Category: Encountering New Experiences

Waiting to be Chosen

Do you see her over there sitting still feet tapping away? He is waiting to be chosen. Do you see her on her knees bleeding, she has been in that same spot all her life trying to earn some love, seeking someone to pat her on the head and say, “well done.” She is well trained to wait, wait to be chosen. They struggle to get up but are weighed down by the voices of their critics and the mountain of self-doubt that has blocked their progress. They both will remain where they are if they never cast off the chain of subjugation and stop waiting for the grudging approval of those they love or loathe, those they fear or envy. The ball is in their court but they do not have the vision to see that it is.

They at some point will realise that being liked is not all that great, because it has meant they have been left empty by marauding figures fronting as their friends. You see they had never taken the time to just be by themselves and think things through. They had always felt out of breath from the seemingly constant need to catch up. But they never could, they never did. They never could! They were chasing something that never was. While they chase time they missed out on their present. They thought chasing would take them to their dreams but they forget to count the moments right in front of them. So while they cleared a space to put those they felt belonged they had pushed themselves out and they could not return, the space was now too crowded and no one would let them in, again.

Now they stand on the edge looking in, while all around them fertile soil go to waste because they never realised they could start again, wiser than they were yesterday. What they do instead, is work harder to get admitted again, but the danger is that they make it easier for more faults to be found and the entry requirements do get longer. The sad thing is that they wanted to shower all their love on those who are careless with this love but they never spare any time to really like themselves. SO they languish in the waiting room trying to earn that spot when all they had to do was to choose themselves instead of waiting to be chosen.

I Want To

I want To

I want to write about soaring through the air
landing here there and everyhere
I want to grab my dreams
and ride them reel by real.
I want to stand on the shoulder of God
and think it not odd
to feel Him nod,
"Yes my child you did it!"
I want to untie all the lies
that have kept me from my flight
to spread my wings.
I want to show my muscles
so you can say,
"look at her
tough
humble
beautiful,
don't mess with her!"
I want to gather to myself
all manuscripts collecting dust on my shelf
and travel through their pages.
I want so much
just beyond my fingertips

A Gift to Myself

A Gift to Myself

I gift to myself 
is a word of advice - 
a bit of treasure to be precise:
to never get trapped 
by the ills of good intent-
Don't get me wrong
I condemn no one,
I just feel I need
to stop the free flow
of heartache that bleeds.
I will instead
take my time, 
dust off
and again begin the climb...

A Lazy Afternoon

A Lazy Afternoon

I sit at ease
alert to all that is at play.
The bees are busy beesing
as a lizard jumps from tree to tree.
In the distance music feeds the soul
and a way off a broom 
sweeps your troubles away.
Then, a laugh here
a slap there
reminds you to keep in line,
while ants continue their march
to ensure life is lived.

To revive those who drift off
a sharp crow or two
attacks the unsuspecting victims.
Now giant towers roam the sky
serenaded by swirling birds
offer the promise of much needed purification,
while the breeze strokes every inch of skin
it can reach
whispering sweet lullabies. 

Nothing is out of step
each occupies its space fully
part of life's tapestry,
on this lazy afternoon.

Stop Being Led

I have stopped to contemplate how I have been led over the years. In many ways, I have allowed myself to be led by the whims and experiments of others. Led by people who come with absolute truths that later they discard as fraudulent. Then what does that make them?

I have seen many who seemed to have it together and thought, “if only I can be like them”. Then, to see them crying, ugly tears confessing that the mask that was the image they had created, had cracked and splintered – was a fascinating horror.” How could it be that you were not what you seemed?” Unconscionable! Right?

I have witnessed many fabled fixtures, lowly men and women, that we never thought we would be without, disappear. They grew tired of playing with us and felt like moving on. But still, we sit transfixed, confused by sudden abandonment. They will never return and so we must find someone else to follow.

Then of course we have to consider that we have often left it up to others to tell us where to go, how to think, eat, wear our hair and what to do.

We are in so many ways led but we never knew. We have always felt we were independent, but if we are really honest then we would come to see how much of what we do have been based on looking, listening to or wanting to be someone else. It may be embarrassing to admit, after all, we thought we were different. But we have allowed ourselves to be led.

Though it may be a scary thought for many, how about we remove the leash and travel a path designed for each of us?

When You Look Back…

We are often told that we cannot forget our past, or that we have to learn from the past in order to make better choices in our present and even for the future. However, I often find myself looking at the worst of my past and being crippled by them. The memories of those embarrassing moments, those terrible decisions and those life-altering actions haunt me constantly. So that when I begin to firmly walk in faith and have uncompromised hope, the shadows of that nefarious past come calling me to once again be its slave.

Somehow I have developed this bad habit of self-denial out of the guilt of the past. What invariably happens is that I am never closer to my goal, never closer to really walking in my purpose because I then have to cross another treacherous river I thought I had left just up the road.

Now I have to guard my sanity by deciding what to do when I look back, for how I have interacted with my past so far, leaves my more there than here. Now, I have to learn how to make peace with my past, so that it does not always threaten my current wellbeing. I have to consider the lessons from my past that will helpme now and forget the “only” or “What ifs”. Finally, I have to accept, embrace and plan in that order my past, present and future. I advice that has shed light on my contencious relationship with my past, was to set goals and go hard. I realise I have always been good at setting goals but never pushing to achieve them. Why? Becuase somehow along the way I convinced myself that my past condemns me and so while I could have done it, I may not deserve it.

A terrible thought that will surely cripple persons’ potentials and kill their dreams. So, we need to be careful when we look back and what we take back into our present and future. Don’t allow your past to cripple, maim or make you lame, use the past to help you conquer your present and future situations.