Category: self-care

Benched for Life

I was listening to a conversation recently and I could relate to what was being discussed. So I thought maybe many someones out there have felt this way too. Have you every felt benched in life? Yes you are working, socializing, seemingly living your life, but you are not in the game. You are not a player, but you have been played – at least once. You see others seeming to live their lives the way they want to, achieve certain things and you wonder if you have been crazy glued to that bench in the corner – out of sight out of mind.

There, everything happens in slow motion and you just cannot get things fully off the ground. When you see others hurriedly going about their business, there you are waiting. The waiting is the hardest when you sit without a plan and hope for the best. You wonder if you should protest or keep quiet, because making a sound may draw too much attention to the cracks you made on that bench.

Also, on that bench you feel trapped and you may find it hard to be happy, at one time or another, for those who are playing and winning – even if they are on your team. It’s not easy to be happy for everyone when you have come to see yourself as the dark horse without the success. Hard to feel compelled to even think of yourself as being in the game and so you try to divorce yourself from the whole situation, unsuccessfully too.

However, I think to be on the bench is to have placed yourself there. No one is keeping me or you or anyone on that bench. Sometimes we may walk off the pitch before the game is over, because we are so blinded by our as-not-yet experienced defeat. Or maybe we need to think of a game that fits who we are and where we are and not trying to live by a set of rules never intended for us – rules that guarantee our defeat. Maybe it’s not that we have been placed on the bench but that out of fear we choose to remain on it.

Fatigue

I'm still tired from yesterday's tired. Today isn't looking so good, and I've already used up tomorrow's tired. Somedays... | Work drama, Drama ideas, Memes
Juliana Jenkins-Gaciarek

Yep this sums up exactly how I am feeling right now. When I get up in the morning and want to go immediately back to sleep. Then even worse, spending the entire day trying not to fall asleep, because if you do, you know you will spend the nigh tossing and turning and wondering and regretting. So for now I am tired of being tired, but what to do?

I have also been the one to find every reason why I am so tired. I self-diagnosed vitamin deficiency, boredom, stress, a lack of motivation to do anything productive and currently, chronic fatigue. The last one I had to look up, and I still am not sure how to explain it to myself much less someone else. However, I was told this about two years ago by my doctor at the time, so I guess I can still use it.

The point is, I am tired and I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe if I get out more – wait, okay let’s rethink that, or not. OR, let’s just give in and laze about all day everyday, until another sensation stings me and I am surprised into wakefulness. Let’s hope. Maybe if I think about the consequence of being this tired, it will act like cold water and shake me out of my stupor…….no nothing.

Oh well, so I guess I will have to take each day as it comes, until something excites me enough to get my blood pumping my heart racing and my eyes wide open.

Best 30+ Tired fun on 9GAG

Love What You Have.

When you love what you have. You have everything you need…

Maybe I have it all wrong and maybe I need to think this through some more. Could it be that in focusing on what we want and what we do not have that we have failed to realize how much we do have, at points in our lives. Yes, we have all heard and know the sentiment of appreciating what we have, but we often do not, and I know I have not and need to be honest about this. There are times when we realise that we do have things to be grateful for but that epiphany does not go very far. Too often the reasons to be grateful are buried under an avalanche of desires that occupy our waking and sleeping moments. When we go to bed we are consumed by them and when we wake up they greet us first thing.

Maybe we need to more intentional about first loving what we have, not just being grateful that we have them but actually loving on them. Loving them to the point where if we never get those things we dream of we will be okay. We will be okay and love the life that we enjoy because of them. We will be okay, mentally and spiritually. We will be okay with no regrets that this thing never happened or we were never able to get those things we placed on our bucket list.

It is truly hard sometimes to realize that we are pushing aside what we have for what we desire. However, sometimes before we can get something else we need to show that we can love what we have. Whether it is a talent with think is not so impressive, a job, a possession or even the people around us, we have to love them and show appreciation for them no matter what. It doesn’t matter if they can help us get ahead or if no one else appreciates those things you appreciate. What matters is that we take the time to give love and show gratitude for having them. I know the saying is true from my experience: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. We cannot lose sight of the importance of what we already have, they matter. They have helped to shape us and they will forever be a part of who we are. Therefore, while we pursue new dreams may we never forget those we have attained and while we seek new paths let us not leave the things or people we have gathered from old routes behind.

Love what you've got
because you need them to thrive
love what you've got
without them you may not survive
all the trappings 
that seem to frame all your dreams
that take you further
away from yourself.

Love what you got
they are your saving grace.
Love what you've got
Let that set your pace.

Taking a Break to Thrive.

Too much has been happening it seems lately: too many activities, too many disappointments, too much doubting of myself and too many dark thoughts to keep me down. So I am taking a break. I am going to turn off, walk away from and avoid all those things that make me feel anxious, sad and hopeless.

Yes, this can happen to anyone and there is a breaking point. I think I have reached that breaking point and before I am broken like brittle bones, devoid of the vital nutrients needed to thrive, I have decided to start by taking a break from social media. Since working mostly from home, over a year now, I realize that I have become dependent on social media for companionship, for entertainment, news and a pastime activities that fill points of my day that seem empty – even though the work is there piling up until I cannot ignore it or a deadline is approaching then I stress myself out to get it done. My anxieties, depression and fears were being fed by those seemingly informative medias that made me wonder, now that I am no longer engaged, how I went down those rabbit holes.

Going down the rabbit hole is surprisingly easy. However, when you begin to suffocate down there and you want to get out it is annoyingly hard to find your way back to a place where you feel comfortable once more. But The first part of getting out turns out to be the hardest, and that is actually stepping back. There are so many reasons to stay connected but when the connection feeds the monsters inside that tear you a part piece by piece then we have to dig in and fight to disconnect. The highs and lows can be too much and when you wake up in a good mood and end your day crying because of what you consume on those different platforms then it is necessary to sign off. For the past couple of weeks that has been me to a “T” and now I am mentally and physically tired – not to mention the strain of work, a remedy for disaster.

So, for eight days I will not be on social media unless it is for work. When those eight days end I will decide if I should extend the break and whether I want to make the break more extreme. I now realizing that what is most important to me, is my sanity. Being active on social media does not give that to me. We each have to find what works for us in protecting our sense of well being and mental Health.

Anger Kills

I got so angry yesterday that I erupted like a volcano, spewing lava vitriol in every which direction. I got so mad that I did not care what I said and what I did, all I knew was that I verbally slay all I perceived to be the bane of my existence – they all died a thousand painful deaths yesterday, but I was not satisfied at the end of my verbal massacre. Yes anger can kill.

It burns up everything in its path when it leaves a lingering bitterness that lasts a lifetime. It can destroy relationships, kill your good name and set you back to where you never wanted to return. Worse it can consume you so much that it kills your potential and all that is good within you. In a moment, without thinking – having lost your head – in can destroy your life.

It is never good to speak out in anger, nothing good ever comes of it. While we are humans and are susceptible to deep passions, we should never allow our anger to take control of common sense and leave us exposed to the hidden dangers our anger brings. We should never be quick to speak out – in anger it is more of a shouting thing – or act from a place of anger. The funny thing is we never learn this lesson well and so must continue to suffer when we act carelessly in our anger. Many times it defeats us more than we defeat it.

Anger can make monsters of us all, like cannibals we tear each other a part verbally and physically and later regret becomes a sad companion. But often when we attack in anger, it comes from a place of hurt, fear, frustration or even misguided assumptions. We never stop learning about ourselves and sometimes through our angry we see how ugly we can be and I don’t want that energy in my life. So each day I have to decide to thin respectfully of others and be positive no matter the situation and operate from a place of love, a love that will bring me peace of mind. Anger is not productive, it leads to nothing positive and can lead to our downfall. So be careful of that monster and slay it every time it comes uninvited and turns you away from your Jekyll into your Hyde.

What is Required of You

At a time such as this many people search for relieve. A relieve from constant bad news, death, misery and the threats of things seen and unseen. There is no end to the quest for relieve. However, finding such relieve seems to be more impossible as each day goes by. No matter what you do or how good you think you are trouble finds you. Now, this trouble comes in many forms and you get overwhelmed and run scared.

In your flight maybe all reason escapes and you start making bad choices, you start doubting yourself, God and every single person you know.

And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

As you seek to outrun your thoughts, fears and bad choices you become lame and get slower and slower, until your feet give out and one day you and your burdens fall to the ground.

What to do then?

Stop running. Let us stop running. We can never out run the problems around us and the problems we have.

We need to stop and realize that everyone has problems, we all have burdens we carry, the only thing is that some may seem lighter than others. Is it possible to support each other, bear each other up? If there is a need we are more than capable of bearing each other up. If we can mange it, why have we abandoned the cause to simply be kind, spare a thought for someone else’s suffering and not just our own. Even if we get annoyed with others, we can’t take out our frustrations on them. We have to resist the urge to lash out, judge and condemn. We have to dig deep even while we carry our individual burdens to be fair to those around us.

Can it be done, knowing how we can be? It can be done, but it takes a constant struggle of doing what is required of us and not what we feel like doing just because.

Silence is the True Killer

“If you’re silent about your pain, they will kill you and say that you enjoyed it.” – Zora Neale Hurston

I heard the quote above and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about how many of us have become conditioned to going along with things. It got me thinking about how obsessed we are with not rocking the boat and being compliant. I, like many others, was taught as a child that I had no voice, ” a child should be seen and not heard”. So I developed the dependency on everyone’s opinion but my own, I trusted the advise of others to the death of my own gut feelings.

When you are silent you compromise.

Maybe if we didn’t always take it like a champ, we would not have so much unresolved issues. Speaking up does impact your mental health. I know there have been times when I have been consumed by anger and blinded by a sense of injustice caused by the inability to really say what is on my mind.

Silence that kills I have come to find can be overshadowed by the noise we make.

How many times have you found yourself saying everything right, everything you are expected to say but still feeling as if you left having said nothing that was necessary to say? Or, said so much except the things that really matter? For me there have been too many moments like that and those moments can stay with you, and haunt you for the rest of your life. Silence has its role but silence is not always the best way out:

Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Also, sometimes by remaining silent we sometimes end up on the wrong side of history and what is right:

“If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.” – Albert Einstein