Reversal of Fortunes That puffed peacock bold, brash and confidently wrong - Now nestled in comfortably among the donkeys. Reversal of fortunes knows humility. Tears of regret now echo replaced by unabashed merriment. Reversal of fortunes - a serious matter indeed. A wealth of knowledge once prized when it is seen clearly - now a cesspool of folly. Reversal of fortunes brings decay into sharp focus. The forever youngs parade no more, where plastic cannot hide the time, the ugliness seeps through the cracks. Reversal of fortune - beauty has no sway. Where strength and grit was the order of the day, now frailty and faintness have made themselves at home. Reversal of fortunes - where power turns to dust. When you think you have figured it out life suddenly proves to you how misinformed you are. Reversal of fortunes - a lifelong lesson...
Tag: thinking about things
The Grieve!
The Grieve!
S.G
Please -
give me today.
Tomorrow I will laugh and dance and sing.
Today let me grieve.
The pain is too much to bear.
I do not know how..
The words are not enough...
This white sheet
has four corners that limit my grief.
Let me wrap myself in my shroud of grief
pile ashes high like Blue Mountain Peak
on my head.
Let my grieve!
Let me die a little today
come back later
and carry on,
no ascension
right here so
I will stay.
Right now it is too much
to bear.
Right now I cannot stop these tears.
I cannot be your strength
I cannot bring you ease.
All I have is my grief.
So let me grieve!
Let me cry, bawl and halla
When I am done
I will smile through these same tears.
It doesn't matter just let me be.
But when I am done
I will never be the same.
*bawl -to cry
**halla - (holler) to cry out loudly
The Tragic Hero
Life is not a competition.
I am sure you have heard this before, but have you really thought about what this truly means?
You don’t have to be the best. Right now. There is no time limit on all that you have to do. While everyone is striving, you feel as if you are not. There you are feeling as if you are being left behind. All your friends have graduated and moved on to the next phase, but you my friend, are left behind. You may feel like you are one of the leftovers. The one who becomes the example of where not to be and what not to do. It is easy to feel left behind, because so many seem to follow the hustler formula. They want success and they want it quick. They have to always be on the move, always grabbing the next opportunity, the next big thing. To be a hustler has become something to be admired by many and oftentimes we are bombarded with YouTube videos and a plethora of articles that tout the benefits of the hustler mentality.
However, While we strive to get to the top as quickly as possible, we never really take the time to understand our purpose because we have become doers and not thinkers. We become burnt out trying to do a million things in twenty-four hours. I think of it as me preparing a lesson to teach, with so many activities crammed in it that the students do not have time to benefit or enjoy those activities. We become so focused on getting to the top and staying there that we deprive ourselves of the experience of enjoying the moments that matter, those moments that will remain with us when all those positions and wealth mean nothing.
A lot of us lose the things we have because we focus too much on what we do not have. The hustle culture that has emerged and which a lot of persons try to cultivate comes from a place of insecurity for many. A place where they always compare themselves to others and strive for things that they were never meant to hide. So you may know someone who has been on the hustler grind for a very long time and is still waiting their turn to get to the top. There you are, looking in from the outside, you realise that all they do is go in circles but never truly grow and are never close to the summit they crave to conquer.
I recently looked at the story of Saul and David, both were Kings of Israel and the lesson of the story is timeless. There are so many lessons actually but for me in considering the story what stood out, was how foolish Saul was to allow his envy and jealousy of David to destroy his life. It began with a celebration that quickly turned sour and it was a turning point that destroyed Saul’s legacy:
-: Saul Envies David
…6 As the troops were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs, and with tambourines and other instruments. 7 And as the women danced, they sang out: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” (1 Samuel 18: 6-7)
Saul was at the top of his game, the big man, he was King! Until, a young boy with humble beginnings, like him, came into his line of vision stole some of his shine and he was no longer happy with all his previous achievements and the privilege of being King. He was a King but he was not satisfied. He needed records, numbers greater than anyone to prove he was great.
Why do people hustle? Why is it so important to be the greatest, to have persons bow at your feet because out of everyone else, you made it. But made it where? How much higher can you go than being a King? Even at the top, Saul was discontent, disillusioned and at the end, fiercely bitter. He felt that David’s growing popularity and success was a direct reflection on him. Like Saul too many of us get too caught up in the lives of others and what they are doing, achieving or “winning” at. We feel if they succeed it may show us up. Then all of a sudden everyone begins to question, “what about you, what have you done lately?” Sometimes before someone asks the questions of our legitimacy, we begin to destroy it, by comparing ourselves to others and then come up short, woefully inadequate, headed for failure. Though this was not the case a few minutes before.
Saul’s strength and courage was buried under a need for approval and the fear of being criticized. This is seen when he tries to regain favour in the eyes of his army and people by making a sacrifice that was never his to make. This need to always be favourable in the eyes of others, to always be number one, even if it means making compromises, can be seen by many who strive to succeed at any cost.
11 And Samuel said, “What have you done?”
Saul said, “When I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines gathered together at Michmash, 12 then I said, ‘The Philistines will now come down on me at Gilgal, and I have not made supplication to the Lord.’ Therefore I felt compelled, and offered a burnt offering.” (1 Samuel 13: 11-12 )
Saul was so focused on being better, when he was already good, in being highly favoured, when he already was; he last it all because he neglected to notice all the great things he had going for him. It was a real tragedy that such a great man allowed his insecurities and fear of rejection to completely Stifle the potential of who he could have been.
So, the story of Saul becomes a cautionary tale, of how competition can go bad and lead a person to self-destruct. Take note even as you aim to be the best you that you can be.
Speaking A New Story…
Be careful how you treat people today because they may have the fabric you need to create your story. Be careful what you hold on to from your past because it may stop you from seeing your future. Most importantly, be careful the words you utter because they may kill the stories waiting to be told.
There are times when we love to be a part of the story and we never want to be the story because it may have painful parts that we do not want to share or be exposed to. So we languish in the rot of yesterday’s garbage and wonder why we seem stuck in the same place we have been trying to get out of from ever since. Why our story is still the same and why everything seems to change except our situations.
Maybe we have spoken too much of the things we cannot do and refuse to speak and write about what we have the power to do. If we really want to tell our story we cannot wait on someone to give us the words to do or, worst yet, letting others use their pens to write it for us. No fortune teller can tell you what to do or what you need to know to craft a life you deserve. If that were the case where would that leave our connection with the Almighty. No one will create that movie worthy scene that will climax into you winning the day, triumphing over all adversities and coming out on the other side. You can’t steal someone else’s story to make your own. No matter how much you dream it were so. We have to make our own stories. Speak the words that will make it so and live lives that tell the truth of who we are.
You have been set apart, specially gifted but waiting too long to realise this can be the great error of your life. Before a story is written down on the page, it has to be lived and told and encrypted in the soul. When we take away all that we have accumulated here on the earth, without all those things, what is the story of ourselves, without the entrapments of titles and accolades?
Speak a new story that does not have the stench of the past but the promise of a new day. Each day is such, where we get the chance to build on what we have already been given, accumulating people unto ourselves we will play a crucial role in the totality of the story and not things that leave when the going gets tough and leave a bitter taste.
When we ask if there is something greater than where we are, chances are there is. The only problem is we do not know how to wait and see. So, we tell the same old story because we do not have the courage to be encouraged at the signs that tell us, better is ahead. The truth is, we are too scared to think of the possibility of another story than the one we have been fed all our lives.
Be prepared to tell a new story because change is a constant that no one can escape, even if we try.
Has this pandemic experience and quarantine period made you consider telling a new story of your life? Think about the ways in which you have been changed by what has happened and decide how your story will shape up moving forward. Do not wait for someone to come and tell you who you are and what you will do. The power and knowledge is already there within you.
Grace and peace to you from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come… (Rev1:4a)
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Why Your Lane Isn’t Built to Last.
In the past I have extolled the importance of staying in your lane and I still believe it is important to do so. It is important to do so if you want to have peace of mind and to focus on your own journey. However, what of you no longer want to stay in that lane, you had been so comfortable in for so long? Does it mean that you are reaching beyond the perimeters of your capabilities?
Yes, we are creatures of habits, but one that we do not consider as fixed in our lives is the need to evolve. If you get bored easily or have lost your passion in whatever field you are a part of, then maybe staying on the course you are on is no longer feasible.
It is not that you will suddenly stop doing you and stop paving your own way. No not all! Instead it means that you want to try a lane that offers more room to fail, grow and conquer new dreams, new ideas and new ways of getting things done. Now, the crucial thing here is that while you are in the process of doing this, if you are not moving in silence you may have to do serious battle with those who tell you to stay where you are because that is where you belong.
No, switching lanes does not mean you have suddenly lost your way. What it can mean is that you no longer have to bid your time, or be carefully restrained. It means that you are confident enough now, having found your footing, to tackle a lane that at one time in your life seemed beyond your scope, whether that was how you felt or how others felt for you. You are not going to look at someone else’s example, someone who failed, and decide that it’s better to stay put because that will happen to you.
As you continue to run your race, you have to evaluate how you are feeling and how you have changed and decide, independent of anyone else, whether you need to stay or change lanes.
It is reassure to know you are good at something and spend time perfecting your craft, to know that you are doing something meaningful and fulfilling. However, if we have learnt anything so far, it is that we cannot predict what is around the corner. Your plans may need to be altered or thrown out the window all together! You may also have to reevaluate what you believed or hoped for. Your lane is no different. Because of the unpredictable nature of life, that lane that you first begin in, may not be the one you continue in. It is okay to change lanes, if you are convinced it is the right course of action. One thing I have learned, this is that even with the best plans, we have to be flexible enough to make that lane change if or when we have to.
Coincidence?
I am currently working on a paper focused on Trauma in the work of Haitian-American novelist, Edwidge Danticat and I find the poem below and made some connections. The first time I was introduced to her work was via the daughter of a close family friend when I was in high school. That book was Breath, Eyes, Memory and I was both confused, distressed and captivated by the events unfolding in the novel. There was so much pain reflected in the lives if the characters, yet they bore it as best they could and were so strong. It taught me about the true meaning of being strong in the face of great adversities. Since then, I have read many of Danticat’s work and continue to learn about the Haitian spirit that I now realise can never be r truly captured by certain international entities that try to do so.
I recently found a poem [that I will leave below] I had written as I became immersed in learning a little bit more about my Caribbean neighbours; a country that has been shrouded is mystery and misunderstandings. It is not a coincidence that I am now working on a thesis focused on this writer; stories that speak to more than a history of violence and traumas. It had not been my intention. However, when we step back and take a closer look we are able to connect the dots of events and actions in our lives that at first seemed peculiar, disjointed and disconnected.
The Cries of the Unbroken . Mwen pa two byen I’m not too well I can’t find dey way, Di light gone. Eske ouka ede nou souple? Can you help us please? It was the shaking, The shaking Mama. It turn mi on mi head. It swell mi belly an’ shove dirt Over mi. Mi bone tremble, Oh Lord! Ah tremble! Oh Lord! Father a sinking Francois, Jean, Boukman Save mi, a shaking, a trembling Ah dying! My brother, eske ou ka ede nou souple? Can you help us please? My pride stands on the other side, Jus’ ova soah. I am dry. Brother man Father man Mother woman Sister! Touch dis descendant of a, Slave… Stop, The worms running out, Stop the hole. Father! Father… Yes, I hear you. You callin’ mi Daddy oh?! I’ll fly away to glory, I’ll fly away… **************************************************************************** The water, It in mi lungs, I try to swim but I dragging under I scream! I cry, I cry. I cry! My mind, my body My soul. My ears are filled with it. The water, In Every .cell a mi hair Strand. My heart is swimming in it. I see My ancestors. Chile wi gonna save yuh! Sa ki pa touye ou li an grese That which doesn’t kill you makes you fat. The water can’t touch you, no more. The pain in yuh chest, Gone. Hold di res’ inna yuh hand, Squeeze it, shut! They can’t beat you no more. The skin off yuh back, Ain’t coming off, Tenk God. The water running in the Basin, That is you. Wash them opprimer away. What a friend we have in Jesus… The truth is in you. The black star shine Bright. Strong. Up, Up an’ Kimbo… Kery on pep la gen gonm The people's pen can never be erased.
Stop Being Toxic!
Stop being toxic to yourself. I know it is easy to blame others for the way you are and the way your life turned out so far but doesn’t mean that it is right and true. What would be good is if many of us stopped paying so much attention to what someone else is doing. If we stopped getting our courage from what someone else does and start finding our own way.
I use to be in a panic when I realised that other persons were action, while I was sitting in the dark and now had to figure things out for myself, by myself. However, if we stopped looking, we wouldn’t trip ourselves up on someone else’s mess. It is quite necessary to stop and ask ourselves some important questions before we take action; questions such as:
- who do I hope to impress here?
- where will this take me?
- am I acting out of desperation?
- is this really based on my particular skill set?
- have I been influenced by what others have said or done?
- am I competing with real or imagined adversaries?
- can I commit to seeing this out til the end?
If you really want to work on always being anxious and fearful, stop living your life based on the shortcomings you had ten years ago. I have tried the personality trait test about three times and I realise that nobody is destined to stay the same all their lives, unless they want to. No one is a fixed entity incapable of change, it is just that some do not want to change even when it is for their own good.
There is never anything good about copying and pasting someone’s life over your own and so those who do, need to stop trying to do so. There are many toxic persons out there and many are toxic to themselves. They don’t need anyone to talk them out of a good idea because they are faster, sharper and more deadly than their critics. Before an idea is formed they quickly shoot it down and when the opportunity passes they drag themselves from pillow to post until they are a nervous wreck.
So do yourself a favour and stop being toxic to yourself. Take the time to slow down before you take that next step and do not move, if not moved by the Spirit. Be kind with yourself and practise a little selfcare.
ramblrWrites.com 