Finding your happy place – Page 10

Not There Yet!

For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God
Hebrews 3:4

So ehm, I have a confession…

I’m not perfect and that’s ok.

I realize that I have always lived my life with the erroneous assumption that I have to be perfect. I have to say and do the right things at the right time with the right people. And you know what I am tired. I’m tired because trying to be perfect is a lot of work that involves mental and physical contortions.

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I am tired of trying to be everything to everyone and never messing up for them to see. It’s kind of ironic that behind them I mess up all the time and I am still here. God has not struck me dead and neither has he brought down fire and brimstone upon my head.

Perfection is overrated really.

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I was listening to a sermon that spoke about living perfectly with our imperfections and being blessing. Based on an uncomfortably yet necessary situation I experienced the other day, I realize that I am a work in progress; and, as I work I will have to get rid of some things and people that are holding me back from following God’s blueprint for my life. So today I acknowledged and embrace all my imperfections as I use them as a measurement of how far I still have to go, and how far I have come. I also realize that I value the truth from myself and others above all else. But first, let’s be honest with ourselves. It maybe hard but we have to practice doing so. When we do so the truth we speak will be lasting.

Image result for Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy

It’s hard not trying to fit in when you have developed a fear of belonging nowhere, when you have been told or given the impression all your life that you do not. If you feed off the negative then it becomes the only reality you are known for and that I do not want. We have to decide what we want to be and how we plan to get there. But in the middle of planning and plotting, we have to ensure that we put the Almighty at the center of all things; when we leave God behind things will fall apart. So, before we seek the advice or counsel of any man, woman or child, we need to check in with God.

I am realizing that it’s hard to be honest with yourself about your faults than it is to be honest with others about their imperfections. If we focus on the wrong things, then that is all we see, and we miss out on being apart of something great. We miss out on what we are meant to experience. So moving forward, honesty will be the key ingredient to any goal we hope to achieve. Using your voice is also one of the most powerful things anyone can do. If we realize that those around us influence us to use it in the wrong way – consciously and unconsciously -then we need to leave them at the next stop. As 2019 marks the end of a decade, Leave everything that needs to be left in 2019 and begin 2020 committed to focusing on restructuring for the 10 years ahead. The construction work is never done.

I have said before and I will say it again, this platform is geared towards help all those who need it and me. In the process of finding our real voice we will have to release idol worship , and embrace all that we are, the good the bad and the ugly.

But, for now I’m not there and I don’t know how or when I will get to where I should be . But I’m holding on tight trusting that God will get me there.

Be That Friend.

A disclaimer here, I am not big on beauty pageants. So when the Miss Universe and Miss World Competitions rolled around I did not even know.

When Miss South Africa won I was a bit surprised, I thought”oh that’s nice” and I kept it moving.

Then I was even more surprised on Saturday when I read that Miss Jamaica had won the Miss World competition – was it even on the telly? But as a Jamaican I was happy for her, her family and everyone who was happy for her. I was happy because everyone was happy -there was a lot of happy going around, another black beauty queen. For real, mmmm.

But Miss Nigeria man…

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Now Miss Nigeria really got my attention. I mean she went all out with celebrating and she wasn’t the one with the crown! And I thought, “She is the mad friend I want”.

My aunt jokingly related that she thought Miss Nigeria had won because she seemed more excited than Miss Jamaica and when I saw it for myself I understood what she meant.

I also thought, here is someone you would be happy to have in your corner. You just needed one of her to be your cheerleader. We all could use a friend like that, but also we all need to strive to be a friend like that.

Be a friend who does not care about getting the applause or outshining those around her. A friend who is not afraid to big yuh up when she sees you need it. A friend who just needs you to just be you no matter what. A friend who celebrates with you, cries with you laughs and cuss every and anyone who tries to diss you. Be a friend who knows that when one of us wins, we all win.

It made me start to look at the kind of friend I have been so far and question how I can be better.

It doesn’t take much to show that you are genuine, just be a friend like Miss Nigeria. Be ready to go all out in your support if the occasion calls for it.

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Say Thank You

It’s hard to be thankful when nothing is going right.

When things are working out and we get what you want, that’s when we will be quick to say thank you to God and whom ever is paving our way, by assisting us.

So is there a right time to say thank you?

Would you thank a police officer for giving you a traffic ticket, someone who messes up your order, who charges you twice as much as you should pay or when someone gives you unfair and unwanted criticism?

Our instinct is to say no, of course not. Why would you thank persons for creating unpleasant situations for you?

What if the tables turned and you did something nice for someone, instead of a measly thanks they respond, “oh I could have done that, you didn’t have to do it!” Would you regret helping and promise to never help another soul ever?

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Whatever your vantage point, saying thank you is a part of being humble. It reminds us that we are not invincible and so cannot do everything on our own and for ourselves. We need the support, encouragement and strength of others to sufficiently get by in this world. We need the strength of God to assist us in overcoming our many mountains.

We need to be thankful for the bad things that teach us something new about ourselves and those around us. Sometimes, unfair criticism can force you to self-evaluate and help us in turn to be less judgmental. Just uttering the words as you endure a difficult season can make you more hopeful for the future.

Though two simple words, the phrase has the power to transform the thinking and lives of the speaker and receiver. No matter what the situation, true humility is always being grateful no matter the situation. After all gratitude, as I have said before, is a must.

Outsider Triumph.

The idiomatic phrase “outside looking in”, is how most of us feel from time to time. We look and see the best that everyone has to put forward of themselves and we feel like an alien.

Many people fear being labeled an outsider, but it has it’s benefits.

Opportunities come and go, people (friends, family members strangers), seem to take advantage of them while you remain just beyond their reach.

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Being an outsider is just a way for recognizing your unique qualities; when you do not belong among the in-crowd it means you have something special to contribute. Once you are aware of what makes you an outsider, it is up to you to use it to make some changes that will benefit others.

When people point out things about you that to you are not unusual pay attention; you might discover how unusual and thereby how rare your abilities are. No one wants to have the same things presented to them 24/7. If you want to bring something new to the table but there is no seat available for you, just build your own; people will appreciate what you have to offer and join you there.

If you find it difficult to conform to what is expected and you have an idea how something can be improved, don’t wait on anyone to give you permission, create your own lane and make people take notice until they too can see the benefit of what you have to offer.

When you are outside the accepted line, people will leave you alone to do what you would have been distracted to do. So while they are busy trying to stay inside the line, you’re thinking of ways in which you can move it to be beneficial to more persons, including you.

Finally, as an outsider no one can define you, but you. Many may ask, who you are, what you are or what you stand for; you determine all of this and as a result earn the right to change when you see fit.

Being an outsider does not have to be lonely because you stand alone, it can be the opportunity you need to truly discover how limitless your world is for all the potential you have, waiting to be unleashed.

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Your Habits.

Out of all the definitions of the word habit, I like the one given by The Cambridge English Dictionary:

Something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it.

So, in revealing our affinity for forming habits our speech becomes, “well I have always done things this way” or ” I have never considered that as a possibility”.

Our habitual thoughts and actions can prevent us from seeing beyond our present situation. Many of us defeat ourselves by thinking only within the box that we find ourselves and allow this narrowed thinking to be the only reality we can envision for our lives. In other words, we speak many thinks out of being, because we operate based on “proven” outcomes.

We speak about, “I can never be this way or do these things, because no one in my family has ever done so” and “I am afraid of what will happen if I try something; it may not work”. We also deny that we have the ability to make worthwhile contributions because we feel we do not have access to the resources needed. Such a mindset, at this moment, reminds me of the widow in the Bible and her offering (Matt 12:41-44).

The Widow’s Mite

Many think about the fact that she gave everything she had and so encourage you to give generously. However, from the story I recognize the value of starting with the little things that end up bring big blessings. It was not the amount that she gave it was her intent and a habit formed that compelled her to give the best of what she had. Her story has helped many to recognize that even the seemingly least that we have, has value and is worth the effort. By taking the time to make giving a part of her life she blessed the lives of everyone who reads her story, thousand of years later. Her mite – which today would be coins that many throw away, here in Jamaica I see many one dollar coins being thrown away or left in the supermarkets – over shadowed the wealth of those who gave to gain fame and recognition.

What does this have to do with habits?

If we develop positive habits, then like the widow we will be able to realize, not only our strengths but we will be able to positively impact many who will come after us. I do not believe that the act of giving was something she did that one time, but had become so much a part of her that she gave without being burdened by it, her faith was strong because she practiced being faithful. We can say we believe certain things but our actions will always expose whether this is so or not.

There are many books, articles and blogs that talk about developing better habits for whatever success you want to achieve. However, I believe if you do not recognize that the habits you have are bad and are holding you back, then you won’t seek these valuable insights. Worse still if you do come across them, you will ignore them because as far as you are concerned they were never meant for you.

Stop telling yourself that what you have is all you were meant to be. Stop doing the same things over and over, year after year and getting nowhere. Be a rebel, be different, think differently and be the change that you need.

I say this because I know it; your habits become your reality and will determine your future.

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Valley Season

I have a friend who is experiencing a really challenging period just now. She has been referring to this as her valley season and I really wanted to address this.

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I have often focused on getting up the mountain, but I have also recognized that once you get their invariably you may need to climb another. However, before you reach the mountain, you will need to be in the valley. I also believe that in order to get to the other mountains you have to go through the valleys in between . A climb begins on the flat and not at the top, so to conquer the various mountains waiting for us we have to accept that we have to go through the valley, which is difficult, dry and sometimes seemingly lonely – but only if we choose to go it alone.

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Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil…
Psalm 23:4

One of things I really admire about my friend as she goes through this period is her faith. She jokes about it and laughs it off, but she never displays anger or frustration at what is happening. Instead she has faith that God will sustain her and strengthen her in this challenging season.

I remember that I was less optimistic in most of my valley experiences. I cried, I complained, I made bargains with God and threatened to give up. However, I was still hopeful, I still wanted to believe that God would pity me and help me. And I always came through those periods grateful. I survived all of them. Despite all my hysterics, God had seen me through.

Image result for Boldness is the ability to stand tall even when the valley seems deep. Your pain will bring gain. Just believe and go to work!

In those difficult times I sometimes would think about the experiences of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and the fact that they stood in the midst fiery furnace and triumphed. It is the reminder that we can conquer anything if our faith is strong and we remain true to who we are. Though they were condemned, they refused to compromise their beliefs and refused to change for anyone. When we experience our valley season we need to do the same. Being in the valley is a temporary situation, one from which we can gather much wisdom and come out on the other side, having learned a little more of how powerful we are with God’s support.

If we refuse to bow to the oppressive nature of our valley experience then we will indeed be victorious.

So the valley can teach us a lot. Maybe we need to look at it differently; it is not a place where we go to die but a place to realize how alive we are and how much we have to live for. It can teach us how to value what we have for the time we have it. Also, sometimes we are allowed to be in the valley because God is waiting to give us the best of what he has in store for us. We first have to prove that we are ready for it.

It takes courage to be in the valley; it takes faith, humility and wisdom to make your way out.

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psalm 23: 4

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Be Specific!

I recently had an encounter with a colleague, who asked me to pass her two rubber bands, and when I did she playfully – I hope – accused me of being too exact. I was puzzled, “isn’t this what she asked for?” She then chuckled to herself and suggested that my next blog could be about being specific about what you want.

I have thought about this and I am sure I am not the only one who prayed or asked for something and then was disappointed when we got it!

Other times we are very proficient in telling everyone what we DO NOT want and never what we do want. Yes we are complex beings.

Yes the problem was not that we did not get what we asked for, but,we did not ask for what we truly wanted.

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Sometimes we only see the big picture and not the small details. So we want to be successful at something or in some way, but we never truly realized or were not thinking realistically about what we would have to do to get there.On the other hand, we may ask for something and once we get it we are overwhelmed because either we did not truly expect to get it, or we are in over our heads and end up messing everything up. These shortcomings can lead to failure and it is only after we have lost all, that we realize that we made a grave mistake.

There is also the situation were we ask for things because we see others with them. Then life plays a trick on us – or it could be that we were fooling ourselves all along – and we are stuck with something we weren’t ready to have or never should have had.

I think it’s time we learn to stop asking for things that will take us nowhere. Instead we need to ask for that which will get us on the path what we truly desire, by focusing on it and ignore all outside distractions.

So, whether you are praying or making a list, be sure to ask for what you truly want. You just might get more than you expect; you just might get what you were truly meant to have all along but could never dream that far ahead.

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