forty years of wandering
forty years of bickering
forty years complaining
forty years
forty year
it took forty
years...
Better go back to Egypt
a slave but food to eat
better sleep
less bug bites...
who told God to bring us out -
we did?
Don't talk out loud
He may remember we cried
and He delivered.
Manna taste good -
but for forty years?
Not good enough
same everyday
no variety...
But,
no more fear
and lacking
but why not a savannah
to journey through?
Yet we get water
but the one back there
in the good ol' days
seem more familiar.
But,
we are not gong back
we must look ahead
so we go...
memories fade
no longer slaves
and all that remains is now
now I am free
now I can see
from the light
that goes before me
now I can smell
the greenness so near
now I am near
the Savior's touch
now I can say
this is enough
Salvation gained
walking through the parted sea
now I can feel
what I was meant to be
now I can touch the promise
given in the valley
forty years after eleven...
Tag: believe
Loyalty… Sacrifice
Stop lying. You are not truly loyal. It’s desperation. I ain’t condemning you. I seen it in myself too that’s why I can tell you. You is a liar.
Too often we feel trapped in ticking all the boxes to please people until we tick ourselves right off a cliff. We feel we need to take care of it all but really we lying about the truth of what we do. All we do is hold ourselves captive to what we think we should do to sit at an imaginary table that never had legs to stand on much less a seat for us to sit. Many of us are still blinded by the need to do all at the cost of self and we claim to be doing something, like helping others. How are we serving others by sacrificing our health, our mind, and our spirit? No one asked, nor do they have the right to expect that. So stop being unkind to yourself.
When last did we help ourselves by being honest. By saying you know what we don’t want to do this, “this is no longer about using the gifts God gave me but trying to please others for their approval, this is not about serving God by serving others. This has become catering to the will of another human being”. When will we turn around and be honest and truthful to ourselves and to those we are trying to please? We take care of others, and when you think about it, we are okay with thinking we have some special talent for it. No, we need to be honest about the fact that because we are human we are limited. Stop doing that job to make others happy. Be yourself don’t sacrifice yourself for a cause you were never called to take up. Jon of Arc is a saint, but you are no Jon of Arc and nobody should expect you to be.
“What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8: 34)
For this advent period, we need to think differently. We need to start thinking of living in truth not living a sacrificial life based on how much we can please others and how much we need to please God. We need to reflect on why we may do the things we do and how we can work at being more intentional. It’s finally time to start being faithful to who God has called us to be and not to the calling of the world. Let us be loyal to Jesus and not the flesh
For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings. (Hosea 6:6)
It’s Not Yourself You Doubt…It’s God
There I am giving myself a pep talk for the hundredth time, “Come on, stop doubting yourself.” Then an epiphany, it’s not myself I doubt, it’s God.
I seem to have often lost sight of God in the confusion of trying to find myself – ironic. What is that even about? I have noticed that it is hard to know yourself when you don’t trust yourself to do anything without making a mistake or outright failing. What I know, then becomes covered by failings and regrets. So, I don’t trust myselves to do the simple things, for I see potential failure in every action. But there is something even more sinister at play. When I doubt myself it’s because I am using myself as a scapegoat. Yes, that was the true epiphany, behind the self-disgust and self-criticism is the sad truth, I don’t trust God to fulfil His promises to me.
What are the Promises of God?
God has promised to strengthen us when we are weak. However, many people become weak because they forget this promise or don’t believe it. It can seem impossible to believe in the middle of a challenging situation. God has also promised to take care of all our needs. Yet, we often doubt how we will receive the things we need and how we can accomplish certain tasks. We forget that God has already promised to take care of our needs. When we fail to get what we need, we blame ourselves for not being enough, not being smart enough, or not being resourceful enough. However, we fail to acknowledge that we have totally ignored the promise from God to take care of all our needs. Then we pray for God to help us and then turn to unqualified, ill-equiped persons just like ourselves forgetting that we have to wait. We do not wait for an answer but proceed to answer our own prayer to God in a timeline that suits our desires and not the desires of God. God promises to work everything out for our good, yet we get disappointed when we don’t get the job, or end up where we don’t want to be. We feel that there was something we could have done to make things happen in the way we think they should happen. We are not thankful for the rejections, for the nos and for the delays. Really we get mad at ourselves for not being enough. The sad truth is we don’t trust God to know what is best and just leave it all to Him. He promises to be with us and to protect us but we never remember this when we feel alone, we wonder what’s wrong with us, why we have no friends and we try to mould ourselves into people pleasers to keep those who were never meant to stay with us around. We are not confident that God can take care of us, so we worry about everything and everyone and never venture beyond what we can see and understand. Then there is the promise of freedom from sin. Here we feel our sins can never be forgiven no matter what because they are so bad, so unforgivable, even though God already promises through His words, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed (John 8: 34-36). We are keeping ourselves shackled to our sins by not believing that we are free of them through Jesus Christ. And because of these doubts, we lack the peace that comes from God. We cannot find it in exercise, yoga, motivational quotes or daily affirmations but in the word of God, “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27).
Now, the safest way to combat your doubts is to live in the word of God. I have been guilty of skimming and not living in God’s word to my detriment. It can seem hard to daily turn to the word of God for sustenance and the enrichment of our faith, but it is vital for survival. We are too busy, but are we making the effort to find the time. As for me, I know I am not and that is not a good place to be. It is vital to the survival of our relationship with God and victory over the challenges that rush at us on a daily basis. Also, we have to strengthen our prayer life and be consistent in all things, whether we see them as major or not. When our communication and connection with God is undermined then doubts creep in and take hold because we have lost sight of the one who truly sustains us. We have to nurture our relationship with God so that our faith grows. We have to practice letting go and letting God no matter the outcome. We have to trust, that His ways are always better than our way. We have to trust that He will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert for us. Not because we deserve it or because we have earned this great and wonderful gift, but because He is faithful and does not give us what we deserve but what we require.
Praise Song
Praise Song Hallel From the deepest bowels of hell I scream my release "born, born, born again thank God I'm born again"... forged from fire born of water and the spirit and the blood... My tears fall away like scales Thank God I am no longer for sale no longer a slave! From my mouth a spring well of sage sayings. Sifa. see how far you are if the voice you carry carries thunder and fire to ignite and inspire the dead to rise again. bow low but stand tall when you hear the call the call to worship. I am planted deep and deep I come from now always... shalom
You Will Learn!
When people Show you who they are. Why don’t you believe them?
Maya Angelou
Bigger Than You.
Just Listen
Why are you mad?
why are you getting heated?
This was never about you
why are you waiting?
Standing there by yourself
No one told you to
No one expected that of you.
I’m lazy
So what?
This ain’t about you.
you’re scared?
I frighten you?
Miss
Who told you it was your fear to carry?
Why are you still here?
I thought you left
A long time ago.
Okay stay there.
Wait.
Stand there.
Expect more than you were promised.
If you want to wait
for the hundredth time
that’s your problem.
The poem above sums up the idea of how misguided we can be – more often than not. we project our secret hopes, desires and wishes on people and white wash their true character. We blame others for our unhappiness and disappointments. Personally, I believe that this is too much power to give another person over your live. Yet we continuously do so, needing to learn the lesson over and over – but never benefiting from it.
It’s dangerous to depend on others to make you happy and to make life worthwhile. The danger lies in the fact that you can actually create that person from your imagination and place this ideal in front of who they truly are. it is dangerous when you blindly follow that image to the detriment of your own peace of mind and even life! We feel compelled to give others the benefit of the doubt, even if it kills us. Quite literally. It becomes dangerous when we see the person for who they are but still insist on perusing that image. However, at this point it is no longer their problem, but solely ours.
Having faith and trusting in people is good. But this does not mean that we should abandon all common sense. There is something also very narcissistic in expecting others to be a certain way, the way you envision, “just for me“. In thinking that we have that special something that will compel them to believe that what has been working for them, is of no more value to them. The person who proclaims him or herself as being something specific, means that they genuinely believe it. It means that they accept and will always strive to be that way, no matter what others may say or think. It is not just that the person has a warped notion of self, but that they have self-determined who they are.
Believe them, do not make any excuse for them. Accept that not everyone will be the way you want them to be. Their words and actions are powerful because it shapes who they are. Accept that they sincerely know more about who they are, enough to clearly express it. Believe in their words and take comfort in their actions. And if it does not align with your vision, move along and be content in your disappointment.
Just Because…
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that You would indeed bless me and enlarge my territory, and that Your hand would be with me, and You would keep me from evil so that it does not hurt me!” And God granted his request.
1 Chronicles 4:10
The irony of words is that they are easier to say than do. Its easy to say you will change the world, sitting in the backyard of your parents’ house. It’s easy because no one is there to challenge you. If you say it at a whisper, then no one will know if you failed and you can go back to being your normal self.
We tell ourselves it’s enough to do what we have been told and just getting by. We do not ask for much and in turn we get little. We then complain because we got exactly what we asked for and then complain how unfair the world is. But we never take responsibility for the dreams we gave up too quickly, to following the assembly line of a “cookie- cutter- live”.
We may be at this stage of living this way because it seemed impossible to grab that dream and make it real. We thought and listened to all the reasons why it could not be. And so it was never to be. Instead of listening to the noise from outside, sometimes it’s more vital to look within and depend on the Spirit instead of the flesh. Only then will we be able to accept, if we still have doubts, that anything is truly possible if we believe. We need to remember Jabez’s prayer when we feel we are too small to dream big and too powerless to expect more:
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