Simone

What You Deserve.

deserve (transitive verb): to acquire or earn a rightful claim, by virtue of actions or qualities; to become entitled to or worthy of (reward or punishment, esteem or disesteem, position, designation, or any specified treatment).
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“You deserve so much more”. A phrase I often heard but thought little about. That is until I heard it enough to question it’s relevance. By saying that someone deserves something does it make it true?

When we say we or others deserve more, what are we really saying? Are we saying that life has been so unfair because they are not getting the recognition, rewards or riches that they deserve? If so, what can be done about it? Some people die never getting what others think they deserve and some wait their whole lives, never to get that which they deserve.

Some people have so much talent we are sick of them – in a good way. Yet those same people seem to always fall short of the recognition they deserve. Meanwhile you have Miss mediocrity and Mr Procrastination jiving along collecting that which seems to come with very little effort, or talent for that matter. We the observers to all this, are left confused and flabbergasted as this state of affairs, while we bitterly recite the soothing phrase, “you deserve so much more”. We cuddle and console until we are blue in the face but nothing changes. At least not for them!

So, does anyone deserve anything? I “stole” this question from psychologytoday.com. However, it is an important question. Does anyone deserve anything? Well according to them we feel we deserve something, because we feel it is our right to claim things as being meant for us. They say a lot in the article of deserving but the thing that stood out was to replace the idea of deserving with a needs-based perspective. Do we really need fame, respect, wealth and whatever else for whatever reason?

No, you get what you think you deserve, is another train of thought. Here the premise is that the belief you have in your own “special-ness” will cause you to reap good rewards but bad ones if you don’t. Okay, so it is your mindset that is at fault as to whether or not you get what you deserve. Well, if you think this is the case then by all means, start changing your mindset and act like you deserve everything you desire and it will come to you. Visualize and act on the belief you have. If you do not, you will suffer from the imposter syndrome, never feeling good enough, even though you have all the potential and talent in the world.

Personally, I think there are things we all deserve, but will we get it is another matter? I do not believe we deserve an applause for doing the bare minimum, for showing up but not showing out. I also believe that you may look at someone and envision what they deserve but what do they envision for themselves? Do they feel they deserve what you think they deserve? Do they even care about what you are getting so worked up about, on their behalf? I feel we deserve to be happy, to do what we love doing, to get just rewards for work done and to be our authentic selves. You can’t tell someone what they deserve, they must know it for themselves. Why?

If others cannot know their true worth, how will they ever demand what they deserve? Then again how much of it is in our control?

Image result for But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me."

Watching You Struggle.

Hey!
Wait a minute.
Stop.
Don't go any further.
What are you doing?
What do you intend to do here?
Do you think you are here to struggle?

I watched slip
so many time on that ladder.
Going nowhere but the bottom.

Why do you care
about them?
Do you know while you watch them watch you,
you go through
the empty space set there to trap you.

You flash here and there
like a fish out of water.
Like a elephant ballerina.
How odd that this is your normal.
How sad that this is what you have come to.

You
 once so proud and strong.
So noble
A crude disfigured rendering 
used to entertain and keep you in your place!

Et bien
Ah bueno
oh byen
Who cares if you passed the test!
It was never written with you in mind.

Wait again!
Think about.
Before you go down this road,
do you really care to do so.

Do you really care to put yourself through further torment?

It will never do
to start taking in
everything shoved down your throat.

As I look at you swimming in your sweat and the filth of others I have one question:
will it be worth it?

Life is a Lie

Do not believe anything!

Well that seems to be what we should take from all the craziness we are expected to deal with on a daily basis.

It seems that the truth is only that for the person who does not want anyone else to know that they are lying. Fake apologies are now a dime a dozen, and we don’t know how Real looks anymore. We accept lies for truth and reject the truth for what our poor brains can accept as a desired reality – which is not the reality.

It’s now common to hate when we have to face our own shortcomings, because being the victim makes you a hero fit for your own pedestal. We have become suspicious of raw emotions and find comfort it rehearsed parts played by terrible actors. When you see someone who is the right package, it may be that it has been put together with the blood, sweat and tears of their poor victims- this time real ones. Also, if you look closely you will see that there are misfits and tapes where everything should be seamless.

So, here we are years later, with the truth. What do we do with it? Can we go back and reclaim our time from people who wasted it with their lies. Ah, no. Sadly, there is nothing we can do but accept that we have been duped by legions of distractions, ones who came close to derailing us from our truth.

We have become comfortable with the The Dream and life has really become a dream. An alternate reality to capture what we have decided is real.

 Ever drifting down the stream
Lingering in the golden gleam
Life, what is it but a dream? 
       - Lewis Carroll (from "Life is but a Dream")

Are You Hot and Cold?

Is it really a bad thing to be hot and cold? No one can trust you; no one can read you. They expect you to be this way, and when you are not, then you are not real.

But consider, are we always consistent in how we behave or how we react to the same thing day in and day out? If you are congrats! However, there are many, many persons who can be accused of being inconsistent. Sometimes we fault people for being this way but, we also do it. We do it for many reasons and there are many reasons why we do it.

Image result for if you can't change your mind then you're not using it

If you are someone who can never make up your mind about important stuff, you are not alone. Does it mean you blow hot and cold? Most definitely you do. In a world where we are constantly fed misinformation and where people misrepresent themselves, it is impossible not to constantly be shifting positions and perspectives. It’s good to consider things and healthy to change your mind after further observation, or newly acquired experience.

We shouldn’t feel obligated to run with the same idea for the rest of our lives. As we grow and have more experience we change; not just physically but our beliefs change and our attitude changes toward people and things. Where we were satisfied being viewed a certain way yesterday, today we may feel that that is not how we want to be all our lives. Where we may have felt a certain way about doing something or had an idea of the way things should be, we may have changed without much effort at doing so.

Now, let’s not be a hypocrite. Let’s not think that it’s okay to say one thing when we belief another. But it’s not wrong to change your mind because you have more information to go on.

So, each day gear up and be ready to run hot and cold!

So Much Beauty

In the early morning light I see so much beauty.
I focus on what's above
Not what is below
and I see a perfect world.
In the quiet of the first blush of dawn I feel life
on the empty streets.
There is no sound 
to interrupt the flow of how things were meant to be.
I marvel at the clear sky that hold untold secrets.
Secrets that will never be discovered - 
they were never meant to be.
There is so much beauty everywhere!

Alone in the dark just before dawn breaks,
I feel so safe.
There is no one to judge nor truth to make up,
nothing but the beauty of the creator.
As the coconut trees compliment the skies 
I alive 
to the wonder of how small I can be 
and how great I Am.
There is so much beauty everywhere!

Nothing has been added yet,
to distort what you see.
Just the fresh crisp air as your company.
The silence has grace form and yes
beauty.
There is no need to be afraid of what you cannot see.
There is so much beauty everywhere!

The most beautiful scars 
with the most beautiful treasures.
The finest presents 
that can never
be stolen 
that can never be bought
owned 
or controlled.
It belongs to no one and everyone.
There is so much beauty everywhere!

In those quiet moments
all wrongs are forgotten
all wounds healed.
All imperfections perfect,
there is no room for lies or deceit.
In those silent moments
you can reclaim your humanity
snatch that reflection and make it real.
There is so much beauty everywhere!

In the stillness of early morning
when the whole world sleeps;
when all you have is the evidence of the Creator,
You can see and breath.

Beauty forgotten. Beauty reclaimed.
  - S. Grant 2020

Worship No Man.

thread-like and bare I whisper...

If only I could be like you.
Be one of the guys. 
who could get things done.
Important things.
I Wouldn't have to tie my own shoe.

If only I could be like this.
Get people to sit.
Stand at attention.
Be larger than Life.
Life wouldn't be a hit or miss.

If only I could be great.
Have all the power.
Take full control.
Be the leader of the pack.
I wouldn't have to give and take.

And Yet - 

Wishing to be like you drains me too.
Consumes my energy.
The energy that I need to be alive.
It makes my world shrink.
So all I do is think - 
Is being like you about to mess up my mood?

I need 
to
stop and check this out.
Get back my tears, joy and pain that were my sacrifice to you.
I need
to 
stop  and check this out.
All my time that added to your years.
I need
to
stop and check this out.
I still have enough energy to focus on myself
my God!
Was it all a lie?
By making gods of men
did I comprise 
me.

Wait -
stop a while...
Let me remove the wool from my eyes.
So when I stare at the reflection 
I see me and not 
the magic trick 
of those counterfeit gods.
Those who rely on me and my energy to sustain their rule.
No more talk of idols
no need to be like any of you.

Let me get back to the me I was made to be.

Let me recollect self, soul and energy.

Ride It Out.

 Ride out your storm
God is there with you
You may not feel him
But you're not alone

It is so easy to stop and let the waves sweep you away when you’re overwhelmed by its size.

This is especially true if you’ve been there all along trying to put out the little fires that suddenly appear, that threaten to burn away all that you have been able to accomplish. So, when you think that you finally figured out how to put out the fire, along comes the water.

The trickle of water appears and you think to yourself, “oh well at least the place wont be so dry.” However, the water keeps coming. Then all of a sudden there are waves that fill your vision, until that is all you can see.

At this point you start thinking about the fact that you cannot swim and there are no life jackets near by. You look all around and see no one whose hand you can grab, to save you. Just when you decided to let the waves take you, wherever it wants to take you. But, something deep deep down, something forgotten, yells telling you to swim.

Then somewhere, some how along comes the ability to swim. Even though the water fills you to bursting you cannot stop swimming. You swim when you’re tired, when your breathing starts then stop. You swim even when you feel the sharks circling, ready to consume. You swim even though all feeling has left your body and you know for sure you will die. A strength you never knew you had prevents you from stopping, when your body has been shredded into a million pieces.

 You're hurting now
But your morning is coming
Just hold on to Jesus
And ride out your storm

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