Betrayed by the One You Love

“The worst kind of hurt is betrayal, because it means that someone was willing to hurt you just to make themselves feel better.”

When you build up someone so much in your mind that you cannot see their faults, whose fault is it? Is it them, for not measuring up to your expectations, or you, for not recognizing or acknowledging their flaws? Which is worse their shortfall or your own.

Denying that you have faults and the person you trust has faults can determine how fast you bounce back from the betrayal of someone you love. It’s hard to admit that people you choose to be around may not always have your best interest at heart. People will betray you for various reasons, but sometimes we give them the power to do. We are too kind, or too trusting and before you know it someone is selling you out for thirty pieces of silver. But how much of it is your fault? Do we forget to protect ourselves by not moving silently when we must. Do we overshare and live too much in our own little worlds to live in reality.

Do we become immune to the fact that others may be looking at what they deem to be our success and be jealous? Many persons experience times when they are envious of what someone has achieved, but many of us are too ashamed to acknowledge that. We would like to think that that is one trait we are able to control, but it’s always there waiting on a moment of weakness to take root. There is always someone who looks at us and wish they could be us – and it’s not a conceited idea. Our ability to strive in spite of, becomes a discouragement for the person who feels they cannot achieve what we have -whether or not we are impress with our efforts. Sometimes that person looking in at us from the outside is the one we love.

By sharing what we have with them, they are made aware of what they do not have. By doing thing they cannot, they see a flaw within themselves that they cannot correct. Also, be jumping over yet another hurdle they become aware that they are falling back in the race to keep up with you. Even someone you love and would do anything for can come to despise what you have been able to achieve – no matter how small it may seem to you.They say little hurtful things to you, or others about you. They act in ways that seem to undermine your attempts at being unproblematic. And they seem to be the most support, the most caring when you have failed in your attempt to reach yet another milestone – because now you are not too far out of their league. That genuine happiness you expected is not forthcoming because that person in their own moment of dissatisfaction with life, finds it hard to be happy for you while their dreams dry up like a raisin to be carried away with the wind.

At least one time in our lives we all will be betrayed by someone close to us, someone we love. When it happens, do you think that maybe it’s not just the ends they were after but also the means. Do you think that maybe that person is suffering just enough to selfishly want your company? Remember that while someone you love can betray you, you have the capacity to betray someone who loves you. Betrayal is a terrible pill to swallow, and can be just as bitter for the one who has to take it, as the one doing the giving.

Yellow and Pink Flowers View Behind Broken Glass

What Do You Treasure?

“There is no gem like virtue, no wealth like happiness, no treasure like faith, and no jewel like love.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo

The idea of what I really treasure hit me in the most unexpected way recently. There was something materialistic I really wanted and had vowed I would get. I worried, fretted and shed a few tears because getting it seemed impossible. I felt that I hadn’t gotten it because maybe I didn’t deserve it. There were a few moments when I lost sight of why I wanted to get it in the first place. There were so many more important things to consider, more pressing and worth investing in…

The day finally came when it would be mine – I could now get it. But there was great doubt about this desire to get this particular item. Would it be worth getting. despite my sudden fright I got it. But the level of accomplishment and joy I hoped to experience was missing. I was glad I got it but it was not a defining moment in my life. On realizing this I recognized that I had changed- what mattered to me the most, had changed. Maybe a sign of aging. Yikes!

Person Holding Gold-colored and White Jewelry
Is it enough to have treasures in the hand?

But seriously, last year such a purchase would fill me, with cloud nine vibes for days, but not now. And so I had to consider why. Why was it that getting something that seemed impossible to get at first no longer seem to have the same kind of impact as before? Well, my conclusion is that the things I treasure are not the same. At first I felt a bit sad, but then as I thought more about this I realized that owning things is what changed. I no longer get excited about buying things for myself or owning things.

MY TREASURES

I treasure the time I spend with my friends and people who genuinely love me and have my back. I treasure the times when I am healthy enough to do the things I want to do. I treasure the chance to do what I want when I want and HOW I want to do it. I treasure having the option of dreaming dreams and seeing them come true, or, setting a non- material goal that seemed impossible but was really like a chess game I had won before I started playing. I treasure having the chance to be honest with those around me because they want honesty, and will take it even if it is not kind to them. I treasure people who are real. I treasure the rain – something I once hated by the way. I treasure the beauty I see in things that others do not see value in, people who have no titles or fortune but have something greater – love, dignity and an indomitable spirit. I treasure people in general, because they matter. Their lives and stories matter; their hurts and dreams unfulfilled matter, their triumph matter, because all of the pieces of them are small nuggets which can eventually become apart of my own treasure trove.

While having a car is convenient and owning a home is too, are they enough? Education can be one of the driving forces to being successful but does the success matter above all else. For me one of the greatest treasures I have are my memories. Memories made along the way can be retrieved and admired; they form the basis for hard won lessons learned and carry the essence of people who can live forever in your mind’s eye. I treasure the memories the most, especially the painful ones that forged necessary change. The memories that remind me of what was and how perfect that moment had seemed and still is. I treasure the fact that this me is the only me there is. And finally I can say that my imperfections, make me perfectly suited to be me.

If you had to name your treasure or treasure, what would that be?

“Riches you hold in your hands are inferior to treasures you harbor in your heart.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo
Seashore
Treasure what’s in the heart not what’s in the hand

The Lost Coin

‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’

Luke 15:9b

Have you ever considered yourself a lost coin that is in need of finding? Well this is something many of us struggle with from time to time. And I was recently confronted with this truth.

Like a sheep we sometimes wander away from home – all that is familiar, good and that which brings us a sense of peace and purpose. We wander from love into hate, from what seems mundane or pedestrian to follow the trails of “greener pasture”. Along these trails we encounter wolves. Wolves who are more than ready to attack, mercilessly. You are the meal they need to ensure their survival and quite aware of your gullibility they pounce and you don’t even know this. They pose as friends, confidants, when really they just need a stepping stone or two to the top.

But before you inevitably find yourself in such a predicament you need to know the lifeline you will draw for. You need to remain connected with a lifeline you safely stored away for the day you need it. People who will let you go far and wide but will defend you when you require it. Those who will see your vision when you suddenly go blind from all the negative well wishers. Those “well-wishers” who can only see your glass perpetually half empty but never their own. Reach for that lifeline, those persons, who are strong enough to hold your weight, when you cannot carry it.

Do you have a return ticket when it’s time to leave the space you are in. To move away from the party that you no longer belong at.

Leave. A word that’s easy to say but hard to do. Do you feel lost in a vertex of being lost? Are you the sheep that can NEVER be found because you try to save yourself in sinking mud? One day we who are lost have to “smarten up” to the fact that we are lost because we mistook dust for the glitz and glamour, it was too dry and brittle to yield anything good. “Smarten up” to the knowledge that that war we fought in, was never for our gain. But instead withdraw, slowly but with finality; we need to raise the white flag of surrender and be satisfied with those gains that were ours to possess.

Brown Wooden Arrow Signed

Taking in the Giving

Be mindful of your intention, Because they may be self-serving….

We operate in a world that celebrates the ideology of “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine” and no this is not ubuntu. We give because it suits us we help because we help ourselves. What can be bad in this, is that the person we give is not made better in the giving but somehow may find themselves slaves to a system they did not help create. There are many who would us to think that they are good. But we know better.

We know that those good deeds have a price and it is one too high for many to pay but we are often forced to because we have been placed at the edge of a cliff to jump and take our chances with the sharks below or to yield and live with the one above water. So many surrender because they want to survive. We need therefore, to question the intention of the person giving. How we contextualize their act of kindness based on their track record. If we take the time to properly do our research maybe we can avoid the trap of a self-serving giver. Maybe I am overly cautious or a bit of a cynic, but it’s rare to find someone who gives without conditions; it’s hard especially when we begin to lie to ourselves about our true intentions.

Especially when we giving with the intention that this good deed may someday benefit us and a favor given will be returned, we have not given unconditionally. There are those who will only give when the giving is recognized and praised; they can do nothing behind closed doors, because they are public giver depending on the adulation of the crowd. By the time they decide to give, they have forgotten about the receiver, and are looking forward to the reward. So the receiver becomes a means to an end; their end.

Image result for taking in the giving

There are persons who will “kill you with kindest”, and many will take this too far for too long. In their minds their adversary becomes wholly bad and they, wholly good. They do not recognize that they begin to house the monster they are vanquishing from that person. There is a sense of immeasurable pleasure that many get by carrying out the quote above to the bitter end; even if the person being taught the lesson has moved on and you still hold on because your kindness has underlining bitterness and resentment that you have taken and now operate in.

There are many reasons we give and not all of them altruistic. We need to be more mindful of the reasons why we give. If we give from a place of selfishness then there is absolutely no value in that giving. If our giving largely benefits us or was always intended to benefit us then the act is compromised. If when we give to someone it is to exert control over the relationship, then that relationship is broken. It is not in the act of giving that we get blessings, but it is in the intention behind the act.

Image result for give

Lessons and Blessings – Being Honest With Yourself.

Getting [things] together requires a level of honesty you can’t even imagine. There’s nothing easy about realizing you’re the one that’s been holding you back this whole time… that your lack of discipline is the answer to some of those ‘why not me?’ questions you ask

J

For many it’s hard to recover from disappointment, betrayal and setbacks. God provides us with lessons on how people are and what this life is all about and we reject them. We bury our heads in the proverbial sand and try to work with brokenness. Then when we are given a hard enough kick in the you know where, we cry, ‘why me!’. We find a million reasons why the world has been unfair to us and life is just not worth it.

We often times cannot appreciate the lessons we are meant to learn and see that those lessons are necessary lessons to take us to the blessings waiting for us. Many of us have made the mistake of seeing obstacles as the end of everything and not the beginning of something new and necessary. We fold under the pressure and accept that it is our lot in life. Misery becomes the only company we see and seek. We never take the time to acknowledge how much of our misery is our fault, we never admit our role in our potential downfall. We are not honest.

Image result for cutting the marionette strings

Saying this is not a way to blame but to establish a fact. Sometimes we do everything in our power to undermine God and the success that belongs to us. We procrastinate for days and wonder why we seem to be in a vortex of missed opportunities. Why we never feel satisfied or happy. It really boils down to the choices we make. We often time make ourselves powerless by believing we do not have choices. We become the marionette who operates at everyone else’s whim but our own. We say and do things to please others in the hopes that their pleasure will mean our happiness. But this is not the case, someone else’s happiness is a treasure for them to enjoy and we need to have our own. Instead what we need to do is to take charge of our lives, to cut those strings that imprison us and weave our own path.

Image result for bible verse about being thankful for lessons

It is important that we never run from the enemy, especially when it is within. Let us tackle the obstacles that have either been created for us or that we have erected for ourselves. All the doubts that we have should not stop us, the fear we need to look beyond and the words of discouragement, wiped clean from our slates. Let us not focus on our problems but give thanks to God that we have them to solve and in the process we can be transformed. Let us first see the lessons God wants us to learn, and appreciate them for the possibility to experience blessings in spite and because of them.

I'm thankful for every break in my heart, I'm grateful for every scar, some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned. -Nishan Panwar

The Centre Cannot Hold…

There are times when you feel you are standing in the middle of a storm, not in the eye but just outside of it. You are buffeted by it and you want to surrender under the pressure. Turn to what offers you peace in the midst of the chaos; do not break but bend to your temporary condition and look for the second coming. Do not allow your tough times to define you and make you bitter, instead laugh in the face of your distress and your situation and tap into the real power within you. When we see, hear and experience some of the horrors of this life let us not set up our pyre and burn in the turmoil, but let us use it as a launching pad to reach the other side. The place we are destined to experience if only we are brave enough to withstand the storms. Just when you think it is the end and your dreams and hopes are about to be snuffed out, wait a little for the second coming. Sometimes the worst of experiences produces the most rewarding results. Just when you think this is the end there is always the possibility to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But what will be your strength and support to claim that victory? How will your second coming manifest itself. Listen carefully to the answer; God has given you enough power to control your narrative. Do so without doubt or apology.

The Second Coming 

Turning and turning in the widening gyre   

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere   

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst   

Are full of passionate intensity.



Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Coming is at hand…  

The Collected Poems of W. B. Yeats (1989)
Silhouette of Trees during Golden Hour

Who’s to Blame

Who’s to blame when you waste your time? Why no one of course but you!

Often we look back and wonder where the time went. We next consider what we have done in the time that’s gone and we have serious lamentations for the time lost. But guess what, only you are to be blamed.

The time you lost is gone because you gave it away. Whether you stopped to hear and hold true the flowery words thrown at you or you took refuge from many imagined foes and monsters. Time lost can never be regained. Ground wasted can never be recaptured. So when you waste your time on things and people do not blame them. You chose to gift it to them and like any human being, no one is going to refuse a gift that brings them much. The prove of the pudding is in the doing and not the waiting; if you wait too long to exhale you may just lose the ability to breath. Waiting for a change or something new will not be fruitful, but doing something new or doing something to spark a change will.

In this season of new beginnings do not simply wait, but get up and do. smile more if you never use to smile much, say something even if get comes out all jumbled; practice makes perfect. You want a little more excitement in life, do something exciting and don’t wait on someone exciting – because they are doing what excites them and not you. They are living their best life while you are just watching. When the show is over all you will be left with is not your experience but your memory as a bystander.

Feeling as if you are not where you should be? Get up and go there; no one is responsible for taking you. No one is responsible for your happiness or contentment or what you qualify as success; only you. Do what you need to do now and not later (here many, many of us need this, myself included). You want others to take you seriously, well they only will if you start feeling about yourself and perceiving yourself as you want others to.

Step out of the dark and into the light, after all confined to the dark there is little potential for growth, to just breath.

Woman Wearing Red Long-sleeved Shirt Underwater