What A Way To live!

If you take yourself seriously you will be offended the rest of your life

Deepak Chopra

Imagine if you lived a life that was totally free from worry about what others think and say about you? What if we did not what for things or people to make us happy? What if we try to find our own joy?

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I say easier said than done!

When someone looks your way or seem to, you begin to wonder what they see when they look at you and then a full blown script has been written and performed in your brain because you just don’t know how to take being criticized. I can say that because sadly I have been doing a lot of this lately.

You are at the mercy of every stranger you meet on the street, if they say something nice you’re flattered for the rest of your life and if they say something nasty, you’re offended for the rest of your life.

Deepak Chopra
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Sadly again we become so fixated on getting approval from others that we deny that we are doing it when we do it! Many – not all- cannot relax in any situation because our sense of well being is too dependent on how people react to us. We depend on the approval of others like how a drug addict depends on drugs to get a high. If the reaction is good we are on cloud nine but if it’s bad we are hang out limbo, waiting to see if we can redeem ourselves in the eyes of those who just rejected us.

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So let us make a conscious effort not to take things so seriously, after all we are all playing with the hand that we were dealt. Many people dish out exactly what they see of themselves. So often it’s less about us and more about them. None of us are perfect, so really there is no perfect answer to any question or solution to a problem. Just do you, live your best life because there is nothing else you can do. Just put one foot forward and go about your day.

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You Will Learn!

When people Show you who they are. Why don’t you believe them?

Maya Angelou

Bigger Than You.

Just Listen

Why are you mad?

why are you getting heated?

This was never about you

why are you waiting?

Standing there by yourself

No one told you to

No one expected that of you.

I’m lazy

So what?

This ain’t about you.

you’re scared?

I frighten you?

Miss

Who told you it was your fear to carry?

Why are you still here?

I thought you left

A long time ago.

Okay stay there.

Wait.

Stand there.

Expect more than you were promised.

If you want to wait 

for the hundredth time

that’s your problem.

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The poem above sums up the idea of how misguided we can be – more often than not. we project our secret hopes, desires and wishes on people and white wash their true character. We blame others for our unhappiness and disappointments. Personally, I believe that this is too much power to give another person over your live. Yet we continuously do so, needing to learn the lesson over and over – but never benefiting from it.

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It’s dangerous to depend on others to make you happy and to make life worthwhile. The danger lies in the fact that you can actually create that person from your imagination and place this ideal in front of who they truly are. it is dangerous when you blindly follow that image to the detriment of your own peace of mind and even life! We feel compelled to give others the benefit of the doubt, even if it kills us. Quite literally. It becomes dangerous when we see the person for who they are but still insist on perusing that image. However, at this point it is no longer their problem, but solely ours.

Having faith and trusting in people is good. But this does not mean that we should abandon all common sense. There is something also very narcissistic in expecting others to be a certain way, the way you envision, “just for me“. In thinking that we have that special something that will compel them to believe that what has been working for them, is of no more value to them. The person who proclaims him or herself as being something specific, means that they genuinely believe it. It means that they accept and will always strive to be that way, no matter what others may say or think. It is not just that the person has a warped notion of self, but that they have self-determined who they are.

Believe them, do not make any excuse for them. Accept that not everyone will be the way you want them to be. Their words and actions are powerful because it shapes who they are. Accept that they sincerely know more about who they are, enough to clearly express it. Believe in their words and take comfort in their actions. And if it does not align with your vision, move along and be content in your disappointment.

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Remembrance Day

According to the data in World War 1 an estimated 10 million military and 7 million civilians died with 21 million wounded and 7.7 million missing or imprisoned. During World War 2 over 60-80 million people died. Not only were there millions of death but for each war, but there are records of genocide being committed on particular groups of people. For the first world war it was the genocide of the Armenians and for world war 2 it was the Jews and other minority groups by the Germans. In all of that data is the question; was it worth it in the end?

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On Sunday I sat and listened to the sermon and one concept stood out to me:

Freedom is not free, someone must pay the price in order for us to enjoy it!

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Armistice Day a.k.a Remembrance Day, commemorates the armistice signed to end the first world war at 11 a.m. on the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918. On this day a two minutes silence is held to remember those who have died in wars. Two minutes to remember what is now easily billions of people all over the world, killed for political and ideological beliefs.

African soldiers marching in Burma

Many of us cannot imagine being in the situation of being constantly facing death and uncertainty for a prolonged period of time, much less years at a time and live to tell the tale. I recently read an article by David Lammy [How Britain Dishonoured its African World War Dead] that sought to put closer to the forefront of W.W.1 narratives, African soldiers who served Britain in the first world war but who had been “written out of the story”. What is heartbreaking is the reality that the records never tell the true death tolls; they never allow many who died to be remembered. Many of those soldiers were never buried with the dignity that their service demanded and in his article, Lammy relates how dead soldiers had been left without the dignity of a grave, much less their names on a tombstone. However, such is the nature of war, along with the bolstering of pride is the reality of many many more left behind, their stories never finding itself on the pages of history, their names are now like them, dust blown away by the winds of time.

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There have been many wars in the history of the world. There have been the need to defend, protect and take possession or repossession. However, what we sometimes forget are the real sacrifices that many made so that from war we could enjoy peace today. Many will argue that war eventually leads to a more peaceful and productive society -depends on who you ask, surely not those who have to live through it. But consider that the wars fought in ancient time cannot compare to the devastation of wars that have weapons that can cause mass destruction around the world in a short amount of time today. Peace is dangerous to those who do not benefit from it and we need to consider who do not.

Guernica by Pablo Picasso 1937 shows the tragedies of war and the suffering it inflicts upon individuals, particularly innocent civilians. This work has gained a monumental status, becoming a perpetual reminder of the tragedies of war, an anti-war symbol, and an embodiment of peace.

And so we return to the simple case of wars.They continue today, and many of us are removed from them and therefore cannot imagine the devastation of such events.What is a fact is that war is something ever present and therefore we will always have the need to remember those who die because of them. As we remember, let us acknowledge that some will never have their stories told and their final resting place marked. Let us remember all the nameless and faceless who got no credit and who have died to make the dreams of others a possibility. Let us also remember that violence and misery are present companions for many around the world in 2019, where desolation never left and where war is still a reality and peace a dream. But most of all let us never forget the pity of war [Wilfred Owen] not just for some but all who have experienced wars, especially those in far flung places.

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Storytelling

Storytelling is the conveying of events in words, and images, often by improvisation or embellishment. Stories or narratives have been shared in every culture as a means of entertainment, education, cultural preservation, and to instill moral values.

definitions.net

The least we can do is to try to understand the story of another and if you can’t understand do not deny it.

Unknown

We hear and tell stories everyday. No matter where we are, but at least once per day, we recount some incident we experienced to someone. Sometimes theses stories end up being fantastic tales, because something wildly unexpected and exciting happens. Whether it is an accident, a disagreement that got out of control, a funny incident or not so funny one, but something dramatic that can make your day a memorable one.

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Then we may find ourselves in a situation where we have to use an experience from out past or from someone else’s past, to make a point and perhaps inspire someone. We gladly share, because our intent is that these stories will change lives. And sometimes, in the act of sharing our stories or someone else’s, we are reminded of what we are capable of. So, our stories not only inspire others but we are also inspired by it. Stories matter and the telling of them matters greatly.

Then, there are stories that we dare not tell, no matter the audience. These are stories that will be misunderstood and rejected by listeners. These are stories that may not be fit for public scrutiny -depending again on who is listening. It may be because of where we come from, how they are told and who is doing the telling. When your story challenges the status quo, then it becomes harder for it to be heard and you feel as if your story does not matter. But somewhere out there is someone who needs your story, so they too can have the courage to tell their own.

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When you tell your story, those who hear become witnesses to that story. Stories are not limited to renown writers; millions of potential stories are crafted everyday by people living their unique situation and are waiting simply for the instrument through which they will be given life, to enter the lives of people who need them and who they need, to keep alive a part of you after you are no longer hear to do the telling. These stories live and never die, when those bearing witness, listen without judgement, without adhering to previously held prejudices and who in the process, restore dignity where lost and the power to simple be what it is and not what others would want it to be. Every story does not have to be our individual or collective realities but every story needs to be told.

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Strength…

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Inner strength is an experience that leads to a sense of peace and having a sense of well-being. Being strong is hard especially when others do not expect you to be. We can easily allow situations to overwhelm us to the point where we cannot move forward, because we only can see the path we left behind. When we would rather stay in the happiness of the “good ol’ days”, then we can say forget being strong and just be complacent.

I have had to be strong many times. The first was when my mother left me behind and I, out of sheer terror ran behind her only to be beaten back to my new home. I had to learn to live without her. To only see her once per week and sometimes months in between. I felt like an orphan.

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I had to learn how to be strong when my grandmother, my second mother, died the day before my first exam, in the first year of university. When I had to attend her funeral I made sure to cry before and not during it. I had to be strong when I was told after the first year that since my grandmother’s death the little money available to me to go to school, had evaporated over night. I had to be strong, when Mondays to Fridays I went most days at school eating very little or nothing at all because I did not have enough for food and bus-fare. I had to be strong when all it seemed I was working for was not to leave university without a degree. I had to be strong working from 6:00 a.m to 7:30 p.m Mondays to Fridays each summer, after her death, so that I could have some money to go back to University, even with student loans. At least I had a way out.

And once I left I thought, ” well, I no longer have to struggle, once I get a job” – how Naive! I lost my strength many times since then and from most of life’s hard knocks I have not recovered. But I still have to be strong in order to get back to my true strength to meet my true true self again. So I can say hi, hello, how are you to the girl I once knew.

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Don’t Be Stupid!

I was enjoying an Afro-Fusion song by a Nigerian artist, by the name Burna Boy and I wanted to understanding the message so I looked up the lyrics. When I saw the lyrics it was interesting to note that the Nigerian Pidgin/Creole was kinda similar to Jamaican Creole – not the same, but very close!

Dem no dey tell person (ja ara, ja ara)
You go learn your own lesson (ja ara, ja ara)
Everybody keep on searching (ja ara, ja ara)
For miraculous blessings (ja ara, ja ara, ja ara)
You go bow for Lagos oh (ja ara)
If you no know yourself you go lost oh[] (ja ara, ja ara)
If you get money you be bros oh (ja ara, ja ara)
Omo nobody holy no apostle (ja ara, ja ara)

Anyway. so I looked up the lyrics but the message was still was missing me – seemed to be playing hid-and -seek. So I decided to look up the meaning. When I did this I came across a blog, Ogefash photo blog, that gave some insight. Apparently the song is saying to be smart about certain things. The first thing that stood in the songs is the line, “Ko Juba, ko juba”, which means to give thanks. Yes we all need to give thanks EVERY DAY.

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Be smart about who you let into your circle, keep negativity out and welcome only positive energy: :  Dem no dey tell person– In Nigerian pidgin, it’s a warning. Burna Boy is …telling him to be wiser.

Be smart about what you belief use the common sense God gave you and recognize when people are trying to fool you and use you in the name of whatever ideology they support: Omo nobody holy no apostle – This would mean that nobody only relies on prayers by clergy men or that no one is a saint. We need to tab into a greater source to realize our potential and to maximize it, in the best possible way. No one and nothing is a god on earth.

These are just a few gems we can take from the song, but it also speaks to not being so impressed by the things in the world that we becomes slave to it, mesmerized in it and lost to it. It reminds us to know who we are and operate in that knowledge. It also reminds us to care for those we need our care but be careful of those who seek to deceive us.

Language can never be a barrier to great music that has a good message. When you think you are about to give in to the temptations that can destroy, remember Ja Ara E!

Close-up Photography of Brown Lion
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What is Man?

I was asked that question today and it got me thinking.

Where I come from the unconscious response it, “man is nothing”.

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The person who asked this question, was relaying an incident where she was confronted by someone in a higher position. The confrontation made no sense in the first place. It was based on a discussion that two friends were having about something that was no body’s business – at least nobody where they were having the discussion. However, one person who overheard felt slighted because the discussion was about someone who shared a similar title to her – please consider she did not know the person. However, she felt they were out of line and threatened to take her and write a little to the manager.

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But why? It made no sense? But what did happen was a clear “drawing of the line” between who was above whom.

What is man that you are mindful of him? (Psalm 8:4a)

Are we titles walking around on legs or are we equal and unique, creatively free and free to be what we are meant to be?

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god!

William Shakespeare Hamlet Act 2 Scene 2

Is man more or just an animal, more than flesh and blood more than we can conceive in labs and create for glossy magazine covers? We are more than what others give us permission to be when it fits with their vision of us. We are at the heart of it all imperfect and so we do not have the right to think that a title makes us more.

So as she asked the question I realized that this is not an easy one to answer. For her, was it right that she left the exchange feeling less than, because she spoke about something she wasn’t suppose to?

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