Is Validation Wrong?

What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.

― Confucius

What does validation mean to you? We begin to address the first question by asking another question. I am a genius right? but hear me out. To validate someone or something can mean to prove or confirm that they are valuable or worthwhile.In other words we have a sense of worth by getting praise or recognition.

Validation on its own can be a wonderful experience, a necessary act. In validating someone we are acknowledging their unique qualities. We are saying, “yes I see you and I know that you are special and I respect you”. We all seek validation in all areas of our lives, whether or not we want to admit this.It’s difficult to measure if this is always good or bad. Certainly, there is a sense of pride when our efforts are recognized and we are able to see how pleased others are with our work. I suppose that is why there are so many award shows and ceremony nowadays. Everyone wants to get a gold medal, a statue, plague or even a certificate, that piece of paper that validate their efforts. No one wants to encounter the dreaded realm of non-recognition.

If you are waiting on someone, don’t!

Don’t worry about getting credit, do the work anyway.” 

― Richie Norton

Don’t wait on someone to validate you and your abilities. Validation becomes something bad when we base our worth and purpose in this life on what others say or think about us.When all that we are is the title we have been assigned by someone else and not the work we have yet to do. When we plan our lives based on what others will say and do.In order to be truly happy you need to do what feels right to you and what is right for you. When you need to stop, think and change your outlook, is when you cannot act without seeking or receiving validation from others.

Where does validation begin?..

Validation begins with self-validation. You must recognize your own good qualities and belief in them before others can. You must first praise yourself for your accomplishment and not wait on others to do so for you.When you do this then it won’t be whiplash when others do so.In validating yourself you recognize your worth and accept it. You also don’t need a medal, an award or a certificate to know your worth.The praise you receive from others should not be able to make or break your world but the “icing on the cake”!

In order to feel supported loved and valued we first need to give that to ourselves.But also we should remember that validation is not a one way thing. While we seek to validate ourselves and while we value the validation of others, let us remember to validate others. To focus on receiving praise and never consider giving is when we enter the domain of selfishness. Remember, validation is a good thing, just consider the reason you are seeking it.