Finding your happy place – Page 9

Put Down Shovel

At times we dig deep holes for ourselves and happily jump into them and then we need help to get out.

Image result for digging yourself out of a hole meme

I remember from 16 going on 17 to 23 I was bulimic. As a child I was fat, but i can’t say it bothered me at all that I was fat and no one teased me or made it an issue. I knew I ate a lot, but when it was said to me there was no malicious intent and so I was fine with that too. I still did everything I wanted or was allowed to do. So, I climbed all the trees I could find to climb or nearly climb and played ever game there was to play and I had fun doing everything. In short I had a relatively normal healthy amount of fun being a child and not worrying about how I looked.

When I went to high school the things that didn’t bother me started bothering me. Being raised with my grand – sorry great grand parents – my outfits usually were picked with a more mature eye for the most part, and I realized that I did not always dress the same as everyone. This was most evident on registration day when everyone was in jeans and a top and I was in heels and a dress I wore to a wedding! But, my grandmother believed in looking your best on special occasions and for her, going to a traditional high school like St. Jago High was a special occasion. So in my dress I went got registered and made a beeline for the car. Then I did my first medical and there was a girl who was chubbier than I was and people were shocked by her weight, it was doing the medical that made me realize that my body type could be a laughing matter. I was not use to being made fun of only making fun of others!

So as I got older I started realizing all the things I did not have and could not do and started feeling sorry for myself.

Image result for It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are finished. Mrs. Miracle

But being bulimic started with a movie – can’t remember the name now – of a girl who died from that eating disorder. And while the movie was to discourage such a practice it provided me with the information I needed to do something I though at nearly 18 I should to, which is change somehow; so, I decided that to impress everyone I would lose some weight for the new school year. After all, though I had naturally lost some weight, I was not as thin as the fashion models or singers I saw on my T.V! I was determined to go back to school looking different at the end of the summer holiday. But because I had never had the patience to do anything that took too long to achieve, that movie gave me all the tips I needed, to fast track my goal.

So with information in hand I set about achieving a goal that became an obsession that later became a nightmare. When I saw the results I needed I was not satisfied. People treated me differently and they made something out of the change that made me think I had to keep going no matter what. I ended up in the doctors office time after time but never told them or my grandparents what I was doing – they would kill me, literally. Plus I was getting really ashamed of what I was doing, wanted to stop but could not stop. It was terrible.

But I could tell no one, it was a secret I had to carry to the grave. A bit melodramatic but that was how I was feeling.

It wasn’t until after my grandmother died and I started seeing a psychiatrist that I told someone – my psychiatrist. She helped me to confront my own diabolical thoughts to begin the process of addressing the root cause of my bulimia. Even during my time seeing her I would occasionally binge and vomit and then out of guilt starve myself for a while. But I did eventually stop and though I still feel the odd urge every now and then I do not think it is a place I want to revisit.

I had to find a way to control a habit I had willing nurtured even though I knew it was unhealthy. There was no one to blame, no session to recount all the terrible things that had been done to me. All I could do was admit that I had made the decision that created one of the worst periods of my young life and accept and use the tools at my disposal to get myself back on save ground. It is a lesson I hope I never forget

Slow and Steady.

We are slowly approaching the end of the year! While many may disagree and say instead that it has flown by, it depends on what you were doing during that time.

But it has always been the case, that when we reach the end of something it feels like time slows way down, and that is when we begin to make silly mistakes.

There are many who are anxious for 2019 to end, but we should not be too anxious for that end. Instead, let us be focused on appreciating the few days left and doing all we can to see 2019 on it’s way. Let us still be committed to staying on the right track so next year we can finally get out of the valley we have been in for most of this year. Or, getting further in this new season we are in.

As they say it’s not over until the fat lady sings, and while she certainly is warming up her vocal cords, she is not ready yet!

Remember the tortoise and the hare?

There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch.
Hare ran down the road for a while and then paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?”
Hare stretched himself out alongside the road and fell asleep, thinking, “There is plenty of time to relax.”
Slow and Steady walked and walked. He never, ever stopped until he came to the finish line.
The animals who were watching cheered so loudly for Tortoise, they woke up Hare.
Hare stretched and yawned and began to run again, but it was too late. Tortoise was over the line.
After that, Hare always reminded himself, “Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!”
http://www.storyarts.org/library/aesops/stories/tortoise.html

We don’t need to get ahead of ourselves and miss out on something now that will make our 2020 even better. So, while the year is almost over, remember what you do in these last 6 days of 2019, will impact what your 2020 starts off looking like.

Image result for tortoise and the hare quote

One Stop!

Life is like taking a bus. How, you may ask? Well, when you get on a bus, you have already decided where and when you will get off. Everyone on the bus has already made that determination. In live we have a series of actions and events that take us from one point in life to another. Plus, people always associate life to being on a journey, that will one day come to an end.

Now, at certain points along the journey, there are bus stops. At the bus stop some people may get on and others get off. Those who get off do so because they have reached their destination. While, those who get on are either just at the start of their journey or are continue for whatever reason -maybe they have complete one phase and are about to begin another or they have decided to take another route and try a new place.

As we make our own journey we will see people come and people leave us. Now similar to taking a bus, we need to be prepared to see our own bus sometimes full to bursting with people and sometimes sparse and a bit lonesome and that should be okay. Some persons were not meant to be in our lives forever, their stay with us have an expiration date that is very short. What is important is what we learn from them, while they are with us. It is important to remember that people and not things are placed in our lives to help us grow, and keep it real when we try to be what we are not.

At every bus stop, someone must get off. This simply means that the those who eventually get off our bus on our journey were there for a reason and when they leave, they leave for a reason. What we need to do is not to get stuck on people leaving us, but we need to make the most of the time they are with us and see the lessons they leave behind as a gift for us to use wisely.

The Right Timing.

To be alive──is Power!
― Emily Dickinson

It’s not Paradise, It’s Life…

I recently went to Royalton Blue Waters, for three days and two night on an annual staff trip. I thought I would be writing about my time there: about the Calypso restaurant and the wonderful staff or the Zen a Japanese restaurant, where our meals were prepared before us, while we are entertained in song, sung by the chefs and encouraged to catch a choice piece of mouthwatering bite as it goes flying across the table.

I could have written about any number of things, about Polly the Rastafari craft vendor I met on the first day at the beach, who sold us bags and spoke about Inity and love; maybe next time I will. But on the second night, the group I was with and I met Michael Daley; and it is based on our conversation with him that I am writing this post.

We met and sat beside Mr. Daley and his family of seven at the Zen restaurant. We all sat to to have what had been sold to us as a once in a life time experience. So with great anticipation we sat to enjoy our meals. From time to time we exchanged smiles and laughter as we truly had a very unique dining experience. When the meal was over, most of those present had already left when we decided that maybe it was time to go, so that we could get out of the way of those who had a nine o’clock reservation.

It was as we were about to leave that Mr. Daley decided to engage us in a conversation that lasted almost an hour.

Gemstones From Mike

Mike, it turns out is a very resourceful and success driven man of God. His current venture, he informed us was the purchase of a piece of land in the same areas as the Natural water wonder, the Luminous Lagoon in Falmouth. However, in his sharing of this milestone, there was no conceit no attitude o, ” look at me I have done all of this”. He indicated that his purchase was based on a seven day period of fasting and praying to God for guidance. By the way he was also praying because he had no idea where the money was coming from to purchase the property!

Image result for luminous lagoon falmouth — Luminous Lagoon Falmouth

Apart from his very inspiring story of coming from Spanish Town – FYI, I am also a Spanishtonian (those born and raised in Spanish Town). He indicated the need to make God the head and not the tail of everything he did. He encouraged us to put God first in everything, seek His counsel and not anyone. Though advice from close friends and family maybe invaluable, they can also lead us away pursuing the things we ought to pursue or do. He also reminded us of something we know but sometimes forget,that is, to not settle for what we have if there is more we can achieve. We know when we have settled and we know why. Sometimes when we need it the most along comes a message to remind us that we are not where we need to be. We may have more growth to make and more things to do. For us also, we may find ourselves doing the same things and expecting a different result. Mike reminded us of the need to try new things and get out of our routine. There he was about to become a hotelier, something he has never been but a path he has committed to, as he embarks on this new journey.

Then, there was the last but certainly not least piece of gem , no matter what you do and what you achieve God always needs to get the glory. Sometimes we are so happy, so excited, so consumed by our own sense of importance that we forget about God’s part in what we achieved. However, we need to remember that our stories of success and what we have been able to do are all lies if God is not a part of the telling.

It Will Be Okay.

Imagine if you lost. Everything you thought you could never live without.

That is a terrifying thought for many of us, but what if we did? What would we do?

It’s easy to look at someone who is not okay and give them advice on what they need to do. Then we think or talk out of their hearing: “Man, that is hard, but thank God it’s not me!”

Now, my issue with such a sentiment is this: does God allow good things to happen to some and bad things to others? Sometimes when we say the above, it seems as if we are somehow exempt from going through certain trials, but we are not.

I spoke recently to a colleague who is undergoing cancer treatment. I had not seen her at work for some time, and then I saw her back out at work. Though she had lost some weight, she seemed so calm and was laughing and smiling, which made me pause and think about how I overreact to some simple things at times. After all she has been through lately, where did she find the courage to get up and live each day as it comes?

As she pointed out to me, it is not easy, but she does it because the alternative is death.

I am realising that the problems I see as insurmountable or really not impossible to overcome. I am in the process of reconstructing my mindset regarding the outlook I have on every situation I face. If I can be devastated at the thought of someone else’s diagnosis and surprised by her ability to get up every day and smile and be pleasant, then maybe I need to change how I view my own problems. Are they really that serious or require the reaction I sometimes have?

Would I be okay if I lost all the things I fear losing, that have nothing to do with the life I have been given by God?

I remember a point, as I got older, that I feared losing my grandmother, and so I used to pray every year that she would live one more year and that God would make it ten or twenty years-or forever if he could. It has been 15 years since my grandmother died, and I still have not forgotten how important she was in my life. Since then, I have made some terrible decisions and some good ones, but the most important thing is that I have been able to continue to live.

An article I recently read, entitled, In Haiti, the Art of Resilience, comes to mind. The article was written in 2010 by Bill Brubaker, after the earthquake which devastated the country and killed 230,000 and displaced approximately 1.5 million others. The writer highlighted a series of stories concerning the impact of the earthquake on the Art community. One that stood out to me was about 87-year-old Haitian artist Préfète Duffaut, who lost family members, friends, his home, and most of his artwork. What was so inspiring about his interview was the hope that Brubaker noted was “shining from his eyes”. The hope is to build from the rubble something new and vital. There were other stories of gallery owners, whose galleries had not escaped the devastation, who provided money and art supplies to artists who had lost everything. Duffaut, at 87, having experienced crisis after crisis in Haiti, along with his countrymen and women, was able to affirm this particular event: “My future paintings will be inspired by this tragedy”. How many of us would be able to create something meaningful and inspiring from the rubble of our own tragedies?

We all have the potential to take ourselves out of the dark abyss that life places us in. All we need to cultivate is a vision of possibilities in the face of adversities.

Though it may be hard for us to keep the faith when things go wrong fast, it will be okay. Just keep telling yourself this until you believe it.

Like many Haitians, let us adopt their attitude when faced with difficulties: ‘Let’s get on with it! Tomorrow is another day.’

Image result for bible verse i know the plans

Old Things.

Old things can be made new so think twice before you throw them away

While we may want to throw everything out with the new year coming in, let us not be too hasty.

Image result for getting rid of old stuff gif

There is this belief that we have that everything is suppose to magically change with the start of a new year. If we had a negative mindset we instantly develop a new more positive one. If we ate poorly the year before we just make the resolution and it will be a healthy year ahead.

All our problems will disappear and puff, we begin with a clean slate.

So we hastily try to get rid of everything , the good and the bad, they all must go!

Hmm, I have realized from experience that more thought, planning, action and discipline is required than we give.

While we need to get rid of the things that have held us back from reaching where we need to be, we need to make sure that we do not make the mistake of getting rid of something we may need later down the road.

Sometimes it take a while and some effort to recognize the beauty in what we have and to appreciate it fully.

In the act of being mindful, let us all be cautious and think carefully about what we are about to let go of.

Is there more value in keeping something, than letting it go?

Image result for An old thing becomes new if you detach it from what usually surrounds it.

The Danger of Forgetting.

Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
Ps 103: 02

Sometimes we get so busy with live that we forget God.

We become so in love with the many things we have (titles, material possessions, friends, name and reputation), that we forget from whom it all comes.

We get so busy that we forget to meditate on the word of God, while we strive every second of the day to be the best that we can be – without God.

Yes we have all at one point or another forgotten that we have limited power compared to a greater force that enables us to reach the heights we have achieved.

We begin to forget or do not recognize our purpose when we forget God. Instead, we begin to follow the poor and limited advice given to us by those who seem to be on our side and end up being causalities in a very unforgiving world.

When we forget that everything we have or ever will achieve, then we are careless with them and end up losing it all.

Whenever we find ourselves doing foolish or desperate things yep we have forgotten God. It is at this point that is when we need to check in with ourselves, we could be about to lose our way or even our very souls.

When we forget the awesome things that God has done for us, because we now face some of the hardest challenges and greatest trials of our lives, then we have forgotten God.

When we think we can solve our own problems, we say to God we don’t need Him and He in turn leaves us to solve the mess we create. We do this because we forget God.

When we worry and fret about the future, it is because we have forgotten that we serve a Mighty God. One who needs no testing because the greatness of God is beyond our understanding.

	Simone on Freedom from maladaptive …
	Farrah on Freedom from maladaptive …
	Simone on Maladaptive Daydreaming
	Priscilla on Maladaptive Daydreaming
	Simone on Maladaptive Daydreaming