Category: Encountering New Experiences

Though the Righteous Fall Seven Times They Rise Again…

I’m sure there are many guilt-filled persons walking around who have not allowed themselves to be persecuted in the court of public opinion, but who have gone ahead and condemned themselves and exacted punishment. Guilt is a burden that many find hard to bear, but many carry. The thought that “I made a mistake” or “I did something wrong”, can be the nail that seals a life of misery from which a person can never recover.

So many are so concerned with doing good and making sure they toe the line, they eventually have a nervous breakdown and destroy that image constructed by one foolish act – at least this is how they see things. They do not believe they can be redeemed after those mistakes and either lash out at others or lash out at themselves. The reality though, is that we all do things that will cast doubt on our “good”l image that we have spent so long constructing. For some being good has become a full time job and they have traded genuineness for fakeness. We become okay with persons who project what we expect and not who they truly are and expect others to be and act perfect when they were never meant to be that way. If we are good maybe it is okay to judge others, to relegate some to “those people”, who we will never be like.

If we accept that we a imperfect beings, then when we fall we can recovery quicker. We can accept that our failures do not define us but can transform us, help us grow and flourish, then we can better survive the storms of life. Guilt, will not take root and eat us alive – stifling our potential. Then we would know that there is life after those mistakes and that those mistakes will not have power over us. Instead of aiming for perfection, what we need to do is be honest on our journey, expect honesty and nothing more. Know that persons will disappoint you and be okay with this because they were never perfect to begin with and they should not have to be something they by nature are not.

Don’t strive to be perfect but to be an overcomer. It is better to have failed and learned from that failure than to remain stuck on impossibilities that cause you to fail. For it is in falling and failing many times that you will ascend to where you are truly meant to be:

for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again,
but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.
Proverbs 24:16

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Bored… Uninspired?

Maybe you feel the your life is in the dumpster, because everything is in the dumpster. Maybe it is that being in quarantine, restrictions in your movement has stifled your enthusiasm for life. Maybe you feel that life is just one never ending corner that you having trying to get around, to no avail. You look around, and in many ways you feel bored with your life. Maybe, you have even questioned why you should even care about anything.

We look at our phones and see yet another person celebrating another achievement, then look in the mirror and question the image looking back, “what are you doing with your life? Pathetic”. Then onto Instagram or even Facebook we go and see many perfect (or so it seems to many) images that further flings us in great distress at our ordinariness. But we do not stop looking. Too many persons continue to torment themselves by looking at these highlight reels that never reflect small fragments of that person’s life – those highlight reels.

We too lie comatose as we try to recapture moments in our lives that mattered, while we ignore the life we must live. We want to experience those times before covid when we were innocent and free. But if we look close enough we would realise that even then we complained some more bitterly than others of how bored we are with our lot and how little we had achieved. we may see highlight reels of events that seems so exciting and so real but which often times would evaporate in thin air when we try to reach for them to touch them.

But what if we stopped focusing on what our lives is not and appreciate what it is. If we flipped the switch and begin to see every our lives as just that our lives. Instead of waiting to live your real lives and until things get back to normal, let us make choices that will allow us to enjoy all those ordinary moments. Moments when we say and do the wrong things but also when we get things right. When our choices brings positive results even if no one knows we did that – we know and we just have to be content with that. We have to make our ordinary extraordinary by stop looking behind at those moments that have been captured on the reel of our lives and we have to stop looking down at those highlight reels that not even those in the frame can maintain.

So though many of us feel bored with life right now, a little vexed – or a lot vexed – by all we have to deal with, take a walk, have a laugh, work on something that you love doing or that will help you to move forward. But whether bored by the restrictions imposed because of covid or whether you have been stung by your judgmental inside eyes that look out and compare, there is nothing gained in allowing your view of yourself to stymie the potential that you have and the richness of your life now and that which is yet to be realised. Maybe we need to get off or reduce our consumption of social media, stop straining our necks to see in someone else’s lane and just appreciate the good things that this year has given – life lessons and good people who stuck by no matter what.

Maybe when we choose to open ourselves a little more to possibilities we will see that there a many little things that can make our lives exciting and rewarding in its own special way.

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Clear Visions

We made it to November in 2020! At one point there are many who would never would have believed they would; many did not. The year has been so disappointing for many and persons continue to struggle micro and macro concerns that seem to box us in, keep us diminished. If we spend too much time focusing on the distractions and the negative naysayers then we would buckle unde the weight of all we have experienced and all that we still have to experience.

But I believe 2020 has been true to what it was said to be at the start of the year – perfect vision that is what we have had. We have been able to come to some hard realisations about ourselves and other, the world in which we truly live in and not the one we sought to construct. This has been a year where, under some very uncertain times, we have had to let go of many things. Jobs left many, loved ones, friend and opportunities. However, we have also gained many things that we often do not see because we are so focused on those negatives things that disguise the good.

I am sure that many will leave 2020 a lot more mature, a lot more honest about who they are. 2020 has made it impossible for anyone who wore a mask to continue wearing the mask that has fooled so many – even those who wear them. The pandemic has made it easier for us to be honest in all areas of our lives, and this has led to many upheavals that now may seem unbearably painful, but ones which we will survive and even flourish henceforth.

For me the things that use to be important, are no longer important because I now realise at the end of the day all those things will eventually lose their significance. I also realise that you have to be realistic in your expectations of others and of yourself. There is no place for fantasies and the world can be a very very scary place; and more importantly, that it is not a bad thing if you don’t know everything. Not everyone can handle the truth and those persons who cannot should be even some grace and be allowed to carry that which they can manage to carry.

If there is one thing I am grateful for, is that this year so far has taught me what it truly means to be humble: to be in a position when you hit rock bottom and only by grace do you rise again. I have seen that ego can be detrimental and is something that we all have to fight against, ot lose the good within that can make us give of our best; we can lose the best part of who we are, but we should never deny that we also have flaws which makes it impossible for us to judge anyone for theirs.

I have come to accept that we are all different and the best you hope for someone is not necessarily the best that they hope for themselves and we should accept this. You can never pray or wish someone into the mould you want them to be and it is not your job to do. All we can do is live the lives we are qualified to live and remain faithful that we will have what we need to do so.

life is not easy. Even if you think you have everything you need at a given time, there will always be a fork in the road to knock your off track; to force you on a detour journey that will either reshape or snap you in two. No one owes you anything because everyone is just doing the best they can, where they are at and that has to okay. At the end of the day you can either take them on or let them go, it all depends on you.

So while we continue to weather the storms that 2020 has in store for us, we must see beyond the clouds and find our silver linings.

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Clawing Back.

It may be that you are feeling suffocated by the uncertain buble in which you exist. You may feel buried alive unable to see how far gone you are, but knowing you are about to run out of air. How can you crawl your way out of this mess?

It surely will take supernatural powers- powers you don’t have. So now what? Well you may have a small plastic fork from that dinner you did not consume. It look feeble, almost ready to break, but hey, it’s all you’ve got. But no, it cannot be that you must use this feeble tool, so you wait. As you wait for your saviour you begin to get delirious. You forget that the space you occupy is so confining that you begin to stretch, only to be reminded by the sudden collapse of your lungs; what to do? Oh what do you do?

You spent so much precious time dreaming of being free, of stretching wide and far, of being carefree. It almost becomes too late and it will be too late, if you don’t get going soon. As you lay there inactive undecided and immovable, there is a constant sticking in your back – sharp enough to pierce your skin and draw blood. Suddenly you wonder if your first die from losing blood or affixation. Just when you embrace the possibility of one or both, cold water is poured on you one last time. Enough to wake you up. You must take this reprieve. It’s all you’ve got. You reach for that weapon and realise it is that stupid fork! But it’s all you’ve got.

So you start digging, trying to make your way. It takes hours, upon hours. Days upon endless days. Little by painstaking little you make progress. Will the earth cave in, swallow me whole? Well you have to continue, either way you will die, make no mistake. So you continue, your harms get so weak, you can barley – but you must continue. You dry to wet your lips but you realise that you are so parched that your tongue has grown tiger like papillae and you draw blood. But you must go one, this chance is all you’ve got. As your blood seeps in front of your vision, you wipe it and continue, there is no time to mourn the loss of life. You must contine.

Frazzled to the bone, no surrender you see a small hole. The aquifer that contains you is ready to release you. You dig enough so you can pour out, to see what lies beyond.

I Didn’t Need Eggs!

I recently completed something I have wanted to do for a long time, I did a Daniel fast and I was reflecting on what I had learned having done it.

One of the reasons that I did this was to get some answers to things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. So I embarked on this fast – ill-prepared I realised later – to seek God and His wisdom in order to have these things addressed. However, the first couple of days was a bit – how shall I put this mildly – hard beyond my wildest imagining. When I started I did not do so blindly, I did some research, bought some food stuff I read was specific to the fast. Good, check everything going well so far. Then I started reading more and realised that for everyone what you could eat during this period was different. So I thought I could fry food, then I realised I could not, I had peanut butter, then I learned no honey and honey was in the peanut butter, then I read no tea, not even herbal tea, so water only. Then when I was getting ready to cook, I read I could not use certain seasonings and I ended up using salt and pepper, and so it went. Therefore I realised that though you can eat on this fast, you had to be very careful that what you ate was acceptable, this was really an experience of limits and being disciplined.

So how did the eggs come in? Well on the Daniel fast you cannot eat eggs and you guessed it, I love egg! As a matter of fact I was shocked and apprehensive because I could not have eggs and I felt that I wouldn’t make it to the end of this fast because of this. I saw myself being weak and listless, having brain fog, not being able to exercise, nothing without my eggs. However, I decided to have this experience because I really wanted to start a new journey in my relationship with God. It was okay to cut down on social media and limiting interactions and reading the bible, but not enjoying the foods I use to enjoy was a struggle at first. I realised that food was a crutch: when I felt sad, bored, happy, angry, anxious you name it there were certain foods I would eat to match those feelings. However, on this fast I could not, I had to pray more and meditate more and really acknowledge how not just food, but others things in life, had become a crutch for me, unhealthy crutches. And having completed the fast, I know that like those eggs, there are things in life that I have been holding on to with a death grip that I really need to let go. I do not need them.

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During the fast I had never felt better, even though I did not have eggs to fuel me, to fill me and keep me going I felt BETTER. I did not feel worse or just as good, I felt better. I had more energy, no pain and I ate better. I did not miss my dear eggs in the least and now I really couldn’t care less about having them. More than just the eggs I realise that I have been making excuses in my attempt to hold on to things that really I would be better off letting go of. We all have things we need to let go of but just cannot or refuse to see it, because we have talked ourselves into believing that we need them. These things can be preventing us from experiencing something better. I now understand a little bit more that these crutches do not support but limit, making us fearful to try new things to be brave enough to leave them behind, while not knowing where we will end up. When we do this not only do we miss out on great life changing experiences but we also stunt our growth. Imagine that the thing I thought I would need the most became the thing I missed the least during this journey.

Sometimes we just need to let go and let God.

Black OR White?

I have come to realise that for many years, I have not been thinking in colours but in black or white. In my humble position I recognise that this way of thinking has undermined my relationship with others and tainted the experiences that I have had. But where did this all or nothing mentality come from? And more importantly how do I fix this? Somehow it became normal to think like this and looking closely this way of thinking is how we have been conditioned to think. In many movies I watched as a child, the good guy character is always the best, he never lies – but if he does only to the bad people – he never cheats or kills without reasons, in essence he is simply the knight in shining armor! Then there is the bad guy, rotten to the core, a real devil who is deserving of every bad thing that happens to him. As we get older we apply this concept to every area of our lives. People are either good or bad, period! While our experiences are summed up as either great or terrible. We either ignore or we are unaware of the grey areas or the in-betweens. We can never see the colours that change and shift in our varied experiences.

At first I would have disagreed with this self-diagnoses. one, because I thought I was very open to many opinions and two, because the thought of existing in such a rigid manner is very depressing. Who wants to live their lives thinking in extremes? Thinking in extremes can lead a person to make very unfair assumptions about others and to also have unfair expectations of them. But the reality is, I do think in black and white! So as a black and white thinker, I know if given two options, I feel I must choose the lesser of two evils, even if doing so compromises my belief and morals. This is not good at all. Also, I do think that someone is good until they do something and they become not just, ” not so good”, but evil personified. I have worried if people will think that I am a good person and do everything in my power to be so, because that is how I want to be viewed. Yet no matter how hard I try I always disappoint myself as the the bad takes over and clip the wings I try to grow. But, this is not healthy. This way of thinking has caused me to be too sensitive and too suspicious of any criticism that comes my way or dare I say any imagined criticism. Now, criticism I am discovering is not bad because no matter the place is comes from, there is always an opportunity to grow and learn from them. Then there is the mistake I make in thinking, if I just work harder and do more than I will be justly rewarded.” However, I have been learning that “good people” get punished all the time and some lose everything that they have, instead of gaining the world. Doing good does not mean that only good things will follow and it is not true that in every situation or most of the times even, the person who screws up all the time is destined to gain only bad things, for all eternity.

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These black and white thoughts lead to a stagnant life, as you wait for what you expect, and do not move with the reality of a situation, because you are blinded to the truth. There is also the result of lacking vision when that is exactly what you need. So you can’t see yourself doing something other than you expected or others expect you to do, and so you are not adaptable to change. When you are asked to give new ideas, you are hopeless and useless because everything that exists seems good enough already. When you think every problem has one clear answer then certain problems will never be solved properly. Also, if you want to escape your prison – no matter what that may be – you may never do so if you look to the locked door only or, if you try, you do so already accepting that it will be impossible.

From my few words we realise that there are many pitfalls to thinking in black and white. However, moving beyond this way of think can be hard to do. What I have started to do, is to acknowledge that this way of thinking has prevented me from being fearless enough to see the rainbows that God has sprinkled throughout my life; they exist within and around all of us.

I Wish...
I wish to see things clear
no matta blocking me.
I wish to see the real world
in colours
real
in colours
true.

Shut It Out!

Sometimes you have to turn everything off and just breathe. We are being bombarded with news that has us on edge every single day. Non Stop messaging that seems to be driving us crazy. Either that or stark raving mad and ready to do battle. There are times when many of us feel as if we are truly going crazy, our heads spinning with all that is taking place around us and to us.

We have become social media junkies. surfing all the social media platforms that seem to give us 10 million answers to one question and all of them different, falling short of the mark of enlightenment. It never seems to end! By the end of each week we are left feeling frazzled and ironically exhausted. surfing and sparing with all this information can be tiring.

Then there is this “new normal” that everyone keeps harping about which makes you feel like you are living in the twilight zone. What is remotely normal about this 2020, new normal must be a joke. Nothing is the same and nothing will be the same. Many are looking forward to 2021, but keep in mind that we were all excited and eager for 2020, and look how that turned out.

The fact is we are at a place where last year this time we would have never imagined we would be at. So what do we do now? There are many ways that we have been made to develop a healthy dose of fear and sense of powerlessness – unprecedented. Well, we have nowhere to run, quarantine restrictions seems to be taking care of that and made escape that much harder. Then how do we tackle the walls that are closing in?

We simply have to shut it all out. We have to go off radar by getting off social media and spending a little more time preparing something to eat instead of trying for the uptenth time to join that zoom meeting. Stop forcing our mind and body to do what they are not willing to do at that moment and just sign off for a while.

Everything and then some that has come with this covid pandemic year will still be there when you sign back on. Just like the virus, those issues will be here for a while. And if it means totally signing off to keep your health and peace of mind then do that to0. In the year of improbabilities, it may just be the right time to shut it all out and go off radar.