I Knew You.

 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be.  Psl 139:16

You i knew
before my memory got so poor.
Old age cannot explain why I cannot see you.
I think
but my thoughts are all jumbled:
A string of thoughts.
No rhyme or reason.
An idea half formed,
destroyed before it could be born.
Or was it killed,
A dream not born of a woman
or man -
We must always be
'politically correct"
I know of you,
or so I would like to believe.
But do I know you
as you should have been?
In setting me a part by my appointment did it work?
If it is your Word that comes
why does it not enter,
why is it locked out,
strangled under the weight of not knowing.
Like a bolom maybe I had lost
my salvation.
How to get it back but to retrace my steps and hope I have my way
A silent cry is what I hear and turn to.
A cry that has no beginning
no ending
no words
no sound.
So loud that it cannot be drowned
Cannot be silenced by the impracticality of your practicality.

If I awaken from my slumber
will I like that piteous monster,
cry to dream again?
one wonders, if a simple awakening is enough.


Remember this when you feel adrift.
There is a reason why you have to be still.
A reason you are for that moment
empty and not filled.
There is a reason you curl inward and not out.
A reason you have to take you time
to think and think without reason or rhyme.
A reason you hibernate.
When you sleep so long
So deep.
Remember this when you cannot think.
When your mind is consumed by nothing.
When all you can do is sit
walk look
back and then ahead.
Remember this when you cannot create
all that in your mind so great.
When all you can do is look
at everyone who looks like
they have left you on the side
Remember this when you wonder about faith
and find it missing
from your plate.
When the weight of waste
blocks your path
and you wait for a rebirth
of sorts.
When you want to blurt
the truth.
But your voice has gone
to the voice farm
never to be reclaimed
for a while.
For a while you did not count
something of yourself
until you were called to mount
that mountain.

Remember there is a time for everything:

(A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace). (Ecclesiastes 3:2-8, NKJV)

every goodbye means hello.
All your tears will
disappear in the blinding sun.
S.Grant Feb 2020
Blue Petaled Flowers

Just Because…

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that You would indeed bless me and enlarge my territory, and that Your hand would be with me, and You would keep me from evil so that it does not hurt me!” And God granted his request.

1 Chronicles 4:10

The irony of words is that they are easier to say than do. Its easy to say you will change the world, sitting in the backyard of your parents’ house. It’s easy because no one is there to challenge you. If you say it at a whisper, then no one will know if you failed and you can go back to being your normal self.

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We tell ourselves it’s enough to do what we have been told and just getting by. We do not ask for much and in turn we get little. We then complain because we got exactly what we asked for and then complain how unfair the world is. But we never take responsibility for the dreams we gave up too quickly, to following the assembly line of a “cookie- cutter- live”.

We may be at this stage of living this way because it seemed impossible to grab that dream and make it real. We thought and listened to all the reasons why it could not be. And so it was never to be. Instead of listening to the noise from outside, sometimes it’s more vital to look within and depend on the Spirit instead of the flesh. Only then will we be able to accept, if we still have doubts, that anything is truly possible if we believe. We need to remember Jabez’s prayer when we feel we are too small to dream big and too powerless to expect more:

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