Tag: truth

Words Matter… Context is Everything.

Following up on my article yesterday about being referred to as being “nice” or “too nice”, I had exchanges with two people on the word nice and how it can be viewed and what it says about the person being described in such a way. I would like to put both responses and then give my own as well.

Response 1: I agree with this wholeheartedly. “Nice” often feels like a shallow label — something people use to box you into compliance, to make you more palatable, or to take advantage of you without acknowledging your depth. It’s a performance that benefits others more than it does you, and it comes at a real cost to your mental, emotional and even physical well-being. Kindness, on the other hand, is a deliberate act. It comes from strength, not obligation. It doesn’t require self-erasure or perfection but instead demands authenticity and discernment. Being kind means honouring yourself first, setting boundaries and then choosing to extend care when it’s genuine. That’s real goodness. You’re right, Moonshine, nice gets you drained, but kind keeps you whole, and there’s nothing wrong with disappointing people if it means you finally stop disappointing yourself.

Response 2: “Nice” is an adjective that describes something as pleasant, agreeable, or satisfactory, but it can also mean kind, friendly, or polite in reference to a person’s behaviour. I think nice is a word that has evolved over time. When you see the definition of nice in the quote, then you may start to feel happier about the word. The bible doesn’t use the word nice, it is true, but the language of the day may have needed more emphasis. I sense your hurt deeply. Try and reframe the word nice to the above definition when remembering, I’m not sure if that will help…

According to Google, the word nice originally meant “ignorant” or “foolish,” derived from the Latin nescius, meaning “not knowing”. Over centuries, it evolved through French and English into a broad range of meanings, including “fussy,” “delicate,” “strange,” “shy,” and “dissolute”. The modern meaning of “pleasant” or “agreeable” emerged in the mid-18th century and is the sense that has become most common today. It is fascinating that although the modern interpretation and meaning are positive, I still felt the negative connotation of nice as a label when it was spoken to me. Nice, based on my readings, can be a dismissive (back-handed)compliment, meaning that someone is viewed as overly accommodating to gain approval. Added to this is the idea that someone who is overly accommodating prioritises the needs, desires, and comfort of others to such an extreme that their own needs, well-being, and sense of self are consistently neglected, often leading to burnout, resentment, and being taken advantage of. So, being called nice is for me an insult because of the situations and conversations in which the word was said. Nice, on its own, can be taken at face value as something good, but even the person using it may not be consciously aware of it. When I look at my life, it has been chapters written by an overly accommodating person who has made too many decisions that were not based on my skills, talents or interests but out of the need for approval by society or people I come in contact with and establish some type of relationship. So I do not want to be nice. I want to evolve.

I want to evolve to just being kind. Now again, according to Google, “kind” has two primary meanings: a type or sort of something, and having a friendly, sympathetic, or benevolent nature. Both meanings stem from the Old English word gecynd, meaning “natural disposition” or “nature,” which itself comes from the Proto-Germanic root kundi-, related to kunjam (“family”) and ultimately the Proto-Indo-European root gene-, meaning “to give birth”. This root suggests an original sense of inherent nature, class, or generation, which evolved into both the concept of a “kind” or category and the sense of natural, positive feelings associated with one’s family, leading to “kindness”. Being kind is all about authenticity. From the definition and explanation above, I want to take the term “natural disposition” and, from that, look at its synonym “innate”. Innate means something that exists in a person or thing from birth, is an essential part of its nature, or is a natural, inherent quality rather than something learned or acquired through experience. Being nice is authenticity that does not require compensation or overcompensation. In the bible, the word nice is never used, but the word kind can be found in several scriptures:

Galatians 5:22-23 -“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Ephesians 4:32 -“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”.

1 Corinthians 13:4- “Love is patient, love is kind”

Proverbs 12:25: “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up”.

2 Samuel 9:7: “And David said to him, ‘Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore to you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always. ‘”.

The bible is saturated with examples of Jesus engaging people with truth, challenging their behaviour, thoughts and intentions. Being kind means showing love, being compassionate, forgiving and upholding truth. It means uplifting others, reflecting the love of Christ. Being kind means having the courage to say no, even if it causes discomfort, speaking the truth, even if no one agrees or supports your action. Being kind takes strength, and it takes courage. One of the most vivid depictions of this is the incident where Jesus went into the temple and overturned all the commercial tables, saying, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”. It was not done to please those people but to save their souls, to save worshippers from exploitation. He was not nice, but he was kind. His motive was to save them and make them aware of their danger in carrying out such activities in the house of the Lord. In that situation, he did not focus on being agreeable or avoiding disturbances; he was not seeking followers and so was not concerned about projecting an image palatable to those he chastised. Further, he did not avoid the truth of the situation by remaining silent, nor did he do it expecting to receive applause. He was not trying to be nice, but he acted out of kindness even if the people at that time did not recognise it as such.

So when I consider all these, I have to say there is a value in being kind and not nice that I want to achieve. I do not want to be nice because nice has kept me silent, rooted and furled tight like a flower that is still waiting to bloom. The bible holds truths and lessons that cannot be negated, and one such truth is the importance and value of being kind. It’s nice to be nice, but it’s much more powerful and freeing to be kind.

“My life got better when I realised I didn’t have to be nice. Nice got me run over, stressed out, & disrespected. I’m not nice. I’m a good person.” (unknown)

Faith is a Knowing

So this year, my word is faith. I planned to develop my faith in God because I KNEW it was lacking in many ways. Now, I could not imagine that when I said, “God I want to grow in faith, my trust in You”, He would take the assignment so seriously! So in response, He said, “Say less” and ever since I have had so much whiplash that I could say nothing. My year of faith so far has shown God to be the master teacher He is!

Faith as Small as a Mustard Seed

I am realising how little faith I had in God and how much faith I placed in my own ability and in the support of others. I really was saying I trust God but I really did not. Therefore, I have to accept that I really was not faithful to God because I did not trust Him with everything. I have learned so far, that I was doing a lot without accomplishing a lot and so I have to do less, say less and be less. This is really hard because you are expected to do more, say more and be more to succeed. Or at least that is how I felt. I have tried my way and my way led me into a wall. But I thought that I could devise a plan to get over the wall and then tell everyone it was God when He really was never a part of the plan. I did not have the seed. I was planting on rocking ground with bad seeds. Seeds that were corrupted by many past traumas and disappointments. My seeds were tainted by distrust. Therefore, my faith in God was struggling and did not realise how much. The word is the seed.

What is faith?

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

I thought I knew Hebrews 11:1 but I did not. Because it was so familiar I could not see the truth that I did not know how to recognise confidence or trust as choices. I know God loves me but I was neither confident of this nor did I trust in this. There were too many wrongs done on my part, why would He love me unconditionally? Why didn’t I have to prove, at all times, that I deserve His love? I did not know the word at all. Reading the bible multiple times means nothing if the Bible is read like any other book. I heard that I had to meditate on the word of God but I was not doing that really. So my year of faith has taught me to read my bible, not as a checklist but as a guide to identifying a purpose-driven life. A life that knows God.

Without Faith, it is Impossible to Please God

So, I was not seeking God. I lacked faith, and could not please Him by being confident and trusting Him. I was confusing self-reliance with being a soldier for Christ. “Faith without works is dead,” so I worked hard, told God what I wanted and got into action. When things went south I asked God for help. See the problem? I asked God for help when things did not work out. I did not surrender my plans to Him and by extension my day, my dreams, my relationships, nothing. Did Jesus really suffer and die for me to be lukewarm in my faith? Of course not. I thought I was pleasing God but I was more intuned with pleasing people than God and that led me further from a true relationship with God. I was not honest. Now, I have to diligently seek him

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6)

So now I seek God because the reward is a true knowledge of God and a relationship with Him. It is also a place of peace.

God’s Plans and Peace

My bible verse for the year is Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I need to learn and believe every facet of this verse. I do not yet. I know it, have known it from I had the sense to know the bible was the bible. However, I never believed it. I want to believe it now. For me, this verse is a love note from God. No matter who it was meant for at the time ti was spoken, I have decided that He had me in mind when He said it also. I need this love note to calm my fears and as a salve for my wounds. It will cure my fractured heart. It will remind me of hose I am when I do not recognise myself.

God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:40)

So God has a plan. Right now I do not and it is an uncomfortable place to be because it is unfamiliar. However, it is the best place to be because it is where I need to be. “God had planned something better”, there is no plan better than God’s plan. Saying that and knowing this is faith. There is peace in His words, “Be still and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10). So, I am learning that a part of Faith is being still.

Lukewarm

Lukewarm

Lukewarm.
This is dangerous.
It is the master of disguise
the angel of light
that brings darkness.
There is no truth in it.
Only
half-
truths.
half-heartedely
the enemy joins in
and while you build
he unbuilds
and the house is never built.
But to finish it
the fire must be lit
and the darkness vanquished.
You will be the flame 
that ignites the change
buried in you.

To Be Influenced or Not.

It seems quite common for people to act as a collective when it suits their agenda and be divided when it does not. One of the global cultural phenomenon that had emerged over the years is the influencer culture. When I was younger there were international personalities that I liked and listened to but never really thought about unless I was consuming some aspect of their productivity. So I had my favourite singers, movie stars ect. However, outside of those roles I did not know nor did I care to get to know them more. I was fine just enjoying their talent for a limited time and living MY life for the duration of my existence.

Today I notice that there are many persons who are obsessed with those personalities they admire, which for me is a bit strange and also disturbing. The idea of an influencer has moved beyond the ubiquitous definition of someone who has the power to affect the buying power of consumers to, for many, someone who they see as their friend. Really an influencer is like a salesperson, there to sell you something not to be your friend. whether that thing is an actual product or a dream at the end of the day that is it.

Yet many choose to ignore this one unchangeable truth, and instead become so invested in the lives of these persons to the point where they ignore their own lives to preside over those they deem as being “like family”.

Sure there may be qualities in a person that you admire and they may motivate you in some way but the key here is that no matter what you do, you can never replicate them or their lives. The danger comes when persons ignore their reality to construct a possibility on someone else’s sand heap. The tide will always come in and tear it down. Many people rely on the voices of others to direct them and never the voice of the Almighty. They look at what others have achieved and think they can do it too, while being ill-equipped to do so.

On the other hand, one may say that positive influence should be separated from negative. While this is true, often times we do not realise that even when we aim to do what is “good” it is because we are influenced and not because it is a conviction that we have. What this suggests is that we want to please, or we want others to like us, so, we censor what we say and do to match the narrative we want others to have about us. When someone is influenced to do something “good” or “right” does it make being influenced a good or bad thing? Wherever we stand, we must be honest enough to acknowledge that being influenced is a way of life that has led to many unhappy persons, who seem stuck in slow motion, as they grapple with where their opinions begin versus those who have influenced them.

I Knew You.

 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be.  Psl 139:16

You i knew 
before my memory got so poor.
Old age cannot explain why I cannot see you.
I think
but my thoughts are all jumbled:
don'tiknowtheyouyouareandtheyouyouaresupposetobe?
A string of thoughts.
No rhyme or reason.
An idea half formed,
destroyed before it could be born.
Or was it killed,
A dream not born of a woman
or man - 
We must always be 
'politically correct"
right?
I know of you,
or so I would like to believe.
But do I know you
really 
as you should have been?
In setting me a part by my appointment did it work?
If it is your Word that comes
why does it not enter,
why is it locked out,
strangled under the weight of not knowing.
Like a bolom maybe I had lost
my salvation.
How to get it back but to retrace my steps and hope I have my way
back.
A silent cry is what I hear and turn to.
A cry that has no beginning 
no ending
no words
no sound.
So loud that it cannot be drowned
Cannot be silenced by the impracticality of your practicality. 

If I awaken from my slumber
will I like that piteous monster,
cry to dream again?
one wonders, if a simple awakening is enough.

Storytelling

Storytelling is the conveying of events in words, and images, often by improvisation or embellishment. Stories or narratives have been shared in every culture as a means of entertainment, education, cultural preservation, and to instill moral values.

definitions.net

The least we can do is to try to understand the story of another and if you can’t understand do not deny it.

Unknown

We hear and tell stories everyday. No matter where we are, but at least once per day, we recount some incident we experienced to someone. Sometimes theses stories end up being fantastic tales, because something wildly unexpected and exciting happens. Whether it is an accident, a disagreement that got out of control, a funny incident or not so funny one, but something dramatic that can make your day a memorable one.

Related image

Then we may find ourselves in a situation where we have to use an experience from out past or from someone else’s past, to make a point and perhaps inspire someone. We gladly share, because our intent is that these stories will change lives. And sometimes, in the act of sharing our stories or someone else’s, we are reminded of what we are capable of. So, our stories not only inspire others but we are also inspired by it. Stories matter and the telling of them matters greatly.

Then, there are stories that we dare not tell, no matter the audience. These are stories that will be misunderstood and rejected by listeners. These are stories that may not be fit for public scrutiny -depending again on who is listening. It may be because of where we come from, how they are told and who is doing the telling. When your story challenges the status quo, then it becomes harder for it to be heard and you feel as if your story does not matter. But somewhere out there is someone who needs your story, so they too can have the courage to tell their own.

Image result for reading a book

When you tell your story, those who hear become witnesses to that story. Stories are not limited to renown writers; millions of potential stories are crafted everyday by people living their unique situation and are waiting simply for the instrument through which they will be given life, to enter the lives of people who need them and who they need, to keep alive a part of you after you are no longer hear to do the telling. These stories live and never die, when those bearing witness, listen without judgement, without adhering to previously held prejudices and who in the process, restore dignity where lost and the power to simple be what it is and not what others would want it to be. Every story does not have to be our individual or collective realities but every story needs to be told.

Image result for stories matters gif

My Truth

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free

John 8:32

When you make a mistake how far does it follow you before it lets you life. How long do you have to feel the weight of it before the burden is removed?

The truth is, many people do not like the version of the truth they are told, if it differs from what they expect. They like the thrill of a secret until they know what it is. They are intrigued by your mystery until they discover it, and realize that it’s really not that deep!

tell-her-the-truth-gif

I am sure we can all admit that from time to that we make mistakes – unless you are delusional. Everyone does something that they are not proud of. Yet, we are so quick to condemn each other when we are not in the hot seat . It’s especially easy to do when things are going well for us; when we don’t have to look in the mirror, when we are not faced with our mistakes. We can quite happily pretend that all is right in our world and we, unlike mere mortals, are the example and certainly not the rule.

Image result for i want to tell the truth

Then there are those who would love to reveal their imperfect beings, but those around them do not offer them the grace to be human. They listen carefully to what others say about them and they realize that they have to hide a part of who they are, because people do not want to see or acknowledge a side they do not understand. So some mistakes are never seen. But, because it is never seen, does it mean it never happened? Does it mean that those who make certain types of mistakes are absolved of them, when they are not expected to fess up?

Related image

It’s funny how many want to hear they truth until they do:

all you have to do is just tell the truth…

you know what they say, and the truth shall set you free…

Yes my friends, free until you really start doing the telling.

Image result for gif hanging by a thread

What they don’t tell you is that they want the pleasant truth, the one that will not make them feel uncomfortable. Only the truth that makes sense for them will do; not your truth. Sometimes the truth is the last thing that people want to hear and so they never do. Instead many of us pretend to be what we hope will go down easily, make us accepted and we find out too late that even in telling a truth that’s not the truth we may not be accepted; it was never going to happen. The truth is funny and sometimes a slippery slope to your demise when people celebrate the lie that comforts, lies that have been institutionalized. We hang on too long to things that no longer work. We do this when the truth is harder to tell than the lies that soothe. When we have moved on in every way but physically, it’s not because we want to but because even though we have said in every way that we are ready, no one really listens. And if we are honest the lies allow us to belong on the inside – because who really wants to stand on the outside looking in?

Image result for outside looking in gif

So we wait too long to get the courage to tell our truth and live it. We pass up opportunities to break free from a glass house that can be shattered at anytime. So what should we do? Maybe we just need to take a chance on ourselves and just live our truth.

Image result for quotes about my truth