Tag: self-care

Not Work, Care.

Many famous or successful people will tell you that you have to work hard to achieve your goals, you have to keep burning that mid-night oil; and as one of our past Prime Ministers here in Jamaica once said, she was always, ” working, working, working.” But when I think about it, is working yourself out of relationships, your health and your peace of mind so important and worthwhile?

Many persons have compromised who they are to reach where they want to go and I have to ask, is this real success?

Image result for working hard to succeed gif

Some may say I’m asking because I have not achieved their level of success, but,that’s not where I’m coming from. I have seen or heard, in my space and other spaces, of people who re really talented who are not super wealthy or super successful, in term determined by a few, who seem to be happy with their lot in life; who just seem normal. In a world where being normal is seen as basic, their normalcy becomes refreshing. It is those who are always striving, reaching for the star just ahead who seem to now be doing too much, going too far and in the process losing the light that they where born with.

At any cost. That is what some people accept as the way to be successful, which can cause someone to lose sight of what it really means to care about the things that should matter. One of the things that require our attention more than gathering wealth, is to confront the traumas that have given us the urge to seek the applause of the crowd by working long and hard.

Image result for selfcare and success quote

Success is as success does. Before going on this grand adventure, many people do not ask what success will mean in their own lives. So, you get the things you set out to get and then you wonder why you wanted them in the first place. Could it mean that there is something internal that is damaged, that having those things can never fix? If so how much is this need for success driven by destiny or some childhood trauma? I think it’s important and necessary to question why you want to achieve certain things, because if we don’t, we run the risk of having someone else’s mountaintop experience.

Bird in a gilded cage. Whether or not we want to admit it the result of success may not be triumph but a gilded cage – much nicer than the one we were in before – but a cage none-the-less. Thinking that we are working to better our lives and the lives of those we love, can blind us to the true state of our situation and not see that instead of approaching he finish line, we are about to fall over a precipice. Sounds scary, but true. Instead of addressing one problem, the need to get that “bread” can create many more that is harder to fix with the success we may get.

Awareness and care are one and the same. If we really want to get to where we should be, and not where we were never meant to be, then it may be time to question whether we strive from a place of brokenness or if our journey is fueled by the will of the Almighty.

Image result for success comes from the almighty quote

Give To You.

It’s all about wellness and taking care your your physical health nowadays, but if you are healthy in body and not in mind that will not last long.

It’s good to give. So give. But don’t feel guilty about giving to yourself.

Image result for self care gif

Many associate taking care of themselves as always an expensive venture – especially in in a world were many overdo everything.

However you give to yourself when you don’t always meet other persons expectation.

People sometimes ask too much of you – especially if they know you’re likely to say yes. So they want to know something , they wont try to do so for themselves, they will turn to you to find out for them. switch things up and tell them you don’t know or tell them you can’t. They will eventually get the idea and start doing for themselves.

I remember for my grandfather’s birthday every year my grandmother would start thinking the year before what she would do for him. For her birthday? Nothing. Sometimes he did not remember and so nothing special was done. Take the time to treat yourself and do not expect anyone to do so. If you want to have a good day do things that will ensure you do. No one knows you better than you.

Image result for self care gif

Also, never let anything or anyone stop you from going where you want to go and doing what you want to do. After all God gave each of us a life to live. Instead, make sure to make others treat you how you want them to treat you, by teaching them how to do so.

Always showing up for others can be exhausting and is a sure path to a quick burn out. I remember every Christmas day I would spend ALL of it in the kitchen helping – really I had no choice here – my grandmother to whip up some delicious meals, setting the table and never being one of those around it -mind you she was never there either. Because of this, every Christmas I make sure to do the bear minimum. When you do too much for others then they always expect you to continue without thinking about whether or not, you ever need a break from them and being at their beck and call. Do not be at the beck and call of anyone, it never ends up well.

And it’s never too late to start taking care of yourself. Just because you’re use to doing everything else but taking care of you, doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do so. After all, ole dog can learn new tricks!

Image result for doing something different to take care of yourself quote

On The Shortness of Life

Do you get really anxious when the subject of the time you have to do all you want to do comes up?

Image result for raise your hand gif

It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it’s been given to us in generous measure for accomplishing the greatest things, if the whole of it is well invested. But when life is squandered through soft and careless living, and when it’s spent on no worthwhile pursuit, death finally presses and we realize that the life which we didn’t notice passing has passed away.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca, On the Shortness of Life

If there was a great deal of truth in the words of Seneca, a Roman Stoic Philosopher, then the last part would be darkly humorous. Imagine complaining about something only to realize when you’re losing it that you had it all along but was too blind to see it for what it was. Oh the irony! And yet many of us are quite easily going down this truly ironic path. Life is too short! This is the cry of most.

Time is too short!

There aren’t enough hours in the day to everything that I want to do and accomplish!

Image result for guilty as charged gif

The ironies of ironies is that those who cry, moan and complain about the shortness of time and therefore life, are the biggest procrastinators. Again of this I and many many more are guilty. I think we would be hard pressed to deny this. So we waste time, then complain that we did not have enough of it to do all that we wanted or were meant to do. Sounds about right!

So Seneca encourages us not to waste time complaining about the limited time we have to live our lives but to maximize it so we live purpose driven lives that lead to happiness contentment and NOT regret. In his essay, The Shortness of Life, he gives specific ways in which we waste time. Now do these sound familiar?

We waste time by:

  1. Chasing wealth or what he terms, voracious avarice (sound nice to say too! Say it with me, Voracious Avarice)
  2. Pursuing things that do not benefit us and that lead to very little meaningful returns.
  3. Drinking and getting drunk, smoking, partying. Generally seeing live as a 24 hours happy hour event.
  4. Trying to be at the top of the totem pole. Generally trying to win popularity contests as we seek to ambitiously get ahead.
  5. Either try to conquer others or being anxious about being conquered.
  6. Trying to please those above us in order to be in their good graces. Even though that won’t to where we want to be. But we are too blind to see this, until it is too late. Oops, time’s up!
  7. Not really having a plan or as he puts it: Some have no goal at all toward which to steer their course, but death takes them by surprise as they gape and yawn (YIKES!)

Now honestly which have you been guilty of?

Image result for shortsightedness meme

He goes further in his writing to bemoan our shortsightedness in allowing distractions (vices) that take us off track and prevent us from using the time we have in a more responsible way. The good news is that all of us are screwed! The rich, and seemingly most “successful” among us, are also capable of falling into this trap. Clearly he was not partial in his assessment. He further writes of our very human need to attain recognition from others, even while we do not take time to look at ourselves, and recognize our worth, but expect others to do so. Another serious crime committed by us all is the fact that too many people allow others to “trespass on their existence” – attention everyone, do not allow instances where others control your lives while here on this earth! These are things that we need to hear; it’s not that others are wasting your time, but you are allowing them to do so.

Interestingly, he notes the importance of reflecting on the past for self-assessment and for not repeating the errors once made. Sometimes we refuse to look too closely at things we have done because we know that we do not come out looking good! We would rather stay in the present, thank you very much, to worry more about our future. It is handy to remember that our past informs our present condition and plays a role in our future state.

Finally, one of the most dangerous and most destructive crimes we commit , is the fine art of being busy doing absolutely nothing. While he believed in the importance of pursuing philosophical truths, Seneca did not approve of people who really did things that had no true value on the quality of their lives or the lives of others. All those meaningless activities just to kill time (pun intended) really are our Achilles’ heel, in making the most of what we have.

Seneca ends with zero sympathy, and exposes those who waste time preparing for death and their post-life image, instead of enjoying the time they have in the land of the living and makes it clear that such persons are not worth our time:

some people even make arrangements for things beyond life — huge tomb structures, dedications of public buildings, gladiatorial shows for the funeral, and ostentatious funeral processions. Yet in truth, the funerals of such people should be conducted by the light of torches and wax tapers, as if they’d lived for the briefest span.

Seneca obviously did not mince his words!

And so I end with a word to the wise among us, ensure you use the time you have to do the things that matter most to you. Things that enrich your life while you have it. That’s the only way to show that you truly appreciate the life you were given. After all, you only live once!

Image result for Life is long, if you know how to use it

You Are Yourself…

“The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.”

― Lao Tzu

For you before the onset of the Monday morning blues…

Wake up everyday and jump into your skin and don’t think about what the naysayers say. Feel the wind as it caresses your skin, breathe in and out and keep it moving. Unfold this way and that and never give in to the judgement passed on by others.

Love what you see when you look in the mirror and roar instead of purr, and never let anyone draw a picture of your life. The proof is in the pudding so make sure you’re doing the baking. When it’s time up, make sure it’s the time you set but also make sure to use your own clock and make your own calendar too!

The box is not it. You do not belong in a place you do not fit, create a space for your shape. The image projected is the one designed and you and your creator know the code to the patent. It’s a code that is iron clad.

Image result for Be yourself; everyone else is already taken meme

You want to do cartwheels? You want to bend down low? While you’re at it play sightings ( Jamaican game which involves the use of a juice box stuffed with paper that is thrown at the persons in the middle who have to avoid all throws. If you get hit, you’re out) and avoid the worries and fears of what people will think, say and do; just be you. If you find yourself boxed in then be the bull inna pen ( made a circle around a person (the bull) and they would try to escape in any way. It also taught us how to push towards our goals especially if it’s just people in the way ) and break free. Never get caught in a game of stuckie ( this game taught the importance of not allowing another person to touch you, else you’re stuck ); never let anyone touch your essence; they can try but they will never catch you. Run faster and make it to your home base.

Keep your head above the water of despair and keep doing the necessary gymnastics and when you’re tired remember:

They can’t keep a good man down
Always keep a smile when they want me to frown
Keep the vibes and I stood my grounds
They will never ever take my crown
Who Jah bless I say no man curse
Things gettin’ better when they thought it would be worst…

Sizzla

It’s all in how you see the glass… or just move it completely and put what you have already seen so others can see it too. Sometimes it’s good to follow “yuh mind” and do what feels right. Even if no one else agrees because they can’t get a thing out of it. If the zone is making you dizzy, it was never a comfort, so get out of it. Make no excuses for your inability to stand your ground and for not steering yourself right where you need to be. Sweep aside the stuff that doesn’t matter and grab what does. There is no power in “I can’t” and “I wont” so toss them in the garbage; there is power in “I can” and “I will” so use them to fuel your journey.

You can never hear this too many times; your destiny lies in being yourself so forget about anyone else and just be.

Brown Thank You Card on Pink and Blue Small Bottle