From the Edge of Doom. From the edge of doom I stand. Flames lick and caress my face I can taste its essence As my face drips with its lingering scent. Just one more step into a black void of nothingness welcoming me home. To step over I must get by the jagged edge of my conscience that rebels reminding me of my commitments. But how do I escape this pain of loss? I do not know I cannot tell. I look behind nothing. I look ahead also nothing. But maybe this nothingness ahead will give me rest. Take away the pain, maybe? "whether you go or stay it does not matter it's all the same - " I must shake it lose this beast that tries to devour me telling me to move forward over the edge. Maybe there is still hope whatever that is. Like Lot's wife I am rooted but I have looked back - again. I cannot bend my knees so I stand and pray - relieve! As the flames mesmerize and thrill I consider embracing the madness. Should I give in? "Who must I kill to find redemption?" No one comes, no one answers. So I stand - until I am pulled over by the flames or drawn away by saving grace.
Author: Simone
Loves to tell and hear untold stories about people, places and experiences!
Dream…
Dream Close your eyes close it tightly. tighter a little tighter - now dream. Dream of the happiness you want more of. Now dream. Dream of the you you want to be because it can be not because you wished upon a star. Now dream. Dream about the things you have to do things that need doing things you were meant to be doing. But these are not fantasies. Not lost in another reality. These are real buds buds that just need to be pruned - watered with real tears real blood. They will grow and flourish but only because you made them so. So dream dream of peace, love and prosperity - not of this word but really real fully ready to be plucked really ready. when the leaves have fallen rotting all around. When the musky scent of that refuse assaults your sense dream. dream of a spring blooms a=with blossomed hope true. Wait for it. Wait for the lazy summer days. Days when you can fully reap the harvest - pluck miracles out of your baskets. Dream, wider than your reach and hold them to your bosom. Let those dreams flow everywhere bringing you to life keeping you alive fueling your very soul. But never stop dreaming. fight against the disease of dreamlessness. a gangrene triumph that eats away slowly at the core of your essence.
Bored… Uninspired?
Maybe you feel the your life is in the dumpster, because everything is in the dumpster. Maybe it is that being in quarantine, restrictions in your movement has stifled your enthusiasm for life. Maybe you feel that life is just one never ending corner that you having trying to get around, to no avail. You look around, and in many ways you feel bored with your life. Maybe, you have even questioned why you should even care about anything.
We look at our phones and see yet another person celebrating another achievement, then look in the mirror and question the image looking back, “what are you doing with your life? Pathetic”. Then onto Instagram or even Facebook we go and see many perfect (or so it seems to many) images that further flings us in great distress at our ordinariness. But we do not stop looking. Too many persons continue to torment themselves by looking at these highlight reels that never reflect small fragments of that person’s life – those highlight reels.
We too lie comatose as we try to recapture moments in our lives that mattered, while we ignore the life we must live. We want to experience those times before covid when we were innocent and free. But if we look close enough we would realise that even then we complained some more bitterly than others of how bored we are with our lot and how little we had achieved. we may see highlight reels of events that seems so exciting and so real but which often times would evaporate in thin air when we try to reach for them to touch them.
But what if we stopped focusing on what our lives is not and appreciate what it is. If we flipped the switch and begin to see every our lives as just that our lives. Instead of waiting to live your real lives and until things get back to normal, let us make choices that will allow us to enjoy all those ordinary moments. Moments when we say and do the wrong things but also when we get things right. When our choices brings positive results even if no one knows we did that – we know and we just have to be content with that. We have to make our ordinary extraordinary by stop looking behind at those moments that have been captured on the reel of our lives and we have to stop looking down at those highlight reels that not even those in the frame can maintain.
So though many of us feel bored with life right now, a little vexed – or a lot vexed – by all we have to deal with, take a walk, have a laugh, work on something that you love doing or that will help you to move forward. But whether bored by the restrictions imposed because of covid or whether you have been stung by your judgmental inside eyes that look out and compare, there is nothing gained in allowing your view of yourself to stymie the potential that you have and the richness of your life now and that which is yet to be realised. Maybe we need to get off or reduce our consumption of social media, stop straining our necks to see in someone else’s lane and just appreciate the good things that this year has given – life lessons and good people who stuck by no matter what.
Maybe when we choose to open ourselves a little more to possibilities we will see that there a many little things that can make our lives exciting and rewarding in its own special way.
This is It
This is It. Hold me I don't feel so good. I think I am going to explode I need to go let go of this pressure building up inside I see double. triple - I can't see at all I need to sit to stand to take a break to get going I am a mess! I can't think clearly I think too much what will I do what will I do? I wish it would start I hope it doesn't I'm not ready! Oh God! What will I do? okay okay I can do this I must do this I am going now now now! - that's it it's over?
I Do Not Know How…
I Do Not Know How... I stand tall as a tree rooted deeply I do not know how... I can fly depths and heights unimagined I cannot tell how... What I build can never be destroyed I cannot say how... When I have lost the battle I still clench the victory to show you I cannot... The stormy clouds soothe but do not destroy me a miracles I could not foretell... Through glassy pains I see nothing but my vision is enough so I do not stumble... Without a blueprint I build on a strong foundation though the workmanship is not mine... held at gunpoint the trigger pulled I survived though I had not moved a muscle... In my hand I held nothing but I have much from nothing emerged plenty miracles... All I wear is tattered but I am always warm no logic science cannot tell... I stand and sleep - there is only standing room yet I am refreshed, renewed... I do not know I cannot tell' but I know it is so...
Clear Visions
We made it to November in 2020! At one point there are many who would never would have believed they would; many did not. The year has been so disappointing for many and persons continue to struggle micro and macro concerns that seem to box us in, keep us diminished. If we spend too much time focusing on the distractions and the negative naysayers then we would buckle unde the weight of all we have experienced and all that we still have to experience.
But I believe 2020 has been true to what it was said to be at the start of the year – perfect vision that is what we have had. We have been able to come to some hard realisations about ourselves and other, the world in which we truly live in and not the one we sought to construct. This has been a year where, under some very uncertain times, we have had to let go of many things. Jobs left many, loved ones, friend and opportunities. However, we have also gained many things that we often do not see because we are so focused on those negatives things that disguise the good.
I am sure that many will leave 2020 a lot more mature, a lot more honest about who they are. 2020 has made it impossible for anyone who wore a mask to continue wearing the mask that has fooled so many – even those who wear them. The pandemic has made it easier for us to be honest in all areas of our lives, and this has led to many upheavals that now may seem unbearably painful, but ones which we will survive and even flourish henceforth.
For me the things that use to be important, are no longer important because I now realise at the end of the day all those things will eventually lose their significance. I also realise that you have to be realistic in your expectations of others and of yourself. There is no place for fantasies and the world can be a very very scary place; and more importantly, that it is not a bad thing if you don’t know everything. Not everyone can handle the truth and those persons who cannot should be even some grace and be allowed to carry that which they can manage to carry.
If there is one thing I am grateful for, is that this year so far has taught me what it truly means to be humble: to be in a position when you hit rock bottom and only by grace do you rise again. I have seen that ego can be detrimental and is something that we all have to fight against, ot lose the good within that can make us give of our best; we can lose the best part of who we are, but we should never deny that we also have flaws which makes it impossible for us to judge anyone for theirs.
I have come to accept that we are all different and the best you hope for someone is not necessarily the best that they hope for themselves and we should accept this. You can never pray or wish someone into the mould you want them to be and it is not your job to do. All we can do is live the lives we are qualified to live and remain faithful that we will have what we need to do so.
life is not easy. Even if you think you have everything you need at a given time, there will always be a fork in the road to knock your off track; to force you on a detour journey that will either reshape or snap you in two. No one owes you anything because everyone is just doing the best they can, where they are at and that has to okay. At the end of the day you can either take them on or let them go, it all depends on you.
So while we continue to weather the storms that 2020 has in store for us, we must see beyond the clouds and find our silver linings.
Break All the Narratives
Break All the Narratives Before you can break those chains that cling lovingly break all those narratives. All those time you would be confused wondering why things just could not turn out right. Why the curse had followed you from Eve's womb. Stories told of you to you about you but never by you. stories which condemned you before you even tried. They sought to bury in the petrid soil of hopelessness - where you were told you belonged. Never your story never you. it does not matter. It does not matter that you had to claw your way up. That at your slow progress you shed all your feathers. It does not matter that two turned three and three five and five seven - perfect score. You have changed the narrative. Replaced the broken empty vessel to carry all the wisdom you need to carry the water that restores. When no one can help you it is okay. Okay to walk alone okay to say goodbye to all that would entrap you. It is okay to stop listening to the stories that do not define. Okay to stop telling them as if they were family heirlooms. It is okay to forge a new story - one where you are the director and writer producer and teller. to finally break free from the web of the lies you were told to be.
ramblrWrites.com 