you only live once – Page 6

Here’s To The Next 10 Years

Don’t change because a new year is coming up but change for your own personal growth no matter what resolutions you make, they start with you.
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Okay so suddenly I am into looking at life in terms of phases. Must be because I’m getting older, or something. This January the 4th like very January the 4th, whether or not I acknowledge it, I will be ONE YEAR OLDER. But that is not what I want to talk about. I don’t know when, but I now firmly realize that the end of 2019 means the end of a decade, and the start of a new one. Well that’s what I’ve been hearing.

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So, we will go along joyfully into the new decade, happy that we made it out alive of the last one. But many of us dread any more signs of the kind of dystopic world we seem to be descending into more and more, similar to dystopia in, Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler.

Instead, we hope to set and focus on personal goals and taking things a day at a time. So if you have not decided what this new page will look like, now is a good time as any to do so. Just consider that there are many, who do not have the prospect of thinking beyond today and so find it difficult to plan for tomorrow, much less 10 years! Also, while it’s a new year, old problems still exist. There are still thinks about ourselves that we need to work on and things we have to come to terms with.

However, many hope that they will be able to take on new challenges and make some positive changes, because nothing stays the same forever. Right?

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So…

Here is to being yourself more and more and being more concerned with what is happening around you than what is being done for you. We look forward to being happy and grateful about the things beyond our control. Let’s hope that when we are faced with changes, we roll with them and are not crushed by them. Here’s to not aiming for perfection in yourself and others but live and let live. Based on last year and previous years, we know that moving forward it will be another bumpy ride, because not only the date, but everything in your life could change in the blink of an eye.

With all that being said, there is one thing that is for certain, the new year brings abundant hope. May we not be fixed on our despair but on the possibilities moving forward.

Image result for May the blessings of God be upon us from the beginning of the year to its end

Lazy Luck.

So is there every a time when being lazy is a good thing?

Well I think so!

Many people will be surprised to know that I can be super lazy. I was so lazy at one point that I did not bathe for one whole day!

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But I don’t think that is something I should put out there. Thank God my readership is small so I can get away with that. Whew!

So, one time I was invited to be a part of this scheme to sell coffee. It was some kind of super coffee, with tonnes of health benefits and I was gonna sell coffee and that would make me rich, rich I tell you!

Rolling in the dough, money money money!

Except, I didn’t have to sell the coffee all I had to do was buy it.

So, how was I gonna make money?

Well, when I went to the “meeting”, in this really poorly lit room at about seven or so in the evening, I learned, “hey, you don’t have to worry about how much coffee you sell, you just need to get more persons on board this scheme”.

So, all I had to do was recruit persons to buy coffee packages – a lot of it – that they were not expected to sell and I could make money off them, when they got more people on board. Now, my non-mathematically inclined brain went into overdrive and my very introverted spirit screamed a resounding, NO!

I would have to find people to get on board this very strange business of buying a coffee package for, I think it was $10,000, could be more, at the time so that they could drink all the products, because that is not where the money was, and seek human bodies to also buy coffee they were going to drink to get rich.

I smiled and drank and ate what they had, told them I would be at the next meeting and left. I went home, patted myself on the back for doing something outside my comfort level, consoled myself for being a fool but not that great a fool and never thought about that meeting nor the coffee again.

You know what really got me upset; initially, I was told about this wonderful product and opportunity I would be apart of and when I got there it was another story. The super coffee was not the focus, there was nothing about how to sell this amazing product nor this great company I was told I would be a part of. Plus, if this coffee was so great and life changing why didn’t I hear about it before. I felt like I had wasted my time at the end of that little “get together”.

More than a year later I saw the guy who had introduced me to the scheme and asked him how things were going. I thought he would tell me he was rich – it seemed he would do well in the scheme, he was so enthusiastic! Sadly he told me it didn’t work out, because he could not get enough person to sign up. You think! So, he lost that money he initially paid to get the package, had coffee that he did not need, and wasted time trying to find people to sign up to this thing.

However, he was pursuing this other venture that would definitely work out. I slowly but surely crept more and more out of his get- rich-obsessed gaze, I wished him well and went on my way. I have not seen him since.

I also learned later about ponzi schemes and that is what is was. All I know is this, that was not how I was gonna be rich! At the time, I thanked God I had more sense than I thought I did and jumped ship before it sailed. Also, thank God I was too broke and too lazy to shoot myself in the foot – I was already doing fine on my own in that department, without anyone else getting involved, thank you very much.

So I guess being lazy sometimes pay, just as how it can get you into stuff, it can also take you out of stuff incompatible to your purpose.

Highest Esteem.

Anyone can say anything they want to say about you, but you don’t have to let that in. I realize now that it’s easy to be persuaded by what someone thinks they know about you, but it does not have to mean that that is all there is to you.

I realized this when I was listening to different sides of one issue. For each person that I listened to, I felt each had a valid point and I left each person appreciating them more. However, when I listened to each person discussing the other I became doubtful about the authenticity of the person they were discussing. My take away from that is, to never allow someone to determine how I treat another person, no matter what they say or how persuasive they sound. I remember my grandmother use to tell me that any disagreement she had with an adult, was none of my business and she instructed me to greet them and have “manners” to them. However, lessons learned at a young age, are often forgotten until we reap the consequences of forgetting.

I have never been someone who likes to blindly follows what others say or think. But sometimes, in an effort to remain in everyone’s good graces I have gone along with what everyone or the majority seems to be saying. Whether it were about a person or an issue and I would see it as just the way things were. However, being in that situation the other day made me question how quick I have been in the past to judge someone based on what others have said. If you are friends with someone I do not believe you have to agree with all they say or what they do, and you should be confident enough to say so to their faces. If not, doesn’t that make you a hypocrite – just going along with what they say, even though in your mind you are shouting at the top of your lungs all the reasons why they are wrong?

Your definition of a problematic person may differ from others, but consider, we are all problematic in some way to someone. We all have things about us that cause people to look at us funny, to at least one time, question if they even know us by the things we say or do. Therefore, we all deserve the right to be heard and accepted for the point of view that we have. Because if we think about it, the things I may see as a problem in that person, could be an improvement on what they were like last year. Check them next year, they may not be at the same place.

We always have room to grow, to evolve, to change, to be whatever we want to be. What we need to do is to stop expecting people to be exactly what we want them to be. Stop defining people by our standards and let them be who they are in that moment. The behavior that you see as problematic, may be an idiosyncrasy that you don’t know about. Let’s really have the highest esteem for others by allowing their story to evolve and not write them off.

Image result for She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Put Down Shovel

At times we dig deep holes for ourselves and happily jump into them and then we need help to get out.

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I remember from 16 going on 17 to 23 I was bulimic. As a child I was fat, but i can’t say it bothered me at all that I was fat and no one teased me or made it an issue. I knew I ate a lot, but when it was said to me there was no malicious intent and so I was fine with that too. I still did everything I wanted or was allowed to do. So, I climbed all the trees I could find to climb or nearly climb and played ever game there was to play and I had fun doing everything. In short I had a relatively normal healthy amount of fun being a child and not worrying about how I looked.

When I went to high school the things that didn’t bother me started bothering me. Being raised with my grand – sorry great grand parents – my outfits usually were picked with a more mature eye for the most part, and I realized that I did not always dress the same as everyone. This was most evident on registration day when everyone was in jeans and a top and I was in heels and a dress I wore to a wedding! But, my grandmother believed in looking your best on special occasions and for her, going to a traditional high school like St. Jago High was a special occasion. So in my dress I went got registered and made a beeline for the car. Then I did my first medical and there was a girl who was chubbier than I was and people were shocked by her weight, it was doing the medical that made me realize that my body type could be a laughing matter. I was not use to being made fun of only making fun of others!

So as I got older I started realizing all the things I did not have and could not do and started feeling sorry for myself.

Image result for It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are finished. Mrs. Miracle

But being bulimic started with a movie – can’t remember the name now – of a girl who died from that eating disorder. And while the movie was to discourage such a practice it provided me with the information I needed to do something I though at nearly 18 I should to, which is change somehow; so, I decided that to impress everyone I would lose some weight for the new school year. After all, though I had naturally lost some weight, I was not as thin as the fashion models or singers I saw on my T.V! I was determined to go back to school looking different at the end of the summer holiday. But because I had never had the patience to do anything that took too long to achieve, that movie gave me all the tips I needed, to fast track my goal.

So with information in hand I set about achieving a goal that became an obsession that later became a nightmare. When I saw the results I needed I was not satisfied. People treated me differently and they made something out of the change that made me think I had to keep going no matter what. I ended up in the doctors office time after time but never told them or my grandparents what I was doing – they would kill me, literally. Plus I was getting really ashamed of what I was doing, wanted to stop but could not stop. It was terrible.

But I could tell no one, it was a secret I had to carry to the grave. A bit melodramatic but that was how I was feeling.

It wasn’t until after my grandmother died and I started seeing a psychiatrist that I told someone – my psychiatrist. She helped me to confront my own diabolical thoughts to begin the process of addressing the root cause of my bulimia. Even during my time seeing her I would occasionally binge and vomit and then out of guilt starve myself for a while. But I did eventually stop and though I still feel the odd urge every now and then I do not think it is a place I want to revisit.

I had to find a way to control a habit I had willing nurtured even though I knew it was unhealthy. There was no one to blame, no session to recount all the terrible things that had been done to me. All I could do was admit that I had made the decision that created one of the worst periods of my young life and accept and use the tools at my disposal to get myself back on save ground. It is a lesson I hope I never forget

One Stop!

Life is like taking a bus. How, you may ask? Well, when you get on a bus, you have already decided where and when you will get off. Everyone on the bus has already made that determination. In live we have a series of actions and events that take us from one point in life to another. Plus, people always associate life to being on a journey, that will one day come to an end.

Now, at certain points along the journey, there are bus stops. At the bus stop some people may get on and others get off. Those who get off do so because they have reached their destination. While, those who get on are either just at the start of their journey or are continue for whatever reason -maybe they have complete one phase and are about to begin another or they have decided to take another route and try a new place.

As we make our own journey we will see people come and people leave us. Now similar to taking a bus, we need to be prepared to see our own bus sometimes full to bursting with people and sometimes sparse and a bit lonesome and that should be okay. Some persons were not meant to be in our lives forever, their stay with us have an expiration date that is very short. What is important is what we learn from them, while they are with us. It is important to remember that people and not things are placed in our lives to help us grow, and keep it real when we try to be what we are not.

At every bus stop, someone must get off. This simply means that the those who eventually get off our bus on our journey were there for a reason and when they leave, they leave for a reason. What we need to do is not to get stuck on people leaving us, but we need to make the most of the time they are with us and see the lessons they leave behind as a gift for us to use wisely.

The Right Timing.

To be alive──is Power!
― Emily Dickinson

It’s not Paradise, It’s Life…

I recently went to Royalton Blue Waters, for three days and two night on an annual staff trip. I thought I would be writing about my time there: about the Calypso restaurant and the wonderful staff or the Zen a Japanese restaurant, where our meals were prepared before us, while we are entertained in song, sung by the chefs and encouraged to catch a choice piece of mouthwatering bite as it goes flying across the table.

I could have written about any number of things, about Polly the Rastafari craft vendor I met on the first day at the beach, who sold us bags and spoke about Inity and love; maybe next time I will. But on the second night, the group I was with and I met Michael Daley; and it is based on our conversation with him that I am writing this post.

We met and sat beside Mr. Daley and his family of seven at the Zen restaurant. We all sat to to have what had been sold to us as a once in a life time experience. So with great anticipation we sat to enjoy our meals. From time to time we exchanged smiles and laughter as we truly had a very unique dining experience. When the meal was over, most of those present had already left when we decided that maybe it was time to go, so that we could get out of the way of those who had a nine o’clock reservation.

It was as we were about to leave that Mr. Daley decided to engage us in a conversation that lasted almost an hour.

Gemstones From Mike

Mike, it turns out is a very resourceful and success driven man of God. His current venture, he informed us was the purchase of a piece of land in the same areas as the Natural water wonder, the Luminous Lagoon in Falmouth. However, in his sharing of this milestone, there was no conceit no attitude o, ” look at me I have done all of this”. He indicated that his purchase was based on a seven day period of fasting and praying to God for guidance. By the way he was also praying because he had no idea where the money was coming from to purchase the property!

Image result for luminous lagoon falmouth — Luminous Lagoon Falmouth

Apart from his very inspiring story of coming from Spanish Town – FYI, I am also a Spanishtonian (those born and raised in Spanish Town). He indicated the need to make God the head and not the tail of everything he did. He encouraged us to put God first in everything, seek His counsel and not anyone. Though advice from close friends and family maybe invaluable, they can also lead us away pursuing the things we ought to pursue or do. He also reminded us of something we know but sometimes forget,that is, to not settle for what we have if there is more we can achieve. We know when we have settled and we know why. Sometimes when we need it the most along comes a message to remind us that we are not where we need to be. We may have more growth to make and more things to do. For us also, we may find ourselves doing the same things and expecting a different result. Mike reminded us of the need to try new things and get out of our routine. There he was about to become a hotelier, something he has never been but a path he has committed to, as he embarks on this new journey.

Then, there was the last but certainly not least piece of gem , no matter what you do and what you achieve God always needs to get the glory. Sometimes we are so happy, so excited, so consumed by our own sense of importance that we forget about God’s part in what we achieved. However, we need to remember that our stories of success and what we have been able to do are all lies if God is not a part of the telling.

It Will Be Okay.

Imagine if you lost. Everything you thought you could never live without.

That is a terrifying thought for many of us, but what if we did? What would we do?

It’s easy to look at someone who is not okay and give them advice on what they need to do. Then we think or talk out of their hearing: “Man, that is hard, but thank God it’s not me!”

Now, my issue with such a sentiment is this: does God allow good things to happen to some and bad things to others? Sometimes when we say the above, it seems as if we are somehow exempt from going through certain trials, but we are not.

I spoke recently to a colleague who is undergoing cancer treatment. I had not seen her at work for some time, and then I saw her back out at work. Though she had lost some weight, she seemed so calm and was laughing and smiling, which made me pause and think about how I overreact to some simple things at times. After all she has been through lately, where did she find the courage to get up and live each day as it comes?

As she pointed out to me, it is not easy, but she does it because the alternative is death.

I am realising that the problems I see as insurmountable or really not impossible to overcome. I am in the process of reconstructing my mindset regarding the outlook I have on every situation I face. If I can be devastated at the thought of someone else’s diagnosis and surprised by her ability to get up every day and smile and be pleasant, then maybe I need to change how I view my own problems. Are they really that serious or require the reaction I sometimes have?

Would I be okay if I lost all the things I fear losing, that have nothing to do with the life I have been given by God?

I remember a point, as I got older, that I feared losing my grandmother, and so I used to pray every year that she would live one more year and that God would make it ten or twenty years-or forever if he could. It has been 15 years since my grandmother died, and I still have not forgotten how important she was in my life. Since then, I have made some terrible decisions and some good ones, but the most important thing is that I have been able to continue to live.

An article I recently read, entitled, In Haiti, the Art of Resilience, comes to mind. The article was written in 2010 by Bill Brubaker, after the earthquake which devastated the country and killed 230,000 and displaced approximately 1.5 million others. The writer highlighted a series of stories concerning the impact of the earthquake on the Art community. One that stood out to me was about 87-year-old Haitian artist Préfète Duffaut, who lost family members, friends, his home, and most of his artwork. What was so inspiring about his interview was the hope that Brubaker noted was “shining from his eyes”. The hope is to build from the rubble something new and vital. There were other stories of gallery owners, whose galleries had not escaped the devastation, who provided money and art supplies to artists who had lost everything. Duffaut, at 87, having experienced crisis after crisis in Haiti, along with his countrymen and women, was able to affirm this particular event: “My future paintings will be inspired by this tragedy”. How many of us would be able to create something meaningful and inspiring from the rubble of our own tragedies?

We all have the potential to take ourselves out of the dark abyss that life places us in. All we need to cultivate is a vision of possibilities in the face of adversities.

Though it may be hard for us to keep the faith when things go wrong fast, it will be okay. Just keep telling yourself this until you believe it.

Like many Haitians, let us adopt their attitude when faced with difficulties: ‘Let’s get on with it! Tomorrow is another day.’

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