The Quest The air is pungent with the scent of decay. Lives dance in shimmying gold rot on their branches whither to rose no more. Elsewhere smiling faces masks that hide the deathly grin of finality... A gentle spring awaits to purify... Wash away the lies sprouted by those who would see you die to count their riches from each strand of hair their victims cultivate. To escape you must die shed this skin find your peace somewhere just not here.
Author: Simone
Loves to tell and hear untold stories about people, places and experiences!
Silence is the True Killer
“If you’re silent about your pain, they will kill you and say that you enjoyed it.” – Zora Neale Hurston
I heard the quote above and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how many of us have become conditioned to going along with things. It got me thinking about how obsessed we are with not rocking the boat and being compliant. I, like many others, was taught as a child that I had no voice, ” a child should be seen and not heard”. So I developed the dependency on everyone’s opinion but my own, I trusted the advise of others to the death of my own gut feelings.
When you are silent you compromise.
Maybe if we didn’t always take it like a champ, we would not have so much unresolved issues. Speaking up does impact your mental health. I know there have been times when I have been consumed by anger and blinded by a sense of injustice caused by the inability to really say what is on my mind.
Silence that kills I have come to find can be overshadowed by the noise we make.
How many times have you found yourself saying everything right, everything you are expected to say but still feeling as if you left having said nothing that was necessary to say? Or, said so much except the things that really matter? For me there have been too many moments like that and those moments can stay with you, and haunt you for the rest of your life. Silence has its role but silence is not always the best way out:
Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Also, sometimes by remaining silent we sometimes end up on the wrong side of history and what is right:
“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.” – Albert Einstein
Hitting Rock Bottom
So you put it all on the line and you failed? Now you want to give in and accept defeat. Don’t be sad, don’t be sorry, be glad you did not win when you did.
I think I can confidently say that for many people, being at the bottom sucks. It sucks so bad that most people would rather not be in contention for anything, miss out on great opportunities rather than there being a possibility for them being at the bottom. It just seems like no one likes a loser, so no one wants to be one.
But I think losing is a good thing.
If you have come to realise this, great, but I have learned this lesson well and I am so happy that I solved that piece of the puzzle and never want to forget it.
Losing should not break your will to strive for more, to go after your dreams, to even have dreams. No, losing should be the catalyst you need to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and get to where you need to be. This does not mean necessarily in the number one spot, but your comfort zone. The zone where you can comfortably stay, grow and thrive!
Losing helps you to stay humble and be that much more grateful when you do win. To remember that not everyone can or will win and to respect the unique qualities of those you competed against. To value each person’s contribution to the competition and your development. To know that at the end of the day winning does not guarantee happiness or contentment. To know that when the applause ends and the adoring fans leave you will still know the value of your worth. There is also the joy of knowing that you have seen yourself at your worst and lived to tell the tale, to know the bitter taste of defeat and still overcame the potential poisonous effects. Winning doesn’t make you better, losing does. Because if you plan to get up when knocked off your feet you have to give a little more, do something different and tap into a reserve of power you didn’t know you had. When you lose is when you know how strong you are, because you faced those demons that told you to stop trying and defeated them.
So let us be more willing to embrace losing, so we can test our strength, resilience and heart. Let us not just live but be alive to the possibilities for growth that losing offers.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance Should I sit or stand mi caah bother speak well look well be well you are your own master. hustle hustle hustle got to stay in the race. to be a tough rock or a tender grass "oh what a rat race, yeah!" "Got to be true to myself" - but be like everyone else. yes? Got to get up when told so people will see that I am good at taking orders. I will be free but maybe... maybe to much freedom is dangerous? I must cry! I must scream! I must set the place on fire! I must whisper or whimper Spit my Seething displeasure vomit up howling disappointments. Be calm and say nothing - remain respectful all the time... I am hurt healed I am a monster beautifully made imagined real blinded by a light that makes me see clearly. regurgitated slugs hang suspended mouth ready to devour spare a prayer... scabs at all stages congealed across picket lines... Ineffable incandescent beauty illuminates Gossamer A web of lies fleeting like a butterfly's fragile wings. "Oh what tangled webs we weave" until we have no silks to hypnotize but regrets borne from grieve.
Aha Diaries: Protect Your Peace
I have found it difficult over the years to protect my peace of mind and to stay sane. There are persons in our lives – some well intentioned, others not- who constantly threaten our overall well being. They come with demands, expectations and problems and you feel you must address them. Before you know it you have taken on more than you can chew and find yourself choking. You look around and find no one to save you, to perform the Heimlich and you panic wondering how you can save yourself. The analogy above seems a bit extreme even overly dramatic but, there are many persons who leave themselves opened to being so frazzled by live and people that they end up feeling as if they’re always on the edge of doom.
Saying No
When I was smaller my granny once asked me why I can never say no to any question asked -especially when it comes to food! Being cheeky I immediately responded, no! However, this has become true in instances where I should say no, dangerous instances when I have made decisions that continue to haunt me to this day. This penchant for saying yes to everyone and everything – especially when I know I should not – has affected my mental wellbeing overtime to the degree where I struggle with making the simplest of decision because I am afraid of history repeating itself, afraid to fail once again, afraid of being so disappointed that I could have another mental breakdown…
So I am slowly working on creating a safe space, internally and externally, that will protect my peace of mind. Sometimes when you are really good at something you are rewarded somehow for that or those talents that you have. Often time, in my experience anyway, I note that more pressure is applied more expectations and little or no reward is returned. If you are not careful, you become the expert you is attached to that expertise and your fragility is disregarded. If you are not careful, persons begin to expect you to carry them, because “oh I can’t do this and you are good at it, so help me here,” becomes “do this for me , send this, I tried but only you can do it”. You end up exhausting yourself trying not to disappoint everyone and keeping that halo others have knighted you with. So, the task now is to use my talents to help and not carry others. To say no when I realise that my kindness has become a weapon against me. What about you?
Letting Go…
Since this pandemic I have spent a little more time away from certain people and I realise this is a good thing. Through this semi-isolation period I have come to realise that the presence of some persons only serve to make me more anxious, less productive and less happy. So I don’t call, they don’t call and we are all happier that way. I also no longer watch things that cause me anxiety, like the news or go on certain social media sites . I realised I was caring too much about things that did not matter, getting angry and anxious when I really should be taking the time to focusing on the things that really matter in my life, things that would impact me now. Instead I have withdrawn somewhat from looking outward and trying to find happiness in the people and things around me and really thinking about how I can control the things I can control. I can control me, my thoughts, my action and my sense of well being, but, it takes time and it takes will power.
You want people to think the best of you – or not it depends on your state of mind. Many persons want to be liked, to be admired to be recognised for doing good, for being good. However, for me this is no longer important, instead what I want to do is protect my peace of mind. This may mean offending others or may be perceived as offensive to other but you can never please everyone; therefore, we need to have a greater sense of being in control instead of allowing ourselves to be controlled by external forces and influences that have their agendas.
And if you try to find that peace and become swept away by the chaos around, reach for that shipwrecked debris to stay afloat, drift your own way and ask yourself, “Where is my peace in the midst of this chaos?”
Hold On
Hold On Ah..! My friend..! For your sake for my sake hold on! the branch right there too slim. The rock over so too sharp. I see the blood running... hold on! Ohhh! my heart in my throat hold on! Don't fall now just so. The rain falling slippery slope down below. forsaken we are battered we are hold on! Ehhh! let me pull you push you up. let the blasted old piece a cloth go! Hold on ! wipe the tears see the sun and let it light the way. Hold on! for you and I because this is our journey.
Healing Wounds
Healing Wounds Do you see that knife in my back? Let it stay there to stem the flow of a river of blood crimson red dead red the blow dealt at the hands of a friend. Is seek I seek a healing give me the bissy kola nut to stem the tie of this feeling of dying. In the curls and twirls of these words I find a home to perch and wait out the storms while I recover... Out of breath now I grasp a leaf of life to stop slipping in my own gore. The escape I see is crowded now other souls that seek relief. In a ball I wait my turn, In and out out and in to keep out the dim tide.
ramblrWrites.com 