A chapter closes
dark clouds give way
light shines into darkness
mourning will not stay...
I can see the morning
stars shining through
a place unknown
before my birth foretold...
I am thakful for the rains
the thunderstorms and hails
they provided the water
so new plants will not fail...
New shoots hurry quickly
ready to capture the sun
to leap into the unexpected,
Thank God! Shalom.
Tag: God alone
The Stand…
It rose suddenlyb-
a trembling
rocked the stones
they danced in manic glee.
leaves staggered in confusion
fall guiltlessly.
no one
not one
to be found
no one around.
a pregnant cloud takes up command.
the outporing at hand.
still
no one
not one
around.
the winds whipped
cat-o-nine whistled
skin broken
blood spewing.
no one
not one
around.
they all ran
both wolf
and sheep.
One must die.
Which one will it be?
Batttered
buffeted
strained.
Build up or
scatter.
Quaerite fontem
Faith is a Knowing
So this year, my word is faith. I planned to develop my faith in God because I KNEW it was lacking in many ways. Now, I could not imagine that when I said, “God I want to grow in faith, my trust in You”, He would take the assignment so seriously! So in response, He said, “Say less” and ever since I have had so much whiplash that I could say nothing. My year of faith so far has shown God to be the master teacher He is!
Faith as Small as a Mustard Seed
I am realising how little faith I had in God and how much faith I placed in my own ability and in the support of others. I really was saying I trust God but I really did not. Therefore, I have to accept that I really was not faithful to God because I did not trust Him with everything. I have learned so far, that I was doing a lot without accomplishing a lot and so I have to do less, say less and be less. This is really hard because you are expected to do more, say more and be more to succeed. Or at least that is how I felt. I have tried my way and my way led me into a wall. But I thought that I could devise a plan to get over the wall and then tell everyone it was God when He really was never a part of the plan. I did not have the seed. I was planting on rocking ground with bad seeds. Seeds that were corrupted by many past traumas and disappointments. My seeds were tainted by distrust. Therefore, my faith in God was struggling and did not realise how much. The word is the seed.
What is faith?
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)
I thought I knew Hebrews 11:1 but I did not. Because it was so familiar I could not see the truth that I did not know how to recognise confidence or trust as choices. I know God loves me but I was neither confident of this nor did I trust in this. There were too many wrongs done on my part, why would He love me unconditionally? Why didn’t I have to prove, at all times, that I deserve His love? I did not know the word at all. Reading the bible multiple times means nothing if the Bible is read like any other book. I heard that I had to meditate on the word of God but I was not doing that really. So my year of faith has taught me to read my bible, not as a checklist but as a guide to identifying a purpose-driven life. A life that knows God.
Without Faith, it is Impossible to Please God
So, I was not seeking God. I lacked faith, and could not please Him by being confident and trusting Him. I was confusing self-reliance with being a soldier for Christ. “Faith without works is dead,” so I worked hard, told God what I wanted and got into action. When things went south I asked God for help. See the problem? I asked God for help when things did not work out. I did not surrender my plans to Him and by extension my day, my dreams, my relationships, nothing. Did Jesus really suffer and die for me to be lukewarm in my faith? Of course not. I thought I was pleasing God but I was more intuned with pleasing people than God and that led me further from a true relationship with God. I was not honest. Now, I have to diligently seek him
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6)
So now I seek God because the reward is a true knowledge of God and a relationship with Him. It is also a place of peace.
God’s Plans and Peace
My bible verse for the year is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I need to learn and believe every facet of this verse. I do not yet. I know it, have known it from I had the sense to know the bible was the bible. However, I never believed it. I want to believe it now. For me, this verse is a love note from God. No matter who it was meant for at the time ti was spoken, I have decided that He had me in mind when He said it also. I need this love note to calm my fears and as a salve for my wounds. It will cure my fractured heart. It will remind me of hose I am when I do not recognise myself.
God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:40)
So God has a plan. Right now I do not and it is an uncomfortable place to be because it is unfamiliar. However, it is the best place to be because it is where I need to be. “God had planned something better”, there is no plan better than God’s plan. Saying that and knowing this is faith. There is peace in His words, “Be still and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10). So, I am learning that a part of Faith is being still.
Sleepwalking
wakeup!
wakeup!
stop daydreaming.
can't you feel it?
Can't you see it?
Get out of your head
stand up now
see what's around you
see what's true
distractions are your enemy
they defeat you
stop you
from moving
sleepwalking backwards
into fantasy
unreal
not true
he will distract you
cast shadows
to defeat you
lett you sleep there
camp there
defeating you.
I see you
drowning
falling
deep
in discontent
to maladaptive
malware
shortcircuiting your truth
rocking the cradle
disturbing our peace.
Rest
yes -
but watch!
Here’s a True Love Letter…
43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
8 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
who have ears but are deaf.
9 All the nations gather together
and the peoples assemble.
Which of their gods foretold this
and proclaimed to us the former things?
Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
so that others may hear and say, “It is true.”
10 “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,
“and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the Lord,
and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God.
13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
When I act, who can reverse it?”
14 This is what the Lord says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“For your sake, I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians,[b]
in the ships in which they took pride.
15 I am the Lord, your Holy One,
Israel’s Creator, your King.”
16 This is what the Lord says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,
17 who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
20 The wild animals honour me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
21 the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise…
Now the rest is up to you.
Sis… We need to let it go!
She has always felt not quite right where she was planted. Yes, she grew but not as tall as she wanted to. Yes, she spread wide, but not as wide enough to touch the universe and come back to herself. Yes, she laid down roots, but they were shallow, not deep or strong enough to withstand the storms. And so she left. She slowly and painfully pulled up those roots. She folded herself tight enough to fit on that ship. She hid her colours to blend into the atmosphere of her despair and she left. She left because she felt if she stayed one more day, she would die. Her beauty would shrivel like a dried-out meat and die. It was not easy for her to leave. Several times she fainted, was revived and fainted again. It was a process. She nearly did not make it. But God!
She made it. She was strong. She stepped off that ship because she made it. Immediately something felt as if it was missing. She walked the streets, looking for a bed to rest her head and she knew something was missing. But how sway? She had been through so much to get here? She had sacrificed her peace of mind to find her peace. Now, here she was in a new place, looking for the familiars. The environment was not “envionmenting” for her, it did not give her the spark of joy that she needed and so she stopped. She stopped because she could see a new challenge on the way. Which way was the right way? She looked back and knew she could not. She could not go back. But to go ahead was uncertain. What would she do if she failed? Who could she turn to? What would become of her yet unfulfilled dreams? What was there outside of herself that she could turn to?
Do you know, you can travel halfway around the world trying to realise your new and still feel imprisoned by your old? Physically escaping the place of your trauma or traumas is one thing but emotionally and psychologically you can still be held captive by them because you have not truly let go of them. And even if God creates the right atmosphere and environment for you to grow and flourish, if He sends the right people, if you do not participate in all the things he prepares for you it will come to nothing. Opportunities are great and new experiences are encouraged but make sure they are not mixed with the refuse from your life that should have been disposed of a long time ago. So, we can move to the ends of the earth but we cannot escape our problems but, we can rely on God for direction. For pruning when we need pruning and for renewal when we are dry and thirsty for the encouragement we need, there must be a constant connection with God. I am not talking about friends and family, they are important. However, I have come to realise that only God can give peace, encouragement and confidence needed to thrive wherever you are planted.
We need to stop thinking we can operate outside the will of God. We need God even when we’ve made it because we made it to a point and there are many more steps to go. As- a -matter -of -fact we never reach our goal steps in life, we have to keep meeting and setting new steps. In all this stepping and goal making we need to abide in God so He can abide in us.: If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you[a] will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you (John 15:7). Challenges will come, no matter where we are and what we are doing but we hope in Christ and not the things we gain here on earth. We therefore need to remember that all that we do must be done consulting with God seeking Him and heeding His will for our lives. It can be hard but not impossible. If we do not rely on God for everything we become vulnerable to anything, we accept any standard outside of ourselves and God’s purpose. We may forget that we are not powerless and begin to believe that we need things outside of ourselves to truly measure our worth. Let us not allow ourselves to be cast into the fire and burned but let us bear much fruit by abiding in God. Let us bloom, not because we did it, but because we did it with Christ as our gardener.
There was nothing outside of herself. All that she needed she was already equipped with. She had the Sipirt of her gardener ready to instruct her and guide her to her success. She would not die, she knew this. She had just forgotten because where she came from was so filled with light, that she was momentarily disoriented by the darkness and dampness of this new place. She remembered that power was within and had never left her and her source was the Comforter. So, she began to move again but now with renewed purpose. She had all she needed to go anywhere, take root and bloom
One Constant
There is one constant, God does not change. He keeps His promises This does not change. He is the light that challenges the dark tide, washes away faithlessness with unmatched love. Death and destruction are never satisfied. He is all that is at the very essence of Satisfaction
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