Finding your happy place – Page 13

Your Happiness. Your Responsibility.

Who told you that you had the right to depend on someone else to make you happy? There goes another fallacy!
– S Grant

I know, I know, there is this one person or thing that can make you smile no matter what. Also, being around your friends or family or who ever, makes you happy! But here is the thing, you cannot rely on someone else for your happiness.

First, that is asking way too much. Remember, that person wants to be happy too, and if they are busy trying to make you happy, who will do the same for them? Certainly not you because you depend on them, because you can’t make yourself happy.

Sure, they may love you enough to try for a while but if its a constant game of play and repeat, they are gonna end up resenting you. Behind your back they may start grumbling, then they complain then they really get fed up and start finding little ways and things to say to stick it to you. Then ultimately, no one is happy and things fall a part, spectacularly.

Or think about this. That person who is your all, and who is your source of joy and who gives you contentment, may not see you the same way. There you are on a sad day: you can’t eat, sleep or work; you need that person. And there they are, on the other end of the spectrum , they are having a great day, they are living their best live yet!

For many reasons, sometimes we think we can’t be happy with the things we surround ourselves with: we just can’t live without them. Until they’re not there and we have to live without them. I know I spoke about not being an island, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a vine that sucks the joy from everything and everyone. That does not make anyone happy. So, be happy with what you have and who’s around, but don’t expect your happiness to be based on them.

At the end of the day we have no control over how others behave, but we have control over ourselves: Never search your happiness in others. It will make you feel alone. search it in yourself and you will feel happy even when left alone (e-buddhism.com).

Selective Focus Photography of Red Waterlily Flower in Bloom

Get Closer!

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11: 29

I have noticed that often times many persons who for whatever reason are placed together will claim that they are united. However, when you take a closer look you realise that this “closeness” is just pretend.

I have seen too many cases where persons will smile and support you publicly and then tear down privately. I think many of us need to look more at the idea of being yoked to each other, to make our burdens light.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart; and you will find rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light
Matthew 11:25-30

In the verses above, Jesus makes this call to all those who are weary and burdened, but do we try, in our own way, to lighten each others’ burden?

In agriculture a yoke is a device used to link two or more animals together for greater strength when ploughing the land. There, we need to see ourselves as being yoked to each other, knowing that we succeed together because we support each other.

At one point when I was younger I wanted to live on an island – it seems no one could be trusted and everyone was a great source of unhappiness. On my little island I would not have anyone to compare myself to and I could truly be free and most importantly I would have my own space -apparently having plenty space has always been an obsession of mine. however, as I could older I realized that my island would be lonely and that despite all the trouble they gave me, I would miss my family. I also realized that there some great people I would miss on my island. People who came and some left who helped me to make me better and just genuinely happy. I could frolic and play by myself, but eventually I would get bored just my own company.

Now, this yoke business may seem extreme for someone who loves space and freedom but the yoke reminds us that in this world we cannot live only for ourselves. While a yoke can be attached to one animal the level of work that can be done depends on how many carry the work. It can also teach us how to be disciplined, that when things seem impossible instead of giving up we dig deeper for the reserve we have to get us through any situation. Further, a yoke may have two animals at different levels of maturity, enabling one to learn from the other. however the support provided by both is equally beneficial to the overall success of the enterprise. It is a concept we need to practice in order to fully support each other with the knowledge and expertise gained.

Though we have the support of God, we still need to be genuinely supportive of each other; to encourage each other to be strong and hopeful. It only takes a word or a small act to do so.

Meekness And Weakness

A fool mistakes meekness for weakness and a quiet tongue for an idle mind.

Have seen and read a lot of articles that affirm that being meek does not mean weakness, but tell that to those who use it to their advantage to the detriment of that meek soul.

There are some who believe in meekness as being submissive and easily imposed on. They ignore the merits of a personality that is gentle or quiet. Most immediately think of a meek person being a door mat, not as a strong and confident person who is wise enough to know when to move and when to be still. Someone who uses humility as a way of supporting progress instead of strive. It is someone who has really gained the knowledge of true contentment, not phased by trends and popular opinion – not fake meekness.

I know persons who have lived a long and what should have been fulfilling lives, yet they feel compelled to remind others that they are not their equal. Why you may ask? They are not her equal to her because they make lack the things they possess or may not have gone to the places they have been. While you have those who have more but never feel the need to make others feel small because of what they have been able to achieve while here on earth. Being being does not mean that you are perpetually poor or lacking, it’s a mindset that has nothing to do with what you have or think you lack.

There are also those who try to be everything to everyone and think that they are being meek, humble and are pleasing the creator. However, I think it’s more important to know what you are capable of and living that truth; operate based on what you have been designed to do and don’t be a chameleon. Being one never works out for long, as one day you will be exposed; just be your imperfect self. Being humble also, does not mean “bowing down”, but it is an awareness to your own flaws and limitations.

Image result for Instead, speaking the truth in love — Ephesians 4: 15

When persons are meek, they do not keep quiet and accept whatever they are told. I have come to realize that that is someone who is weak in character and may have been damaged by a series of unfortunate events in their live. Instead, the meek will speak when it is necessary and will act when it is necessary to do so. They will fight injustice and speak in defense of those who cannot or will not and they will tell the truth because, for them, there is no other option. And if you think that such persons sound perfect; no, it is hard to do and that is why it should be seen as power under control ( Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city: Proverbs 16:22 ). It is something for us to strive towards.

It Gets Real Ugly

Well today was the day to smell some ugly truths – not very rosy at all!

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The smell of reality, you may call it. It was a reminder that some people, irrespective of who they are can be really ugly in their intentions. I was reminded how dishonest some are and that people can really fool you, if you let them.

With a smile, a kind word and a gentle voice, they can lull you and then rob you blind; this is something that can be traumatic for us trusting souls. You can live your life being the world’s most optimistic persons alive, but there are some people who will always try to steal your joy and tempt your ugly out of hiding.

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But the ugly truth is, not everyone who stands by you, will be for you. Some are just there for the show and you know this because when the games up, it’s back to regular programming. They leave for a five minutes intermission they take lasts for five months or more – depending on whether the mood strikes to be a casual observer. It may be a hard pill to swallow – and some may even choke trying to deny it but there it is. We may do good things and choose our friends with some amount of self interest in mind -whether consciously or unconsciously. We just need to know what we will tolerate in the relationships we pursue.

We have to evaluate our own intentions, but remember that while you are doing this, someone you are blind to, will be ready to make use of your distractions. Then again are there any pretty truths – who knows! After all the truth is the truth no matter how you spin it.

Remember, bad things will always happen to us, life is not a fairy tale – I mean, we should all know this by now. Its all a part of Murphy’s law: any thing that can go wrong, will go wrong. But when it does, it’s hard to remember that things will get better; and when they do get better, we then forget that something else may fall a part. Life is a beautiful thing!

The ugly we experience and the ugly inside of each of us, will not always last- this is only if we don’t want it to last.

We should not always expect people to say good things behind our backs – that was the day you were born and will be the day you die. Also, people will not only be dishonest with you but also with themselves. And while you’re at it, remember that people will disappoint you, especially those closest to you, just don’t let your emotions rule the day and kill meaningful relationships. You see, people drift in and out of your life and that’s OKAY, that does not define the kind of that they are and that you are.

If we are willing to embrace the reality of life, then when we are faced with the ugly truths, our world will not crumble around us.

Mountains Behind Mountains.

Deye mon, gen mon
Haitian Proverb

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles
Psalm 34:17

When I first came across this Haitian proverb I didn’t know what it meant. So I decided to find out.

So this is my finding: when you overcome an obstacle or difficult situation, don’t get too comfortable, there is another one waiting for you to conquer. Now this could be a disappointment because we all love happy endings. However, as we all should know by now, real life is not that fantastical. You get rich, okay – more money, more problems. You finally get that dream job after burning the mid-night lamp. Okay, now you gonna have to burn two! The point is, once we get what we want, it doesn’t mean that it’s smooth sailing all the way.

We can think of it as the mountain being a measure stick of how much we can tolerate. Imagine, the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest, is 29,029 feet tall or 8,848 metre. So far eleven persons have died trying to reach its summit. While this is terrible, there are many eager climbers, professional and non-professionals alike, waiting to take their chance. For those who make it, it is not necessarily a daredevil feat nor the status and prestige that comes with success. For some it is a confidence in the abilities that they can overcome any obstacles waiting for them. It is this confidence that will get them up there and down. It is a confidence that will later see them tackling many more mountains.

So now that we know that our mountain top experience is not the end, can we be confident in tackling those other mountains waiting for us to scale? Reaching the top of a mountain should not be driven by hubris -well i don’t think so. It should bring into focus, what’s important, it should not only be a chapter you can now close, but an awakening to the limitless potential still waiting to be realized by tackling yet another mountain. In passing the “death zone” of any mountain you conquer should make you realize that nothing is impossible. You stood on top of that mountain you faced yesterday and then mountain yet to be climbed tomorrow, will also be conquered.

Just remember, those mountains will give you a good workout. They’ll make you stronger!

Your Turn!

Do you ever feels its your turn?

What happened? Did things change? Did you work hard for it or did you just hope and pray?

We may have felt from time to time that it’s our turn to do what we were destined to do!

But somehow things just never worked out.

Maybe it’s because we need to click on the link that gets us to the place we need to be (there’s a thought).

Is it your turn?

Only you can decide that.

No one can make your dreams come true, only you can, by putting the work needed. And even though we know this, we always could use a reminder. We are bombarded by all the things we have to do to get by. However, this state of affairs cannot be our end game. We need to do what we have to do, in order to do what you want to do. And sometimes when it’s our turn we may think we are not ready, but that’s because we do not know how strong we have become. All we need is the right timing to prove this to ourselves. Sometimes your turn is when you feel like you’re not ready!

What do you do when it’s your turn? Will you be ready to take advantage of all the opportunities waiting for you? We are good at dreaming about the things we want to do but we can defeat ourselves if we do not believe that we deserve our turn when it comes.

So what ever it may be, believe that it is your turn and everything will always work out the way it is suppose to. All you need to do is remember that when your turn comes, it’s not just about you, it’s not just about what you can get and how much you can get; it’s about being true to you. Also, make sure that when your turn comes, you make the most of it!

Goodbye Stress!

You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.
― Steve Maraboli

If you’ve recently looked in the mirror after one hard day and wondered when you got so old – but you’re not, you my friend may be stressed.

Today, we use stress as if it is a badge of honor. We talk about being stressed day and night, as if it were a prize that we have to brag about.

This leads to little things happening that add up to becoming BIG problems:

We remember nothing from moment to moment
It feels like your bodies are attacking itself – literally, every patch of skin bones and organs are at war with each other.
you can’t eat or you eat too much.
You can’t sleep or you sleep too much.
You nightly dreams become hellish – a monster you can’t escape.
You can’t decide whether to sit or stand, go or stay. It’s all a mystery!
A small bitter little monster is knocking away all day at your head. Trying to tear it off your shoulders.
You get angry and then don’t know why and frankly you just don’t care at this point.
Absolutely nothing is worth smiling or laughing about!
You have a constant river of sweat pouring down your body. Even when you know the temperature should not allow this!
And nothing you do ever turns out right!

There are so many things that can go wrong because you are stressed. The greatest of them all is that it can kill you.

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So what are you going to do about it?

What you are not going to do is continue this way. Because if you do it could be that you really have developed a tolerance for being stressed, which is not good.

The road that seems the easiest is often the most dangerous and the familiar can be so deceptive that your demise creeps up before you can fight it off. To combat stress maybe we need to stop leaning on the wrong people (yes frenemies, they may seems a strange breed but they are a dangerous one!) Also, we need to go to bed and get some sleep (even though I should have been at mine an hour ago, we will get it right). Next, stop overthinking things and just go with the flow. Stop giving people your time, and don’t stretch yourself – who cares what they think. Only you know what you are going through. And finally, stop overlooking great opportunities that may seems difficult but which will bring the desired results. Give back the title and trophy that is stress and live your best life. Shalom!

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