Tag: thinking out loud

Let Go

Maybe like me you can’t sleep at 11:30 in the night. You are right now wondering what to do about it. You have so many things going through your mind: Your mind cannot settle to enjoy the joys of peace. There are so many thinks that have gone wrong, are going wrong and could go wrong. But know at some point, if you want to sleep, if you want the peace you have to let it all go.

Staying up thinking of the worst case scenarios will change nothing. All you can do is live in the moment – and I mean truly live. Not sitting down waiting for the storm to pass, waiting to feel better. Not hoping you can solve the problems of the world – what a world it is. No, you have to let go of the the living nightmare you have inserted yourself in, walk away from self-destructive thoughts, actions or inactions. You have to let go and hold on to the sanity of calmness and fight against self doubt. By admitting that your do not need to be all, have all and know all you find your power. It takes real power of the mind and of the spirit and soul to let go and let things be, including you.

Things and people pass away, whether you are wake or asleep time marches on, people come and go and things change, even in a moment. So let go and do not cling to things that only harm you. Let go and do not make yourself a martyr or a bundle of pulsating nerves to be pitied and spoken about. It is okay to keep going when others choose to stop or are forced to stop. It is okay to be happy even in hard times, to feel gratitude at your bounty in times of scarcity. Let go of the guilt that has cut you down next to nothing and made you frozen in the place you have stood for several years now.

Give yourself the permission to be happy even in grief, to be happy to be alive when death intrudes and reminds you of just how frail you are. Do not long for the acceptance of others or their directions to tell you how to feel, think and act. Be your own director and channel your power from God. Be mindful of your moments and seize them with glee and know when to stop and rest and wait. You know when to let go so listen to that voice inside that tells you to do so, and do not look back. Let go and let God and just rest.

Jealousy

Jealousy

I feel rage. 
I feel fear.
I feel humiliated!
Like a tiger I will tear you apart.
How could you?
Why did you?
Make me feel this way.
All twisted, bent out of shape.
Inflamed in my rage of inferiority
I have been contained
to burn slowly
until nothing remains.
Let me have this
so I can destroy you and it.
Let me tear off your image 
and use it as my mask.
Let me wrap these tentacles around you
bring you to your knees
for I must feed
on your soul
attack you from within.

You look at me and I know
you cannot be trusted.
Nothing said nothing done
just a thought
just so
I do not know - 
but it must be so?
I must protect and keep
What is mine to keep.
I must stop you from knocking me off my feet
taking my shine.
I must keep you in line!

So I claw and squeeze
until the blood overflows.
For to do my business I must be heart -
less.
Like a living nightmare
I remain close at heart.

Beware!

Beware!

A stab that went too deep
A wound never healed.
A thought that took life
though born in the gutter.
A look that could kill
sprung to life through strife.
A mind given to impressions
warped, twisted, diseased.
A word uttered without thought
leaves chaos in its wake,
destruction felt through the ages,
sails torn,
courses diverted
forever.
That decisive act
borne of confidence
shatters the timid,
annihilates the unprepared.

Beware!

What you thought was carefully crafted
falls down - 
dominos poorly stacked.
The plans you fashioned
on the backs of others
spins, attacks and devours
you.
That victory today celebrated today
tomorrow the foundation of your shipwreck.

Beware of the tide
and where it may lead,
down highways and byways
that bring you to your knees.

Would You Take It?

W0uld you take the road less travelled even if you had to leave everyone and everything you know? Would it be enough that this is what you are meant to do? Or would you huddle in fear of the unknown? These are some questions that we may be confronted with when we have to take the unpopular route. Those roads that make us more uncomfortable but in conquering offers redemption. We have to consider if the risk is worth pursuing something that has the possibility of so much loss. But when we must choose, which road will it be…

The Road Not Taken
                       by Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Change Your Conversation

Change Your Conversation


I'm not leaving until you bless me...

I will fight 
fight
fight till I die.
I'm not gonna leave
until I change my life.
No more will I hide in this cave
too weak to breathe
too weak to live.
No more in the shadows 
I will not be ashamed.
I look to the east 
I see my sunrise
like a lion I will roar
for  the sake of my life.
I will break 
the wall that I hate
I will not listen to your blasphemy.

Get up!
We must get up!
Leave the places I have walked so many times
leave the circle I keep walking.
I cannot stay
any longer
I must go!
I must move the stone
roll it away
to come out of my cave.
Just a splash of vinegar
will clean the palate
remove the mucus of discord.
I will sit still and talk no more
the same story of old.
I will not be the way I was - 
changed -
I have been given a new vision.
The path I walk
I walk not by sight....
though dark and cold
- at times -
I move forward.
Though I see other travellers
I cannot stop.
I cannot stop to talk
I have a new mission.
Like a caul 
I am covered with my purpose,
I must walk tall.
My way is filled with traps
but I must be nimble.
I must make it to the other side
so I must leave you all behind.
No I will 
never to come this way again.

But if I do...
it is only to remind me that I was you.

Can You Change the World?

I thought I never wanted to change the world, until my eyes, my heart and my mind were opened to what the world is really like. But then I looked at my own condition and felt defeated. Can I really change the world, when I cannot see beyond my own condition? Here is a poem by an unknown monk – this is largely speculation – that may cause you to think differently about how and even if that is possible…

I Wanted To Change The World
Unknown Monk 1100 A.D.

When I was a young man, 
I wanted to change the world.

I found it was difficult to change the world, 
so I tried to change my nation.

When I found I couldn't change the nation,
 I began to focus on my town.
 I couldn't change the town and as an older man, 
I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, 
I realize the only thing I can change is myself,
 and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself,
 I could have made an impact on my family. 
My family and I could have made an impact on our town. 
Their impact could have changed the nation
 and I could indeed have changed the world.

This is It

This is It.

Hold me
I don't feel so good.
I think I am going to explode
I need to go
let go of this pressure building up inside
I see double. triple - 
I can't see at all
I need
to sit
to stand
to take a break 
to get going
I am a mess!
I can't think clearly
I think too much
what will I do
what will I do?
I wish it would start
I hope it doesn't 
I'm not ready!
Oh God!
What will I do?
okay okay
I can do this
I must do this
I am going 
now now now!

- that's it
it's over?