living your best life – Page 5

About New Year’s Resolutions.

I have observed that at specific times of the year, people make the effort to change some aspect of their lives, but the new year is when we see this need to change explode. I like to think of it as promises on steroids. We all have made countless unrealistic wishes and promises about how the new year will spawn a new us. This usually lasts for the first couple of days and then most fall back into old habits.

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I think a big part of why they don’t work is because we leave reality out of our new year’s resolutions. We forget for a couple of days, what our situation is truly like and make commitments based on dreams we have nurtured since childhood and comparing ourselves with other, which is always a bad thing to do.

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Also, we now have many self-help articles that speak to setting goals and not resolutions. But I wonder what the difference really is.

Goal:An aim or desired result.

Resolution: The quality of being determined or resolute.

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The problem I believe is not in creating goals or having resolutions. The problem is being unrealistic in making or setting either and having a spirit of stick-to-it-iveness, to see them through. I have had many great ideas of things I want to accomplish, but have fallen short because of my own self-doubts. Setting goals over having resolutions does not mean that you will achieve them. For both, you have to have a plan of how they will be realistically achieved. Further, I also believe that anything we want to do must have a purpose. It cannot be that we want to be rich or lose weight but it’s because that seems to be the trend. Our purpose for wanting to achieve something has to be clear. It means then that once we have identified realistically what we want for ourselves this year, we need to consider why we want to do so and if in the long run there are real lasting benefits to doing so.

At the end of the day, I say take your pick and call it whatever you will. However, what I feel is more important than the title you give it, is the need to ensure that you are mindful about the things you would like to achieve this year.

Patience of Job

Patience is not passive, on the contrary, it is concentrated strength.
Bruce Lee

Growing my grandmother needed a lot of this. From running away, to my habitual stealing, many lies and other mischief, I was a real thorn in her side. I guess she was hoping to whip me into a semblance of a somewhat decent human being, and she did.

But it can be hard to be patient and do the mundane things when you know that great things are in the making for you. It can be especially hard when it looks like things got worse a whole lot quicker. However, we need to remain unshakable in the face of great adversaries, especially when they stem from our own self-destructive tendencies.

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I love the story of Job because of how faithful he remained and how convinced he was that all things work together for good to them that love God. So, when things seem really desperate, I am comforted by the story of Job. Therefore, while it seems we are working for a good that is long in coming, we should remain patient and be positive.

For 2020, we have to be especially persistence in the face of blockages in our way and use it as a part of our daily mantra. When things do not work the way you want them to work out, be glad, because something better is in the making.

Also, we need to develop a new concept of what it means to be patient. One where we do not submit to everything thrown at us, until such time. But we need to be stubbornly optimistic no matter what anyone says, or, how bad things appear. When we trust in a higher source, one beyond human understanding, and are confident in knowledge that we too are worthy of all goods things floating around us, all things are possible.

Let us rise above all the forces of darkness that can be find every where. Let us stay above all negative thoughts, emotions and reactions that are waiting to bubble up to the surface.

We may need to take the most terrifying leap and finally leave everything that held us back in 2019 and let it stay there.

Here’s To The Next 10 Years

Don’t change because a new year is coming up but change for your own personal growth no matter what resolutions you make, they start with you.
Unknown

Okay so suddenly I am into looking at life in terms of phases. Must be because I’m getting older, or something. This January the 4th like very January the 4th, whether or not I acknowledge it, I will be ONE YEAR OLDER. But that is not what I want to talk about. I don’t know when, but I now firmly realize that the end of 2019 means the end of a decade, and the start of a new one. Well that’s what I’ve been hearing.

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So, we will go along joyfully into the new decade, happy that we made it out alive of the last one. But many of us dread any more signs of the kind of dystopic world we seem to be descending into more and more, similar to dystopia in, Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler.

Instead, we hope to set and focus on personal goals and taking things a day at a time. So if you have not decided what this new page will look like, now is a good time as any to do so. Just consider that there are many, who do not have the prospect of thinking beyond today and so find it difficult to plan for tomorrow, much less 10 years! Also, while it’s a new year, old problems still exist. There are still thinks about ourselves that we need to work on and things we have to come to terms with.

However, many hope that they will be able to take on new challenges and make some positive changes, because nothing stays the same forever. Right?

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So…

Here is to being yourself more and more and being more concerned with what is happening around you than what is being done for you. We look forward to being happy and grateful about the things beyond our control. Let’s hope that when we are faced with changes, we roll with them and are not crushed by them. Here’s to not aiming for perfection in yourself and others but live and let live. Based on last year and previous years, we know that moving forward it will be another bumpy ride, because not only the date, but everything in your life could change in the blink of an eye.

With all that being said, there is one thing that is for certain, the new year brings abundant hope. May we not be fixed on our despair but on the possibilities moving forward.

Image result for May the blessings of God be upon us from the beginning of the year to its end

Lazy Luck.

So is there every a time when being lazy is a good thing?

Well I think so!

Many people will be surprised to know that I can be super lazy. I was so lazy at one point that I did not bathe for one whole day!

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But I don’t think that is something I should put out there. Thank God my readership is small so I can get away with that. Whew!

So, one time I was invited to be a part of this scheme to sell coffee. It was some kind of super coffee, with tonnes of health benefits and I was gonna sell coffee and that would make me rich, rich I tell you!

Rolling in the dough, money money money!

Except, I didn’t have to sell the coffee all I had to do was buy it.

So, how was I gonna make money?

Well, when I went to the “meeting”, in this really poorly lit room at about seven or so in the evening, I learned, “hey, you don’t have to worry about how much coffee you sell, you just need to get more persons on board this scheme”.

So, all I had to do was recruit persons to buy coffee packages – a lot of it – that they were not expected to sell and I could make money off them, when they got more people on board. Now, my non-mathematically inclined brain went into overdrive and my very introverted spirit screamed a resounding, NO!

I would have to find people to get on board this very strange business of buying a coffee package for, I think it was $10,000, could be more, at the time so that they could drink all the products, because that is not where the money was, and seek human bodies to also buy coffee they were going to drink to get rich.

I smiled and drank and ate what they had, told them I would be at the next meeting and left. I went home, patted myself on the back for doing something outside my comfort level, consoled myself for being a fool but not that great a fool and never thought about that meeting nor the coffee again.

You know what really got me upset; initially, I was told about this wonderful product and opportunity I would be apart of and when I got there it was another story. The super coffee was not the focus, there was nothing about how to sell this amazing product nor this great company I was told I would be a part of. Plus, if this coffee was so great and life changing why didn’t I hear about it before. I felt like I had wasted my time at the end of that little “get together”.

More than a year later I saw the guy who had introduced me to the scheme and asked him how things were going. I thought he would tell me he was rich – it seemed he would do well in the scheme, he was so enthusiastic! Sadly he told me it didn’t work out, because he could not get enough person to sign up. You think! So, he lost that money he initially paid to get the package, had coffee that he did not need, and wasted time trying to find people to sign up to this thing.

However, he was pursuing this other venture that would definitely work out. I slowly but surely crept more and more out of his get- rich-obsessed gaze, I wished him well and went on my way. I have not seen him since.

I also learned later about ponzi schemes and that is what is was. All I know is this, that was not how I was gonna be rich! At the time, I thanked God I had more sense than I thought I did and jumped ship before it sailed. Also, thank God I was too broke and too lazy to shoot myself in the foot – I was already doing fine on my own in that department, without anyone else getting involved, thank you very much.

So I guess being lazy sometimes pay, just as how it can get you into stuff, it can also take you out of stuff incompatible to your purpose.

Highest Esteem.

Anyone can say anything they want to say about you, but you don’t have to let that in. I realize now that it’s easy to be persuaded by what someone thinks they know about you, but it does not have to mean that that is all there is to you.

I realized this when I was listening to different sides of one issue. For each person that I listened to, I felt each had a valid point and I left each person appreciating them more. However, when I listened to each person discussing the other I became doubtful about the authenticity of the person they were discussing. My take away from that is, to never allow someone to determine how I treat another person, no matter what they say or how persuasive they sound. I remember my grandmother use to tell me that any disagreement she had with an adult, was none of my business and she instructed me to greet them and have “manners” to them. However, lessons learned at a young age, are often forgotten until we reap the consequences of forgetting.

I have never been someone who likes to blindly follows what others say or think. But sometimes, in an effort to remain in everyone’s good graces I have gone along with what everyone or the majority seems to be saying. Whether it were about a person or an issue and I would see it as just the way things were. However, being in that situation the other day made me question how quick I have been in the past to judge someone based on what others have said. If you are friends with someone I do not believe you have to agree with all they say or what they do, and you should be confident enough to say so to their faces. If not, doesn’t that make you a hypocrite – just going along with what they say, even though in your mind you are shouting at the top of your lungs all the reasons why they are wrong?

Your definition of a problematic person may differ from others, but consider, we are all problematic in some way to someone. We all have things about us that cause people to look at us funny, to at least one time, question if they even know us by the things we say or do. Therefore, we all deserve the right to be heard and accepted for the point of view that we have. Because if we think about it, the things I may see as a problem in that person, could be an improvement on what they were like last year. Check them next year, they may not be at the same place.

We always have room to grow, to evolve, to change, to be whatever we want to be. What we need to do is to stop expecting people to be exactly what we want them to be. Stop defining people by our standards and let them be who they are in that moment. The behavior that you see as problematic, may be an idiosyncrasy that you don’t know about. Let’s really have the highest esteem for others by allowing their story to evolve and not write them off.

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Put Down Shovel

At times we dig deep holes for ourselves and happily jump into them and then we need help to get out.

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I remember from 16 going on 17 to 23 I was bulimic. As a child I was fat, but i can’t say it bothered me at all that I was fat and no one teased me or made it an issue. I knew I ate a lot, but when it was said to me there was no malicious intent and so I was fine with that too. I still did everything I wanted or was allowed to do. So, I climbed all the trees I could find to climb or nearly climb and played ever game there was to play and I had fun doing everything. In short I had a relatively normal healthy amount of fun being a child and not worrying about how I looked.

When I went to high school the things that didn’t bother me started bothering me. Being raised with my grand – sorry great grand parents – my outfits usually were picked with a more mature eye for the most part, and I realized that I did not always dress the same as everyone. This was most evident on registration day when everyone was in jeans and a top and I was in heels and a dress I wore to a wedding! But, my grandmother believed in looking your best on special occasions and for her, going to a traditional high school like St. Jago High was a special occasion. So in my dress I went got registered and made a beeline for the car. Then I did my first medical and there was a girl who was chubbier than I was and people were shocked by her weight, it was doing the medical that made me realize that my body type could be a laughing matter. I was not use to being made fun of only making fun of others!

So as I got older I started realizing all the things I did not have and could not do and started feeling sorry for myself.

Image result for It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are finished. Mrs. Miracle

But being bulimic started with a movie – can’t remember the name now – of a girl who died from that eating disorder. And while the movie was to discourage such a practice it provided me with the information I needed to do something I though at nearly 18 I should to, which is change somehow; so, I decided that to impress everyone I would lose some weight for the new school year. After all, though I had naturally lost some weight, I was not as thin as the fashion models or singers I saw on my T.V! I was determined to go back to school looking different at the end of the summer holiday. But because I had never had the patience to do anything that took too long to achieve, that movie gave me all the tips I needed, to fast track my goal.

So with information in hand I set about achieving a goal that became an obsession that later became a nightmare. When I saw the results I needed I was not satisfied. People treated me differently and they made something out of the change that made me think I had to keep going no matter what. I ended up in the doctors office time after time but never told them or my grandparents what I was doing – they would kill me, literally. Plus I was getting really ashamed of what I was doing, wanted to stop but could not stop. It was terrible.

But I could tell no one, it was a secret I had to carry to the grave. A bit melodramatic but that was how I was feeling.

It wasn’t until after my grandmother died and I started seeing a psychiatrist that I told someone – my psychiatrist. She helped me to confront my own diabolical thoughts to begin the process of addressing the root cause of my bulimia. Even during my time seeing her I would occasionally binge and vomit and then out of guilt starve myself for a while. But I did eventually stop and though I still feel the odd urge every now and then I do not think it is a place I want to revisit.

I had to find a way to control a habit I had willing nurtured even though I knew it was unhealthy. There was no one to blame, no session to recount all the terrible things that had been done to me. All I could do was admit that I had made the decision that created one of the worst periods of my young life and accept and use the tools at my disposal to get myself back on save ground. It is a lesson I hope I never forget

Slow and Steady.

We are slowly approaching the end of the year! While many may disagree and say instead that it has flown by, it depends on what you were doing during that time.

But it has always been the case, that when we reach the end of something it feels like time slows way down, and that is when we begin to make silly mistakes.

There are many who are anxious for 2019 to end, but we should not be too anxious for that end. Instead, let us be focused on appreciating the few days left and doing all we can to see 2019 on it’s way. Let us still be committed to staying on the right track so next year we can finally get out of the valley we have been in for most of this year. Or, getting further in this new season we are in.

As they say it’s not over until the fat lady sings, and while she certainly is warming up her vocal cords, she is not ready yet!

Remember the tortoise and the hare?

There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch.
Hare ran down the road for a while and then paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?”
Hare stretched himself out alongside the road and fell asleep, thinking, “There is plenty of time to relax.”
Slow and Steady walked and walked. He never, ever stopped until he came to the finish line.
The animals who were watching cheered so loudly for Tortoise, they woke up Hare.
Hare stretched and yawned and began to run again, but it was too late. Tortoise was over the line.
After that, Hare always reminded himself, “Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!”
http://www.storyarts.org/library/aesops/stories/tortoise.html

We don’t need to get ahead of ourselves and miss out on something now that will make our 2020 even better. So, while the year is almost over, remember what you do in these last 6 days of 2019, will impact what your 2020 starts off looking like.

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