living your best life – Page 6

The Right Timing.

To be alive──is Power!
― Emily Dickinson

It’s not Paradise, It’s Life…

I recently went to Royalton Blue Waters, for three days and two night on an annual staff trip. I thought I would be writing about my time there: about the Calypso restaurant and the wonderful staff or the Zen a Japanese restaurant, where our meals were prepared before us, while we are entertained in song, sung by the chefs and encouraged to catch a choice piece of mouthwatering bite as it goes flying across the table.

I could have written about any number of things, about Polly the Rastafari craft vendor I met on the first day at the beach, who sold us bags and spoke about Inity and love; maybe next time I will. But on the second night, the group I was with and I met Michael Daley; and it is based on our conversation with him that I am writing this post.

We met and sat beside Mr. Daley and his family of seven at the Zen restaurant. We all sat to to have what had been sold to us as a once in a life time experience. So with great anticipation we sat to enjoy our meals. From time to time we exchanged smiles and laughter as we truly had a very unique dining experience. When the meal was over, most of those present had already left when we decided that maybe it was time to go, so that we could get out of the way of those who had a nine o’clock reservation.

It was as we were about to leave that Mr. Daley decided to engage us in a conversation that lasted almost an hour.

Gemstones From Mike

Mike, it turns out is a very resourceful and success driven man of God. His current venture, he informed us was the purchase of a piece of land in the same areas as the Natural water wonder, the Luminous Lagoon in Falmouth. However, in his sharing of this milestone, there was no conceit no attitude o, ” look at me I have done all of this”. He indicated that his purchase was based on a seven day period of fasting and praying to God for guidance. By the way he was also praying because he had no idea where the money was coming from to purchase the property!

Image result for luminous lagoon falmouth — Luminous Lagoon Falmouth

Apart from his very inspiring story of coming from Spanish Town – FYI, I am also a Spanishtonian (those born and raised in Spanish Town). He indicated the need to make God the head and not the tail of everything he did. He encouraged us to put God first in everything, seek His counsel and not anyone. Though advice from close friends and family maybe invaluable, they can also lead us away pursuing the things we ought to pursue or do. He also reminded us of something we know but sometimes forget,that is, to not settle for what we have if there is more we can achieve. We know when we have settled and we know why. Sometimes when we need it the most along comes a message to remind us that we are not where we need to be. We may have more growth to make and more things to do. For us also, we may find ourselves doing the same things and expecting a different result. Mike reminded us of the need to try new things and get out of our routine. There he was about to become a hotelier, something he has never been but a path he has committed to, as he embarks on this new journey.

Then, there was the last but certainly not least piece of gem , no matter what you do and what you achieve God always needs to get the glory. Sometimes we are so happy, so excited, so consumed by our own sense of importance that we forget about God’s part in what we achieved. However, we need to remember that our stories of success and what we have been able to do are all lies if God is not a part of the telling.

It Will Be Okay.

Imagine if you lost. Everything you thought you could never live without.

That is a terrifying thought for many of us, but what if we did? What would we do?

It’s easy to look at someone who is not okay and give them advice on what they need to do. Then we think or talk out of their hearing: “Man, that is hard, but thank God it’s not me!”

Now, my issue with such a sentiment is this: does God allow good things to happen to some and bad things to others? Sometimes when we say the above, it seems as if we are somehow exempt from going through certain trials, but we are not.

I spoke recently to a colleague who is undergoing cancer treatment. I had not seen her at work for some time, and then I saw her back out at work. Though she had lost some weight, she seemed so calm and was laughing and smiling, which made me pause and think about how I overreact to some simple things at times. After all she has been through lately, where did she find the courage to get up and live each day as it comes?

As she pointed out to me, it is not easy, but she does it because the alternative is death.

I am realising that the problems I see as insurmountable or really not impossible to overcome. I am in the process of reconstructing my mindset regarding the outlook I have on every situation I face. If I can be devastated at the thought of someone else’s diagnosis and surprised by her ability to get up every day and smile and be pleasant, then maybe I need to change how I view my own problems. Are they really that serious or require the reaction I sometimes have?

Would I be okay if I lost all the things I fear losing, that have nothing to do with the life I have been given by God?

I remember a point, as I got older, that I feared losing my grandmother, and so I used to pray every year that she would live one more year and that God would make it ten or twenty years-or forever if he could. It has been 15 years since my grandmother died, and I still have not forgotten how important she was in my life. Since then, I have made some terrible decisions and some good ones, but the most important thing is that I have been able to continue to live.

An article I recently read, entitled, In Haiti, the Art of Resilience, comes to mind. The article was written in 2010 by Bill Brubaker, after the earthquake which devastated the country and killed 230,000 and displaced approximately 1.5 million others. The writer highlighted a series of stories concerning the impact of the earthquake on the Art community. One that stood out to me was about 87-year-old Haitian artist Préfète Duffaut, who lost family members, friends, his home, and most of his artwork. What was so inspiring about his interview was the hope that Brubaker noted was “shining from his eyes”. The hope is to build from the rubble something new and vital. There were other stories of gallery owners, whose galleries had not escaped the devastation, who provided money and art supplies to artists who had lost everything. Duffaut, at 87, having experienced crisis after crisis in Haiti, along with his countrymen and women, was able to affirm this particular event: “My future paintings will be inspired by this tragedy”. How many of us would be able to create something meaningful and inspiring from the rubble of our own tragedies?

We all have the potential to take ourselves out of the dark abyss that life places us in. All we need to cultivate is a vision of possibilities in the face of adversities.

Though it may be hard for us to keep the faith when things go wrong fast, it will be okay. Just keep telling yourself this until you believe it.

Like many Haitians, let us adopt their attitude when faced with difficulties: ‘Let’s get on with it! Tomorrow is another day.’

Image result for bible verse i know the plans

Not There Yet!

For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God
Hebrews 3:4

So ehm, I have a confession…

I’m not perfect and that’s ok.

I realize that I have always lived my life with the erroneous assumption that I have to be perfect. I have to say and do the right things at the right time with the right people. And you know what I am tired. I’m tired because trying to be perfect is a lot of work that involves mental and physical contortions.

Image result for When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are

I am tired of trying to be everything to everyone and never messing up for them to see. It’s kind of ironic that behind them I mess up all the time and I am still here. God has not struck me dead and neither has he brought down fire and brimstone upon my head.

Perfection is overrated really.

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I was listening to a sermon that spoke about living perfectly with our imperfections and being blessing. Based on an uncomfortably yet necessary situation I experienced the other day, I realize that I am a work in progress; and, as I work I will have to get rid of some things and people that are holding me back from following God’s blueprint for my life. So today I acknowledged and embrace all my imperfections as I use them as a measurement of how far I still have to go, and how far I have come. I also realize that I value the truth from myself and others above all else. But first, let’s be honest with ourselves. It maybe hard but we have to practice doing so. When we do so the truth we speak will be lasting.

Image result for Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy

It’s hard not trying to fit in when you have developed a fear of belonging nowhere, when you have been told or given the impression all your life that you do not. If you feed off the negative then it becomes the only reality you are known for and that I do not want. We have to decide what we want to be and how we plan to get there. But in the middle of planning and plotting, we have to ensure that we put the Almighty at the center of all things; when we leave God behind things will fall apart. So, before we seek the advice or counsel of any man, woman or child, we need to check in with God.

I am realizing that it’s hard to be honest with yourself about your faults than it is to be honest with others about their imperfections. If we focus on the wrong things, then that is all we see, and we miss out on being apart of something great. We miss out on what we are meant to experience. So moving forward, honesty will be the key ingredient to any goal we hope to achieve. Using your voice is also one of the most powerful things anyone can do. If we realize that those around us influence us to use it in the wrong way – consciously and unconsciously -then we need to leave them at the next stop. As 2019 marks the end of a decade, Leave everything that needs to be left in 2019 and begin 2020 committed to focusing on restructuring for the 10 years ahead. The construction work is never done.

I have said before and I will say it again, this platform is geared towards help all those who need it and me. In the process of finding our real voice we will have to release idol worship , and embrace all that we are, the good the bad and the ugly.

But, for now I’m not there and I don’t know how or when I will get to where I should be . But I’m holding on tight trusting that God will get me there.

Outsider Triumph.

The idiomatic phrase “outside looking in”, is how most of us feel from time to time. We look and see the best that everyone has to put forward of themselves and we feel like an alien.

Many people fear being labeled an outsider, but it has it’s benefits.

Opportunities come and go, people (friends, family members strangers), seem to take advantage of them while you remain just beyond their reach.

Image result for quote about being an outsider

Being an outsider is just a way for recognizing your unique qualities; when you do not belong among the in-crowd it means you have something special to contribute. Once you are aware of what makes you an outsider, it is up to you to use it to make some changes that will benefit others.

When people point out things about you that to you are not unusual pay attention; you might discover how unusual and thereby how rare your abilities are. No one wants to have the same things presented to them 24/7. If you want to bring something new to the table but there is no seat available for you, just build your own; people will appreciate what you have to offer and join you there.

If you find it difficult to conform to what is expected and you have an idea how something can be improved, don’t wait on anyone to give you permission, create your own lane and make people take notice until they too can see the benefit of what you have to offer.

When you are outside the accepted line, people will leave you alone to do what you would have been distracted to do. So while they are busy trying to stay inside the line, you’re thinking of ways in which you can move it to be beneficial to more persons, including you.

Finally, as an outsider no one can define you, but you. Many may ask, who you are, what you are or what you stand for; you determine all of this and as a result earn the right to change when you see fit.

Being an outsider does not have to be lonely because you stand alone, it can be the opportunity you need to truly discover how limitless your world is for all the potential you have, waiting to be unleashed.

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Your Habits.

Out of all the definitions of the word habit, I like the one given by The Cambridge English Dictionary:

Something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it.

So, in revealing our affinity for forming habits our speech becomes, “well I have always done things this way” or ” I have never considered that as a possibility”.

Our habitual thoughts and actions can prevent us from seeing beyond our present situation. Many of us defeat ourselves by thinking only within the box that we find ourselves and allow this narrowed thinking to be the only reality we can envision for our lives. In other words, we speak many thinks out of being, because we operate based on “proven” outcomes.

We speak about, “I can never be this way or do these things, because no one in my family has ever done so” and “I am afraid of what will happen if I try something; it may not work”. We also deny that we have the ability to make worthwhile contributions because we feel we do not have access to the resources needed. Such a mindset, at this moment, reminds me of the widow in the Bible and her offering (Matt 12:41-44).

The Widow’s Mite

Many think about the fact that she gave everything she had and so encourage you to give generously. However, from the story I recognize the value of starting with the little things that end up bring big blessings. It was not the amount that she gave it was her intent and a habit formed that compelled her to give the best of what she had. Her story has helped many to recognize that even the seemingly least that we have, has value and is worth the effort. By taking the time to make giving a part of her life she blessed the lives of everyone who reads her story, thousand of years later. Her mite – which today would be coins that many throw away, here in Jamaica I see many one dollar coins being thrown away or left in the supermarkets – over shadowed the wealth of those who gave to gain fame and recognition.

What does this have to do with habits?

If we develop positive habits, then like the widow we will be able to realize, not only our strengths but we will be able to positively impact many who will come after us. I do not believe that the act of giving was something she did that one time, but had become so much a part of her that she gave without being burdened by it, her faith was strong because she practiced being faithful. We can say we believe certain things but our actions will always expose whether this is so or not.

There are many books, articles and blogs that talk about developing better habits for whatever success you want to achieve. However, I believe if you do not recognize that the habits you have are bad and are holding you back, then you won’t seek these valuable insights. Worse still if you do come across them, you will ignore them because as far as you are concerned they were never meant for you.

Stop telling yourself that what you have is all you were meant to be. Stop doing the same things over and over, year after year and getting nowhere. Be a rebel, be different, think differently and be the change that you need.

I say this because I know it; your habits become your reality and will determine your future.

Image result for quote about habits aristotle

Valley Season

I have a friend who is experiencing a really challenging period just now. She has been referring to this as her valley season and I really wanted to address this.

Image result for when you get to the peak, remember the valley exists

I have often focused on getting up the mountain, but I have also recognized that once you get their invariably you may need to climb another. However, before you reach the mountain, you will need to be in the valley. I also believe that in order to get to the other mountains you have to go through the valleys in between . A climb begins on the flat and not at the top, so to conquer the various mountains waiting for us we have to accept that we have to go through the valley, which is difficult, dry and sometimes seemingly lonely – but only if we choose to go it alone.

Image result for Leaders don't climb hills of success with shoes of pride. They are slippery enough to bring a person down to the valley

Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil…
Psalm 23:4

One of things I really admire about my friend as she goes through this period is her faith. She jokes about it and laughs it off, but she never displays anger or frustration at what is happening. Instead she has faith that God will sustain her and strengthen her in this challenging season.

I remember that I was less optimistic in most of my valley experiences. I cried, I complained, I made bargains with God and threatened to give up. However, I was still hopeful, I still wanted to believe that God would pity me and help me. And I always came through those periods grateful. I survived all of them. Despite all my hysterics, God had seen me through.

Image result for Boldness is the ability to stand tall even when the valley seems deep. Your pain will bring gain. Just believe and go to work!

In those difficult times I sometimes would think about the experiences of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and the fact that they stood in the midst fiery furnace and triumphed. It is the reminder that we can conquer anything if our faith is strong and we remain true to who we are. Though they were condemned, they refused to compromise their beliefs and refused to change for anyone. When we experience our valley season we need to do the same. Being in the valley is a temporary situation, one from which we can gather much wisdom and come out on the other side, having learned a little more of how powerful we are with God’s support.

If we refuse to bow to the oppressive nature of our valley experience then we will indeed be victorious.

So the valley can teach us a lot. Maybe we need to look at it differently; it is not a place where we go to die but a place to realize how alive we are and how much we have to live for. It can teach us how to value what we have for the time we have it. Also, sometimes we are allowed to be in the valley because God is waiting to give us the best of what he has in store for us. We first have to prove that we are ready for it.

It takes courage to be in the valley; it takes faith, humility and wisdom to make your way out.

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23: 4

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Be Specific!

I recently had an encounter with a colleague, who asked me to pass her two rubber bands, and when I did she playfully – I hope – accused me of being too exact. I was puzzled, “isn’t this what she asked for?” She then chuckled to herself and suggested that my next blog could be about being specific about what you want.

I have thought about this and I am sure I am not the only one who prayed or asked for something and then was disappointed when we got it!

Other times we are very proficient in telling everyone what we DO NOT want and never what we do want. Yes we are complex beings.

Yes the problem was not that we did not get what we asked for, but,we did not ask for what we truly wanted.

Image result for i did not ask for this gif

Sometimes we only see the big picture and not the small details. So we want to be successful at something or in some way, but we never truly realized or were not thinking realistically about what we would have to do to get there.On the other hand, we may ask for something and once we get it we are overwhelmed because either we did not truly expect to get it, or we are in over our heads and end up messing everything up. These shortcomings can lead to failure and it is only after we have lost all, that we realize that we made a grave mistake.

There is also the situation were we ask for things because we see others with them. Then life plays a trick on us – or it could be that we were fooling ourselves all along – and we are stuck with something we weren’t ready to have or never should have had.

I think it’s time we learn to stop asking for things that will take us nowhere. Instead we need to ask for that which will get us on the path what we truly desire, by focusing on it and ignore all outside distractions.

So, whether you are praying or making a list, be sure to ask for what you truly want. You just might get more than you expect; you just might get what you were truly meant to have all along but could never dream that far ahead.

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