Tag: Finding your happy place

Emotions: if they control us, they destroy us.

Tensions are running high and our emotions are sustaining us, while fueling a fire that will consume us – if we let it. If everything we do revolves around how we feel then we are never in control. We become slaves to our emotions, where wrong becomes right and right becomes wrong and we never acknowledge or know the difference. When we are up we reach beyond the universe but when we are down we are buried in the deepest and darkest pit imaginable. This is no way to live.

When you are constantly on edge and your nerves so frazzled that your brain short circuits and makes you a hulking shivering mess, useful to everyone most of all yourself. These emotions that you may have once thrived on to get you by, have turned on you and you become their victims, trapped in a constant roller coaster of emotions. Before you know it, you are not thinking clearly, which means you cannot act decisively and you become immobile, drowning because of those emotions.

The battle is real, with landmines everywhere, the likelihood of being blown to pieces an almost sure possibility. To do everything based on how you feel each day could be doing a lot and getting nothing done, that is how harmful succumbing to our emotions can be. Those sleepless nights and binge eating sessions, are directly linked to those raging emotions – even those you think aren’t a threat. We have to see them for what they can become, a monster like Godzilla almost impossible to contain.

However, we can begin to reign it in, though it may not be easy. It is especially hard if you have become reliant on them to be companions in life, when you let them in but refuse to let them back out. They become larger than life because we give in and give up without putting up a challenge. It is only when we can find a way to take back control that we can know peace enough to be content. We just need to acknowledge that we have a problem and seek help outside of our narrow world of destructive emotions; from a source greater than ourselves.

Emotion

I see deeply into your very soul
you cannot hide from me
I hold you prisoner
you cannot escape me.
I speak you but you cannot see me
you feel so confused
I change, shift, slip and twist
every which way.

Can you truly conquer me?

Clawing Back.

It may be that you are feeling suffocated by the uncertain buble in which you exist. You may feel buried alive unable to see how far gone you are, but knowing you are about to run out of air. How can you crawl your way out of this mess?

It surely will take supernatural powers- powers you don’t have. So now what? Well you may have a small plastic fork from that dinner you did not consume. It look feeble, almost ready to break, but hey, it’s all you’ve got. But no, it cannot be that you must use this feeble tool, so you wait. As you wait for your saviour you begin to get delirious. You forget that the space you occupy is so confining that you begin to stretch, only to be reminded by the sudden collapse of your lungs; what to do? Oh what do you do?

You spent so much precious time dreaming of being free, of stretching wide and far, of being carefree. It almost becomes too late and it will be too late, if you don’t get going soon. As you lay there inactive undecided and immovable, there is a constant sticking in your back – sharp enough to pierce your skin and draw blood. Suddenly you wonder if your first die from losing blood or affixation. Just when you embrace the possibility of one or both, cold water is poured on you one last time. Enough to wake you up. You must take this reprieve. It’s all you’ve got. You reach for that weapon and realise it is that stupid fork! But it’s all you’ve got.

So you start digging, trying to make your way. It takes hours, upon hours. Days upon endless days. Little by painstaking little you make progress. Will the earth cave in, swallow me whole? Well you have to continue, either way you will die, make no mistake. So you continue, your harms get so weak, you can barley – but you must continue. You dry to wet your lips but you realise that you are so parched that your tongue has grown tiger like papillae and you draw blood. But you must go one, this chance is all you’ve got. As your blood seeps in front of your vision, you wipe it and continue, there is no time to mourn the loss of life. You must contine.

Frazzled to the bone, no surrender you see a small hole. The aquifer that contains you is ready to release you. You dig enough so you can pour out, to see what lies beyond.

I Don’t Want to Exist, I Want to Live!

If you died today what would your legacy be? I have thought about this and for me it is still up in the air. I guess it’s not up to me to answer that question; time will tell and so will my eulogy. I realise that sometimes the view we have ourselves differ greatly from the view others have of us. Some feel the need to write their own eulogy, just to be sure. I have been teaching for thirteen years and I often wonder if I have done enough with all the wonderful talents I have been blessed. Have I done enough? Been enough, seen enough, lived enpugh!? Can these questions ever be satisfactorily answered?

There was a time that I was so passionate about what I did and I did my best to do what I did. However, as time goes by and the expectations of critics are not met, they begin to chip away at the budding confidence you had in your ability. They look and note that you have not ascended to the lofty heights they thought you would reach and they tell you; so, you begin to question whether or not you really did anything, whether what you did was enough. It becomes especially hard when you see others who have done so many things that they have been recognised for and you begin to lose confidence in the little things you once thought were so great. May, you now feel, you are placed in a waiting room, because you disobeyed your call to action from God, then you begin to wonder if you are just drifting away.

But all I want to do is just live. I just want to live the kind of life I was intended to live, without fear worry or tears to cloud my vision. That is it, that is all. I don’t want the fame and I don’t want the fortune and don’t need the empty promises of who I could have been. In this moment without any more regrets and doubts about my place here at this time in history, I just want to live. This desire comes from a place that has never had time to heal properly from past wounds, it is too raw to touch, yet it yearns for sunlight. Above everything that this world could offer, all I desire is a chance to truly live a life free of expectations and perceptions, stereotypes and stereotypes. I want to inhale deeply and exhale freely and feel my heart swell with the joy of knowing that I have this gift that is worth more than silver and gold. We all need to just live and be allowed to live and any attempt to derail this is a crime against our humanity

There are so many landmines that people have to go through in this world, and many do not make it. There are unique problems that we each face that threaten our ability to live, some more than others. It is easy to become disenchanted by all the rocky mountains with loose rocks that come at our heads before we thinking about climbing those mountains. At the heart of everything is the one unchangeable truth, nothing is more precious than life. Nothing requires our full attention, but the desire to live.

Before we think of death, we have to deal with the business of how we will keep on living. We have to be aware of the value not only of our right to live but the right of all persons to live the life they have been given by God. It is a right that many are denied , a right that many do not know they have, right that should never be hijacked or denied. We should also keep in mind that we do not only fight to live, we also fight to realise the joy of truly be alive!

No Hiding.

The more you hide, the less you’re seen, the less likely it is for you to shine when it’s your time to shine.

Sometimes it seems like a good idea to hide the flaws. But sometimes the flaws can turn out to be the blessing that we need. It can be the thing that separates a someone from an everyone. I use to like sitting back and let everyone else do the talking and make the plans and I just go along. But I have learned that you can’t hide behind everyone, all the time. One day, if only for that one time you will not have the human shields that keep you from answering the hard questions and making the tough decisions. Being anonymous is a great place to be for those who do not like the lime light. However, if in the act of reaching the goals you have set, you you have to take the spotlight, hiding may hinder you from seeing clearly what you should grab a hold of.

Image result for You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days somebody is going to find you

It also make it easier for someone to be ignored, even if everyone can clearly see you. Even if it is clear how talented you are and how invaluable your contribution, there are many more less capable and talented persons who are willing to make the noise that will lead to change. Therefore, while someone is there resting in the knowledge of their worth, it just may not be enough to be recognized; sometimes there is necessary noise to be made:

While silence is golden, noise can tell the true story.

Don’ hide your light under a bushel (Matt. 5: 15-16). Sometimes it seems like it’s being humble to do this. We tell ourselves that we are modest and therefore being good. But, this can be an excuse to do nothing, in order not to be judged or accused of anything unpleasant. Hiding becomes a way to be present but absent at the same time. No one can say we are not there, but no one can accuse of doing anything while there.

Hiding can become a way to deny who you are and that can be a limiting experience. Regret not only comes from not doing what you want to do but also being what everyone expects you to be, except yourself. It’s best to stop, when hiding becomes a hazard to prevents you from living life to the fullest.

Image result for Quit hiding your magic. The world is ready for you

Health Over Wealth.

Health is the greatest gift,

Contentment the greatest wealth,

Faithfulness the best relationship

Budda

I use to believe that success was measured in how much you had and how much you were able to do in a short mount of time. However, lately I have been taking my head out of the stand and I noticed something. Better yet I realized something, you don’t always have to be first out of the blocks first or fastest to win the race. I use to think, because I was taught this, that all you had to do was make it early, then success for a lifetime was guaranteed. Also, with my heads in the clouds, I thought that all you had to do, was do the “right thing”, be a “good person” and things were guaranteed to work in your favor. Now for me this mindset has led to many disappointing dead ends. I had to learn the hard way that life does not take place in a vacuum.

Bad things happen to everyone, and no one can ever be perfect.

There was one idea of success that I was told about when I was younger and only one that mattered. It was the success based on working hard, not ruffling any feathers and being a team player. Now maybe nothing is wrong with each item on its own, however, for me, what happened was that I interpreted it in such a way that it affected me badly, not only physically but mentally as well. So I spent my 20’s trying to fit into where I thought I should be and now it feels as if I first have to unlearn all the things I told myself I needed to learn even if it killed me, literally. I need find out what works for me, in a world that can and will happily leave me to be me.

Being mindful of what you do is more important than, running with it. When things happen that you never expected, stop and think what you want to do with this sudden twist. I made mistakes in how I handled sudden changes, impending changes or sudden windfalls, and I have many regrets; regret, it is a bitter, brittle pill to swallow. It doesn’t matter what it is, before you react, especially to something unexpected, good or bad, stop and take the time to think things through. Pray about it and take the time to check in with yourself before you react. Once you have come to a decision don’t change your mind or you could waste time trying to do damage control.

It was always important to be the best at everything. So I tried to be perfect. Perfect daughter, niece, friend and worker. However, this is impossible. Also, perfection takes too much work and second guessing your choices, until it makes the thinker crazy and lonely with bad choices. Plus, I don’t think anyone was measuring my level of perfection.

When you try to be perfect, people always expect you to be a certain way and when you can’t maintain it but try to, the only one to suffer is the person working around the clock to keep that perfect phantom perfect alive.

So, I have decided to stop.

To stop and take a break, and procrastinate from procrastinating from being real.

Being real is much harder than faking it. When you are real you have to be honest. I now confess that many times I did stuff, not so important stuff because I wanted to be on the “right side”. I said a lot of stuff, really unimportant stuff because I wanted to, “be good”.

So It’s health over wealth. No more trying to be the success that I think I should be, but, the one I can be. The world I occupy is too small for me, so out the door I shall go and see what peace lies behind it.

Wish me luck…

Bird Standing on Shore Line during Golden Hour

Inspire

How to defeat bad habits? When procrastination is your best friend and negative talk has been your only support for so long, how do you have a reversal of fortunes?

I am sure that asking the questions are easier than answering them. It is normal to seek inspiration and the motivation to do great things from outside. From those who have overcome obstacles that seemed impossible to overcome. However, does it really matter if we are inspired by others or from within? I once heard an actor say he was never inspired by another actor. So how and why did he become one? Well there are specific things that each of us want to accomplish or would like to achieve, should we wait on someone to come along and inspire us to take the plunge and pursue what we want to pursue?

Image result for inspire from within gif

I have come to realize that it is easy to become swept away by the expectations of others and end up going in circles. If everyone was to do everything and make all their decisions based on what they thought others expected then most dreams would die a swift death. The greatest blockage to our success in any area of life, can be our unwillingness to make the tough decisions, because we don’t want to offend or disappoint anyone.

However, maybe it is time to make those decisions and forget about being a disappointment. Maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to be inspired from within and not from anyone. Maybe it’s okay not to have fantastic heroes that are goals, but a quiet confidence about what lies within.

Maybe we should not aim to inspire anyone but just be real, and that means being willing to show the strengths and vulnerability as they naturally occur.

Ya Don’t Belong.

Well, this may seem a bit harsh but, listen to me for a minute.

We all want to belong somewhere to represent something and to realize that we have a community we belong to. All very human and hence very natural. However, as the picture above shows, just because you fit doesn’t mean you belong.

That image is genius for the simple reason that sometimes when we pray we pray to fit somewhere and not to belong there. Now we may not have thought before about the difference but it’s very important.

Image result for belonging and not fitting in quote

Now common sense says when you fit it means you want to be there you have inserted yourself in the mix but no one else may want you there except you. Imagine that situation – well most of us can because we have tried or are trying to fit in – you struggle all your life to be accepted somewhere where all you have experienced is a struggle and not triumph.

Now to belong, the word even sounds so right, so warm and inviting, is something different. To belong means that you want to be there and you are wanted there. In such a situation others will uplift you, support and guide you in the right way. There is no need to struggle because you are with people, whose support you fully have.

Image result for belonging and not fitting in quote

But guess what? We don’t need to fit in, because fitting in a choice that we make. We don’t need to do what everyone is doing or chasing the same dream. We don’t need to panic because we have reached a “milestone” and don’t have everything nicely figured out. We can throw away the goal post all together instead of just moving it! We certainly don’t need to chase anyone down to be seen; that leads to burn out. Plus, it means that you will never go beyond a certain point because you have limited yourself in a space you never belonged in the first place.

Instead, do what makes you happy, it’s hard for many but all we can do is work at it. Also it helps to be around people who you have things in common with, this too is hard for some, but again, not impossible. So, there is a running theme here, if you want to belong you have to step outside that comfort box and do the mileage.

I’m sure that if we really want to feel comfortable in our skin and experience some of that sublime joy that belonging brings. the work won’t seem hard at all. There is a quote that I wan leave you with a mind-blowing, earth-shattering quote:

THE OPPOSITE OF FITTING IN IS BELONGING