Author: Simone

Loves to tell and hear untold stories about people, places and experiences!

Hush! You Talk Too Much.

And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.

Mark 4:39

Have you ever noticed how loud some people are? For every topic they have something to say for every event they have something to do; they are never still, they are never quiet. Or, have you been in your house and heard the conversation your neighbor was having on the phone? It’s annoying because you really do not want to hear them. But for some, the notion of being still is a life long battle. For these persons silence is the enemy and they try to defeat it by keeping nonstop stream of consciousness conversations with persons whether or not their audience wants to hear. Some use noise as a way of keeping loneliness at bay and silence the turmoil within. But sometimes when we make too much noise we end up saying things that we later regret. Because in doing too much we end up doing nothing at all. At least nothing that will bring good results.

Every island to a child is a treasure island

P.D. James, The Lighthouse

At an early age one of my greatest wish was to live on an island by myself; with no one else.When I shared this many were incredulous. “that’s selfish”, “you’ll get lonely”; while all that is true they never asked the important question: why. Why did I feel this way? So I revised it to wanting to be a nun. Again that ended up being an even worse choice. But again why? By that age I had learned enough to know that people can hurt each other badly. I had been hurt enough to know that I did not want to repeat the experience. People I loved had already disappointed me over and over.By the time I had taken it into my head that I wanted to live on an island I was fed up with it all. But I was only 11! So since I could not find my own Island and the nunnery thing was a no go, I decided that creating my own fantasy world would be the next bet. But again, people would not let me be and I was forcefully and unceremoniously brought back to reality many times.

Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them

Lou Holtz

Silence then has become my greatest shield from the unpleasantness of life in general and people specifically. When people are unsure of you, they are more careful about how they treat you and what they say to you. You avoid unpleasant confrontations by not reacting, and some people are flabbergasted by this move. When you are quiet you have time to think. You think about what people say and how they say it to you and then to others. You think about when people approach you, why, where and how. You begin to notice little things that are really big things, because you are neither speaking nor moving. You will understand a little bit more about why you are the way you are, where you are and how you can get out of those bad situations you placed yourself in. Silence has taught me that you can be around persons most of your life and if they had to, they would give the wrong eulogy at your funeral, because they never really knew you and they never really wanted to do so any way.

Silence Has A Sound….

― Muhammad Imran Hasan

The best thing about silence I have found, is that while prolonged silence can be an uncomfortable experience, it can also yield the best results. Through silence you can have many “aha” moments, discover how to truly be efficient because you have clarity gained through real and deep introspection. And we come to accept that reality is a much safer place to be; that we can see clearer without tinted lenses.

Landscape Photography of Beach

Say Cheese!

Just before the tears reach your lashes to begin their descent, stop it with a smile.

As the spring well of all your pent up frustration spews over like larva ready to consume, stop it with

a smile.

When you find yourself buckling under the weight of your distress, use the crutch of

a smile.

Just as you are about to put on your sack cloth and prepare your ashes, pause

smile.

Even when you know that you have failed and will do so again shortly; stop, breath, breath again and

smile.

As the curtains descend and you think this is the end, look up look into the crowd and

smile.

Even after the tears have fallen, even though you tried to gather them back,

Let go and

smile.

Smile you are still alive.

Smile it could have been worse.

Smile for all those who truly have it worst.

Smile because the pain will only last for a moment in time.

Smile just because you can.

Smile awhile and give your face a rest.

Smile for the joy, peace and victories that are just ahead.

Simone Grant
Image result for smiling through the tears

Ubuntu

My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in what is yours…

Archbishop Desmond Tutu

a person is a person through other persons…

Nguni proverb

Ubuntu: (South African: Xhosa, Zulu)

Ubuntu is a Nguni Bantu term which means humanity. The term is often translated as, “I am because we are” or “humanity towards others”, though there are many other translations of the term it has been identified by ThoughtCo as a humanist philosophy associated with Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. It is identified further as behaving well towards others or acting in a way that benefits the community . for others also, Ubuntu is a soul-force: actual metaphysical connection shared between people and which helps us connect to each other. Ubuntu will push one toward selfless acts.

In life you know you have your own race to run and so you run it. You find yourself in front as you approach the finish line. You know you will win. Ahead of that win is a large some of money, a title and fame. You are running your race and you feel really good, you are now almost there. Then from the corner of your eye you see someone has collapsed, He or she has fallen by the wayside. What do you do? Do you leave the person there because you have a race to win or do you leave him or her there until you have finished your race? If you stop to help you will forfeit the win but if you continue you can win and then go help. Many may feel that option two is a win win situation. You win and then you help. But while you are there celebrating your win you may forget about the distress of that one person; as hundreds of well wishers surround you. Even worse, while you celebrate that win that person who is still where you last saw them is slowly losing the battle of life.

Will you embrace the concept of Ubuntu, act against your own self- interest and self-ratification to support someone in need? In the process you would be building each other up.

Simon Cheprot helps Kenneth Kipkemoi cross the finish line after he
collapsed during the
IAAF Okpekpe International 10-kilometre race on May 25, 2019 in Nigeria. (source: Daily Nation)

True Happiness

Happiness has been defined as a sense of well-being, joy and contentment. Many also label it as an allusive state – living life with a sense of meaning and deep satisfaction. According to Psychology Today, happiness can improve a persons physical health and a longer lifespan. They further point to research that indicates that happiness is under our personal control.

Sadly many of us are not aware of this truth. we attach our happiness to specific persons or things around us, “I’m happy if you’re happy” or “I’ll be happy when I get this”. Does this sound familiar? Some also wait on a major achievement to be happy, but happiness is a habit, a lifestyle. We must not expect someone to give us the key to happiness, we already have it, we have just misplaced it. We have to find the things that bring us joy and do them regularly; we need to pursue challenges that we thrive on, setting goals at regular intervals and make sure we meet them and finding purpose beyond our limited world; all can bring much satisfaction. But, it seems that we are always pursuing happiness.

Happiness and Being Content

Contentment has been defined as the state of being happy and satisfied. This does not mean that at a certain point in life we stop striving to improve, but it’s more about being happy with where you are at a given point in your life- whether that place is good or bad to you. In other words consider the words of Paul in Philippians 4: 11-12 :  

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

While we should all, like Paul, get our source of contentment from God, we can consider the level of happiness we want to attain.

According The World Counts, there are four levels of happiness:

  • Level 1: Laetus: Happiness based on material objects
  • Level 2: Felix: Happiness from comparison
  • Level 3: Beatitudo: Happiness from doing good
  • Level 4: Sublime Beatitudo. Ultimate, perfect happiness

Many today are fixated on Laetus, and come to realize that this is just a temporary fix – money can’t buy happiness, even if it gets us everything else. Then there are those who work hard to catch up and pass the person just ahead and flex their success in the faces of others. But once ahead they don’t know where to go and end up on a slippery slop downhill. Also, those who feed the poor and take care of the sick but still feel empty because their intentions are questionable. The fourth level seems almost impossible. If the last is based on pursuing your potential, then many are screwed. Many do not know how to fulfill their potential – many don’t know what that is . The first three are also measurable and immediate but the last is not. True lasting happiness I have come to realize is not based on how much you have but how content you are. It’s about seeing someone else succeed and not feeling pressured to measure up. Also, it’s about knowing who you are -good and bad – and accepting all of it as being a part of you. It’s about losing everything you thought you would die without and still being able to smile, laugh out loud and even see a spark of new life just ahead. Happiness, true happiness is not devoid of pain and disappointments. It is when you are able to see beyond the negative and embrace the positive. It is when you go through both water and fire, transformed for the better.

The poem below, by Derek Walcott reflects the idea that our happiness rest on acknowledging that events can impact us but not decide our sense of well being. That even after the baptism of fire, we can see the green breath among the rubble.

A City’s Death by Fire

After that hot gospeller has levelled all but the churched sky,
I wrote the tale by tallow of a city’s death by fire;
Under a candle’s eye, that smoked in tears, I
Wanted to tell, in more than wax, of faiths that were snapped like wire.
All day I walked abroad among the rubbled tales,
Shocked at each wall that stood on the street like a liar;
Loud was the bird-rocked sky, and all the clouds were bales
Torn open by looting, and white, in spite of the fire.
By the smoking sea, where Christ walked, I asked, why
Should a man wax tears, when his wooden world fails?
In town, leaves were paper, but the hills were a flock of faiths;
To a boy who walked all day, each leaf was a green breath
Rebuilding a love I thought was dead as nails,
Blessing the death and the baptism by fire. 

Derek Walcott
Image result for contentment
Contentment is not about what you have, but who you are. It comes from the mind.

Goodbye Road…

I thought I would revisit the topic of saying goodbye because there are many times when we not only have to say goodbye but need to do so.

I am sure there are persons who are very sad or even depressed because they have come to this crossroads. You stand at the intersection looking back at what was and mourn the loss of it. It is a deep and painful chasm that can paralyze you for life. Many persons do not recover from them because it may be for them, a revolving door of goodbyes.

We may have to say goodbye to things and people who have become toxic; we love them but we cannot live with them. We may also have to say goodbye to hobbies or a job that is slowly destroying the best of us.

Saying goodbye sometimes only mean “see you later, when things get better”. It doesn’t mean you were never there and you did not value the experiences while it lasted; it simply means that in order to keep your head above water, you had to make a sudden detour. You have to take another path all by yourself but you have not forgotten the ones you had to leave behind, It doesn’t mean you will never support them or continue to love them. This time you will not be there to laugh, play, celebrate or cry with them; you’ll be somewhere looking on and cheering for them, still supporting them.

Having to say goodbye over and over again will help you to hold the people that matter the most tighter when you’re with them, to appreciate them ten times more. And when it’s time to let go, you can celebrate the fact that you grew together, ate and slept together and at that moment in time, it was all that mattered and it was enough…

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Sometimes goodbye is just too hard…

Why Does Everyone Want to be Successful?

Most of the time, we see only what we want to see, or what others tell us to see, instead of really investigate to see what is really there. We embrace illusions only because we are presented with the illusion that they are embraced by the majority. When in truth, they only become popular because they are pounded at us by the media with such an intensity and high level of repetition that its mere force disguises lies and truths. And like obedient schoolchildren, we do not question their validity and swallow everything up like medicine. Why? Because since the earliest days of our youth, we have been conditioned to accept that the direction of the herd, and authority anywhere — is always right.

― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

The quote above really got my attention and so, while it is lengthy I put it here for us to consider why we want to succeed. The question came to me from nowhere it seems. Why do you want to succeed? what is your ulterior motive. What is the intrinsic value of our need to be successful in life.

Many persons never stop to ask themselves these questions. We want that promotion, we want the recognition, we want that degree, we want and want and need that thing that will say to others that we are achievers and overachievers. But we never stop to question the authenticity of the wantings. So, if we want a certain type of success, is it because it is a part of our plan or did we see the awards and recognitions being collected by someone and decide that that is what we should be aiming for. Like a careless driver who makes u-turn in a no u-turn area, do we spin around, likely endangering the lives of others, to chase someone else’s dream?

And there are some who want success because they feel future successes will wipe out past failures. So it is not that we necessarily believe in the things we want, but we believe they will vindicate a guilty conscience and make it easier for us to look in the mirror. However, what we may need to do before we move on to embracing the success we desire is to appreciate the role that those failures had in our impending success. Instead of being afraid to fail we should embrace failure as a means to success. If you do not fall how will you get up? We should always know and believe that even in the midst of our success failure is waiting in the wings to enter stage right once more.

Another thought provoking response to this question is this:

Achievement typically measures an externally imposed standard. Accomplishment typically describes an internally motivated goal.

when we talk and think success, is it achievement or accomplishment based? If it is to achieve then the goal post for your success will always be measured by an external entity and you may spend your whole life, spent trying to reach an unachievable goal set you. You may find yourself about to achieve that thing you spent so much time on, when suddenly you are told you have to do one more little thing and then that becomes another, eventually with no end in sight. First you need to know that if you do not have the talent to sing well you can’t be a successful singer ( unless you have the money and or right connections, then who knows!). But know your strengths, your weaknesses, what you will be willing to fight to get simply because it matters to you and maybe no on else. Then you can say, I have accomplished what I need to accomplish and will reap the right rewards. Accomplishing comes before achieving.

There is nothing wrong with success but we need to check ourselves when we fervently chase it. Do we do so because it really matters to us or is it, just because?