also in a much better mood than when we arrived. The bitter taste from the episode of the other store though not forgotten was replaced by the sublimity of the experience at our second stop.
It just reminded me that we can pick and choice the experiences that impact us. Instead of spending time talking about how terrible the first place was – which we could have til next year – we left knowing that we had a wonderful day. A day that started out as scorching hot was calmed by showers of blessing and a smoothing of frayed nerves that were provoked by a thoughtless attitude.
For no reason I started to get anxious about buying all I can. Even if I don’t need the things I try to buy.
But alas there is a reason.
It’s the Christmas season!
Since December rolled around I have thought of several things I could get – that I do not need – because the end of the year is approaching and everyone else is doing it – buying stuff I mean.
I look around and see people buying more, shops offering more and hearing the promise of more.
So I think I will hold off on buying things on a whim and only buy what I absolutely need; and that will last me too!
But then again, that too can be hard when it seems that everyone around you is going on a mad buying spree.
Here in Jamaican a lot of people clean vigorously, decorate obsessively and buy wantonly in preparation for the holiday. I have heard of persons who have gone to a Courts Store to take out:
Refrigerators
Stoves
Flat screen TV
component sets
Appliances
The works!
You name it they get it, not because they can afford it and sometimes not even with the intention of keeping it for long. But they do so because they want their house to look nice for the Christmas season.
Afterwards they will deal with the “starvation period of January” – but they want to have a nice Christmas, so to Courts, Singer, or wherever else they go! This is even if, everything they bought will have to be paid for in the coming months with blood sweat and tears. Hey, they either return them, have them taken or suffer through the repayment period.
So before I spend what I have, I’ll be sure to think about whether I am doing it for a real reason or if I’m following the hype of the Christmas season!
It’s all about wellness and taking care your your physical health nowadays, but if you are healthy in body and not in mind that will not last long.
It’s good to give. So give. But don’t feel guilty about giving to yourself.
Many associate taking care of themselves as always an expensive venture – especially in in a world were many overdo everything.
However you give to yourself when you don’t always meet other persons expectation.
People sometimes ask too much of you – especially if they know you’re likely to say yes. So they want to know something , they wont try to do so for themselves, they will turn to you to find out for them. switch things up and tell them you don’t know or tell them you can’t. They will eventually get the idea and start doing for themselves.
I remember for my grandfather’s birthday every year my grandmother would start thinking the year before what she would do for him. For her birthday? Nothing. Sometimes he did not remember and so nothing special was done. Take the time to treat yourself and do not expect anyone to do so. If you want to have a good day do things that will ensure you do. No one knows you better than you.
Also, never let anything or anyone stop you from going where you want to go and doing what you want to do. After all God gave each of us a life to live. Instead, make sure to make others treat you how you want them to treat you, by teaching them how to do so.
Always showing up for others can be exhausting and is a sure path to a quick burn out. I remember every Christmas day I would spend ALL of it in the kitchen helping – really I had no choice here – my grandmother to whip up some delicious meals, setting the table and never being one of those around it -mind you she was never there either. Because of this, every Christmas I make sure to do the bear minimum. When you do too much for others then they always expect you to continue without thinking about whether or not, you ever need a break from them and being at their beck and call. Do not be at the beck and call of anyone, it never ends up well.
And it’s never too late to start taking care of yourself. Just because you’re use to doing everything else but taking care of you, doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do so. After all, ole dog can learn new tricks!
labels can be damaging; so can we get rid of them?
People will label you no matter what you do. I remember many times when I was younger when I was the head “cook and bottle washer”, in giving unflattering names to my numerous victims and afterward go about my business content with my lot in life. Today, I realize that I hate labels. I dislike intensely when persons view me in a particular way and expect me to be that way for the rest of my life – this from a girl who is indecisive about what I want to eat, wear, be and the list is endless. The irony is, I accept their typecasting because unlike when I was younger, what people thinks matter to me. So, we assume the labels given to us because we suddenly realize that people don’t want you to be yourself, they want you to be what they want you to be, no matter if you like it, yes or no.
So what can we do?
I really don’t have THE ANSWER.
All I have is the belief that we need to unlearn some of the most damaging things we have learned and practice as we get older since; one those things is our acceptance of being labelled.
I realized today that I was thinking one week behind the actual date!
I had always told myself that I can’t concentrate and really cannot focus on anything for long and I believe that this is catching up with me. So when the end of December came I did not register that it was not the last week of November even though I had seen the calendar; my mind did not catch up to the fact. I have also said for many years, that I have a problem remembering names, and guess what this has gotten worse over the years! Another case involves my hearing. Since high school I have been telling all who would listen that I have a hearing problem and you guessed it, it has gotten worse!
The labels that others give us can be damaging – even those that seem good too – but that is not makes them stick. When we belief we are those labels then they become true. So do I have a hearing problem? No but my ears have gotten lazy – I guess it was tired of me always putting it down. Do I lack the ability to focus? No, but I have taught myself to be that way.
I heard and then read a story of a trans man, Lee Harris, who wanted to reverse the procedure, after being on an 11 years journey to becoming what he thought he wanted to be. The story appeared on the Metro website in 2018 and again on the BBC website, in November 2019. The point is that Lee/Debbie saw a new identity,a new label, as a savior from years of trauma as a result of being sexually abused as a child. However, gender reassignment did not provide the new lease on life sought. Instead it resulted years later in a desperate cry for help to change back into what he was trying to run from; the true self.
For us labels can seem good. they may elevate us in the eyes of others and we may have a sense of belonging; but, if we decide to change in anyway, those same labels may imprison us and create more problems than we can deal with.
It’s easy to assume labels: we fail at doing one thing out of everything we did right and suddenly we are failures, or incompetent or stupid and it becomes impossible. We need to learn not to be a part of the hype in order not to be destroyed by it.
If you don’t want to be stuck, limited or misrepresented forget about the label and show up as yourself. All of you. Be a person and not an adjective!
ramblrWrites.com 