Author: Simone

Are you doing things for the right reason? I was speaking to a colleague today and the conversation led me to ask myself this question. Sometimes it is really hard to be honest with ourselves. We can give it but we can’t take it!

When you do something, are you doing it for the right reason? When you say something, are you saying it for the right reason? If you could weigh everything you say and do, would you be doing them for the right reasons? Would you be coming from a place that is real?

Many of us do and say things that we do not believe; we reside in places that we are uncomfortable in. However, we do them,say them and live there because we feel it is what is expected, what is required to be accepted by the group you want to be a part of.

It’s hard to know if we really are doing what we are capable of doing or just bluffing our way through life. There are too many of us who are happy with letting the wind blow where it may in our lives and then cry and complain because things are not going our way.

Yes as human beings we can be very contrary at times.We want to do and be but we never really do anything to get there.

Be honest with yourself.

So we come back to the questions. When we getup each day and live out that day, are we satisfied with what we have done and where we are at? Do we do things because we want to? If not, then we are not being real to ourselves or the people around us.If we take that promotion because we want to be validated but we are not really about that life, then it’s not for us. Do not base your decision on gaining recognition and fame only but because it is what really matters.

If you are afraid but confident (even if others discourage you) and you have a gut feeling, go with it, it’s usually right. Sometimes we know that what we are doing is wrong and where we are is not where we should be, but we do not pay attention to those feelings because we are afraid what others will think of our decision.

Don’t Doubt Yourself!

You know what is right for you; no one else can. You know what it will take to make you happy and content. chasing after what everyone else is chasing will not do it. Getting advise is good , especially from people who are successful in the area you want advise in. However, after getting it you then need to decide how you will use it. Remember everyone is different and you cannot expect to get the same result as someone else. Be willing to embrace your intuition and do what feels right for you and no one else, not even for someone who is the closest to you. Do not live on anyone else’s terms but your own; because, no one can live your life for you. When you feel confused or you are unsure of how to move forward ask yourself if you are making a decision for the right reason.

Are you being real to yourself?

“Don’t look back, girl,” … “You’re not going that way!” 

Celia Mcmahon, Skye: Part 1

“Ten years ago, I had so much going for me and now I have nothing; there is nothing that I currently enjoy doing, not work, going out, nothing. I wish I could go back ten years ago”.

I am pretty sure that EVERYONE can relate to having said something similar at least once in their lives. at some point we have felt a deep desire to return to a past experience or lifestyle, that makes our current situation seem like hell.

However, when we spend too much time looking behind us, precious time is lost for us to live in the present. While others are making plans for the future or learning from past mistakes, you are there busy looking at ruins too late to reconstruct or experiences no longer relevant to the present.

I am not suggesting that it may not be important to look back at a past mistake and learn from it but there is a danger when you are stuck in the past glories of your life. When you can hardly ever say, “I am going to…” but mostly “I was…” or “I did….” When the glory days become all you have to look forward to, then there is no room for creating or experiencing something new, and looking back becomes dangerous.

Can we look back?

One of the most important times to look back is when we need to see how far we have come and how much we have accomplished.Sometimes we do not realize that we are not exactly where we started. it may be hard to properly determine our progress, when we expect so much of ourselves and from life in general. When our minds start playing tricks on us, and we cannot see that we are advancing, because it seems to be taking forever! We need to look back in order to motivate ourselves that we will eventually reach the finish line and cross it. This act of looking back is necessary for our evolution as a person.

We can also learn from past mistakes and not repeat them. This too can be so difficult. We realize that we do not want to make the same mistakes but sometimes we do! The challenge is to look back at the point at which we went wrong and change our reaction or action. The point here is that it can be very necessary to look back at what we have done so that we don’t end up going in circles.

“The only reason time seems to be moving rather fast is that sometimes we’re too busy living in the past.”

― Dominic Riccitello

Living in the Past

“I recently bought a pair of shoes that did not fit properly! I tried it and knew it would not be comfortable but still I took it! Based on the exclamation marks you must realize my frustration at this point.I took the shoes because the size was the size I had always been; so it was the size on the shoe versus how it fit.”

When we live in the past we can never find the right fit in the now.

Depending on who you are there can be a sense of comfort and familiarity in living in the past. You don’t have any nasty surprises because you know what to expect. Your life can become a re-run of your favorite show and no one would be harmed by your doing so. However, there is a big loser and it is you. When you choose to live in the past, you also cannot stand in your present or step forward into your future. Sometimes we get so caught up in thinking how better yesterday was, that we cannot change today in order to have a tomorrow. We fail to appreciate the experiences we have in the now, until we look back at them and wish we had stayed there and be present, just a little longer. We may realize too late that once the present is gone it is gone and thinking about yesterday will not make our today any better. By living in the past we can become trapped there while life and everyone in it passes us by.

If we want to have healthy relationships today, then we have to be present ; we need to place our loved ones at the forefront of our thoughts and not have them as an afterthought- a backdrop easily replaced or forgotten. We need to step out of the past and leave it where it is, so we can stand firmly in our now.

What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.

― Confucius

What does validation mean to you? We begin to address the first question by asking another question. I am a genius right? but hear me out. To validate someone or something can mean to prove or confirm that they are valuable or worthwhile.In other words we have a sense of worth by getting praise or recognition.

Validation on its own can be a wonderful experience, a necessary act. In validating someone we are acknowledging their unique qualities. We are saying, “yes I see you and I know that you are special and I respect you”. We all seek validation in all areas of our lives, whether or not we want to admit this.It’s difficult to measure if this is always good or bad. Certainly, there is a sense of pride when our efforts are recognized and we are able to see how pleased others are with our work. I suppose that is why there are so many award shows and ceremony nowadays. Everyone wants to get a gold medal, a statue, plague or even a certificate, that piece of paper that validate their efforts. No one wants to encounter the dreaded realm of non-recognition.

If you are waiting on someone, don’t!

Don’t worry about getting credit, do the work anyway.” 

― Richie Norton

Don’t wait on someone to validate you and your abilities. Validation becomes something bad when we base our worth and purpose in this life on what others say or think about us.When all that we are is the title we have been assigned by someone else and not the work we have yet to do. When we plan our lives based on what others will say and do.In order to be truly happy you need to do what feels right to you and what is right for you. When you need to stop, think and change your outlook, is when you cannot act without seeking or receiving validation from others.

Where does validation begin?..

Validation begins with self-validation. You must recognize your own good qualities and belief in them before others can. You must first praise yourself for your accomplishment and not wait on others to do so for you.When you do this then it won’t be whiplash when others do so.In validating yourself you recognize your worth and accept it. You also don’t need a medal, an award or a certificate to know your worth.The praise you receive from others should not be able to make or break your world but the “icing on the cake”!

The cake was already delicious without the icing! Make sure to enjoy its own unique flavor before you get to the topping.

In order to feel supported loved and valued we first need to give that to ourselves.But also we should remember that validation is not a one way thing. While we seek to validate ourselves and while we value the validation of others, let us remember to validate others. To focus on receiving praise and never consider giving is when we enter the domain of selfishness. Remember, validation is a good thing, just consider the reason you are seeking it.

It’s a whole new world when you are at the top [cue a whole new world please]! If you are already there congratulation! If not, don’t give up, you will get there. It ‘s only a matter of time. When you do, be happy and celebrate, but proceed with caution. It’s a long way down, if you fall…

While you are there, or, before you get there, think about where you want to go from there.

Many belief that once you are at the top of the game, there is no where else for you to go, “hey look fam, I finally made it”. At the top you can either go higher than you had ever imagined going, or, as is most often the case today for many, you can go crashing down where you started or sinking so low, that it is impossible for you to recover. When you reach the top, the show doesn’t end; this is where it gets even more interesting and dangerous!

At the top is where everyone may finally gets to see the real you and you may discover some new things about yourself. It’s easy to become dazzled by the sun or in this case all that glitters. You get so high that your brain stops functioning properly, and you begin to lose sight of the things and people that truly matter in your life.

Being at the top can either reignite your passions, or kill them.

The danger at the top is being tricked into thinking that you are now invincible. You forget that you are human and start believing in your own power to order the world as you please. You have now become a narcissist.When you are that high, what is fake becomes real and what is real has no value to your new image. Having such an outlook can lead not to greater things but ultimately you self destruction; and as hard as you have worked to get where you are, you can lose it all with the stroke of a pen, in the blink of an eye.

Some persons never imagine how easy it is to lose that spot up top, until it is snatched from under them. That lesson for may is too hard and they never recover.

The Authentic self is the soul made visible

Be Authentic

So, sometimes it’s necessary to climb off your mountain top and reconnect with your roots. When you are at the top you may be able to see everything, but you may miss the little details that matter. To truly remain on top you need the humbling experience of being on the ground with everyone else, being your authentic self.

A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren’t we like that wise old bird?” ~Unknown

When 2019 rolled around, I am sure that many of us thought, ‘2019! This will be my year!’ ‘It will be the year when I finally get to do…’, ‘when I finally get to be…

But for a lot of persons, 2019 has so far been a challenging and frustrating year.Many will find the above to be the understatement of the century – thus far – and for many reasons.Right now, many feel out of their element, roaming desolate places like an owl. All we see around us are ruins. The enthusiasm that we started the year with just vanished. Poof, and it’s gone.

We have encountered, sickness, death, stress in all areas of our lives and we now know a side to persons we love and trusted that have left us shocked, disappointed and very angry. As we struggle to regain our focus, we wonder were to turn to rediscover our passion for life and especially our enthusiasm for the year.

It’s hard to be okay when everything seems to be falling a part around you. It’s especially hard being happy when happiness has taken a time out.

This is where we need to dig deep and be like the wise owl.We need to think about where we are and decide what we want to do. We need to take action at the right time. We need to equip ourselves with only the things that will help us and leave behind people and things that will destroy us. We cannot act out of fear,but in spite of it. We need to think that we have already succeeded before we can claim success.In all of this, we need to change our course when we are heading downstream away from our true path.

Difficult times will always come and yes they also go. What we need to have is the wisdom to conquer those difficult times, by having the right attitude.It is so easy to stay in our desolate spaces, when we are distracted by the negative things that come at us. We need to ensure that our eyes remain fixed on the target we have set for ourselves.

We have to leave those types of spaces in order to find our joy again.

You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages. Michelle Obama
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