When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
― Wendell Berry, The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry
I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death. Nelson Mandela
When the world had gotten too much and you cannot function because it has failed you or because your body had betrayed you, reach for peace. Shut out the world of man and enter into your world of peace. Never stay there forever, but go there when you need it the most. Find your peace and protect it at all cost…
It’s not the honors and not the titles and not the power that is of ultimate importance. It’s what resides inside.
Fred Rogers
Are you at the bottom or the top? Are you “poor” or “rich”? “Hot” or “not”? Are you a who or a what?
Many people can only operate based on categories, popular assumptions or hashtags. In other words, titles and positions matter a great deal to many, but we never think about how dehumanizing they can be. We all know of at least one person who at one point was an easy going human, who got along with everyone and wasn’t a problem. Until they get that title. Then, that same mild mannered human vanishes as the title arrives; apparently to be practicing for a new transformers movie, they become monsters. Suddenly they are a thorn in EVERYONE’S side and no one wants to be around them. They appear to have little compassion and have totally ignored the fact that the last time we checked, the world does not revolve around them and what they want. They take it as their right to make unrealistic demands and ensure that they always put others in “their place”. After all they have a title to keep up. So, they gather their minions – poor things they don’t know they are disposable until they are disposed of – and they enact terrorist acts on any they deem deserving. They become something to be despised and ridiculed – when they are not around that is.
But they forget that that title, position and power are transient, lasting until someone else comes along or they are no longer useful in the grand scheme of things. Some forget that a title is not a birthright and even if it is, its value can diminish, like anything else. It’s sad to know that some people place more importance in the titles they acquire than in the lives they encounter. It’s both sad and ironic though, because their position is a precarious one; easier to topple the higher they go. For persons who want to be leaders, do they consider that it’s about the contribution you make and not the fact that you have achieved a title. When we interact with others in the capacity of a title, that person should feel inspired not frustrated and demotivated. Being human to all not just those you think are valuable to you, is what you need to take with you when you get that title. In others words, your title should not define you but you must define the title that you have. Enter with your humanity and do not kick it off at the door. Who you are should not be contingent on the position you hold and what you want from others.
Having a title or titles is great, if that matters to you. But the title that you are given will not make you more desirable, more respected or more loved –not for real for real. How you treat others and the legacy you leave is what determines who you are. Any title you get says more about what you are but underneath the mask of that title is who you are. And that is what people will remember. After all, what is the title without the person to assume it?
Now this is a departure to a lighter side of a serious matter. There is a very good message here, so stick around a bit. Now I can remember one of the rituals that my grandmother performed; every Wednesday and Saturday was to purchase a lotto ticket. If yuh don’t have a ticket, yuh don’t have a chance! In every area of her life my grandmother was a very practical and responsible woman. She made sure she kept me and my grandfather in line. This was the only area that I questioned her sanity because she was faithful without gain. She NEVER won.
I thought of all the sweeties or chocolate or ice-cream, cakes – a mean any food you could think of – that that money could buy! On both days after the broadcast of the lotto program – immediately after – she would be somewhat despondent, and I thought, “yes she not going to waste her money on no more lotto ticket”. But alas, even though she complained and grumbled that she “just a waste her money”, she would still fork it out to buy more. If yuh don’t have a ticket yuh don’t have a chance!
Her chance never came. She never won the millions that tempted so many to “tek a chance”. But I knew that my grandmother had good intentions. She wanted that money not to be rich -like many do – but to help everyone she could. I fear if she had won, most of it would have gone to family and friends who needed it and she would be again checking her ticket (s), Wednesdays and Saturdays to “tek her chance”. I came to believe, as I got older, that for her, it was more something to look forward to than something she actually thought she could win.
I was thinking recently that many of us have measured success at one point or another, or still do, by how much money someone has; and for many it’s how much money and stuff they have. It’s how they can use that money and those possessions to assert their power over the poor souls who just did not have the guts or fortune to make it big. Money is necessary in the world we live in, but it should never be our masters. We should never use it as the measuring stick of someone’s worth. It’s good to have money but it’s never good to make it your whole world.
But seriously if you won the lotto, what would you do..?
Most of us have experienced moments when we just cannot see the positive in anything. We know for a fact that we do not need to think this way but the devil on our shoulder just will not let us live! We create great tragedies of our lives and live as if the apocalypse is just around the corner. We stop acting and start thinking. We know all the verses that can motivate us to keep going and we read them and still act as if we are at the end. Our thinking depressed thoughts are slowly killing our dreams.
“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.”
― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
We think about all the negative things that can happen if we move, because we have gotten too use to being that way. Persons jump between us and our self-destructive thoughts and encourage us, until they are blue, blue-black, purple, you name it, in the face. Nothing matters. No self-help book, visits to a counselor or well meaning friend can get us where we need to be. The only that can help, is a change in our thinking. We have to take the reigns and stop blaming others for why we are at the place we are. There are many persons who have faced unimaginable trauma and are not only survivors but have beaten the death sentence that comes with such events. While there stories are inspirational, don’t let that be your measuring stick. They have maneuvered life based on the circumstances they have had to deal with. Now act using what you have and create your own stories of triumph!
You will only get as far as you can see yourself, not based on someone else’s vision.
At the end of the day, no one will have the answers you need to get where you want to go and if they do, don’t listen! Their advice is really tailored to them not you. You want to move, move; don’t ask anyone if you should. If your leaving affects them in anyway, they will find all the points to talk you down from the things you really want to do. Because their vision does not align with you leaving just then; and after biting your ten figures thinking what to do and you stick around. At some point they may no longer want you around and guess what Ten years just rushed passed and you have changed into someone you did not want to become.
Not a good end at all!
Your thinking determines where you find yourself and how quickly you find yourself there. Do not allow the things and people around to think for you. Focus on your goal and go for it. Stop dreaming and start doing.
The image you have of yourself is the only one that matters. Protect it.
I use to think I had a little wisdom. Now I know I have less than a little. It seems I have reached this fork in the road on the brink of a new month, October. I wonder if this is somehow significant? I have prayed for increased wisdom and the answer Seemingly is that I have a ways to go. Okay then, glad I learned this before I tried to use my non-existent wisdom.
And so here we are in 2019!
It’s so easy I now realize to make grand claims of what you would, have done, could have done, are doing and will do – especially the claim of will do. I am sure that as children we all had grand dreams, but as adults they have faded into dust. We have a vision of how we want to be seen now and what we want others to say about us later. However, making that a reality takes so mush effort and time! We may have had to reevaluate our dreams and aspirations and the date by which we have to accomplish them but if we stick with our vision, it will all happen. Nothing comes to you when you want it to. To realize any dream you have, no matter how practical and “attainable”, takes great effort and yes sacrifice. In the middle of trying to put together your portfolio, you realize that you have to dump the folder and start all over! Arrg!
You may decide to begin in the square you just came out of, or you may decide to work outside preexisting boundaries. In this drive to eke out something meaningful, you may have to put aside prior beliefs and friends. To shut the door on tempting offers and deny yourself what you always thought you wanted. Essentially the plan Bs and Cs may have to be converted into a, “let’s see where the wind blows”, kind of non-plan. We may have to sprout vague philosophies to make others think they can make sense of our bluffs and evasions about when that plan will finally manifest.
Seriously, doing something you find meaningful can be very tedious and frightening, especially when you cannot see the end result. All you can do is continue to work hard, yield when you must and advance at the right time. The process may be messy but the results can be so sublime – or so I have been led to believe!
I think I have mentioned before that U am working on my research paper for my masters program. SO, today I met with my supervisor concerning a paragraph she had asked me to write as I narrow my area of focus. Let me just say that I am not yet seeing the light nor the tunnel. Therefore, I am stumbling through the dark trying to make sense of where I am in this journey to completing this program.
However, I took a very important lesson from our discussion today. I learned that we have been programmed – yes programmed to have a very narrow view of ourselves, but especially of other. I also learned that such programming once successfully implemented, is difficult to shift. Imagine my disappointment with myself to realize how easy it is to perpetuate the injustice of stereotyping an entire group of people because I focused on a single thread of their stories. Despite the fact that we have become “a global village”, it is so difficult to get the big picture of anyone let alone an entire group of people. We begin to think that one bad incident means that an entire people are doomed and that the actions of a few correlate as the consensus of the majority.
The funny yet not so funny reality is that often times we create a picture of others based on the most sensational piece of information that we can gather, or are given. Hence, we reduce the experiences of others to what gets the biggest reaction. Many of us have become slaves to the nine day wonder syndrome where the most outrageous, no matter how inaccurate, is what gets the most attention. Though I believe it is important to be fair in how we represent and speak on issues as outsiders looking into to the lives of others, it seems, if we are not careful, we end up ignoring the real for the imagined. We may end up ignoring the humanity of peoples who have been demonized and dispossessed. What is even worse is that we may end taking away their humanity in an effort to prove how much they have suffered, reducing them to a product that affirms our humanness, our triumphs.
So like me, let us take some time to do some self-reflection before we jump in head first in representing a group that we do not belong -although we should do so for even those whose stories we think we know. It is so easy to, misquote, misrepresent and misunderstand others. Let us take the time to take a second third and even fourth look, before we claim authorship of another person’s narrative.
I think we have all been guilty of this. We have all been guilty of making some pretty wild assumptions about people we know nothing about. Nothing what so ever. Trust me right now people are doing the same to each and everyone of us. People you know and don’t, everyday make up fantastic assumptions about you. Sometimes we feel well within our rights to presume and judge. Before they have had time to mount a defense – because they didn’t know they had to – we find them guilty. We find them guilty of things that, if we had taken a moment to think about it, we would find wildly unrealistic to assume.
The idea that we spend a lot of our precious time making realities for others, should stop us in our tracks. Because the time we take to make up these stories, could have been spent getting to know the person more, so we could treat them from a place of knowing and not based on a bunch of assumptions. When it happens to us we know how unfair it is. But when we do it to others, we develop temporary amnesia. We choose to ignore how dangerous it is to make too many assumptions and then live our lives as if they were true. We do not think about the fact that people are the way they are because each of us a back story; each part of the journey is important in the lives of each traveler and while we may have left certain things behind, those experiences never fully leave us.
We may only see the result and not the cause. The healing taking place in someone’s life may not be happening in the way we think it should. But the greatest thing is that there is the possibility for beauty in every ugly narrative. We are not better because someone’s weak point is when we are at our best, because while overcoming the worst experience of our lives, someone is at the same time living their nightmares. When we assume, it means that the- reasons -why no longer matter. It means that we are not willing to take the time to listen, to understand that today that person looked mean because their world is falling apart and they had to carry that burden in silence, so as not to offend the “sensibilities” of those around them.
So if it means so much to have that story, don’t assume, just ask.
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