Stress
deceptively creeps
riding a beastly black horse
born of your need
my need
our need
to remain in control
when we
should have let go.
Now It holds a black scale
not balanced.
With vengefuul arrogance comes Worry
atop a ghostly steed
no victory there
only death,
never ending hell.
Unless -
just out of reach of the big black clouds
comes a Blessed voice
still -
quiet -
"Salvation...
the accuser has been cut down."
Then a gentle breeze
blows
sweeps away the mist...
I see,
New Jerusalem
I feel cool waters
flowing
over me
through you
around s
healing springs!
Forgotten -
the horsemen stumble
diminished
try to make a final stand,
but they begin to fade
melt away.
The Lamb,
The Lamb must rise,
nothing unclean
can remain here.
we must sweep
prepare the land
plant new seeds.
Tag: seeing the light
Follow the Light
Harsh and bright
the light
shines on us
ever before us
we see the dangers
real and sure
we stumble
buck we toe
catch ourselves
walk again.
the light
it bright
shows all the shadows
inside of us.
the light
has power
will us forward
removing us
from our story
of ourselves
so it can shine
in all those dark spaces
find what we seek
find what we need.
Strength Comes…
Strength comes not with facing adversity, but by overcoming them. We no longer want to survive no, for to survive is just about existence. If we are to be victorious in this life we have to get better, gain and overwhelm the adversities. We are told to be survivors, to keep quiet, take the beating now so we can live tomorrow. As for me, I have realised that surviving does not mean you will be in a better place, not stuck in the trauma of survival; always revisiting and feeding the wound. Instead, I want the wound completely healed so I can be stronger and more intuned to making life an endless possibility for possibilities to shine.
When I was younger I almost lost the top joint of my finger. I was opening a tin with a knife and it slipped and the tin cover I had partially opened almost sliced off the joint completely. At first, there was no blood, only a big blob of white mass oozing through. Then, with little warning blood started sprouting endlessly. For some seconds I stood watching the blood as it flowed to the ground, it seemed unreal to me. Then my grandmother came. She had heard me screaming in agony. I had not realised I was crying out quite loudly. I grabbed my finger and bent it back in place to stop the blood; there was so much blood. I was taken to the doctor and a big fat tape was wrapped around it. “You’re lucky you came in time or we would have had to get rid of the joint”, the cut was that deep. The doctor told me that if I wanted to get it as straight as possible I had to keep pushing it forward. When it healed, however, it was not straight. That finger was inelegantly larger than the other hand and had a permanent bend. Of course, I hated it. I tried to hide it and not to use it if I could.
Eventually, I realised three things about that finger. One, it will always be a part of me. So, whether I liked it or not, it was there. I had to accept it in its present state, not how it was or how I wanted it to be. Next, There was a story of survival that meant it had been through something that almost destroyed it but it lived to tell the tale of that experience. Finally, it was strong. It healed in the best way it could, functions the best it can and will remain where it was planted for as long as it has life. The last point was the most inspiring. Yes, it survived, but it had not withered away to a shell of itself. Now it has character, it has presence, and it is the strongest finger I have. Though it is not as beautiful as my other fingers in the original, expected sense, it is beautiful, it is itself because of what it can now do.
My finger illustrates for me the power of one who overcomes. To face the challenge and win means you have been stretched to the point where growth is possible. Where you can evolve into someone who does things you once thought unimaginable. It forces you to test the limits of your strength so you can realise that strength is gained in measures not given at once. Each day an overcomer represents the truth, that in order to thrive we have to be challenged or die a bud and not a flower.
You are Right Where You are Meant to Be
It is tiring, right? Always striving, reaching for the next thing, that one thing you are meant to do. To become the one you are meant to be.
It is hard. When you are tired. When you are not sure what to do. What to do next? Sometimes, we get so focused on the next thing that we miss out on the now. On the rich things happening now, the lessons being taught now. We miss the gems we are to collect now and we move to the next, with an empty basket. We are too quick to move, too limited to appreciate what we have before us before it becomes ‘had’. Pace, pace yourself and slow down. What is meant for your good will be given to you. There is no need for us to be chasing the next thing, presented to us as the ‘best thing’. I need to stop and look carefully at what is around me. What I can take care of now, what I can do now and do that. There is no need to reach beyond what is in front of me. First I have to address the present in order to successfully greet the future.
Forget perfection, it is not achievable. What can happen is that we devalue our efforts, the efforts of others and God’s awesome efforts on our behalf, because we are waiting for perfection. There is no perfect life. Yes, it is hard to admit and even harder to live this imperfect life but it is the truth. A truth I do not like is that death is sure. What we need to do before we get there is to embrace life with all its imperfections and just give ourselves the grace to live it.
So, we push through and beyond the stones we encounter in the now, before we move on. We do not need to turn back and seek another path. Really we can never go back, so why try? We push through and we take note of our strengths and weaknesses. We learn about our idiosyncracies and we push to thrive, no matter the harsh conditions. We do not stop. We may pause, cry out our fears, and wonder what we are doing here, but we never stop. We may slow down because it’s what we have to do. We may even pause for a good long while because the lesson module is so large, but we will eventually move again when the time is right. The only constant is change. therefore, we can see little changes in the little things taking place around us now. Sometimes even those little things become big things. But, we never stop, we are never stuck, and we are getting to where we are getting in a time that matches our ability at that time.
So, while it may be tempting for us to abort the boat in the middle of a storm and hop on a passing ship that seems destined for greater things, let us pause and think. How did we get here? Where were we told to go? Is that ship headed for our promised land or an iceberg? Sometimes we are meant to be in the boat, going at a steady pace, being led, because what is ahead for us is still in preparation mode and God needs time to set it up right for us. Just remember in the now you are in, you are where you are meant to be.
A Letter with Love. For My Sisters in Distress
“It’s a vicious cycle”. A good friend of mine uttered these words to me recently. She had grown frustrated with herself. She was not herself. And so she was condemning herself. I wanted to give her a hug because I know how it feels. When you wake up each day to change those things that seem to take you down a dark road you end in the same way you were the day before. It can be so frustrating. Especially when we place so much pressure to do the right thing and give no grace for our humanness. “I hate that I am…” But what do you love that you are? Yes, there are things we wish we could change at the snap of a finger but just a well-placed thought. However, it never ends up that way. But Sis, where is the grace?
We live in a world that is so fast-paced that we place so much pressure on ourselves to rebound, bounce back and carry on. All in haste to get nowhere, just being further away than where we started. The funny thing is that each day it is the same. This is a vicious cycle. We do not stop to think that maybe it’s okay, to not feel okay. We think it horrific to just allow ourselves the space to have this thing play out to its own conclusion, even if right now we feel stretched thin so we can catch ourselves back down the road when we come back together again. We need to be comfortable with a process that is uncomfortable so that we can come out fine on the other side, in our own time and not when we think we should. Our body knows the score, it knows it’s a process but when we interfere with its attempt at healing we undermine our very being. It is hard, and words are easy – sometimes. But we have to stop the cycle by being kind about what we say and think about ourselves. Maybe you too feel like my friend now feels and you too are silently suffering:
It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach it balls up in your throat blocking the air flow It's the tightness of and suffocation from the mask you wear It's the jumbled thoughts in your head It's not knowing what exactly is wrong but sensing the weight It's... (by S.A.D)
Yes that darn feeling, that paralyse the strongest of us at one time or another. There is little that can be said in those moments to truly brings us the salvation that we need. We have to wait, we have to wait for the feeling to pass so we can get back to ourselves and then we have to hug ourselves and remind ourselves, that we are doing our best. It will take time, just breathe and wait.
And I have learned too to laugh with only my teeth and shake hands without my heart. I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’, when I mean ‘Good-riddance’: to say ‘Glad to meet you’, without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been nice talking to you’, after being bored. But believe me, son. I want to be what I used to be when I was like you. I want to unlearn all these muting things. Most of all, I want to relearn how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs! (from Once Upon a Time by Gabriel Okara)
When you don’t feel like yourself, it’s knowing someday you will, if only you push through to the next day. It is not easy but it can be done. It is not easy but thy will be done. You just need to know that you have a choir singing behind you reminding you to stay true to your intentions and more importantly, to stay true to who you are. and when you don’t see how great you are then remember whose you are and sing with conviction:
… Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
And because He is great you are great. You are greater than your circumstances. You are greater than your troubles. You are greater than anything that is kicking your ass now. You were always great, never less than great and will always be great. You are great SIS! But never feel less because you don’t feel great when a moment or moments of weakness have you in a chokehold. This too shall pass
It’s Not Yourself You Doubt…It’s God
There I am giving myself a pep talk for the hundredth time, “Come on, stop doubting yourself.” Then an epiphany, it’s not myself I doubt, it’s God.
I seem to have often lost sight of God in the confusion of trying to find myself – ironic. What is that even about? I have noticed that it is hard to know yourself when you don’t trust yourself to do anything without making a mistake or outright failing. What I know, then becomes covered by failings and regrets. So, I don’t trust myselves to do the simple things, for I see potential failure in every action. But there is something even more sinister at play. When I doubt myself it’s because I am using myself as a scapegoat. Yes, that was the true epiphany, behind the self-disgust and self-criticism is the sad truth, I don’t trust God to fulfil His promises to me.
What are the Promises of God?
God has promised to strengthen us when we are weak. However, many people become weak because they forget this promise or don’t believe it. It can seem impossible to believe in the middle of a challenging situation. God has also promised to take care of all our needs. Yet, we often doubt how we will receive the things we need and how we can accomplish certain tasks. We forget that God has already promised to take care of our needs. When we fail to get what we need, we blame ourselves for not being enough, not being smart enough, or not being resourceful enough. However, we fail to acknowledge that we have totally ignored the promise from God to take care of all our needs. Then we pray for God to help us and then turn to unqualified, ill-equiped persons just like ourselves forgetting that we have to wait. We do not wait for an answer but proceed to answer our own prayer to God in a timeline that suits our desires and not the desires of God. God promises to work everything out for our good, yet we get disappointed when we don’t get the job, or end up where we don’t want to be. We feel that there was something we could have done to make things happen in the way we think they should happen. We are not thankful for the rejections, for the nos and for the delays. Really we get mad at ourselves for not being enough. The sad truth is we don’t trust God to know what is best and just leave it all to Him. He promises to be with us and to protect us but we never remember this when we feel alone, we wonder what’s wrong with us, why we have no friends and we try to mould ourselves into people pleasers to keep those who were never meant to stay with us around. We are not confident that God can take care of us, so we worry about everything and everyone and never venture beyond what we can see and understand. Then there is the promise of freedom from sin. Here we feel our sins can never be forgiven no matter what because they are so bad, so unforgivable, even though God already promises through His words, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed (John 8: 34-36). We are keeping ourselves shackled to our sins by not believing that we are free of them through Jesus Christ. And because of these doubts, we lack the peace that comes from God. We cannot find it in exercise, yoga, motivational quotes or daily affirmations but in the word of God, “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27).
Now, the safest way to combat your doubts is to live in the word of God. I have been guilty of skimming and not living in God’s word to my detriment. It can seem hard to daily turn to the word of God for sustenance and the enrichment of our faith, but it is vital for survival. We are too busy, but are we making the effort to find the time. As for me, I know I am not and that is not a good place to be. It is vital to the survival of our relationship with God and victory over the challenges that rush at us on a daily basis. Also, we have to strengthen our prayer life and be consistent in all things, whether we see them as major or not. When our communication and connection with God is undermined then doubts creep in and take hold because we have lost sight of the one who truly sustains us. We have to nurture our relationship with God so that our faith grows. We have to practice letting go and letting God no matter the outcome. We have to trust, that His ways are always better than our way. We have to trust that He will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert for us. Not because we deserve it or because we have earned this great and wonderful gift, but because He is faithful and does not give us what we deserve but what we require.
One Constant
There is one constant, God does not change. He keeps His promises This does not change. He is the light that challenges the dark tide, washes away faithlessness with unmatched love. Death and destruction are never satisfied. He is all that is at the very essence of Satisfaction
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