Category: self-care

Letter from a People Pleaser

Listen up everyone.
I don't give a damn!
what you think of me
how I dress
what I say
where I go
what I do with my life.
It's not your place to tell me anything.
If I marry
when I marry
who I marry
if I have a child
when I have one
or how I have one
What I do don't concern you.
Don't share
your opinion
I don't need it.
I don't give a fluck
if you're down on your luck
and you are looking in my pocket for a buck.
Let me be me
let me do me
just let me be!

Emotional Regulation

https://selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/what-is-emotion-regulationsinfo-brief.pdf

Does this chart seem familiar in some way? If you have been here before or, you are now here, not to worry, you are not alone. Emotional regulation according to Ross A Thompson

emotional regulation consists of the extrinsic and intrinsic processes responsible for onitoring, evaluating, and modifyinh emotional reactions, especially their intensive and temporal features, to accomplish one’s goals

Thompson, “Emotional Regulation: A Theme in Search of Definition

The situation does not have to be work-related. It can concern any and all aspects of our lives and how we are able or unable to regulate our emotions can determine the quality of life we have.

Emotional Regulation Explained

So this will take some work and we cannot do it on our own, so we need help. But we can start and see where things lead. It’s not easy but it’s necessary….

Watch your words, Sis, they can kill…

She was tired. The results did not match the effort. “Why was this so hard? O God I just want to die! Come, Lord, I can’t bother no more.” She puts down her sword, puts down her armour and just sits there. She thinks she’s ready. She thinks she’s ready to die, because why should she live if she has nothing to give…

You are too harsh by far. You are too harsh to yourself and each word you utter cuts deep and leaves a wound. Soon, you will start bleeding until all the life is drained from your body. Be kind to yourself, just as you are kind to somebody else. Your words are causing those wounds that will be hard to repair.

There are times when we feel so much despair we just don’t care. We look at our situation and think of death before dishonour and so we say, death. We claim death to our dreams, relationships and our very being. We lose sight of our purpose and speak so much nonsense and we start to believe them. We start to nurture them, water them protect them; we start to worship them. Then we feel despair hounding us and we get tired. Yes, we get tired and we think those thoughts, over and over again until, our light is diminished. We lock ourselves off and forget our powerful friend. We forget we have a friend in Jesus. We sink into a hole so dark and so deep that we are consumed by it.

However, to give in is when despair truly begins. This is where the dishonour becomes a real thing. Giving reign to the dark disqualifies our purpose, and dishonours a gift given in love, blood and unimaginable pain. Yes, Sticks and stones can break bones but words and be the death of us. Little by little those words of failure of surrender begin to chip away at our tenacity, our resolve and our birthright. So be careful, be very careful of the things you tell yourself. Because what others say to you, doesn’t really matter, until you begin to repeat them to yourself. Only then do they become true. So, be careful that the words you think of, the words you use with yourself are words, God, has commissioned over your life, not those carelessly tossed around by a desperate mind.

“Let me give you a preview of what your words can do and tell me what you think…”

“Oh God! I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord, forgive me!”

Pull back when you are closest to the edge, reach out and seek help. But don’t allow yourself to be enticed by the tragedy of your story. It’s better to seek the repairer of the breach, that’s what we should seek than to blindly orchestrate and actively participate in our defeat. Words are powerful use the with wisdom, love and kindness.

A Letter with Love. For My Sisters in Distress

“It’s a vicious cycle”. A good friend of mine uttered these words to me recently. She had grown frustrated with herself. She was not herself. And so she was condemning herself. I wanted to give her a hug because I know how it feels. When you wake up each day to change those things that seem to take you down a dark road you end in the same way you were the day before. It can be so frustrating. Especially when we place so much pressure to do the right thing and give no grace for our humanness. “I hate that I am…” But what do you love that you are? Yes, there are things we wish we could change at the snap of a finger but just a well-placed thought. However, it never ends up that way. But Sis, where is the grace?

We live in a world that is so fast-paced that we place so much pressure on ourselves to rebound, bounce back and carry on. All in haste to get nowhere, just being further away than where we started. The funny thing is that each day it is the same. This is a vicious cycle. We do not stop to think that maybe it’s okay, to not feel okay. We think it horrific to just allow ourselves the space to have this thing play out to its own conclusion, even if right now we feel stretched thin so we can catch ourselves back down the road when we come back together again. We need to be comfortable with a process that is uncomfortable so that we can come out fine on the other side, in our own time and not when we think we should. Our body knows the score, it knows it’s a process but when we interfere with its attempt at healing we undermine our very being. It is hard, and words are easy – sometimes. But we have to stop the cycle by being kind about what we say and think about ourselves. Maybe you too feel like my friend now feels and you too are silently suffering:

It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach
it balls up in your throat
blocking the air 
flow
It's the tightness of and suffocation from
the mask you wear
It's the jumbled thoughts in your head
It's not knowing what exactly is wrong 
but
sensing the weight
It's... (by S.A.D)

Yes that darn feeling, that paralyse the strongest of us at one time or another. There is little that can be said in those moments to truly brings us the salvation that we need. We have to wait, we have to wait for the feeling to pass so we can get back to ourselves and then we have to hug ourselves and remind ourselves, that we are doing our best. It will take time, just breathe and wait. 

And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,
when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:
to say ‘Glad to meet you’,
without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been
nice talking to you’, after being bored.

But believe me, son.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs! (from Once Upon a Time by Gabriel Okara)

When you don’t feel like yourself, it’s knowing someday you will, if only you push through to the next day. It is not easy but it can be done. It is not easy but thy will be done. You just need to know that you have a choir singing behind you reminding you to stay true to your intentions and more importantly, to stay true to who you are. and when you don’t see how great you are then remember whose you are and sing with conviction:

… Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

And because He is great you are great. You are greater than your circumstances. You are greater than your troubles. You are greater than anything that is kicking your ass now. You were always great, never less than great and will always be great. You are great SIS! But never feel less because you don’t feel great when a moment or moments of weakness have you in a chokehold. This too shall pass

Sis… We need to let it go!

She has always felt not quite right where she was planted. Yes, she grew but not as tall as she wanted to. Yes, she spread wide, but not as wide enough to touch the universe and come back to herself. Yes, she laid down roots, but they were shallow, not deep or strong enough to withstand the storms. And so she left. She slowly and painfully pulled up those roots. She folded herself tight enough to fit on that ship. She hid her colours to blend into the atmosphere of her despair and she left. She left because she felt if she stayed one more day, she would die. Her beauty would shrivel like a dried-out meat and die. It was not easy for her to leave. Several times she fainted, was revived and fainted again. It was a process. She nearly did not make it. But God!

She made it. She was strong. She stepped off that ship because she made it. Immediately something felt as if it was missing. She walked the streets, looking for a bed to rest her head and she knew something was missing. But how sway? She had been through so much to get here? She had sacrificed her peace of mind to find her peace. Now, here she was in a new place, looking for the familiars. The environment was not “envionmenting” for her, it did not give her the spark of joy that she needed and so she stopped. She stopped because she could see a new challenge on the way. Which way was the right way? She looked back and knew she could not. She could not go back. But to go ahead was uncertain. What would she do if she failed? Who could she turn to? What would become of her yet unfulfilled dreams? What was there outside of herself that she could turn to?

Do you know, you can travel halfway around the world trying to realise your new and still feel imprisoned by your old? Physically escaping the place of your trauma or traumas is one thing but emotionally and psychologically you can still be held captive by them because you have not truly let go of them. And even if God creates the right atmosphere and environment for you to grow and flourish, if He sends the right people, if you do not participate in all the things he prepares for you it will come to nothing. Opportunities are great and new experiences are encouraged but make sure they are not mixed with the refuse from your life that should have been disposed of a long time ago. So, we can move to the ends of the earth but we cannot escape our problems but, we can rely on God for direction. For pruning when we need pruning and for renewal when we are dry and thirsty for the encouragement we need, there must be a constant connection with God. I am not talking about friends and family, they are important. However, I have come to realise that only God can give peace, encouragement and confidence needed to thrive wherever you are planted.

We need to stop thinking we can operate outside the will of God. We need God even when we’ve made it because we made it to a point and there are many more steps to go. As- a -matter -of -fact we never reach our goal steps in life, we have to keep meeting and setting new steps. In all this stepping and goal making we need to abide in God so He can abide in us.: If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you[a] will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you (John 15:7). Challenges will come, no matter where we are and what we are doing but we hope in Christ and not the things we gain here on earth. We therefore need to remember that all that we do must be done consulting with God seeking Him and heeding His will for our lives. It can be hard but not impossible. If we do not rely on God for everything we become vulnerable to anything, we accept any standard outside of ourselves and God’s purpose. We may forget that we are not powerless and begin to believe that we need things outside of ourselves to truly measure our worth. Let us not allow ourselves to be cast into the fire and burned but let us bear much fruit by abiding in God. Let us bloom, not because we did it, but because we did it with Christ as our gardener.

There was nothing outside of herself. All that she needed she was already equipped with. She had the Sipirt of her gardener ready to instruct her and guide her to her success. She would not die, she knew this. She had just forgotten because where she came from was so filled with light, that she was momentarily disoriented by the darkness and dampness of this new place. She remembered that power was within and had never left her and her source was the Comforter. So, she began to move again but now with renewed purpose. She had all she needed to go anywhere, take root and bloom

Nuggets to Keep You Focused

I enjoy reading inspirational quotes when I need a little pick-me-up. There are just some days when you are too much with yourself, you get into your head and seem stuck there. Recently, I have been feeling a little out of sorts and have been trying to get out of the funk I’m in. This time instead of scouring the internet looking for some inspo quotes, some came to me that are helping me. So, today I share with you all some that I think will be helpful when you find yourself in that position. It really takes great commitment and effort not to be totally flattened by negative thoughts and emotions, that for whatever reason assault us out of the blue. Take all of these quotes or one that brings you the comfort that you need to get through each second, minute, hour or day:

A new chapter can begin when even in uncertainty and doubt you say yes. Not because you know the time is right, but because you are right for that time.

Forgive yourself for yesterday and live for today

Chances are you won’t walk this way again, so stop, breathe, taste, touch and live

Commit to one small act to revive the soul each day and fill your life’s album

Do not be defined by the past but redefine yourself instead

Feel what you feel but do not make it your bedfellow

You can only get from others what they see you give to yourself

Being kind to others is a good habit to develop each day, but leave some over for yourself.

Regret is a cold, cruel dish that if ingested, will give you indigestion!

You will be miserable at times, and you may feel helpless and even lonely at times, but whatever you feel, be honest with yourself so that those feelings have an escape and do not do harm

A lie, even one by omission, takes too much effort to try and control and in the end, it leads you off a cliff

You are allowed to have moments of doubt but do not swallow them or they will burn and singe your insides like molten lava